TW: the usual

In 2022, a few months after getting married, I found out I was pregnant for the first time. It was so exciting and also terrifying; I was working a contract job, we were living in a drafty old apartment, and it just felt so sudden. Yet when I saw their little heartbeat at 7 weeks they were my baby. We saw it again at 8 weeks, but by my 11 week appointment they were gone. I knew before the tech even spoke. I was not seeing what I was supposed to be seeing. I was given medication and passed the fetus intact at home the next day. I was devastated.

In the months that followed I went from breezy NTNP mode to steadily more obsessive TTC practices. I was gutted every month when I tested negative. I fought with my husband often. We hadn't told people and I just felt like my life had been taken over by grief.

Just over 7.5 months later, I used a test before heading out to a wedding weekend and was shocked to see a positive. Being 35, we had just gone through an initial round of testing at a fertility clinic and were waiting on the results. I felt happier than I'd been since our wedding. The pregnancy wasn't a fluke, we were finally moving on.

The spotting started at around 7 weeks. Spotting we'd ignored in the first pregnancy after 9 weeks because Google said it was usually fine. This time, despite seeing a heartbeat at 6 weeks, we went to the ER. HCG, size, and FHR all looked good at 7+4. We made a follow-up appointment with the OB. When we went in at 9+5 they confirmed another MMC. This time I had a D&C.

This was the darkest period. Another calendar full of dates I would've been pregnant and wasn't, another shameful secret. This time it really hit my husband, too. We pushed on with RPL testing. TTC became pretty much all we thought about.

I refused to test at Christmas and deal with the tears so I tested on December 27th. My husband heard me say "oh fuck" through the bathroom door. We had been actively TTC without yet knowing what was wrong. All of a sudden that seemed like a huge mistake.

No ache, pain, or pregnancy symptom came close to the white knuckle terror we carried through that first trimester. We were lucky to get many early scans, but it was still terrifying. At 11 weeks I gasped seeing them kick their little legs on the ultrasound, but by 15 weeks I was panicking again and went for a private ultrasound. I sobbed when I saw the heartbeat again. The tech told me it gets easier. It did.

My baby grew big and strong and active, mercifully for me. They made their presence known early and often. They nestled into a breech position and didn't move. One tech said "they want to be close to your heart".

At 38+3 my water broke and I had a middle of the night c-section. He was a boy, just like I guessed. When I heard him cry I started howling like an animal. My husband tells me I kept repeating "he's alive, he's here, it's over". I didn't feel an immediate bond but I was so relieved that this job was finally done. It wasn't until we got home and I was holding him on the couch while my husband unloaded the car that the tears just flowed and flowed. Almost exactly a year ago I had sat on this same couch after our second loss was and told my husband I'd do whatever it took to bring home a baby. Now he was home.

I didn't think it was going to happen but it did. I hope it happens for all of you, too.

Wishing you all uneventful pregnancies 💕

Hi All,

I had a stillbirth last September. My baby girl was 20 weeks gestation and everything had been fine up to that point. It was a total shock. Based on the autopsy, it was likely due to a hypercoiled umbilical cord. We got pregnant 5-6 weeks after our loss with a baby boy.

About 12 hours ago I gave birth to my beautiful, healthy baby boy. I was nervous every step of the way this pregnancy. But, I’m happy to say we’re now on the other side of loss. I type this now as my baby keeps us awake. I hope our story brings some inspiration to you amazing mamas out there. #inspiration #rainbowbaby #stillbirth

I had 7 losses prior to finally having things stick at age 39. We’d been trying for 2ish years. I didn’t qualify for IVF. I almost gave up.

My sweet boy just had his 3-month birthday. He’s healthy, smiley, perfect. I feel incredibly INCREDIBLY lucky. This group and others on Reddit really helped get me through, but I hadn’t heard of many who had as much loss as I did. Never got an answer as to what the problem was. Tests were pretty normal aside from AMA and low ovarian reserve. This path looks different for everyone, and I feel very lucky. I hope this gives someone hope who needs it.

