r/NewParents Aug 06 '24

Weekly Discussion Weekly Discussion - Relationships

Welcome to the Weekly Discussion! Use this space to vent/rant about partners/family members & to air your grievances! Please report comments that violate the rules.

Please remember Rule 1 still applies: No Personal attacks, racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, derogatory or dehumanizing language, including insults and general incivility

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u/[deleted] Aug 06 '24

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u/scosgurl Aug 07 '24

Division of work with one parent working full time?

Our daughter is 5 weeks old. I work freelancing and am taking an indeterminate amount of time off work; my husband had a whopping two weeks of paternity leave, half a week of which was hospital recovery time. It’s important to note that he works from home and can split his hours freely except when he has meetings - some consistent, some spur-of-the-moment. Regardless, it’s a full-time job.

On weekdays and most weekends, the only consistent time I get to myself is from midnight to around 4 or 5 am. This is when my husband takes our daughter and I try to get as much sleep as I can get. On occasion, I might get a random hour or two to myself if my husband is free and feeling generous, or if he takes her to his mother’s house in the evenings. These occasions are not consistent and I can’t really predict when I’ll get this precious time to myself (I’ve always been a hardcore introvert and value my alone time). Apart from all of this, from that 4 or 5 am hour until around 11 pm or so, it’s all me unless I get lucky.

He claims that it’s impossible, or nearly so, to split the time any more equally than it’s already split. I know for a fact that he games on occasion, has people over, and naps throughout the day. Any time I bring up that I’m tired or would like more help, I’m met with arguing and guilt-tripping, sometimes venturing into gaslighting. We already see a couples’ counselor, but we’re only just getting back into our routine after having our daughter.

Is he right about it being so impossible to split our time more evenly? Am I stuck being the main caretaker over 80% of the time? I’m hoping to get back into my work on a remote basis sometime in the next couple weeks or so. Are we stuck having to hire childcare (which we cannot afford) despite us both being home all day? This is affecting our relationship catastrophically. Please share your tips and experiences.

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u/Colzita Aug 10 '24

I cannot really tell you if you can or cannot divide your time differently because no matter what anyone says, if there’s not a will excuses/exceptions/out-of-the-blue situation will pop up eventually. I will say this: babies - as lovely as they are- are tyrants. They will take all of your time and then some. That’s why - at least in my marriage- we started keeping score of who have done what and how many hours. It’s just terrible hard to adjust at being two adult managing your own lifestyle and just finding those times to date/be a couple versus keeping this little thing alive 24/7 and in whatever time left (if there’s any) try to do something for yourself. Having said all that, I would dare to say two more things: your partner might not realize the nothing of time you have left to just gather your thoughts, and he might not want to admit he doesn’t want to directly take care of the babe. This last one I say it considering may possible reason, like he doesn’t know how and doesn’t want to admit he doesn’t know it, or he believes he can hurt the baby, or when the baby cries he cannot freaking calm himself and since he’a trigger he prefers to stay away… and so on. I hope you find the way to communicate how you are feeling, and how the last couple of times the conversation with him has made feel in a way that you don’t get entrapped on the words but you guys are able to work it through!!

I know I hated my husband for a good time after baby - he was the one I could fight with 🤷🏻‍♀️ LO is almost 9 months now and I love her and her daddy so much

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u/scosgurl Aug 10 '24

As a numbers person, I’m very prone to keeping track of hours or tasks done and think it’s a good way to keep evidence of effort - he views it as micromanaging and obsessive and thinks it’s toxic. I don’t know what to do.

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u/ocelot1066 Aug 11 '24

I think he's right about the tracking. This is not an argument you can win by proving that he's not doing enough. There is no "correct" division of hours and labor. The problem is that you need more time to yourself and you aren't getting it. You need to work together to figure out how that problem can be solved.

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u/AthenDeValius- Aug 13 '24

Ummm, work when ya gotta work, setup "shifts" if need be to ensure you each get equal time sleeping, share efforts when not working/sleeping, don't keep score. I've been back to work for 11 weeks now, and WFH so check in during breaks/lunches so wife gets food, coffee, bathroom breaks, shower, etc. 10pm-3am is my shift to rock our acid reflux prone baby as needed. When we're both free, we trade off depending who tends the kiddo and who can accomplish house tasks. Neither of us is doing more/less than the other. We're both either working, baby tending, chores, or spending time together. If we're playing Switch, baby is probably in our lap. If we're watching a show, probably on our cell phone, with headphones, as baby naps. Otherwise, if they're no chores...there's always something tho...we're taking a chance to nap and trying to make sure the other is well rested. Wife returns to work next week, at hospital, so I am full time daddy mode for remainder of bonding leave I have saved up. After, we're both working and stuck with balancing daycare. There's no score, can't be for someone loses, so we just talk out goals and try to support each other. We're on week 15 w/ kiddo but so far so good.

