r/The10thDentist • u/thetreesknees_ • 2d ago
Society/Culture I low key hate Christmas and everything it stands for
I hate the pressure and obligation of gift giving. This is not just the usual "it's too capitalist". I don't want things, and I don't want to be forced to give things. If I want things I'll get them myself. If someone wants to get me a gift, I want it to be something organic not just that it's that time of year again. Similarly, when I give gifts I want it to be something I made or came across naturally.
I hate that once November rolls around everything becomes about having to buy all this shit for everyone and if you miss someone and they get you something you just feel so guilty.
I hate that it's supposed to be about family and whatever but it just becomes this big thing full of obligations including giant gatherings and appearances and gift exchanges. It certainly doesn't help when you're not in a position to really contribute much other than your time, and you just feel like a giant drain on it all.
If it was just a time of the year to relax and spend time with your family that would be great. But Christmas is in no way relaxing. It sits in the middle of our culturally accepted holiday time off and uses up a big chunk of it with preparation and obligation. My birthday is also 2 days before Christmas and though my family has always been good about keeping them separate, trying to have a party is always an exercise in scheduling hell.
I dread it every year and wish I was part of a family/society that celebrated other holidays at this time of year.
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u/yeetusthefeetus13 2d ago
What helped me was creating my own traditions also, its hard to say no to family, but sometimes it is worth it to just have a quiet holiday on your own.
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u/thetreesknees_ 2d ago
I would love a quiet holiday on my own, but love my family more so here we are
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u/yeetusthefeetus13 2d ago
I understand. I moved to the opposite end of the country and can't afford to travel which makes it much easier to decline. Not to mention they're very understanding.
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u/WeWereAllOnceAnAtom 1d ago
I had my first Christmas like that and i think i liked it a lot even got to cry a bunch which was very cathartic. I think Reddit is the time of place that attracts people like us tho lol
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u/ncxhjhgvbi 2d ago
My family basically just asks each other what we need ahead of time, spend the same amount of money on each other, and then wait till Xmas to open/use our “gifts” together. It’s more symbolic than anything I guess, more about being together.
I also have a very small family so don’t have the huge obligations. I agree with you - that would suck.
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u/myspiffyusername 2d ago
We only have adults in my family. This was us for a few years. I pointed out that it's really inconvenient having to wait for Christmas to use the stuff we could have just bought ourselves. I wanted a new headset and asked for a nice one in November. I ended up having to buy a cheap one while waiting for xmas. My family knows we aren't going to like a spontaneous present. Now we stopped with the gifts for xmas. For my birthday I came up with a loophole. I don't want presents, so I ask for stuff for my cat. My cat loves my birthday.
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u/DrNanard 2d ago
It appears to me that you have less of a problem with Christmas itself than with how your family celebrates it. In mine, gifts are not expected. I don't make gifts to everybody. This year, only to my girlfriend and my sister-in-law. Maybe to my father-in-law, but that's because he only wants Turtles chocolates, so it's not much of a hassle pleasing the man lol
Christmas can be whatever the heck you want it to be. This year, all I did for the 24th was watch Christmas movies with my girlfriend and we ate sushi.
Obligations are the things you hate, not Christmas.
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u/thetreesknees_ 2d ago
I mean you're correct, but once you're years into it there's no way to turn the tides. If you say you don't want gifts, people do it anyways and then it's worse.
Turtles are pretty yummy though I have to admit
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u/DrNanard 2d ago
I mean, you could just stop making gifts that you don't want to make, and just focus on the few people you actually want to give to. I know it's easier said than done, because of family pressure, but change is never easy.
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u/Skelly1660 2d ago
The best day of the year is December 26th, cause it's the farthest away from the next Christmas.
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u/Sad_Strain_1724 2d ago
I wish it was more like another valentinesday or about going to see lights at night and not about forcing closeness. Working retail has really made me burnt out on this holiday and I hate the feeling of obligation wether it be seeing people or gift giving- my body wants to hibernate not spend all my extra energy pleasing people.
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u/rattlestaway 2d ago
Yeah I hate having to pick out gifts. And they always give me crappy gifts so idc about getting any
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u/Noxturnum2 2d ago
Oh shit its the grinch
also nobody is forcing you to give presents except yourself
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u/Echiio 2d ago
I wish this were true
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u/FlameStaag 2d ago
Blink twice if you need to be rescued. Is this a hostage situation? Who is forcing you to give gifts? Is it a jolly fat man in a red suit??