On Christmas Eve of last year, I was getting ready to visit our in-laws in a green and black Christmas dress (stretchy because I was 10 weeks pregnant). I went to the bathroom and found the tiniest bit of blood in my underwear and my heart jumped into my chest. Ten minutes later, I began having dull cramps, which soon turned into rhythmic contractions. I raced to the emergency room in tears, still hoping they would tell me I was being silly, the baby was fine. The ultrasound technician worked silently and I begged her to tell me if she could find a heartbeat. She told me I had to wait for the doctor to speak with me and asked if I wanted a pad for the bleeding. She knows my baby is gone. I waited alone in a cold ER cubicle next to Christmas Eve coeds drunk on eggnog and respitory infections, crying in my stupid Christmas dress that looked cruelly ironic in its festive cheer on a girl weeping over her lost baby.

Today I am holding my beautiful baby boy, born healthy and full of life at 39 weeks. For months, I could not acknowledge the pregnancy; I didn't visit baby subs, bought no maternity clothes, thought of no names. Every ultrasound, I felt myself exhale the moment the heartbeat jumped on the monitor; I didn't even realize I was holding my breath every time the doctor squeezed cold gel on my belly. The feeling never went away. Every time I asked the doctor is the baby okay?, she always looked confused like yes, he's fine. All the way through pregnancy, every kick, every pinch, every cramp sent me reeling. Even through the labor, I asked my nurse so many times what the baby's heart was doing on the monitor, she finally told me I needn't ask anymore, she would tell me if his heart changes.

The moment they put him on my chest, his tiny cry like a bird's, I finally exhaled like I hadn't taken a full breath in 9 months and kissed his face. I still think about my lost baby all the time, buried under a shady tree behind our home, and I still cry for her. I don't know why and I won't ever understand. But I loved her every moment and now hold her brother in my arms, and hope that someday I will get to meet her in heaven.

Our journey to parenthood wasn’t easy, but we made it!! After getting pregnant on our first “try”, we had a MMC @ 11 weeks around Easter of 2023. We got pregnant again fairly quickly but had another MC in January of 2024. At this point we were referred to a reproductive endocrinologist who said he thinks we just had bad luck but opted to treat my thyroid anyway due to a normal but high TSH level. We got pregnant with my next cycle and found out right before Easter, which felt like a sign. I had a very uncomplicated pregnancy but still struggled with the constant fear and anxiety that we would lose this baby too. I don’t think my husband or I believed we were going to have a baby until I actually gave birth. After a week of prodromal labor, I went into labor on my own @ 39w4d and gave birth 6 hours after arriving at the hospital to a perfectly healthy baby boy on 11/24. 🩵 I have cried happy tears every day since, and sometimes I still can’t believe God blessed us with this perfect little guy. Sharing my positive outcome in hopes that it will help you remain hopeful for yours! This sub has been a great place for me to come and be heard and feel seen throughout my struggles. I’m hoping you all get your rainbows soon! 🌈🫶🏻

In September 2020 my hubby and I started ttc. After a year and a half, I got pregnant. I remember how happy and relieved we were. At exactly six weeks I started brown spotting. I went to the ER and there was only empty sac at the ultrasound and beta hcg was around 1000. They said to wait as I may had late ovulation. But I was sure of my dates. And beta hcg was too low. After four long days, I naturally miscarried at home and it was very traumatic for me as sac came out in one not-so-little piece.

We were sad but also encouraged because well, at least I can get pregnant.

Then a lot of time nothing. I got pregnant again in November 2022. We were so hopeful and dreadfully waiting for the first ultrasound at 6w4d. At the ultrasound there was a heartbeat and everything on track. We were so happy and hopeful. Now there is a heartbeat, what could go wrong. We had another checkup at 8w4d and saw our little angel again just before Christmas. We already saw tiny legs and arms and everything looked great. We had great holiday and already looking forward to telling people in the beginning of the year. After new year’s I started losing my nausea. I was worried but telling myself it is placenta taking over. Went for another ultrasound to check. This was probably the hardest moment of my life. Nothing can prepare you for the dreaded words “I am sorry, there is no heartbeat.” . My husband was waiting for me in the car and he was sure everything was okay. My heart broke when they told me there was no heartbeat but my heart broke again when I needed to text my husband that our baby died.

After that, we got a lot of testing. Genetics, APS, all good. Thyroid hormones were good, though I have higher anti TPO levels and doctor diagnosed me with Hashimoto. I also tested positive for high levels of uterine NK cells.

Despite diagnosis, we felt like it would never happen for us. We were devastated.

