Ask an Alumni - September 30, 2024

[u/AutoModerator]

This weekly Monday thread is for members to ask questions of ttcal Alumni (members who are currently pregnant after loss or who have had a pregnancy after loss that resulted in a living child).

[u/agirlhasnoname4444]

Does the anxiety ever go away once you pass the date everything went “wrong”? I’m 15+4 and my last pregnancy ended in tfmr at 23 weeks. I’m a nerve wreck with anatomy scan coming up in the next couple of weeks.

[u/SalaryTop9655 → u/agirlhasnoname4444]

I found it lessens, but maybe doesn't go away entirely. I'm a much more anxious person now than I was before

[u/SoHowsThatNovel → u/agirlhasnoname4444]

My anxiety is a lot better after the 8 week scan, even though my last was an MMC found at the 12 week scan. I'm just feeling comforted by looking at the odds, even if the odds didn't save me last time.

I hope your anatomy scan gives you comfort. <3

TW: LC

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I do already have a living child, which may be helps - I know I've managed to do this once before.

[u/Baynita → u/agirlhasnoname4444]

I had a 20 week loss. I feel you on anxiety surrounding the anatomy scan; it was where we learned last time. My blood pressure this time was high when I went in (135/95, and it's usually closer to 100/65), heart rate was between 135-145 the whole time, including the drive in. I physically felt the anxiety this day.

I'm over 22 weeks now. It's definitely... Less. But I also think I spent soooo much time being anxious and keeping anxiety in check, I've become very detached, almost numb? There was definitely the feeling of an adrenaline drop in the few days after the anatomy scan this time.

It helps I'm feeling movement. I do still check for a heartbeat every day, although there were a few days I nearly forgot, and I never would have forgotten before the anatomy scan.

So for me, it IS less. Not significantly so, and it's still frequently on my mind. But it's less and it's a different shade of anxiety, now. It definitely peaked, I think, the days before the scan so hopefully we're just on a downward trend.

[u/Krystalmarieeeeee → u/agirlhasnoname4444]

My last loss was at 13w and I’m currently 18w and I would say the anxiety is less but still very much there. The loss was so unexpected that I’m just waiting for the unexpected again. I also feel like I have more to lose now that I’m further along. The anatomy scan is definitely a whole other beast to overcome 😓

[u/NeatPercentage1913 → u/Krystalmarieeeeee]

For me, my anxiety ramped up approaching my loss milestone - I had a 21 week loss and am currently 21W+2D and I’m still quite anxious. Given the nature of my loss, I can’t seem to shake the feeling that there is something inherently wrong with me so statistics and odds don’t really make much of difference. My psychologist seems to think that my anxiety will lessen when I pass 24 weeks however I think it might decrease at 32 weeks.

[u/magobblie → u/agirlhasnoname4444]

Yes, it definitely does get so much better. You'll be okay. Just try to keep busy! You only have a few short weeks until your scan.

[u/emzeeem912 → u/agirlhasnoname4444]

The anatomy scan was super stressful for me too. But around the same time, I started feeling baby move and having that daily reminder that they were still alive and okay really helped! The scanxiety never fully goes away but feeling movements made things a lot better.

[u/IrisTheButterfly → u/agirlhasnoname4444]

No. For me it has not changed.

[u/Timely-Occasion904]

Beyond devastated right now. Lost my first baby at 6 weeks in June then got pregnant with my second in July. Lost him yesterday at 14 weeks. I am 23 and healthy with no known issues but undergoing testing. Has anyone gone through this before and did you have a successful third pregnancy?

[u/TaraRowen → u/Timely-Occasion904]

My first pregnancy ended with a stillborn at 26 weeks, followed by miscarriages at 13, 16, and 18 weeks. Had a healthy girl (who turns four in a couple weeks) followed by another miscarriage at 14 weeks, and another baby who is almost 4 months now. There is hope. The fear of losing the pregnancy never went away for me, I was scared every minute. But I also savored it as much as I could because I knew that each kick could be the last. I'm so sorry that your going through this. It's a grief that is so difficult to describe.

[u/Fun_Egg2665 → u/Timely-Occasion904]

Two in a row is truly awful. I’m sorry. I had two MMCs (both stopped developing 6-7 weeks). One was confirmed T16 and the other MMC was very likely also a genetic issue

Now 15 weeks and hear his heartbeat almost everyday. I still have a long ways to go, but I seem to have passed the point where I was having issues. Also having a clear NIPT is a great sign considering the past trisomy

[u/Krystalmarieeeeee → u/Timely-Occasion904]

I had a CP followed by 13w loss and now currently pregnant 18w4d with a healthy baby and pregnancy so far who is currently kicking me 🥰. Sometimes I think it’s just luck of genetics! I know it’s hard to keep going and hold onto hope. Praying for you 🩷

[u/Sugarpuff25]

Hey please can you lovely ladies share how soon after your loss, you were able to get pregnant? I am now almost 4 weeks post mmm had my d&c on 5th and doing really well and feeling positive about trying again - we were able to conceive within 6 months of trying to the first time - I think I may have ovulated already which per checking my app is when my husband and I were intimate again for the first time since the miscarriage and d&c. 