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u/lovefns1234 Aug 07 '24

Sad about the husband / wife dynamics- We have a 5 month old and she’s our first. I’m a FTM and I know I have been obsessed with the baby and I have diverted attention from “us” to the baby. But husband saying that he’s accepting this new dynamic where feelings are dead and we just need to have a functional relationship as a family hurts me. I don’t think feelings are dead. I am trying too but I admit baby has taken the priority…

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u/ocelot1066 Aug 07 '24

Did this just come out of the blue, or has he talked about feeling upset before? It sounds like he's upset and is lashing out. That's childish and not very helpful, but the context matters.

There's a lot of rebalancing that has to happen when you have a kid. Obviously the babies immediate needs come first. What that usually means is that you need to be much more conscious and intentional about spending time with each other. Sometimes that can be as simple as making sure to watch TV together after the baby goes down.

Does your husband have particular complaints? Hopefully it's not just that he's jealous of the baby in general. Has he suggested solutions?

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u/lovefns1234 Aug 07 '24

I want to provide context as unbiased as possible but you are hearing just from my side so maybe there are things that I just overlooked. In our relationship he’d complained that i am only nice to him when he’s mad. This is something preexisting prior to the baby. Maybe he’s right.. my view is just that when he is in a good mood he doesn’t necessarily pay attention to the nice things I have done. And I put up with his minor snide comments sometimes and tones sometimes just cause I didn’t think it was a big deal until maybe I bottled up enough one day and snapped at him. Post baby, let’s just say I have even less patience and I put baby first so there may have been occasions I dismissed him because I think it was for the best for the baby. Yday I was in the shower while baby was taking the last (and the hardest) nap in the afternoon. Our bathroom is right across the baby’s room. She had the sound machine on. Let’s just say I’m paranoid about her sleep and if she wakes up early from the last nap her last WW is going to be tough so I try to make sure the household is the least disturbed at those hours. Husband came home from golf and wanted to say hi. Went into my bathroom and said hello. I signaled shuuush because baby was sleeping. He said something but I couldn’t hear cause I was in the shower and then he raised his voice further so I had to shush further so that was the trigger. I think he felt dismissed which right after I shushed him I recognized how I may have hurt his feelings. He gave me the silent treatment. I had to tend to the baby after shower to feed her and all that so only after that did I have time to apologize to him. But he remained cold and distant just said we don’t have to talk. He said he’s just in my way so he’s happy to just go play more golf and we don’t have to talk. I was upset his solution was to take more time away from baby so we ended up having a long convo. He just goes back to how I’m only nice to him when he’s upset and I insisted that there were things I did when he’s NOT mad that he just didn’t notice. His solution is he and I don’t need to have a direct relationship. Our relationship can just exist as parents of our daughter which seems the most efficient. I am hurt hearing that but I’m also very tired of what more I can do to save this

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u/Fast_Floor7622 Aug 07 '24

Am I overreacting?

I'm having issues with my MIL. All in all she's lovely and mostly means well, however she's just a bit much when it comes to the baby. She comes over unannounced, alway around 8/9pm, moans that he's never awake and I won't allow her to cuddle him (i have no issue with cuddles but if he's asleep I'm not disturbing him) and give a lot of unsolicited advice. She wouldn't come round that late if she was a toddler so why is it okay when she's a baby? I let most things slide, however there has been two things lately that I just don't think are okay.

The first being, me and my partner went to the cinema and she had the baby for a few hours, this was the first time neither me nor my partner had her and obviously I was nervous. I kept trying to tell her everything my baby likes, things to do with her etc for example if she's inconsolable playing a running steam or waterfall sound calms her down. My mil just kept saying "she'll be fine" and refusing to actually take in anything I was saying. Due to the weather we've been having I requested she keep the fan on the whole time we were out and that she keep the baby in a vest, I left out spare vests and a sleepsuit just in case the temperature did drop and due to her being a very sicky baby I wanted her to have clothes ready so that my mil didn't have to go into our bedroom, when we came back the fan was off and my LG was in a sleepsuit that was far too small for her, she was also very warm! My mil has taken it up on herself to rummage through our room and put her in a 0-3 sleep suit which she had to search for as my baby is now in 3-6 and I recently put all her 0-3 stuff in a storage container. I didn't say anything and just let it be because I convinced myself I was just being silly.