After 1 year, on January 2nd this year, I got BFP again. We started prednisone, aspirin and progesterone immediately. I also got Ivig infusion twice and some other immunosuppressants. In week 6, I started spotting. We thought for sure it was over, yet it was not. We heard heartbeat a few days later. In week 9, I started bleeding and we went to ER. At the checkup, I was preparing myself to again hear the awful words. But no - there was heartbeat, I only had SCH. In those first weeks, I had constant fears about symptoms decreasing.

After that, there was no complications until week 21. At anatomy scan I found out I had shortened cervix. I was advised to take things easy. At 23 weeks I had cramps and went to get checked. My cervix shortened more and started funnelling. It was terrifying as it looked as I was going into labour. I got some meds and stayed in the hospital. It was the most terrifying week. I was on complete bed rest. I only got up for shower and toilet; sometimes food. But we made it to 24 weeks. And then to 28 weeks. Cervix stayed the same, luckily, but it was super hard time. After 30 weeks I had weekly checkups and my daughter was always so small - in the 15 or 10 percentile, her abdominal circumference was 2 weeks behind. I was so worried that there were placental issues.

My doctor and I decided to induce labour at 38 weeks. Everything was fine and we finally got our double rainbow baby girl.

During first months of pregnancy, PAL subreddit was such a support. We all have the same fears: symptoms decreasing, movement decreasing, amniotic fluid leakage, iugr,… Being afraid of ordering baby stuff, being afraid of announcing other people. It is such a consuming and hard journey. After 12 weeks, the subreddit was too hard on me because there is a lot of sad stories here. It did not seem right to leave the community to give help back; but I needed it at that time. I promised myself to come back and try to be supportive after I give birth. And here I am sharing my story. Will be checking the PAL again daily and try to help you as best as I can. 🩷🌈

Colton James was born yesterday via c-section at 8:01am weighing 9lbs 9oz and 20 3/4 inches long. After 3 miscarriages in a row last year our rainbow is finally here 🙌 😍

TW: miscarriage and full term loss.

Our fertility journey has had so many ups and downs..

In 2020 I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant, I was scared but overjoyed. My now husband and I were engaged at the time and I felt this guilt about getting pregnant before marriage. Our first and only live scan was during COVID and my husband never got to hear our baby's heart beating.. it was the most magical moment of my life and I had to do it alone.

The day before my birthday I had spotting and I knew something was wrong, my husband was working out of state so I called my mom and we rushed into the doctors office. The ultrasound tech told me what I already knew, that our little soul had passed, we were 12 weeks. I had a D&C (I did not have the strength to miscarry at home). I went with my gut on my decision, and thank God I did. They sent the D&C to pathology and discovered that I had had a twin molar pregnancy. This means I had one healthy baby, and one molar pregnancy. This set off a journey of a year of weekly blood work, lung scans, brain scans, and a second D&C. Luckily the cells had not spread and the second D&C did the trick to get the cells to stop multiplying inside my uterus.

My husband and I were married in May 2022. One month after we were married we discovered we were again, unexpectedly pregnant. I had severe anxiety the entire pregnancy, every scan, every time I did blood work I would basically have a full-blown panic attack. But baby girl made it, she was healthy and growing beautifully. Every scan was perfect. I was 40 weeks and started having on and off labor, I finally went into active labor and we went to the hospital only to find that out daughters heart was no longer beating. We had lost our perfect daughter at 40 weeks due to umbilical cord issues.. the same cord that brought her life, took her from us. I went into labor and when we arrived at the hospital they could not find her heartbeat.. she had been so active about 5 hours before we arrived at the hospital and the on and off activy was normal for her. It was unexpected and completely devastating. We went to the hospital to have a baby and left empty handed.

Her birth was awful, my epidural failed and she was stuck in the birth canal for 4 hours. I had an infection and pushed with a fever of 103, while the doctor had her arm inside me trying to get her shoulder free from my pelvis. She was finally born and it was the most beautiful and heart breaking moment. We were surrounded by family (my mom, MIL, dad and FIL all watched her come into the world). I'm so greatful they were there to meet their perfect grand daughter.

In October 2023, after 1 month of trying, hubby and I were pregnant again. I surprised him with the pregnancy test, I put it in a little box. We both fell to the floor together in tears, happy tears, sad tears, all the tears. We had dozens of appointments, MFM, OB, scans, tests, all the things. We decided on a planned c - section as baby boys head was measuring the 99th percentile for the entire pregnancy. Up until the day we walked into the hospital I didn't believe it was real. I didn't believe we would be bringing a baby home with us.

