3 years strong. this is my first boyfriend and I’m his first girlfriend. I’m literally the happiest I’ve ever been, his mom is my best friend, plus our moms and grandmas literally have the same name!??😭 he doesn’t have social media by choice, he loves surfing, stocks, nature, & helping me pay off my debt. We both work from home so we get to see each other every day all day.

idk I’m just happy. So happy. just with life in general, not just from a man. but i’m at peace lol

So for context I’m a Black woman and I’m also bisexual (triple f*ck lol) and my partner is a straight white man. I’ve been… not okay to say the least since that man won. Here are some things that my boyfriend does as usual but did more of to help me during our visit this weekend:

•Did not vote for that man (bare minimum!) •Showed up at my job with my favorite pizza •Cooked me food and sweet treats all weekend • Listened to me yap non stop about how I feel and my intersectional identities and did not dismiss or interrupt anything •Gave me unlimited massages •Ran me a bath with epsom salt •Let me cry, scream, yell anything I wanted •Told me that if anything ever happens (sometimes we get stares) to literally point at them and he will handle it no questions asked •Lots and lots of cuddles and quality time (my love languages) and more than I can list •Watched comforting Black led movies with me •Promised to educate himself always but now more than ever on his privileges and racism/white supremacy

I leaned from my therapist about how basically white men are at the top of the food chain so to speak and Black women are at the bottom, so to have someone at the top be a fierce ally and uplift me has helped a lot, although it will never fix anything he is my safe person. This is the most I’ve ever been uplifted by anyone and I told him earlier “thank you for restoring a bit of light behind my eyes” and he just said I love you and hugged me. Powerful stuff 🙏🏽

To preface this I’m a bw dating a white man. We’ve been together 3 years and when I first started dating him I asked if he would be okay with his future kids being black, and made him aware that black children are viewed entirely differently in this world than white children. We had conversations about race, and neither of us said that our children would be exceptionally cute bc they’re mixed. (Although we have said they’d be cute bc we both think we’re good looking, lol)

I was watching the new season of the ultimatum and this black guy on the show (JR), kept talking about the fact that him and this white women would make cute mixed babies, ON THE FIRST DATE. He kept talking about how cute mixed babies are. And it occurred to me for some black men, for whatever reason - making mixed children w/ white women is a fetish for them. And if a white woman isn’t available, they’ll go for a mixed race woman (which is also what they want to create… which… idk abt that). It’s so sad to me that this lady didn’t see anything wrong with that. And there are so many mixed race children (IMO), that became a fetish with dads that don’t talk to them about their blackness.

I’ve heard from other bw in interracial relationships and we’ve all had the same sentiment - theoretical mixed race children will have their own set of issues/racism they face. But it seems in a lot of cases if the dad is black, that’s totally ignored/not talked about.

Okay, so I promise I'm not trying to purposely create division, because that shouldn't be the case anyway, but

I've had this strange opinion for awhile now based off observation, it just seems like Most black woman would prefer a good black male partner, bus has to open up her dating options due to a lack of being able to find a black man that A. Likes her/Black woman B. Meet her bare minimum standards (having a job, own place, maturity, etc) or C. Will actually be willing and able to love/treat her right.

So it's like the black woman is faced with the prospect of either dying alone or began interracial dating

On the other hand,

Black men have so many good, and willing black women options. They have so many more options, especially considering most black women Want a good black men.

However. They are more quick/willing/ and actively seeks non-black partner..

My unpopular opinion: agree? Disagree?

And if you do agree ti degree, is it just a "man thing" you think? Curious

So I recently got engaged to my fiancé and I wanted to see if there’s anyone out there like us. Norwegian / European spouse anyone?

I have been dating this white guy from NYC (he's American and grew up in a very diverse environment). We had a discussion where he used the term "Blacks" to refer to Black people. I responded by using the term "Black people," but he said "blacks" again. This bugs me a lot. I brought it up later, and he apologized and said he doesn’t know where this is coming from, that he said it out of anxiety and because he "might have heard this term during his childhood." What do you all think about this? Would you break up? I am very annoyed.