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u/Echiio 2d ago
Social expectations 😞
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u/AttemptImpossible111 2d ago
So not forced, then
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u/Echiio 1d ago
No, you are not physically forced to buy gifts. You win 🙄
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u/Noxturnum2 1d ago
You imply you're forced in other ways to buy gifts. Is your family going to kick you out of the house if you don't pay rent in gifts every Christmas? Lol
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u/Noxturnum2 2d ago
Wish granted; it already is. Pretty sure no country has any law relating to reciprocating christmas gifts
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u/Bobdasquid 2d ago
your loved ones will be very impressed when you justify getting them nothing with this exact statement. everyone knows the only obligations that exist are legal ones!
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u/Noxturnum2 2d ago
I'm sorry to hear you have a heavily abusive family that physically beats and ostracises you unless you give them presents in Christmas. Please call the police.
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u/Aquele_da_amnesia 2d ago
Ah yes, family pressure is only through physical beatings, of course!
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u/Noxturnum2 2d ago
What else could make gift reciprocation 'non-optional'?
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u/DickCheesePlatterPus 2d ago
The expectation that you'll follow tradition and the fear of being seen in a negative light by those closest to you are pretty big drivers for apelike creatures that instinctually travel in small clans
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u/Noxturnum2 2d ago
So there's no actual consequence and it's all in your head, got it.
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u/DickCheesePlatterPus 2d ago
This could be said about anything.
Google nihilism.
You're not that deep.
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u/Ghostglitch07 12h ago
There are no DIRECT consequences. But breaking a social expectation can lead to people having a lower opinion of you. Lowering the opinion people I care about have of me is itself an important negative effect. But if we insist on only caring about tangible effects, how people feel about you effects how they treat you, and how likely they are to do things which benefit you.
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u/Mission_Grapefruit92 2d ago
It’s a non-optional social convention
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u/FlameStaag 2d ago
When you're an adult everything is optional
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u/Mission_Grapefruit92 2d ago edited 1d ago
I think you meant to use the word “sociopath” or “narcissist” where you used the word “adult”. Your number of obligations actually increase during adulthood.
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u/Noxturnum2 1d ago
Yeah you're a narcissist when you don't torture yourself and dread the month of November every year just to please people. Boo hoo
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u/Mission_Grapefruit92 1d ago
That’s not at all what I said, but sure, you’re certainly welcome to feel that way
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u/Noxturnum2 2d ago
Non-optional? No country has laws against not reciprocating christmas presents.
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u/Mission_Grapefruit92 2d ago
I don’t know how the words “social convention” imply that it is enforced by the federal government
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u/Noxturnum2 2d ago
What else could non-optional be? Is there a christmas mafia holding you hostage to force you to reciprocate gifts? I sure hope not.
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u/Mission_Grapefruit92 2d ago
It’s called society. The obligation he’s speaking of is not literal, and is a perceived obligation as a result of our behavior during the holiday, and the social norms involved in it.
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u/Noxturnum2 2d ago
So it's actually completely optional and the only thing forcing him to reciprocate presents is himself.
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u/Mission_Grapefruit92 2d ago
Sure, if you want to cherry pick words and act like you can’t interpret what he meant to say (correctly) then go ahead and cling to the word “force” instead of the point he made.
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u/Noxturnum2 2d ago
What is the point exactly? From what I can read the entire point is that he doesn't like being forced to buy presents when nothing is actually stopping him from just not buying them? This is just self-inflicted stress that he could easily be rid of if he just thought about it for a few seconds
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u/Mission_Grapefruit92 2d ago
If you define social norms as “nothing” and cultural influence as “nothing” and your loved one’s feelings as “nothing” then, sure, I guess nothing is actually stopping him from just not buying them.
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u/Mission_Grapefruit92 2d ago
No, most people don’t find it completely optional to divert from social norms, as it may offend people or make them find your behavior strange, which would have an unfavorable outcome. Yes, the option is obviously there, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences to influence your ability to choose that option. This is all fairly obvious, widely known shit, that borders on common sense.
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u/Noxturnum2 2d ago
The 'unfavourable outcome' in question being that they may not give you another present next year which I have already stated I acknowledge and which OP has stated he doesn't care for anyway
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u/ApprehensiveFactor98 1d ago
NVM, found my answer. You are in fact, that fucking stupid. Sorry for your loss.