I am finally posting this as we approach the 4 month mark and my little one is doing well (and my anxiety has calmed a bit)

Our perfect little boy, our first live birth, was born via planned C-section on 6/12/24 (daddy picked this birthday because he LOVES numbers and is a total nerd, it was also right at the 38 week mark which is what MFM & my OB recommended). He was born 8 lbs 10 ounces, 20 inches long, and a FIFTEEN inch head (hence the C-section). The c section was amazing, it really helped heal my birthing trauma. It went flawlessly.

We celebrated his birth with both extreme joy and extreme mourning 15 months after we had lost our perfect daughter. We didn't know at the time all that we would be missing, so the birth of our son brought a lot of mixed emotions extreme joy and extreme sorrow of the realization - all over again - of what we had lost.

Fertility is such a journey and I just want to give everyone hope that no matter what go through, it is worth it. There IS hope.

I haven't posted in this community for a long while, but you were here for me when I needed you, and I am grateful. Because of that, I wanted to post about the birth of our little rainbow miracle just over three weeks ago. The one that finally stuck.

I had a miscarriage before my first born, but didn't think too much of it. However, between my first and second I had 5 losses back to back, all in about a year. I appear to have an 'unfussy womb' meaning I always implant/get pregnant the first try, but most of those babies aren't viable and I eventually miscarry. I say eventually as it seems to take my body quite long to realise baby is no long growing, and I found carrying my dead babies very hard.

However, after that year of hardship our little rainbow girl finally stuck. The pregnancy was rough with some complications, but my birth was absolutely fantastic. I accidentally roared our girl out at home in a primal focus I didn't think was possible. I was about to catch her myself when the paramedics arrived, and on the next push she was here! One of the very best moments of my life, and so incredibly healing after my extremely traumatic first birth. I didn't believe birth could feel good, but man was I proved wrong! It was everything I was hoping for and more. She finally arrived at 41+6 and I am beyond relieved I trusted my gut and advocated so strongly to wait for her to come when she was ready. It made all the difference.

Our little girl is an amazingly easy baby, and her big brother absolutely adores her. He desperately wanted a sister, and has been waiting so impatiently for her all this time. We've had the usual challenges adjusting, but overall I'd say we're having a much easier time than we expected. We're all so in love with our new family member!

Please don't give up hope. Losses are devastating, and I wouldn't blame anyone for giving up, but sometimes it really just is a numbers game. Eventually, your next baby will stick, and the joy when you finally get to meet them is immense beyond belief.

I see you all. I hold space for you all. I've been you all. Please join me in celebrating our little miracle, and have a huge hug from this internet stranger, if that is what you need to live through today. You've got this.

This is our last baby, so I will probably be leaving this sub soon. If anyone would like to ask any questions about my losses or pregnancy, please feel free. Either on this post or by DM. If I can help any one of you by sharing my experience, that would be my pleasure.

My wife and I went through 3 years of trying and 3 heart breaking miscarriages. We gave up all hope after IVF failed. In January we moved from a cold climate to a warm climate. We are both from warm climates are we’re very unhappy in the cold and dark most of the year. Within a week of moving back to the heat we naturally conceived in January this year. Fully expecting another loss, this one stuck and has been the perfect pregnancy so far.

My son was born 4 hours ago. His mom is healthy and he is absolutely perfect.

I came here 3 years ago broken, and I received a tonne of support. If any men are reading this out there know there is hope, and you are not alone.