Edit: Thank you so much for your comments, support, and advice! 🫶🏿This is why I love my Blackness so much, and I am so happy to be a Black woman. Although it can be very hard to see and feel it on a daily basis, moments like this remind me that we have a strong and supportive community. I’ll probably slide into some of your DMs!

Saw this posted on r/interracial dating and wanted to get Black women’s opinions. I’m not against IR relationships, but I have several criticisms about them, and this picture exemplifies one of them. Many, but not all, interracial couples think they’re better than same-race couples. They aren’t though. Simply being in an IR relationship doesn’t cure racism! I mean, look at Mitch McConnell and his Chinese wife. He spews anti-immigrant rhetoric while being married to one! But she’s “one of the good ones”—which is dog whistle for she behaves in a way that doesn’t threaten my worldview of white supremacy. The Kardashian/Jenners are another example, Clarence Thomas another one as well. Candace Owens. They are/were in interracial relationships but don’t or didn’t care enough to truly learn about their partners culture, language, traditions etc. but most importantly, they don’t fight systems of oppression that keep BIPOC down!

This couple is young-literal high schoolers. Ain’t no fucking way that he didn’t know that MAKING A JOKE ABOUT SLAVERY AND COTTON PICKING would be insensitive to a Black woman! BFFR! Yet, he’ll probably make the argument “I’m NoT rAcIst! I AsKeD a BlAcK gIrL oUt!” If neither person is willing to do the work to be anti-racist, then they aren’t making a difference.

The morning after election night my (white) boyfriend asked me if I wanted to hang out and I told him that I’d love to, but that I’d also want to talk about the election and I wasn’t sure if he’d be able to hold space for that conversation as it has always fallen flat in the past. He immediately responded along the lines of “Yeah I don’t want to talk about that when I finish work so you should find someone else to talk to about it and then we can hang out when you’re feeling better”. He didn’t vote and says that he doesn’t know much about “that stuff” so he doesn’t have anything to say. He also thinks I shouldn’t worry about things that haven’t happened yet and probably won’t happen, but doesn’t even know what “things” he’s talking about.

We ended up texting back and forth all day and he admitted that he has enough going on in his own life and he doesn’t care about “the state of the globe”. I find this particularly disgusting. We are both in our mid-20s living in NYC so I’m just not sure how he can be so unaffected by the things going on around him. That same night, he texted me apologizing for being the worst and then we met up the following day to talk. I told him I didn’t trust him anymore and that the way he spoke to me was so gross and defensive and uncalled for. I tried to break up with him and he asked if we could do a break which I stupidly agreed to. I told him he’d have to read, listen, and learn during our time apart. I think this is all crazy and honestly humiliating, but I was wondering if anybody had experienced something like this before and if I should just call this quits. We’ve been together for almost three years and he’s never told me so clearly that he doesn’t give a fuck. He’s been grovelling ever since but hasn’t used any of his free time to actually absorb any of the videos or books that I took the time to send him, which I know I shouldn’t have done in the first place.

Long story short I feel like it’s a crock of shit. Has anyone had experiences with their partners being ignorant and having a change of heart, or being more open to learning? Any and all responses are appreciated.

I’ve seen a post once of someone saying that they swipe past quickly when they see a black man in an interracial relationship. Some people were agreeing that they don’t like seeing it.

But why do people care? I’d rather have a black man that date a non black woman because that’s his type then date a black woman because he feels like he has to and treats her like shit because he doesn’t really like her.

I’ve seen this real life situation, a guy was dating a black woman (she was pretty too) and you could tell he didn’t really like her from his mannerisms. But he started dating a white woman and it’s clear as day what he prefers.

There will always be a good black man out there that likes black woman so don’t feel frustrated because another mans type is not you.