However, we've decided to start taking our daughter to bed at 8 rather than letting her sleep in the living room until we are ready for bed, a couple nights ago my mil came over completely unannounced, didn't knock on the door, just walked in and honestly scared me, I knew my partner was at work and she didn't say anything when entering, she finally shouting hello and I informed her that we were going to bed and it was not an appropriate time, nor was she invited, she proceeded to enter my bedroom( I'm breastfeeding at night so was just in a bra and shorts) and blabba on about how shes got a letter for my partner so she thought she'd drop it round and see my daughter, this was at 9pm. I once again told her we were going to bed and she proceeded to come over and start talking and touching my daughter, she then knew somebody else was there and after my mil finally left it took me 45 minutes to get her back down. I'm so annoyed at this but I do feel I may be being silly.

Im now locking my door until just before my partner is due home.

I should add, she never comes over when her son is actually here, she only visits when he's at work despite my best efforts to arrange for her to come over when he'll be there.

You may also think this is her first grandchild and she's just in awe, she has 7 others.

Sorry for the long post, I have very few mum friends and I just needed to rant.

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '24

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u/harrietlane Aug 11 '24

Even if your baby looked 100% like your sister in law, it’s still YOUR baby and you will always be its mom and that relationship is irreplaceable. Also people can’t control who they look like. If your baby looks like its aunt, it’s not fair to impose her personality traits onto your baby too. You get to raise your baby in the way you see fit. And hopefully your baby won’t have the same personality issues as your SIL. Love your baby no matter what and enjoy your baby, don’t waste time feeling jealous. People are such jerks with newborns and they NEVER say the baby looks like mom. It’s not just you. Just ignore them and remind yourself that YOU are the center of your baby’s life, not your SIL. No matter how much she pretends she is— some people are just so obnoxious around other people’s babies. Take care of yourself 🫶🏻

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u/wisdomaboveall0525 Aug 08 '24

My husband and I have been in a solid, loving relationship for over a decade and while we’ve had some arguments from time to time it’s never been this bad. Recently things have escalated towards discussion of separation.

We are 4 months postpartum and the first month or two was the happiest we’ve ever been together. We felt so connected and attracted to each other. We lived for our baby and each other. It was such a high. The best time of my life.

Then we started arguing. Big, nasty, you’ve been going so long you don’t even know what started this arguing. We’ve said things to each other that we can take back. We’ve done severe damage to our marriage. I don’t recognize us.

We wanted a baby so bad, we wanted to be parents together so bad. Now it feels like all our baby hears is us fighting. I feel such immense pain and guilt. We can’t get this time back and all I want to do is enjoy our baby together.

Has anyone experienced this? This severe flip from the highest high in your relationship to the lowest low? How did you manage? Does it get better?

P.s. Yes, we are in couples therapy, but we are switching to a different person because it hasn’t been a good fit.

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u/RolyPoly8891 Aug 12 '24

Trust me, I came here with a similar concern. Before our baby arrived, my husband and I had a relationship similar to what you described in your post. But everything changed after the baby was born. My husband started blaming me for anything that went wrong or wasn’t perfect. The love I once saw in him seems to have vanished, replaced by a feeling of hostility. I feel like I’ve become less important, or even unnecessary, now that he has the baby. This has been very hard to deal with. His consistent rage and interrogation have sparked anger issues in me. I have always struggled with anger and behavioral issues, but I have been working on this for a long time. Everything was under control before the baby, but now my anger is flooding out of control, leading to significant mental strain. I find myself forgetting things, overlooking details, feeling unfocused, and experiencing frequent brain fog. I know I need serious help. I consulted a psychologist, but the sessions didn’t help much. Recently, he bluntly said that his life is better without me and that he doesn’t need me around. I’m uncertain if we should separate or wait for a better time. Is this a common experience for everyone after having a baby? Every day, I endure disrespect, contempt, and unfounded anger directed at me.