Last year in March husband and I decided to start trying for our first baby together, we were so excited, I got pregnant in July, I was over the moon, I literally called everyone in my family and told them that I was pregnant; within the week of finding out I was pregnant I started spotting, I was told this is normal in pregnancy, didn’t pay no mind to it, but the spotting got worse and worse, I went to the ER and I was able to see a little bean with a heart beat, they said “threaten miscarriage” and just to take it day by day, bleeding continued to get worse, one day it was very heavy and painful and then my first miscarriage happened, oh man I was devastated but I was told this is super common and I had very little chance of happening again, I again got pregnant in September, and by Thanksgiving I was having my second miscarriage, I was so broken at this point and I didn’t understand why I was going thru this, the holidays were dark and I was so so sad , I heard about the old wives tale and bought a little blanket to put it under the Christmas tree 💙 ( silly I know, but I was just holding to any hope you can find) I underwent a bunch of testing including hormones, semen analysis, genetic and chromosomal testing for husband and I and everything came back normal, I did changed my vitamins and started taking folate instead of folic acid, started taking coenzyme 10, aspirin ( my OB recommended ). I was scheduled to have a hysteroscopy to look inside my uterus in February but found out I was pregnant again late January, this time I stopped taking CoEnzyme 10 when I found out, continued taking aspirin and I was put on vaginal progesterone ( my progesterone was always low on prior checks after ovulation) This pregnancy was very uneventful beside the anxiety around losing it again, each trimester came with a new set of anxieties and fears, but on October 6, 2024, 39w0d at 2 am I started having painful contractions, got to the hospital at 3:30 am because contractions were getting more painful and closer together, they checked me and I was 4 cm, at 4 am my water broke spontaneously, I was in so much pain and asking for epidural, by the time the anesthesiologist got the room I was already 9 cm dilated and they could feel the baby’s head, it was too late, I needed to start pushing now! My beautiful boy was born at 5:05 am, less than 3 hours after starting my contractions, what a wild ride !!!

I’m now swaddling my baby in that little blanket I put under the Christmas tree last year 💙💙💙

Someone in r/ttcafterloss shared an old wives' tale that if you put a baby blanket under the Christmas tree, you'd have a baby by Christmas next year. I did that out of desperation, little did I know my rainbow baby would arrive earlier this month!

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I remember the morning I entered the second trimester with my last pregnancy, I thought of how scared I was to be another day closer to birth and the pain of childbirth. Later that same day, the NIPT result came back as positive for Monosomy X. I blamed myself a lot, maybe it was punishment for not being excited to meet my baby. I prayed and prayed that my baby would make it to term and live a happy life, in exchange I'd go through all the pain childbirth had to offer. But I didn't quite get there, I gave birth to my sleeping baby a month after.

As I approached my due date with this baby, I found myself scared of childbirth pain again. And then I had this irrational fear that if I got an epidural, my baby would somehow be punished because I didn't make enough of a sacrifice. It was a lot of back and forth within myself.

I chose a different hospital than where I gave birth to my sleeping baby. I told the nurses of our loss, and they were all so kind to me. One nurse was walking me through what to expect after birth aka the golden hour, and I started crying uncontrollably. I realized I had been so anxious the whole pregnancy that I didn't allow myself to envision the future beyond the birth of our baby.

After that, the image of a baby, MY baby, doing skin-to-skin on my chest helped me power through each contraction. I didn't have to feel conflicted over an epidural after all, because as soon as I asked for one, things progressed quickly and I had to push before my OB could even make it to the hospital. A couple pushes later, and I heard one nurse announce "twelve thirty-five" - my baby was born!

I thought I would cry tears of joy holding my rainbow baby for the first time. Instead I was crying and throwing a fit because I never got that epidural and the whole thing was so intense I didn't even get a second to process what was going on 😅. But baby boy is perfect, and he's worth every single moment of that roller coaster we had been through.

I still struggle between celebrating my baby boy and mourning his angel sister. I wish there was some alternate universe where I could have them both. But I know we have an angel of our own watching over us, and that's very comforting.

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I'm so thankful to have found a great source of emotional support here in this sub. I can't wait for y'all to welcome your rainbow babies 💛.

After an almost 30 week loss last year with my daughter we have welcomed her little sister Clara into the world last week. She was early and did not want to miss Thanksgiving. So grateful but oh so anxious.

On 21st November,, our IVF baby Erik arrived via c-section at 36 weeks! We had been on a 4 year journey of unexplained infertility and had to undergo IVF. I sadly experienced a chemical pregnancy after our first attempt, then a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks after our second attempt. I was then diagnosed with an APS trait, so armed with IVF meds and blood thinners, our third and final embryo decided to stick around. My pregnancy was high risk, with a blood clot disorder and then later a placenta preavia. In my third trimester, my placenta began to cause intermittent bleeding. At 35 weeks I was admitted to hospital for heavy bleeding, and it was decided baby boy would need to come earlier. We had a scheduled c-section which was one of the best experiences of my life. We put on our birth playlist, and sobbed as the surgeons hoisted Erik above the sheet and into our lives. During our infertility journey, my dad was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour, was in a coma during my first miscarriage, and underwent brain surgery during my second. I'm so proud of the resilience and strength I've found during one of the hardest years of my life, and I feel so whole and complete that little Erik is now here with us, and that my dad was able to meet him too ❤️

We’d been trying for a baby since June 2021 & never imagined the journey it would take us on. Our first positive pregnancy test was on my birthday in April 2022 after consults with a fertility clinic identified that I had hypothyroidism & I began taking medication. We were so excited & told our parents right away. A week later I was miscarrying, a chemical pregnancy was what the fertility clinic told me & that it would feel like a regular period. In my heart it didn’t feel like a regular period.