For context my boyfriend is a white man. Am I in the wrong for being upset. We were watching a tiktok of a girl getting dressed up for her boyfriend and he said why can’t you be more feminine like her. I blew up at him and said that’s offensive and it’s not something you should say to a black women let alone any other woman. Am I wrong for being upset, him saying that brought up a lot of bad memories for me as I’ve been masculinised my whole life and I’m trying to communicate that to him but he just doesn’t understand. He’s apologised but when I ask him do you know why what you did was wrong he says it’s because he hurt my feelings. I don’t think he really understands why what he said is wrong or am I just doing too much and overreacting.

my boyfriend is white italian and i’m black caribbean. he’s a slim athletic build and i’m a bbw, who’s slightly taller than him (1/4 of an inch) but i’m thick and shapely… and i always feel like he and i get looked at up and down when we’re out and about with each other. i’m not sure whether it’s because i’m fat or dark skinned or whatever but i will say this - my boyfriend is very affectionate and is all about PDA when we’re out, which makes me feel confident since i’ve always been the ugly friend until i got older… and i feel normal & loved.

we went out to a trinidadian restaurant in brooklyn for food recently and I couldn’t believe the stares i got from others while we were together. i caught this woman along with people in her party staring at me so many times & even the waiter was being nasty towards me. one of the people at the table even laughed at me when i was visibly uneasy and mimicked how my boyfriend grabbed my hand across the table to try and comfort me… but it just felt like people in my own community were just being really mean. sometimes when we’ve travelled together, it doesn’t happen a lot, but sometimes i feel like it’s the same groups of people who go out of their way to stare or mumble comments.

i hope it doesn’t come off as me sounding crazy or anything but does anyone experience similar things with their non black boyfriend?

I just started dating and consider myself pretty politically moderate/apathetic. However I'm a Black and Latina woman born and raised in the SF Bay Area, so I recognize that I lean left politically and it resulted in major falling apart of my 16yr marriage to my HS sweetheart (turned Trumper).

Anyway somehow - unbeknownst to me the first 2 guys I end up seeing post-marriage both end up being fairly conservative white guys.

I'm like WTF? How does this keep happening? Is this a trend or something? The demographics here in the bay area far more Democrat than Republican, but somehow these conservative white guys keep finding me.

I'm wracking my brain going - are they overcompensating? Trying to prove they're not racist by dating Black women? 🤔 Anyone else notice this?

Hello ladies :)

I just got engaged early July. I need some advice/ help. I was adopted when I was one years old from Port-Au-Prince Haiti to Canada. I really don’t want to have a mainly western wedding. I really want to get more connected with my Haitian/ Caribbean routes. I would like to incorporate some traditions or part of my culture into our wedding?

Could anyone give me some advice/ ideas of how I can incorporate Haitian/ Caribbean culture into our wedding! Also I will be meeting a lot of my bio family for the first time ever at my wedding. So it is so important to me that I add some Haitian/caribbean culture into our wedding.

Sorry if this makes no sense or sounds dumb.

Sorry for the long post, I needed somewhere to vent ✨❤️

I’m non-monogamous. One of my favorite paramours is a white guy who is Marxist and very proud of it.

We’ve dated for a little over a year and we have a lot in common including (I thought) political values: we’re both progressive, believe in dismantling imperialist and colonialist powers, etc. He recently also told me he loves me.

Yesterday, after I woke up to the terrible news that Trump won, he texted saying, “I’m sorry, love.” That was all from him for the day.

Today, I went on a kinky site (that we’re both on) to see how my friends there were holding up. I went to his activities and saw that right after he texted with me yesterday, he was liking the nudes and thirsting in the comments of a white woman who was a proud Trump voter all three times Trump ran for office. (MAGA hats, Trump 2020 and Trump 2024 sweaters and boob pasties all over her page). I don’t have an issue with him liking other women’s pics—we’re open. But the loud and proud Trump voter?? I felt betrayed, like he doesn’t actually gaf about my lived experience as a Black woman immigrant in America.

So I blocked him on the site and muted him on my phone. Idk if this was an irrational thing to do, or if my feelings are rational.

I don’t even know what to say to him, but I know I can’t keep hooking up with him knowing that, regardless of how much he preaches Marxism and equality, he is still a cis hetero white man who puts his d*ck first.

This election is showing who people are. I feel gross that I’ve been intimate with someone who would clearly happily hook up with a woman who routinely votes for white supremacy, xenophobia, and against her own reproductive rights.