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u/AttemptImpossible111 2d ago
It's not literal and therefore it's not real
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u/Mission_Grapefruit92 2d ago
Lmao. “not literal” does not mean “fake,” it means something is not meant to be interpreted in its exact, dictionary definition, but rather figuratively or metaphorically; essentially, it’s a way of saying something isn’t meant to be taken literally.
Are red dogs literally red? Are blue dogs literally blue? Do they still exist?
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u/AttemptImpossible111 1d ago
Your analogy is faulty. Within context, not literal means not real.
If an obligation is only perceived, it's not an obligation is it.
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u/Mission_Grapefruit92 1d ago
All obligations are only perceived and “not literal” doesn’t mean “not real” in any context
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u/FlameStaag 2d ago
This is just a bog standard generic rant about how you have no independent thoughts and are angry you aren't being told to do something you prefer to do.
Pull up the big boy pants and celebrate Christmas how you want to, or don't. It's your life. But it's stupid to hate it for things you literally could just opt out of.
If you just want to hang out with family, do it. My family is moving to another province and we're literally just eating some good food and playing boardgames. So far no one has blown down our door and arrested us for not getting gifts. I'll update you if I'm in prison later for failure to buy gifts.
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u/thetreesknees_ 2d ago
You're lucky to have a family you won't disappoint that way. Christmas giving is too engrained here.
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u/KaliCalamity 2d ago
A lot of your reasons are why I start prepping on gifts in July. My daughter's birthday is the first week of January, so I absolutely get it. I also like making things for people, which takes time, and I know better than to wait for November to roll around to start. Combine that with my hatred of Christmas music due to too many holiday seasons in retail (I mean, to be fair, even one is too many), and it's actually a bit weird I don't hate the holiday as well.
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u/Mudslingshot 2d ago
Same
I went the proactive route. One year I announced to anyone and everyone I could that I would not be participating in any gift exchanges, and PLEASE don't get me anything because I will not be getting anything for anyone
I made it sound like it was a "this year" kind of thing so I wouldn't get too much pushback
The next year, everyone just vaguely remembered that I "don't do gifts" and ever since then it's been pretty easy to bring this up with any new people I meet (which is basically only coworkers, so it's not hard to convince them not to do gifts)
It's been over 10 years since I did this, and I've barely had to acknowledge Christmas since then
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u/thetreesknees_ 2d ago
My family is the type that every year says "small Christmas this year" then fills the tree and over prepares for our not even that large family.
I shouldn't be upset they're giving people. I just wanna sleep thru the holidays cause it's the only time of the year I can stop working and know everyone else is too. But instead we're working on Christmas
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u/Mission_Grapefruit92 2d ago edited 2d ago
I’m just starting to feel a similar way to you. This year I didn’t enjoy it that much. And I can’t even remember how it was last year or if I enjoyed it. It seems like everyone puts unnecessary stress on themselves and it seems to overpower the happiness we should have when we celebrate a holiday. I got so turned off by Christmas this year that I just feel like opting out of celebrating it, but that would be weird since everyone else in my house celebrates it. I love the concept of gift giving but you make a great point that we shouldn’t make it an obligation. I made the mistake of giving a shitty gift this year, and the irony is that the person I gave it to also gave me a shitty gift. The difference between me and that person was that I said thank you and they said “why would you get me this” and then repeated that question even after I offered to exchange it for them. I don’t ever want to feel some of the things I felt this Christmas. Gross feelings.
I think the original practice of Saturnalia made a lot more sense (aside from the orgies) where they’d basically just give each other festive food items. My cousin and I exchanged snacks and it was the best exchange of the holiday. He bought me seafood flavored chips from some Asian country because I love seafood and I bought him ginger candy because he loves ginger. I think food gifts make a lot of sense.
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u/victoria_ash 2d ago
Why do you think our "culturally accepted holiday time off" is when it is? Christmas wasn't scheduled to occur then, the time off was scheduled to occur around Christmas.
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u/beamer88888888 2d ago
I am also a December baby and have to share my birthday with my twin! I 100% agree with everything you stated. I’m a self sufficient adult. I’ll will buy my own things as required. I agree, treating my family & friends throughout the year as I see fit is way more fun! Not in the name of a ridiculous holiday.
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u/TheWaterWave2004 2d ago
Upvoted for "I'll will". Had a good laugh!