In July 2022 we found out our second very wanted pregnancy was ectopic. We tried treatment with medication first but our pregnancy kept growing, just not in the right place. I ended up needing emergency surgery to remove the pregnancy & my right tube. I was devastated & so traumatized by this experience, it has taken a long time to process the trauma & grief.

Sadly our next pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 12 weeks in October 2023 on thanksgiving weekend. We call them our April baby as they were due April 19th. We’ll never know why April baby wasn’t able to join us earth side but I trust they knew something we’ll never be able to understand & stayed as long as they could.

By April baby’s due date in April 2024, I found out I was pregnant for the 4th. It has been a dream come true to welcome this baby girl into the world in the early hours of December 9th. As I write this, she’s having a feed laying on my chest. She is prefect & healthy.

Pregnancy after loss is a rollercoaster & needs health professionals & family that really get it. I’m so grateful that I had an amazing team with my husband, OB, close friends, my mom, & a few trusted coworkers. With their support, my psychologist, & seeing all the stories here in this sub, I made it thru my pregnancy & actually enjoyed some parts & then was able to go thru her labour calmly despite needing a c-section in the end.

Thinking of you all in the early stages of pregnancy, I found the first trimester to be the hardest. Can’t wait to read all of your birth announcements, they always brought me so much hope 🌈🌈

After my 28 week stillbirth of my daughter back in February, I had my rainbow girl this December 3. My OB decided to do induction right at 37 weeks. Dec 2, we started with a cook balloon which wasn’t too bad just felt like a badly placed tampon to me. We started that at 11:30am and about an hour later they sent me home to relax. Came back to the hospital about 7pm and so far balloon was still in. Was having mild contractions but nothing terrible. My OB finally took the balloon out about 9:30 pm and said I was 4cm and broke my water. And we started Pitocin. I was a bit upset by the Pitocin and wanted to wait a bit but my OB pushed back. Around 11pm they asked if I wanted the epidural since the anesthesiologist was going to be gone for 3hrs and I honestly wasn’t in terrible pain yet but I said fuck it lets do it. I was texting my mom at 12:05 am saying I was a bit upset about the Pitocin and joked I already caved and got an epidural. I honestly didn’t think the epidural did alot cause I was still feeling contractions the same way I was feeling before. Then the started to feel alot more in my pelvis. Told the nurse I feel baby in my vagina and she asked how about your butt. And I said no. Next contraction I felt it in my butt. Then another and I tell the nurse I’m certain i feel it now. She goes to check me and my husband said she was like oh baby is right there. Nurses basically tried to keep baby in and my OB barely made it. And she was born at 12:28am. We did some skin to skin and she latched on and off pretty good. But she seemed to be grunting a lot and they found she had low oxygen rates. Turns out she was born so fast she didn’t have all the fluid pushed out her lungs. We’re still in the nicu but looking at being discharged tomorrow.

It was so emotional giving birth to her and there was lots of tears but I’m so glad she’s here. Her older sister is looking out for her 💜🦋

After a devastating MMC in January of this year at 8 weeks, I’m overjoyed to share that I have given birth to a healthy baby girl— born 9 pounds 3 ounces! 🌈

It has been such an emotional and anxiety filled journey… but holding my girl in my arms is the most wonderful, overwhelmingly beautiful feeling. My husband and I are so in love.

I still feel the pain of the loss of my first pregnancy - the shock and confusion and grief. But I’m just so grateful for this little one sleeping on me, passed out from eating a ton of milk.

I wish everyone struggling with loss healing and happiness this season.

Well, he’s here! Born this month is my sweet baby boy. After 5 miscarriages. We are done trying after everything we went through, and the pregnancy was not easy, but so so worth it.

