Telling my roommate/friend I want to move out

[u/Ashamed-Farm9252]

I’ve been living with my current roommate for 3 years now and with our lease ending soon I honestly want to move out. For context, we were random roommates at first but became really good friends over time. Shes honestly really nice and overall great person and I’ve really liked living with her. Some things have just built up overtime and because i hate conflict/confrontation, i let most of it go. A part of that is also because I’ve seen how defensive and reactive she can get when a problem comes up and I don’t do well really strong reactions like that (cause my anxiety to skyrocket). Also when i have tried to have convos with her about an issue i had with her, idk i felt like i was going in circles and since then ive just left most things go for the sake of the household.

I do think she’s still an amazing friend and that’s one of the main reasons why I don’t want to renew. I don’t want to build up a resentment to the point where I hate her or something. I already pulled back from our friendship a bit last couple months and some space for me would be good. I know what I have to do and have a convo with her soon, I just have a feel like she’ll take it to heart and try to blame outside factors for me wanting to move. We’re both adults tho, her being older than me, so ig I can’t control how she reacts but I already feel guilty and stressed about it all.

My word why is a adulting so difficult

[u/LurkerNinja_]

Well part of being an adult is having hard conversations. I would probably approach as something along the lines as "Hey, I've enjoyed being roommates and developing a friendship, but its time for me to get a place on my own. I won't be renewing the lease. I just wanted to let you know so if you want to find another roommate you'll have ample time to do it." She doesn't need to know your reasons for leaving, unless you're ready to let her know your real thoughts.

[u/Ashamed-Farm9252 → u/LurkerNinja_]

Very true - Definitely planning to approach it in a similar way and not throw out any at fault statements and hope for the best

[u/ridiculousdisaster]

It's true that you don't really have to tell her your reasons. But something that I have heard before is:I really value our friendship, and I don't think it will last if we continue to live together!

[u/lovehydrangeas]

The sooner you tell her the better. Also consider a month to month lease if the lease is ending super soon.

I say this so that she'd have time to make arrangements before having to try and pay the whole rent herself right away.