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u/Dapper_Mortgage7009 Aug 09 '24

Talking to Grandma

I’m getting ready to go back to work, and my mom and my husband’s parents are going to take turns caring for my child during the day. I’m incredibly grateful for their offer to do this. My first child died tragically shortly after birth, and I feel much better leaving her with family than with anyone else. However, I’m a little bothered by some of the comments my mom has made. She tends to make fun of my anxieties and the requests I make about my child’s care born from these anxieties. This is an extension of how she talks to me more generally, and it’s typically something that doesn’t bother me. However, this is not a realm where I’m able to have much of a sense of humor. For example, I asked her not to have screens on around my child, and she responded that she thought my child would grow up to be glued to screens. I don’t think she’s actually intending to go against my wishes, but these types of jokes bother me because she’s acting like she will. I’m general, I’ve noticed that my husband’s parents are very careful to do things as my husband and I would like them done. They treat our child like she’s our child. My mom seems to treat her like she’s her child. I’m not sure how to bring this up with her. Part of me wants to have my husband say something because I think she’d respect it more from him, but I don’t think this is really fair to him.

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u/Visual-Band9449 Aug 10 '24

Dear today's parents,

Backstory: I grew up in a household where my father would come home late and drunk almost everyday. I could tell he was near because the dog's barks would get increasingly louder. He would keep shouting until he reached home. I remember shaking as a child, afraid that someone might hurt him for being so loud in the early morning and worried at the same time that he might harm my mother again (not me and my sibs).

Fast forward to today. I am 33 years old now, and I still feel scared and uncontrollably shaking whenever I hear someone yelling. My father was left in the province, and I’m with my mom and siblings in Manila. When I heard someone shouting in the neighborhood earlier, I realized that the trauma from my childhood is still here. My siblings and I are all professionals now, and my mom is happy with someone else. We all have a good relationship with my dad and constantly communicates, but that little child in me never got the chance to heal.

Though I know at times that people are only raising their tone to get someone else's attention, my heart still races every time. I’d like to remind today's parents to please do not argue weather to your partner, a friend, or anyone in front of your kids at all costs. I’m not sure if I will ever fully heal, but please know that it’s a long and difficult battle. If you can’t control your emotions, please do so privately. It’s an everyday struggle, and I’m not sure if I will ever fully heal. The pain is forever engraved in my heart. Please do not raise another child with this trauma!

Love, Young child in me.

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u/anarlenering Aug 10 '24

Family drama: my dad has yet to meet my 5mo son.

Background info- I (29F) met my biological father when I was 13 years old. My mom needed child support to make ends meet so she asked me if I was interested in meeting my dad. She never talked to me about him before- I decided to meet him. I only “knew” him for about a month, though. Something about him always felt off. I was never comfortable around him. I cut off contact because he threatened to file for full custody right after meeting me and it angered me.

I reached out to him in January of 2023 because I was considering trying for a baby soon and I wanted to “heal” the broken little girl that I had in me before I had my own child. Since then, our relationship was fine and we’d see each other every few months. Over this period, he still gave me weird vibes and I caught him in some lies. For instance, he used to tell me that he didn’t know I existed until I reached out to him as a teen…but as an adult, he told me that he used to park near places I used to live and watch me playing outside when I was small. At my baby shower, he sat on the floor below me (myself in a recliner, with his head resting near my knees) and looked up and started asking about if I was going to breastfeed my son, and stated that he breastfed until he was 7 years old. He then later stated to the whole party that “nobody knows my baby better than me” when cutting a string to guess my stomach size. He gives me the same “uncomfy” vibes that I felt when I was a kid.

Well, I had my son in March. It was an extremely traumatic birth. My husband and I chose not to have anyone there for the birth or subsequent week after so that we could acclimate as a family unit and I could heal before having visitors. We told our family this would be the case before we had him.

We made calls to my mom and dad the day we got home from the hospital to announce his arrival. My dad and his wife seemed very happy. That was five months ago. They haven’t reached out since. They still have not met my son or even sent a text to check on us. They live about an hour away.

Meanwhile, several other members of my family live 1-5 hours away and have come to our house to visit my son several times already and communicate with us regularly. So of course, I return the favor and try to visit them as well so that my son can maintain relationships with them.

My aunt (my dad’s sister) commented “what about your dad’s side of the family? Are you going to bring your son to visit us so that we can meet him?” on a sweet picture I posted of my smiley son with family in another state, and my dad’s wife “loved” the comment. It took everything in me not to respond “I’ll come visit when I’m invited!”

I’m not interested in playing games with my son. If someone wants to come see him, I feel like they should at least voice that beyond a snide Facebook comment through a family member. Now that I’m a parent, I have a hard time finding excuses for someone not lifting a finger to be in their daughter or grandchild’s life.

Am I in the wrong here? Should I reach out to them? I’m honestly indifferent about my son meeting him but feel guilty as well.