Ladies, there is hope. Praying you all get your rainbow babies, too. ❤️

After the stillbirth of my daughter Aurora last year, as of Friday our rainbow baby is here! 🩷🩷 My blood pressure wasn't great at my mfm appointment and they sent me straight to l&d. After over 24 hours of labor we realized I wasn't dilated enough and she was to big to fit through my pelvis so we headed to the OR for a C-section. The moment I heard her crying I broke down completely, it felt like I'd waited my whole life to hear that sound. She's perfect and healthy and so content. We get discharged today and while I'm in incredible pain I couldn't possibly be happier to start this next chapter. I know we are all in a 'club' that we never wanted to join but I truly hope you all get to hold your rainbows someday and I thank you all for helping give me the hope and strength to get through this last year and making me feel not alone. 🌈🩷

It felt impossible after a late loss a year ago in the fall, but my beautiful baby girl arrived last week. I was so sure, even the day she arrived, that something bad would still happen and I wouldn't get to have her in my arms, alive and healthy. She came quickly and earlier than expected, and when she came out I did not sob like I thought I would - I felt stunned and totally shocked. I had convinced myself it wouldn't work out because I was so, so, so scared to go through another loss and I was absolutely guarded this time. Yet here was this beautiful girl that everyone was assuring me was healthy!

It has taken me a while to process that she is here and well and that things worked out the way I had hoped, deep down under all the defense I had put up in my heart. She is so perfect, so beautiful, so worth the anxious wait and the fear and the feeling that I was holding my breath the entire pregnancy.

I wanted to say thank you to everyone here; this sub was incredibly helpful for me when I felt like no one else understood, when I made it to 20 weeks and people said things to me like "Don't worry, at this point you'll be fine." The grief of losing my baby boy last year will never go away, and I'll always wonder what things would have been like if he hadn't died. It makes no sense to lose a baby; there is no reason or meaning to be found in it. It is a confusing pit of grief and sadness that feels horrifically lonely and empty. I don't think that goes away, ever, for those of us here who have been through it. But there is a way to move forward carrying that grief, as difficult and burdened as it is. There is still hope.

My tiny 🌈 was born Sunday night. A ♓️ in the year of the 🐉.

He is the first baby I've brought home.

He is the most beautiful thing in the world.

He is 8lb 3oz, strong & healthy.

I hope that everything someone says "aww this is your first" i hope his siblings know they are not forgotten when I am polite, they are not regretted when I wince. I do not miss them less for the joy he brings me. If my grief and fear have held them in limbo, I hope their souls can find peaceful rest. I pray he grows big and strong. I pray I do not burden him with missing 7 angels. But little one I shall dress you every colour of the rainbow. And my heart will always know you are the 8th.

Hi all, thought I’d return to this thread to share news of the arrival of my beautiful baby girl, born back in October! Although I had her a little early at 39 weeks, her due date marked the anniversary of my previous loss, so my pregnancy really felt quite significant. I’d love to share what helped me get through it, particularly in my first trimester… Firstly, fluctuations in symptoms are not an indication of how well your pregnancy is going. I had everything from small bleeds, to boobs that were sore one day and not the next, so these variations in how pregnant you feel shouldn’t automatically make you assume the worst! Secondly, this is a different pregnancy and different baby, so expect a different outcome. Have trust that your body will do the right thing. I wish everyone here so much luck and hope it’s not long before gets to experience their own challenges and beauty of newborn life 🤍

I can’t believe it y’all. Two years of tests and grieving and waiting and hoping and…. Here he is, fast asleep in the hospital bassinet next to me. I know some of you have been waiting much longer than that, but I just wanted you to know that every second is worth it. When they put him on my chest after he came out I sobbed and sobbed uncontrollably.

My birth was about 24 hours from the time contractions were 7ish minutes apart consistently to the time he made his appearance, and honestly (other than maybe wishing for a shorter birth, ha) I couldn’t have asked for a smoother, more peaceful ride. Our nurses and midwife were incredible and have been so helpful (FTM and we have no idea what we’re doing!) and it’s just been the most peaceful, incredible 24 hours, I can’t even tell you.

It really can happen. I know it doesn’t feel like right now in the midst of the tests and the scans and the waiting and the worrying, but you can do it, mama. Your baby’s in there waiting to be loved on the outside by you. I just wanted to thank this community for getting me through the past 9 months because I would have gone insane without you all.

