r/NewParents • u/SourPumpkin69 • 16h ago
Tips to Share First-time dad here, super excited to start this journey! Any tips from experienced parents on the Do's and Don'ts for a new parent? Would love to hear what worked for you
Hi everyone,
I’m a new dad, and my little girl is only 4 days old! It’s an amazing feeling to be a father, and I’m loving every moment of it, but I’m also learning a lot as I go.
I’m looking for some advice from other parents about the Dos and Don’ts during these early days with my newborn. What are the key things I should be focusing on to be the best dad I can be? What are some common mistakes to avoid? Any tips on handling the sleepless nights, bonding with my daughter and supporting my partner as well?
Speaking of which, I’m doing my best to keep my wife as comfortable as possible during this time, but I’d love any suggestions on how I can better support her emotionally and physically in these early days. She’s been amazing, and I want to make sure she’s feeling cared for too.
Thanks in advance, and I’m excited to be part of this parenting journey!
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u/Outside-Ad-1677 16h ago
When you give birth something fundamentally changes in your physiology so that hearing a baby cry kicks in the fight or flight reflex. It’s like being set on fire and being chased by a bear all at the same time. So just be aware that if mum seems stressed when baby is crying that’s why.
Also you need to be on the look out for PPD/PPA. The hormonal changes post partum are INSANE.
Be the visitor manager. Having four million unhelpful guests ain’t what you or she needs and
Take photos of your wife with your child. Even if she says she looks horrid. Just do it subtly because I know so many mothers that have like one photo and it’s heartbreaking.
Make sure your wife gets some time to be a human again, a hot shower a day, a decent meal etc.
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u/tanky_bo_banky 13h ago
Yes to the photos. I have so many newborn photos of my husband but most with me are selfies
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u/PiggyBank32 16h ago
One thing I tell everyone is to start asking for help as early as you can. If you can have family, friends, etc come over so you and your partner can take turns sleeping it makes all the difference
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u/Affectionate_Comb359 14h ago
Unless mom doesn’t want visitors. I had people offering to help and it felt intrusive and overwhelming so I declined visits for a bit.
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u/fearlesslyfrugal 14h ago
Love on your wife and tell her she’s doing a good job. Help her research baby things. Support her decisions. Keep her fed and rested. Spoil her on her first Mother’s Day.
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u/biggiesnotdead 13h ago
Literally this. Post partum is a huge battle even if you’ve had an incredible experience and don’t have PPA/PPD - she’s trying to figure out a new baby and a new her. Now more than ever it’s so important to go all in on your wife. Love her BIG.
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u/witchladysnakewoman 14h ago
1) sleep in shifts 2) don’t think, just do 3) listen and learn the cues 4) she’s not giving you a hard time, she’s having a hard time 5) learn the five “s” of calming
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u/cringyginger 11h ago
I second all of this. Especially the 5 S's. They're absolutely necessary for survival.
https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies
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u/Babyshark_22 15h ago
One simple thing my partner did to help was baby wear any time we went on walks. I see a lot of moms become the default baby wear-er but in the early days it puts a lot of pressure on the pelvic floor and she’s still recovering.
Also keep her hydrated, check in with her mentally and ask how she’s doing.
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u/tanky_bo_banky 13h ago
My back has been messed up after having the baby so my husband wears out LO when we go out
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u/Powerful_Raisin_8225 16h ago
The first weeks are pure survival mode. You’ll feel like you’re making mistakes or doing it wrong but you aren’t. Just love your baby and love your wife and try to sleep as much as you can. It does, in fact, get easier. The change is gradual, but if you look for it, it’s there. Also, if someone (especially someone a generation older than you such as your mother in-law) gives you advice that goes against what your gut instinct tells you is right, please feel free to disregard that advice.
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u/pumpkinmuffincat95 15h ago
Strengthen your back and arm muscles!! These lil nuggets turn into hefty wriggle monsters so fast and I wish me and my husband did some more strengthening exercises.