This is definitely a season of curating safe community and pulling out harmful weeds.

Good morning, ladies!

My partner (white) and I were discussing the "Black Wife Effect" on TikTok, and for some reason, I found it bittersweet. As in, it gave me the "ick" and also made me feel a little seen. I have reservations about the trend not because black women are showing off all the improvements their partners have made, but because it seems like... it's such a popular trend for Black women to "fix" their partners.

My partner asked me if the trend was a spin on the mammy trope, and I just felt a little gross thinking about the similarities. My partner has also seen a marked difference in his health, physical appearance, and confidence since we started dating, which I love. But seeing that this is a common thing maybe confirms my negative bias when it comes to women fixing their partners and taking on the burden of raising them. I don't know; I'm young and a little jaded since I watched my own mother do the same thing for my father, and I don't want to repeat those mistakes.

In any case, how do you see it? All opinions are welcome, and I'm happy to hear your thoughts because I am confusion. How do I celebrate this without encouraging people who don't want to help themselves think we're going to solve all their problems by dating them?

Hey guys. I went on a date with a white guy and it was actually kind of nice.

He took me to this restaurant that was Brazilian inspired and it was kinda cute cuz we would eat out of the same plate and if you go to my last posts, I almost didn’t go as I had a cough but said fck it might as well.

He was a cutie I must admit. He was a tiny bit awkward around me and said that I was also awkward but he understands as my voice does hurt. We shared food together on the same plate, he asked the waiters to charge my phone and he is so sweet. I like his vibe Frl and he loves languages.

He never once called me beautiful though but did say he loved my jacket. That’s it. I complimented him on his smile and apply cheeks.

After the date was done, he had a huge smile one his face and even said he wanted to walk me over to the train station and he seemed pretty happy and so was I.

I know he is seeing my message and our main source of communication (for example where we were at, what time we would arrive on the date etc) was all on Hinge so I know he is on the app.

It’s been two days though and he hasn’t said anything. I like a man who’s a go getter and that’s why I agreed to go on a date with him in the first place. Am I crazy for wanting to just unmatch with him? Just cut off my losses. I don’t wanna play games.

I have a Question ?

Why do South Asian/ Arab men are so racist against us black women just for us existing you guys are so quick to say I wouldn’t date a Kali like bro just leave us alone you guys are so quick to bring down a black women okay we get it you guys have dating preferences and stuff but for Arab men isn’t Haram to be racist right ?you guys are so quick to assert your dominance on us black women and try to be manly with us but yet you guys are so cool with a black man marrying a pooja or khadija. Like stop making it your personality to hate on us please. Like being a black women is so hard we get hatred from every man in every culture even men from our community like give us a break. Like I know you guys wouldn’t marry us all y’all do is fetishized the living hell out of us. Like this example of dating life is for us let me give you an example Example:

A Black woman matches with a South Asian man on a dating app. They start chatting, and at first, everything seems fine. However, during the conversation, the man says: • “You’re really pretty for a Black girl.” • “I’ve never dated a Black woman before—are you wild in bed like they say?” • “My family would never accept you, but I think you’re cool to hang out with

So I recently decided to try Facebook dating and this is the calibre of men to choose from. Soft boy summer, I guess

Nothing wrong with interracial relationships but just know a white man will not save you. Men are men and a white man can dog you out like any other race of man. Don’t have false hope 💀 idk if it’s just me but it seems lowkey racist to believe that white men have this magical power to “save” black women that black men don’t have, as the pasta and lobster trend implies. It’s def playing into white supremacy.

Before people ask bc I know not everybody is on tiktok and twitter: pasta and lobster comes from a song called area codes by Kali where she says “ I have a white boy on my roster, he be feeding me pasta and lobster”. The phrase can be used innocently as a joke but it has mostly been used online to push an agenda for black women to date white men so they can have a “soft life”.

Why or why not?

A lot of times, after I explain that my boyfriend isn't Black, I get the comment, "You look like the type", or something to that effect. I also get, "You look like you date White guys", when my boyfriend is non-white Latino (and they proceed to call him white, which is another topic). I get this from Black women and men, usually more fueled by passive-aggressiveness when coming from men.

