Loneliness

[u/ThrowawayGwen]

So I'd posted a few months ago about my girlfriend being out of the country for a while.

As a TL;DR, live in the North where it's very hostile towards trans people but I'm not able to access LGBTQ+ community spaces because of an abusive ex partner who is not only popular within what is a very small community, but is also friends with people who work for and run various groups.

Further, online only options like Discord don't ever seem to fill in the gap because people honestly just wanna shitpost and share memes. Haven't made an online friend in years and not for a lack of trying.

So am in limbo. Combination of being excluded from the NI LGBTQ side of things and being excluded from the Non-LGBTQ side of things I've tried for being a trans woman in a part of the world where 9/10 people you run into are nasty towards you.

Wasn't able to find a fix the last time. Girlfriend has since come back but I'm worried about codependency as I know it's not healthy, but it's also kinda inevitable when you only have one person.

Can’t move out of NI for a good while so what can I do?

[u/Playful-Molasses6]

Sorry your experiencing all of this, sounds tough. The only advice I have is are you able to travel? I know that there's a really interactive group down here in Dublin that does meet ups called the Outhouse?

[u/ThrowawayGwen → u/Playful-Molasses6]

I'm familiar with them, and they do run a few groups that look really cool!

The problem is that the groups that apply to me, such as Sapphic Social and T-Time, run in the later evenings so I'd have no way of getting home. I could potentially get back to Belfast as I think the Enterprise runs a bit later, but I live outside of the city and can't drive.

The idea of being stranded in Belfast is pretty frightening.

They do have groups that run earlier, such as Gold (but that's for older folks), Gay Guys Café (not a bloke), and Rainbow Families (family only).

A bugger the stuff I could go to runs later.

[u/Playful-Molasses6 → u/ThrowawayGwen]

Ah okay, I hate when that happens. I live in the Midlands and all the local buses stop before the class even starts so I'm like nope lol. I wonder if other charities do zoom meetings cause that would be helpful.

[u/ThrowawayGwen → u/Playful-Molasses6]

I've asked charities based on mainland UK, and they unfortunately don't. Even asked regarding DV support stuff as well (given the reasoning for why I'm excluded from the local community).

The only alternative would be the Gendered Intelligence "Waiting List Warrior" group, which completely rubs me the wrong way as I'm very vocal about DIY (given that's become the only choice in the UK) and it's very much a "You're so brave for sticking it out!" kinda thing when there's 20+ year waiting lists for your initial appointment.

[u/Naoise007 → u/ThrowawayGwen]

Might not be do-able but could you afford to stay in a cheap hotel in Belfast maybe once a month so you can at least attend occasionally?

[u/ThrowawayGwen → u/Naoise007]

Maybe.

The thing is, I wouldn't be safe walking through Belfast on my own late at night as is.

When you lose your strength in numbers as I did, it's like being a gazelle cut off from the rest of the herd. You're easy pickings for all predators, and given the amount of violence (and threats of violence) I face in Belfast, it's akin to the African savanna. :/

[u/ThrowawayGwen → u/[deleted]]

I already have an account, but it's very much similar to the issue I have with the likes of Discord. Isn't really for bonding.

[u/Low-Math4158]

The north isn't hostile towards trans people.

I looked at your post history for some context. Anyone else, I'd read for filth after seeing that, but you would interpret it as abuse and declare yourself the victim.

Your gender identity is not the reason nobody wants to play with you, child, it's your personality (disorder). Go get some DBT and learn how to play nice. You're welcome 💅 ✨️

[u/ThrowawayGwen → u/Low-Math4158]

Oh, you looked at the post history, did you?

So my personality is the reason cis people have tried to set me on fire, is that right? That's your conclusion. And the North is hostile to trans people.

As we say in the North, go easy on the glue.