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u/espressoingmyself Aug 10 '24

I have really struggled as a FTM to a baby (11 weeks) with resentment toward my spouse.

I feel so sad and angry because I’m disappointed in the partner they are. I’ve tried so hard to communicate, ask for help, etc, but there is yet to be improvement and I find myself fantasizing about it just being baby and me.

I just want to hear if this will get better. I feel so low and lonely. Thank you.

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u/bugsbunny208 Aug 11 '24

How do you have visitors over at 3 weeks postpartum? I made a rule that only my sibling, mother, grandma, & boyfriend’s dad were allowed to visit in the hospital but no one at the home till 2 weeks at least unless I said asked for help. My boyfriend’s dad didn’t make it to the hospital due to prior plans to be at which I had made clear if you’re not at the hospital you will be waiting atleast the two weeks. It’s now 3w+3 & my boyfriend wants to know when he can come & I don’t get how people do it. She’s not on a schedule she does what she wants. Anytime I have tried to invite my mom or grandma I cancel on them because she’s asleep and I want to sleep or she’s fussy. Like do you have them over anyways and wake her up? I truly don’t get it. I understand everyone wants to see her but I take care of her 24/7 I don’t wanna lose sleep to have people over nor her lose sleep over it. They’re not the ones that have to get her back to sleep & calmed down when upset, i am. But I do feel bad he hasn’t met her yet & other close relatives have but also he had a choice to come to the hospital & didn’t. Idk what did you guys do ? I figured I could say a time & day & if she’s asleep then he doesn’t have to hold her but I feel like he’ll have a fit over that. I just don’t get how people do it I don’t know what little beans gonna decide to do that day that hour.

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u/AdFinancial1968 Aug 11 '24

Clingy In-laws

So first time parent here (father 29), I am naturally protective on my new born (1 week old) firstly I want to say I don't have a problem with family holding him to say hello have a cuddle ect. However I'm not a fan of people constantly picking him up every chance they get for no reason and passing him to others that myself or mum didn't approve to hold him...

This is a problem we are facing, I know it's early days and I'm hoping the excitement will wear off a little with time. It's my MILs first grandchild and she is super excited as expected, but im finding her a little over excited, holding him non stop through out visits, even after he is getting restless and I say "oh it's time for his feed" she then fusses over him "oh your hungry little guy" ect ect then continues to hold him and go about her conversation. And constantly using him for her photo opportunitys, face-timeing friends taking 100s of photos, videos, like while burping him she takes out her phone to video saying "get him to burp again so I can get a video" or after spitting his pacifier out multiple times her putting it back in so she can get a photo.

One that triggered me greatly was when she pushed him into another family members arms saying "hold him so I can take a photo" after this family member said multiple time "he's too small ill hold him when he's a little bigger" and "I'm not confident in holding him while he's so small"

What do I do or say to minimise this behaviour I don't want to shut her out or anything or upset her....

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '24

am i doing the right thing in my pregnancy?

so i am 16 female 22 weeks pregnant with my boyfriends (16) baby. i have always tried to be cautious and i had tried the pill but did not work for me so i came off it. i had to wait 5 weeks to get an appointment to go get the implant i went to my appointment and got told to take a pregnancy test and it came back positive they estimated i was 4 weeks pregnant so i got pregnant in the time i was waiting for my implant appointment.

i support and always will support people that have an abortion but personally its not what i would want for myself. i told my boyfriend as soon as i got out of the appointment due to him being on holiday i told him on the phone because i was not wanting to hide it from him for another week. around 2 weeks ish after i told him he had his head around things and had told his parents but they had an extremely bad reaction, the same night he told them his mother came to my house without arranging it first and started screaming abuse at me and my family because they support my decision trying to force me into an abortion, saying my baby will be disabled because of my age and i wont be a good mother because of my mental health.

she then came down a second time whilst my dad wasnt in and refused to leave my house after she had been asked multiple times (yet again showed up unannounced) and was telling my mum to shove the pill down my throat and get it dealt with and tried to force me into an abortion yet again. she caused alot of problems for me and my boyfriend and we separated for 3 weeks over it because she told him to leave me. when he told her he was staying with me they found out i had told one of my close friends whos mother works with my boyfriends auntie( i had no clue about this). and my friends mother told my boyfriends auntie without me knowing and his mum found out.