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u/One-Spell4534 14h ago
Currently on week 5 here ! First time dad as well . When you have the energy to get stuff done around the house just do it . I found that so far weeks 4 and 5 are far more challenging than 1-3 just because the sleep deprivation etc is adding up more now . Let your wife nap during the day if she’s not feeding ! Insist on it haha
Take care of your wife , make sure her needs are met first then do everything else . Being house manager and keeping a clean space , stocked with food will go a long way for you and wife . Let
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u/hoppipolla13 15h ago
Learn the signs of postpartum depression (including the less obvious ones like anger and irritability) and get help if you see them in your partner. And make sure she’s drinking a lot of water!
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u/BlaXoriZe 15h ago
Congratulations! I’m in same boat (she’s just entered her 6th week). Look after your back!
Take super good care of your wife. Anything that you can do, just do it. She’s going through a really intense transformation, so try to be that rock. Take care of the house. Take care of the baby as much as you can. If she’s breastfeeding, get a pump so you can do some feeds and let her get a big chunk of uninterrupted sleep. Check in on her head. Try to map the patterns of the baby so you can start predicting when you might be able to both have an hour just to chill and chat. Make it a ritual. It’s easy to fall into a pattern where only one of you is awake at a time, but then things can get cabin fevery.
Also try to not get too lost in the three hour loop. See if you can broaden your time horizon so you can think “this afternoon I’ll do this, and tomorrow afternoon I’ll do that”. I found writing all over my kitchen wall tiles with whiteboard marker helped with that, lol. Recording her feeds so I could estimate when the next one would be, and see how much day was left. Helped keep me sane.
And don’t forget to check in on yourself. If you’re getting cranky or doomish or breathless, tap out for a bit. Get some sleep or do something you like or just run some errands outside.
I’m still in the middle of it, but trying to rebuild and maintain some structure of life around my wife and baby, so they can just chill as much as possible, even though the life is crazy, has been really good for me. You’ll work out what works for you! You got this!
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u/LogicalProof1246 6h ago
I agree the only thing is if she’s breastfeeding and are going to do feeding, make sure mom wakes up to pump! The first 2 months she needs to be extremely strict on removing milk from her breasts every feed, (even at night, even if substituted with formula or pumped milk) to establish a good supply. Missing night time feeds will tank your supply in early months. Educate yourself offer advice without being pushy. Tell her she’s doing a good job. Bring her water and snacks when feeding the baby.
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u/glitterr_rage 14h ago
First off congrats! Enjoy it, they get big so fast! Def let your wife rest and do most if not all of the housework. Your wife is going through a crazy transformation and her hormones are all out of wack. Learn the signs of ppd/ppa so if it does get too much for her you can get her the help she needs. Learn to sleep in shifts, even 4 hours uninterrupted goes a long ways. Both of you should not be up during the night if you can help it. If you have friends or family around def lean on them! It’s also a big change for you as well.
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u/jonely 13h ago
Congrats! The newborn phase is overwhelming for both mom and dad, so make sure you give both parties grace. That being said, it's not an excuse for anyone to treat their partner poorly. One of the best things we did was agreeing that if one person was overwhelmed and frustrated (regardless of the reason), the other person has to be calm and soothing when they come to help. No point fighting fire with fire.
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u/Beginning_Pack_7619 13h ago
The fact that you wrote this post means you’re a great partner and dad already. I have a 3.5 month old and I think the main thing id say is have patience with each other. The hormone drops are realllll for the woman and sometimes we cry and don’t always know why - hearing comforting words helps. It doesn’t mean the dad doesn’t have those moments too but it helps to hear a reassuring voice.
Also on the topic of patience have patience learning everything and figuring out new routines/lifestyle changes. I’m still learning everyday but there’s no way I could do this without my husband’s support.