My baby daughter arrived on 11/11/24. It was my 3rd pregnancy. I have a 15 year old daughter as well. I had her when I was in Highschool at 17 years old. I had normal morning sickness and a healthy pregnancy with her. After my eldest was born I graduated and put myself through nursing school, became an RN and started working at a large hospital in my home city as a ICU and emergency room nurse. I met the love of my life 3 years ago and we planned my pregnancy with my son. Unfortunately I fell very sick with that pregnancy, I had hyperemesis gravidarum and was throwing up 6-10 times per day. At 28 weeks I was at work one night on shift when he stopped moving. I went to be seen in the emergency room and was transferred to the labor and delivery unit where ultrasound confirmed he had no heartbeat and was gone. I was induced and delivered him on 1/24/24. His name was Inezio Pierre and he was perfect. He had a head full of hair and looked exactly like his dad. I was horrified and shocked. All his ultrasounds and genetic testing was normal. His pathology report was normal. I was never given a cause for his death. I went home and cried in my bed for 3 months, I was suicidal and wanted to join him. Part of me died with him in the delivery room when I had him. I found myself pregnant again 6 weeks after he was born. I was traumatized and in shock. All I could do was cry. This time I was pregnant with a baby girl. I got hyperemesis again, this time it was even worse. I was throwing up 20 times a day. I ended up having to take medical leave from work, I was on IV fluids daily, 6+ oral meds and a continuous medication pump. And I still vomited 6-10 times a day. I was barely surviving this pregnancy between the illness and the anxiety. I constantly worried this baby would die too. I didn’t know if I could survive another loss of a child. Last week I was so sick, I threw up over and over again. I emailed my OB begging to be induced early so my pregnancy could end. I was told no. But then my water broke. 6 hours later baby girl was born, healthy and strong and incredible. My eldest daughter got to cut the cord in the delivery room. And I finally got to hold my baby alive in my arms. The relief was immense. My baby is beautiful, she looks just like her siblings. She’s got a head full of hair and a cute little face. She loves to lay on my chest all day long. Although I’m struggling post partum with depression and anxiety already I am so thrilled my daughter is here. Watching my 15 year old hold her and love her is priceless. Watching her dad hold her and love her makes my whole heart feel full. My little family went through so much for her to get here and we are just so happy she made it to us. I know my son watched over his little sister and brought her to me. I felt his presence with me in delivery room and throughout my entire pregnancy. He will always be with me. He’s part of my family too. I couldn’t have gotten through my pregnancy without this sub either. I posted on the daily thread often and received support from other woman who get it. I’m so grateful for that. Thank you for reading. I’m so glad my baby girl Ixchel Belén made it here alive and well 💕💕💕

I can’t believe I am finally writing this post after years of TTC, but our beautiful baby boy was born March 20. Being in this community and seeing others bring their babies into the world helped keep me motivated during our journey and I hope this post can do the same for anyone who reads this.

For some background, I am a four-time loss mom. My first pregnancy was a stillbirth, followed by a miscarriage, followed by two chemical pregnancies. I went through IVF for 14 months trying to conceive this little man I now hold in my arms. During the journey I was diagnosed with stage four endometriosis as well as other uterine issues. I went through surgery, recovery, and kept trying loss after loss. I was told by a few doctors I would need to seek surrogacy and I am so thankful for women out there who are surrogates. But what felt like my final chance I got pregnant again.

My most recent pregnancy was incredibly complicated and challenging from the get-go. At many times it was hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel because we just had to keep taking our appointments week by week. It felt like every milestone I hit, I was diagnosed with a new complication. It became almost a joking matter with my doctor. When I would run a test I would just say “ we know I’m gonna have that “ and sure enough I did. I felt like the biggest failure in the world. It was so hard as a loss mom who had already experienced so much. I’ve never really known with a joy of a perfect pregnancy could be like, but at the end of the day all I wanted was a healthy baby. After a few weeks of bedrest, my little man decided to enter the world at 36 weeks and 5 days stressing out this already stressed out mom knowing he was coming earlier than anticipated, but he was ready to be in my arms and start my healing process. He came into this world quickly and healthy, and he is more beautiful than I could’ve ever imagined.

I am so thankful for communities like this, loss after loss and diagnosis after diagnosis, I have spent hours on Reddit and I feel fortunate I’m finally able to post something positive. Thinking of all other mamas out there in similar situations and sending nothing but love.