r/confidence • u/Akashh23_pop • 5d ago

How do you fix your low-self esteem?

I think part of reason I seem to lack confidence is because I have low self esteem and I think this problem has occurred because I've never really challenged myself and accepted defeat easily. I also didn't go outside comfort zone. I seem to put off tasks and worry all day instead of doing something about it.

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u/EetinAintCheetin 5d ago

Self esteem is something you choose to give yourself. It’s not something you earn or something that is given to you.

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u/plivjelski 4d ago

Thats not helpful at all..

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u/EetinAintCheetin 4d ago

Well, essentially it is exactly what needs to be done. The problem is that our society brainwashes us into making self esteem and self love conditional. It is very ingrained in most cultures at this point and parents especially use this to motivate their kids to succeed in school and in their careers, of course, at the expense of their self esteem and often romantic lives.

How may times have you been told that you need to earn a specific grade so mommy and daddy can be happy with you (conditional acceptance)? How many times have you been told that you need to be a star athlete, have a high paying career or be extremely good looking to be considered valuable in the eyes of society? All these are conditions.

Let’s say someone feels down about themselves. What do they often hear from people trying to cheer them up?

“Oh, don’t feel bad about yourself, you are so good at singing or playing basketball”.

This is all good, but it is conditional self esteem. You need to be good at something in order to feel good about yourself. What happens if you lose your voice or you get old or injured and can’t play sports anymore?

A lot of men tie their self worth to their careers. If they are successful in their career and earn a lot of money, they feel good. But what if they lose their job? Are they suddenly worthless?

It is a belief system you have bought into that makes self love conditional. Find your specific belief system. Do you tie your self esteem to accomplishments or physical attributes or to having love and being loved? Then do a cost benefit analysis of having this belief.

It will become clear to you what the disadvantages of buying into these belief systems are.

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u/Ecliptic_Sun000 3d ago

I find this interesting you went a totally different way with this than I did. I basically took that as no one in society cares unless it benefits them to care. It gave me very strong motivation to succeed because i wanted someone to love me and therefore had to do something for it. Sounds kinda fucked up but I’ve pulled off some crazy stuff

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u/EetinAintCheetin 3d ago

I’ve never met anyone who was loved for their accomplishments or what they could provide financially. That’s not love, that’s just someone using you.

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u/Ecliptic_Sun000 3d ago

I get there love in return because I give them something of value. A lot of it’s biology survival of the fittest people want what’s best for there kids. It’s sad yeah but it’s the society we live in there’s no escaping it