Not holding my breath or anything like that for this cycle? I am just embracing my body and feeling grateful for healing and if my cycle comes then it just means my body wasn’t ready so soon ! I do hear about ladies who conceived quickly after and I do find those stories quite uplifting so please do share xx

[u/Yosem8e → u/Sugarpuff25]

My body was a mess after my mc in March. I bled almost all the time for about two months. I had my first real period again in de beginning of June, which started the first cycle in which I know for sure I ovulated. It was also the cycle in which we conceived again. Very grateful that it happened in the first real cycle, but the three months before that were an absolute nightmare in which I doubted my body so much. Now I feel comfort in the fact that it happened the first cycle, makes me think this baby really, really wants to be here

[u/Sugarpuff25 → u/Yosem8e]

This is so beautiful I’m so happy for you❤️

[u/Ewazd → u/Sugarpuff25]

I conceived following my first period after the stillbirth. Now 15w and baby is fine so far ❤️

[u/SalaryTop9655 → u/Sugarpuff25]

We conceived on our first "proper" cycle post MC. I had my loss, then tried to conceive again immediately, got my period after about five weeks, then conceived that cycle. Retrospectively I'm not certain I actually ovulated in the five weeks after my MC. Good luck to you, I hope it happens for you soon!

[u/Sugarpuff25 → u/SalaryTop9655]

Thanks so much and so positive to hear it happened quickly  for you xx 

[u/honey_bunchesofoats → u/Sugarpuff25]

After my first MC, it was three months. That one was a MMC and it was almost a full year after that that I fell pregnant with this one (currently 24w).

TW: infertility testing I think there was some retained something or other or my tubes were clogged, because I had started with infertility testing and I had a diagnostic hysteroscopy done that found no issues, but I think the saline washed out whatever was preventing me getting pregnant.

[u/Krystalmarieeeeee → u/Sugarpuff25]

We got pregnant our first cycle trying but ended in a CP. Then got pregnant again after first period but that ended in 13w loss. We tried right away but didn’t conceive again until after my third period.

[u/Party_Photograph_253 → u/Sugarpuff25]

Hi. Same exact boat. Lost my seven week pregnancy (with no found chromosomal issues) at the beginning of September. D&C was Sept 11th. I think I ovulated? I’m not holding my breath. But I conceived naturally after a long standing period of infertility. I'm really hoping to capitalize on the increased fertility of the next few months.

[u/jamniki_p → u/Sugarpuff25]

After a 20w loss in 2022, I did not get pregnant again til January of this year. I had a 7w miscarriage at the end of February, had my period at the start of april and fell pregnant again. Currently 25w

[u/pineconeminecone → u/Sugarpuff25]

I had a 50 day cycle after my miscarriage (8 weeks, spontaneous but HcG was very low at routine 6 week blood tests), then I conceived this pregnancy in the cycle after that, based on conception I ovulated around CD20 which is close to when I usually ovulate — I have long cycles because of PCOS.

21 weeks now and baby boy is doing very well, no issues noted.

[u/IrisTheButterfly → u/Sugarpuff25]

About 6 months after my period returned, which was one month following my physical miscarriage (natural, no medication or surgery).

[u/NeatPercentage1913 → u/Sugarpuff25]

We conceived 2 cycles after my 21 week loss in March 24 - my cycles were shorter than normal (23 days) so it ended up being 7 weeks after our loss.

[u/magobblie → u/Sugarpuff25]

Loss was mid February, conceived mid September. Baby born mid June :)

[u/Roonil_Wazlib_28 → u/Sugarpuff25]

I had a MMC and miscarried naturally June 30, and we conceived again after two cycles (Sept 5 ovulation). I’m 5w4d now so still very early but we’re cautiously optimistic! I’m very grateful and also very anxious lol

[u/Most-Excitement1213 → u/Sugarpuff25]

I had a MMC in March and was pregnant again by May. I’m 22 weeks today

[u/manicpixiememequeen_ → u/Sugarpuff25]

I had a d&c in November and conceived again in April (on my 5th cycle of actively ttc). We didn’t start trying again until after I had my first period post-D&C on the advice of my doctor as we were resuming fertility treatment. Currently 24 weeks!

[u/enjoysbirds]

Hopeful dad here (33M). My wife (32F) and I had 2 consecutive MMCs over the past year, both around 8W. The first one was absolutely crushing. The second utterly defeating. The fetal tissue after the second showed no genetic abnormalities, a baby girl. My wife’s bloodwork and uterine scan all were normal so we still are without answers. Has anybody had similar experience with the fetal tissue testing normal and either got their miracle baby or an answer? I’ve read about 6+ miscarriages before having their 🌈. I’m afraid that we’re not strong enough to take that kind of trauma. We’re trying for number 3 now and I’m terrified.

[u/ineedausername84]

Has anyone had smooth pregnancies and then have trouble getting pregnant and have recurrent miscarriages and figure out what might cause that?

We are currently trying for baby 3, it’s been 19months now of tracking and trying and we’ve had 2 miscarriages (6-8week range MMCs) in that time, before this we had easy pregnancies with no issues, my second took almost a year to conceive but other than that nothing that sticks out to me. I’m sad and frustrated, I’ve always wanted a large family.

[u/Party_Photograph_253]

My first pregnancy/miscarriage was after 8 years of being off BC. Maybe three or so years of hard trying and several of not preventing. I’m 38 and the pregnancy came as a complete (happy) shock. My lost baby boy had no chromosomal issues found. I’m struggling.

I desperately want to try again but keep thinking what are my odds of it took that long before. I know doc said we have better chances right now but really do we? I’m not sure IVF is for us.

Anyone have a long stretch of infertility before their positive? After your loss were you successful again? Any thoughts are appreciated.