I've always wondered, what "gives it away"? Even this week, I was told, "I don't know, you're just very calm and artsy and into spiritual things"...which is nebulous. Does anyone know what this even means? It seems so uncalled for and weird when it's said, almost like animosity.

Okay so I’m black and my husband is white. His family for the most parts embraces me and our child except for his father who is now estranged from the family because of his treatment of me.

I’ve had a really hectic week but during this Sunday dinner that we usually have with his side of the family I brought up the idea of when our child is at the age of starting school I’d like to move back to my hometown.

I brought this up already privately to my husband months ago and he was 100% for it bc he doesn’t want our child to struggle or anything.

Me and my husband talk about it heat and there and decided to start saving and looking to buy a house in the area.

Today was the first day it was brought up to MIL.

Let me just say I absolutely love my MIL she has been there for me through a lot and divorced her husband over how he treated me so i truly trust and love her.

But when we brought this up she immensely got defensive and hurtful and tried to shut it down.

She said she really wanted to see her grandchildren grow up next to her. (We live about five minutes away walking) and she told me that we don’t like in a racist area, which is mostly true but the tide seems to be changing a bit.

I live a Connecticut I won’t say which part tho. Recently I’ve definitely noticed a lot more trump supporters in the area. Like you can’t drive down a street without seeing maga signs which was not like that four years ago.

And the main reason I wanted to move is bc other black women I’m friends with in the town have told me horror stories of the school districts treatment of their children whether it be hair discrimination or not caring or punishing students for making racist remarks.

And I just think it would be better for my child to not have to deal with that and do grow up in a more diverse school.

In my hometown which is literally only like 30 minutes driving from where I like now it was super diverse there and I loved the community growing up.

My mother in law basically just kept repeating the same sentiments about the town not being racist and how she can’t believe I’m trying to take her grandchildren away from her and blah blah.

My husband stood up for me and MIL started yelling at him.

I’m thinking maybe this was just a bad time to bring it up because earlier in the week I kinda accused her of stealing something of mine but we mostly just laughed everything off so I assumed it was fine.

I talked to my SIL about it and she agrees that a 30 minute drive is nothing and MIL will get over it.

But when I texted her after Sunday about it she was soooo cold to me in a way she never was before.

And my SIL told me mil said “I wouldn’t have gotten to close to my grandchild if I knew she was gonna be ripped away from me”

Sil said MIL said it in a sarcastic way but I still think that’s mean and weird to say regardless.

I’m not gonna back down but I’m not even sure what the right way to go about this is.

I’m 26 and I’ve never been on a date. I’ve had relationships before but none of them were serious and were with f- boys who didn’t bother to take me out.

Apparently a coworker hooked us up and this weekend he’s taking me to feed ducks and lunch.

I’ve never dated a white guy, but he’s nice. Would you go on the date?

Growing up on Planet Bleep Bloop I’ve always felt as if the Bleblopian men never appreciated my motherblupping beauty. Only Martians approach me. Am I wrong for blorping outside of my race? 🥹

okay now that we’re all here: have you voted?! How many friends are you taking with you?

I’m sure most of you have seen the controversy surrounding Nara Smith (who is married to Lucky Blue Smith). Lucky is arguably one of the most known and popular male models amongst Gen Z and arguably some younger millennials as well.

Let’s put the Mormonism aside and the nuance surrounding the whole trad wife movement, I wanted to see if any of you all have noticed the micro aggressions made primarily by white woman towards her. I really do believe there’s an element that they cannot grasp that a black girl took their white boy of the decade.

As someone that once dated the popular rich white guy in high school, I remember before people meeting me they would ask him if his girl is blonde or brunette; obviously implying that a white girl is a default.

I think it’s an interesting cultural shift because wondering if a man is into woman of your race has been something mostly for brown and black woman; white woman have always had some sort of representation. Now that Harry Styles, Prince Harry, Tom Hiddleston, Lucky Smith are not going the “default” way, their underlying sense of superiority is shown in how they speak about black woman marrying “better than them.”