Please dont call me an "ERM ACKSHUALLIE" dude I am not trying to be pedantic
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u/Cecili0604 2d ago
I'm so done with Christmas presents. I don't want junk. I'm incredibly particular with what I buy for myself. I made a gift guide for this reason (for my birthday). If I receive a gift that isn't on the list, it will be returned or donated.
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u/Nuka-Crapola 2d ago
Had to downvote, because I agree. Everything around “the holiday season” (Thanksgiving included, as an American) is so forced and so ritualized that it ruins any good feelings I’d get from seeing people or getting gifts organically. And that’s not even getting into how all the pressure and mandatory “togetherness” turns a lot of people into their worst selves, taking their stress out on strangers, retail workers, or even their own children behind closed doors, because they can’t “ruin the holiday” by addressing the full fucking herd of elephants in the room…
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u/Immediate-Ad-1934 2d ago
I do hate the obligatory gift giving. A work friend unexpectedly got me a gift and now I have to shop and spend. My family doesn’t really do gift giving since we’re all adults and only one of my siblings has a kid and they live 200+ miles away so I don’t even get the joys of watching children on Christmas morning.
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u/Hehector2005 2d ago
Why do you have to get a gift?
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u/bubbascal 2d ago
Social obligation, people remember if you don't, I think
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u/Hehector2005 1d ago
I guess I don’t understand why people seem to take this so seriously. I mean a gift is given without expectation. Sounds like they’re thinking of a trade to me.
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u/ChloeDaPotato 2d ago
I totally get your points tbh. I hate the preparations (as in, setting up the tree, running around like a headless chicken, etc)
But I do like giving gifts, generally more than I like receiving them, because it's just so nice to see the other person's face light up when they see that I got them something they liked
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u/Sadge_A_Star 2d ago
I don't think is a rare opinion...
Also, lots of people grow up and stop doing gifts for other adults but just hang out together if possible.
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u/CitizenPremier 2d ago
I give everyone the gift of not having to get me a gift in return, cuz I didn't get them shit
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u/slimeeyboiii 2d ago
The only person pressuring you to get gifts is you.
If u make a post about it on reddit it's no longer low-key
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u/Wannabe__geek 2d ago
Christmas is my favorite holiday
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u/PastelWraith 2d ago
Halloween is superior in literally every way. Only plus about Christmas is decorations which Halloween does better anyway.
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u/Wannabe__geek 2d ago
I think it’s safe to come to a conclusion that women like Halloween more. My birthday is on Halloween, and I have met many that wanted to be, I haven’t seen a man that give a shit about it. We didn’t celebrate Halloween when I was growing up, but I have fond memories of Christmas.
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u/PastelWraith 2d ago
That's a big anecdotal assumption. I think the freedom is why people prefer Halloween. It can be as tame as carving pumpkins or as wild and mischievous as you want.
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u/bazjack 2d ago
Not quite as bad, but my younger sibling and I were born on December 17th and 4th respectively, so I understand the celebration crunch.
I pick up gifts all year for my chosen people and save most of them for birthdays/Christmas unless they're in response to a current need. You might think about doing that.
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u/websterella 2d ago
Maybe I’m getting older but stuff is just stuff. Time is what is actually valuable.
I usually take my younger relatives somewhere in our city. Granted I’m luck in that I live in a fantastic city with many interesting and cheap/free things to do. Many people got gifts of my time and my planning/research.
Stuff is so passé. It’s cheap and more often than not thoughtless. Time is something you cannot make again once spent.
Now truly if I see something and it screams you, then I’ll likely get it as a present. But if not then we are doing something together my treat
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u/dankutare1 2d ago
In my family there is a rotation and you are only expected to gift to the one person you are assigned. You can of course get gifts for others if you want, but it takes the burden of obligation off. If they didn't do this I probably would have stopped participating all together because like you said it's a bit much.
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u/AddisonFlowstate 1d ago
I had reached a point where I absolutely despised it. It really has become something terrible.
For me, sticking to myself, cooking some great food, watching old movies, listening to slow jazz renditions of the classics and just relaxing; it's the best way to endure it.
I was laughing to myself today, "How in the hell does everybody still put up with the pressure of this holiday?" Thank God I've managed to extricate myself from such a stressful and expensive tradition. I'm glad I found a way to start loving it again without all the commercialism and family togetherness.