Last tip, ask for help from friends and family. We didn’t have my mom who lives 30 mins away stay over til 2 months and I should have asked. She didn’t want to overstep and we didn’t want to bug her. But she got up with the baby and let us get some extra sleep and it helped SO much. You get a break and your loved one gets to spend time with baby 😀 a win-win
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u/Aggravating_Mix_7739 12h ago
It will go quicker than you think. I was absolutely exhausted after giving birth and couldn't sleep the first few days because I was so WORRIED about everything. My husband literally forced me to take time for myself, my brain was wired on making sure baby was okay at every little noise. That's not something you can control, it's the hormones and stress of pushing an entire baby out. The toll it takes on a body is something that can't be described. I was starting to get back to my regular self 6 weeks after my baby was born. I'm still dealing with some postpartum issues, but most of it is gone. Make sure she doesn't exhibit signs of post partum depression. That is serious and needs to be addressed with a doctor immediately. Don't worry about the messy house, you'll get to it eventually. Sleep will become regular again. Money will come back. It gets better as the weeks go by and once you get the hang of one stage, the next will pop up. Take care of your wife and let her sleep as much as she needs, tell her to take time for herself, rotate who feeds if not breastfeeding. The fact that you are even asking this question I know 110% you are going to be a good father. Baby won't be this tiny forever, so enjoy every moment as much as you can.
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u/schaasyd 10h ago
Huckleberry app has worked really well for us keeping track of feedings/diapers/sleep/etc…
Bring her water any time you see her glass is empty. And snacks.
Keep the bathroom clean (toilet and sink esp).
Don’t overthink things. Babies aren’t as fragile as you think.
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u/LongjumpingStill5438 9h ago
Her only job should be to rest, nourish herself, and nurture/feed the baby. You, or other supporters, should be taking care of everything else. Tell her she is beautiful and compliment how well she is handling the baby. Try to keep that up for at least 6 months
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u/El_Hern 9h ago
We are just at the one week mark this week with our LO. It’s been a rough week but you all already know that. Last night we were both up from around midnight til about 4:30am as we could not get our LO to stop crying. She managed to get about 20-30min of sleep before waking herself up from gas or hiccups.
We saw the pediatrician today and have administered gas relief drops which have kept her continuously asleep for over an hour and half. The next feed will be crucial as I will tell my wife to also try and sleep as I stay awake for the following feed and diaper change around 2am.
The inconsolable nightly crying has been heartbreaking as we feel helpless but have managed to find ways to soothe and comfort our LO back to sleep. Hopefully we figured out the gastro issues for this week and she can sleep longer stretches as it will be a moral victory for us.
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u/LogicalProof1246 6h ago
Is she breast fed or formula? If formula, try switching to a sensitive one, if breastfeeding mom needs to watch what she’s eating ( my baby gets really irritable when I drink an energy drink).
A yoga ball to sit and bounce on might sooth baby, how much is she sleeping during the day? Helplessness/sadness at night is normal, it will Get easier!
If bottle fed google pace feeding, it might help with the hiccups, sit her up on your knee and support her chin and chest with one hand and burp with the other, nice gentle bounces with your knee could get a burp out which will help with gas!
Just some tips if you haven’t already done them FTM of an almost 4 month old girl!
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u/junepearlrose 14h ago
Sleep in shifts and make sure your wife gets a few hours every day to sleep in a room without the baby. Newborns are loud and it’s basically impossible to sleep when they are sleeping right next to you and you’re wondering every second when they’ll wake up. Even if you have to bring the baby in for feeds, wake her up, and then take the baby out again, time when she’s “off the clock” will go a LONG way.
My husband doing this for the first chunk of every night is the only way I stayed sane in those early weeks!
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16h ago
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u/Outside-Ad-1677 16h ago
Please ignore this person. Newborns can’t emotionally regulate and if they’re crying, there’s a reason even if it’s not physical. You can’t spoil a newborn. Cuddle them as much as possible because it goes by so fast. I picked my son up every time and he sleeps and naps like a champ. So their reasoning is invalid.
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u/Available-Nail-4308 15h ago
Maybe I misspoke. At some point we were advised to let my son settle himself. Maybe newborn stage is too early. My bad. This is our first and even at a year old I am still learning
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u/tanky_bo_banky 16h ago
If you think something needs to be done, washing dishes, washing bottles, taking out the trash, etc don’t ask her if she wants you to do it. Just do it. If you can do anything to help with the baby or housework, don’t ask, just do it. Also, don’t make her ask for help.