they then kicked my boyfriend out of his house for a week or two so i told him he could come stay with me until he gets something sorted out but his mother was NOT happy about this and she forced my boyfriend to tell his grandma over the phone and he was forced to go stay with her but she was being supportive of it. his grandma (his mums mum) told his mum off for coming down and calling me names so she came down the next again day (with 3 hours notice) and was acting all nice apologising but then went straight back to trying to scare me by saying she has seen a lawyer about joint custody, shes taking the baby half the week ect, about 3-4 weeks after she was last down i decided to go up to my boyfriends for the first time since finding out and his dad never said one word to me which i had a bad feeling about but ignored it because he had just gotten in from work and thought he might just be tired, the week after i went to his grandmas with his whole family and everything was fine until his dad looked at me, wouldnt say one word and then walked out the room which made me feel horrible.

on that day i went out my way to change outfits because my bump showed quite a bit and i didnt want his dad to get overwhelmed and my boyfriend fell out wifh me over changing clothes. i eventually asked my mum to pick me up because his dad made me feel very uncomfortable and bad because he was trying to avoid me, my boyfriend then proceeded to fall out with me over that.

as soon as i got home his mum messaged my mum saying i was being ungreatful and disrespectful and i wasnt putting in the effort with his family and just tried to blame it all on me in general and then when i revealed my pregnancy his mum got mad over that saying she was done with it all(including the baby.) i messaged his mum asking to arranged something for both families to sit down and talk about the situation because i want the best for my child and all i got was a thumbs up not actual word replies so i gave up and told my boyfriend to ask his mum not to message me again. after it i had spoken to my camhs worker and my family nurse and they both told me to try not talk to them until fhe baby is born because they make me unwell for days and its gotten to the point where i keep getting really bad nose bleeds when they stress me out aswell so i took what they said and said yet again i didnt want contact with his family, his mum messaged me two days after asking me to go to theres to talk because his dad would feel to uncomfortable coming to mines to talk and i explained politely that i need to take my family nurse and camhs workers advice and she kicked off at me saying im making things awkward and im going to give my child a bad life.

i told her i will be doing things my way and im not the one in the wrong and she tried to play the victim . i have tried to sort things since i was 5 weeks pregnant but they arent willing to try so i have told my boyfriend the baby will not be at his until they want to come down and speak to me because i will not be putting my child into an environment like that. i want my child to have a relationship with my side and my boyfriends side but i dont trust them and i wont until they come down to speak.

am i doing the right thing by saying i dont want my baby at theres until they have a conversation about it?

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u/Sending-Love Aug 12 '24

My MIL dislikes me breastfeeding my 5 month old baby:

Alright, my (34F) mother in law (65F) has made a few comments now about this...

I exclusively breastfeed my daughter. The first time my mother in law visited after I gave birth she could not get over how I don't use formula... She asked a few times how long I was planning on breastfeeding as well.

She makes it a point to ask my husband (36M) if I'm still breastfeeding whenever they talk. It's strange.

Today she blatantly told me I needed to stop breastfeeding while we were out for brunch. I had to feed my daughter and I made a comment about how I was glad I found a blanket so I could hang out with everyone while I fed her rather than go sit in the car, and that's when she said that... I responded by saying I'm planning on doing it for at least a year and dropped it.

We don't hang out often, this is the 3rd time I've seen her since having my daughter 5 months ago. Usually we see her 2-3 times a year, but it's been more often since giving birth.

What are we thinking here? What is her deal with my breastfeeding? What are some good comments to make back?

If I were to get upset she is the kind of person to turn it around and say she didn't mean anything by it... I have always had a good relationship with her, but we're not super close.

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u/MallDense7033 Aug 13 '24

Tell her upfront- This is how I have decided to feed my baby. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can sit elsewhere. Or ask her “Why does something natural such as breastfeeding make you feel uncomfortable?” Some older generations were encouraged to use formula, so their point of view is different. 

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '24

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u/Remarkable_Nebula405 Aug 16 '24

Hi! Is it just me or this newborn phase makes my relationship with my husband fall apart. Just for context, my husband is amazing. He is a good provider and good father but lately, I always find him annoying. The cute things he was doing before now annoys me. We don't talk about anything else aside from my newborn is the topic. We are not also intimate with each other. We used to be very clingy, touchy and sweet but now it seems like to be a stranger living together. Also, I am overstimulated, sleep deprived, exhausted thus I have ZERO libido. Same as he is. He is working double job since I am stay at home mom RN. I feel like I am falling out of love or this is just my hormones getting over me? I always try to extend some efforts to be rekindle the lost sparks like making small notes or giving him small gifts or making him breakfast but it seems to go unnoticed. I am tired of everything. Please advise. Thank you!