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1d ago
I love late December because it's when I get to see my family for a long while, but I like it in spite of Christmas.
Consumerism/Capitalism and Christianity are my two least favorite things. I have ARFID so any holiday with non-standard food is hell for me, and I have ADHD and Anxiety so the present giving/getting process is stressful as hell (because I forget what people like, wait until last minute, and then feel anxious that my gifts aren't as thoughtful as everyone else's).
Christmas is like if a holiday was invented specifically to torment me lmao, so I feel you.
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u/Brodney_Alebrand 1d ago
All your problems with Christmas are within your power to solve. Just do Christmas the way you want.
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u/St_Kilda 23h ago
Actually Christmas is a religious celebration for the birth of Christ. If you choose to engage in the capitalist idea of what it is that's your issue. For me I don't do either, instead I use the opportunity to reflect on the past year. I get on my bike, take a long ride somewhere quiet and just chill out for the day.
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u/MiniSiets 2d ago
I get it, but like, you really just got to think of it from the simple perspective of the broad strokes. It's about spending time with your family, and showing appreciation for them. Yeah, the presents might be coerced in a sense, but that doesn't mean the intent behind them isn't genuine. I don't like picking out the presents because it can be hard to find the right thing for someone, but I am glad to give it to them when I finally do, because I care about them and the presents are just another way of showing that I care.
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u/PastelWraith 2d ago
100%. It's a chore. "You know we don't like you much but here's all this stuff that doesn't really fit your aesthetic or lifestyle, but it was cheap at the Home Goods. What do you mean you didn't buy anything for us. So ungrateful." Like, I'm fine being a Grinch, your holiday is annoying and I'm not gonna pretend I wanna be around any of you.
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u/TheRealSheevPalpatin 2d ago
Agreed (mostly). Gift giving in general is pretty bullshit unless you are giving or receiving something handmade / especially unique that you wouldn’t be able to otherwise buy
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u/computerfan0 2d ago
I like getting gifts for other people. Not so much picking them out but I like watching my family open them. I've always liked eating Christmas dinner too, it excites me more than even getting my own gifts at this point!
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u/dadsuki2 2d ago
So... You don't like gift giving? Ever read the grinch?
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u/thetreesknees_ 2d ago
The Grinch must have been poor like me
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u/dadsuki2 2d ago
It's about how gift giving isn't the core of Christmas and without it, the spirit is still there, honestly read it it's the Christmas spirit in book form
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u/Lev_Davidovich 2d ago
So you say you hate Christmas not because of the usual "it's too capitalist" but then go on to describe the functional results of Christmas being too capitalist.
The USSR was an explicitly secular society, as a result religious holidays were not days people got off work. So Christmas was not a day off. They found, however, that people missed Christmas. So instead of having the Christian Christmas they had a New Year holiday, where people had a New Year tree and gave gifts that were officially from Father New Year, a fat guy in a red coat with a white beard who traveled around giving gifts.
The point I'm trying to make in bringing that up is that I'm an atheist but I still enjoy Christmas. I like the idea of generosity and gift giving and socializing with family and friends. My friends don't expect gifts, though, and my family has agreed on a gift exchange where we draw names and have a budget of $100 so it's not a financial burden and you don't have to buy gifts for a bunch of people or worry about missing someone.
So for me it pretty much is just a time of the year to relax and spend time with your family. I feel like you should talk to your family about this and if they aren't on the same page as you then the real problem is that Christmas is too capitalist for your family.
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u/JoChiCat 2d ago
Yeah, it kind of sucks to get gifts that you know are obligatory – the ones that just scream “I have only the barest idea of what your interests are or what you do in your day-to-day life, so here’s a generic item I spent money on”.
The holiday overall seems to be increasingly about going through the motions. Get gifts, show up, exchange gifts and small-talk, do a few of the yearly rituals as quickly as possibly so you can go take a nap… maybe I’m just getting old.
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u/Draigh1981 2d ago
We just do the gifts for the kids mostly, the adults just give each other something small. I love seeing the smiles on my kids faces when they open them, that's what it's about for me...and maybe some good food. You make it as big as you want
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u/Born_Suspect7153 2d ago
Just get a wife that loves gifting stuff to people so she will happily search for the perfect gift for everyone you know.
Works for me.
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u/qualityvote2 2d ago edited 1d ago
u/thetreesknees_, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...