some thoughts I have I’m not scared sharing I guess.

[u/sirbropiate]

is this just another example of a stim rant or are some points valid?

obviously, everything did not come from me originally but it’s mostly my thoughts, some things I’ve heard that has touched me & never left my mind. Most of it is coming from how I think but can’t act out in words irl. No one will probably read, anyway I got all Es at school so I woke up looked at it and felt pretty good

I’m going through a mental health crisis and I don’t know how to express my feelings and thoughts so I spent 11 hours writing about how my mind works and I want you to read it. Please don’t think I’m crazy. I just can’t get words out with my mind

Suicide carried off many; drink and the devil took care of the rest. We’re all theory and no action.

It’s time to break the cycle of repeated mistakes and pain - taking action is my only hope.

although it will seem difficult, the reward will be great.

We are the authors of ourselves.

I want to see you, I want you to see me, I don’t want to be an ant - you know, I mean we go through life with our antennas bouncing off of one another, continuously on ant autopilot with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don't want to be an ant, you know?

I've been kind of on zombie auto-pilot lately, I don't feel like an ant in my head, but I guess I probably look like one. It's kind of like D.H. Lawrence had this idea of two people meeting on a road. And instead of just passing and glancing away, they decide to accept what he calls "the confrontation between their souls." My interpretation of this would be meeting of two soul mates interwoven by .. ‘fate, destiny, divine intervention..?) I refuse to believe life has no meaning. Purpose is beautiful I’ve got the benefit in this reality of a consistent perspective. What is your consistent perspective?

It's mostly just me dealing with a lot of people who are exposing me to information and ideas that seem vaguely familiar, but, at the same time, it's all very alien to me. I'm not in an objective, rational world. Like I've been flying around high on multiple substances for years.. This is the most in myself and in my thoughts that I've been so far; introspectively learning in my mind is hard. I’m trying. I don't know it’s weird too, because it's not like a fixed state, it's more like this whole spectrum of awareness.

We seem to think we're so limited by the world and the confines, but we're really just creating them.

You keep trying to figure it out, but it seems like now that you know that what you're doing is dreaming, you can do whatever you want to. Wake up

You're dreaming, but you're awake. - You have so many options, and that's what life is about. Opportunities come and go, you have one more good one left until it’s too late.

I would rather participate at life then write a hundred stories - Thomas Mann

You cannot understand life and live life simultaneously; it’s flowing always. a life well lived is a life worth living. isolation is prison, connection is key.

Love your loved ones.

It’s short. But it’s beautiful and it’s awful, life’s a balance and it always will be. Why do they say history repeats itself? At one point in this world - earth was on hell over a 100 years ago. We live a blessed life today. The same principles apply to how lite is experienced to every one of us, ups & downs, constantly meeting in the middle.

People aren’t always fortunate to experience the good side of the ‘balance’ when they’re physically here, i just pray whoever is out there; whoever ‘made’ us or whatever happens after death that when we leave this earth; don’t make us suffer if you didn’t let us enjoy life. The point I’m making - show kindness ro strangers & be compassionate to strangers. Everyone deserves a second chance at life.

[u/_DEATH_LORD_]

Do you feel better after writing? Or does someone else reading it, help? I'm also all over at times, my mind, and I feel only myself understands how it works, but something it gets the better of me and I lose control. Thanks for sharing

[u/sirbropiate → u/_DEATH_LORD_]

It feels so much better after I write it. It’s like just really sitting there, self reflecting, analyzing everything in a patient way. Getting it all out with it sounding articulate and understandable gives my mind more relief rather than someone reading it.

I like sharing too though because all my life I’ve been called ‘dumb’ ‘retarded’ ‘hopeless’. But when I write something that’s actually thought provoking, real & honest & other ‘academics’ are surprised I did it, of course I feel great & it makes me want to write a lot more, my thoughts I mean.

[u/sirbropiate → u/_DEATH_LORD_]

And I understand what you mean. Your mind is just a jungle, hey? You need to find a tour guide for your mind. It’s helping me sort my thoughts out.