r/LGBTireland • u/jerryr01 • Nov 12 '24
Difficulty making friends
Hi all, I'm 22, he/they, and moved to Dublin from the UK for a graduate job last year.
I've been having a hard time getting used to living in Dublin as I've not made many friends (whether queer or not). I'm aware there are a few events but every time I tell myself that I'll go to them, I end up not going.
It's partially the anxiety of being in a room where I don't know anyone, and partially because work is a bit out of the way from the centre, meaning I'm too exhausted after work.
Is this a common experience for others? And if so, how do you deal with it/make friends?
2
u/robbdire Nov 12 '24
If you like gaming, ie DnD, board games etc, maybe check out Dublin Gaymers too? They're a great bunch of people.
1
u/jerryr01 Nov 14 '24
thanks I'll take a look! It'd be nice to have an in-person DnD game as that's how I made friends at uni.
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u/robbdire Nov 15 '24
In that case maybe look up Pathfinder Society too. Similar to DnD and runs games twice a month.
It's not an LGBT+ group in and of itself, but it's welcoming, friendly, and a good laugh.
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u/Ardjc87 Nov 12 '24
Hey. Firstly no matter what age you are it is hard to make new friends. Especially in Ireland. And especially post COVID and with social media aka social norms changing etc so please don't read it into it too much as a you thing as it's a very common thing for sure.
The reason being over here A LOT of people stick with their school/college friend group and family through life and basically never need new friends. I know of so many people whose friends are basically their cousins and siblings and that's it. They don't move away etc even in the cities. So there can be an inate standoffishness there. Even amongst queer circles. Of course plenty of people are welcoming but I suppose not many are looking for more social contacts than what they already have.
The good news is you're the perfect age to be getting out there and meeting people. The anxiety of not knowing anyone will dissipate the older you get and the less fucks you have. But in the interim you will have to push yourself a little bit. And this is coming from a self confessed recluse. The trick is you just have to do it one time.
Sometimes the easiest thing is to scope out the venue or event or whatever it is you want to attend ahead of time eg in the daytime before it opens or on a quieter day. That way you have an idea of what to expect. Or look up some photos online if that's not an option. Doing anything the first time is the hardest but after that will be okay. The reason being once you have done it once you can do it again because you already did. Moving to a new country and new city is a huge achievement that many others wouldn't be able to do. If you can tap into the confidence that got you here you will be able for anything.
It's also important to note that in any social setting where you don't know anyone chances are many other people are the same with the same anxieties. Another piece of advice is the earlier you get there the more relaxed you will be and can meet people as they arrive. Whereas if you arrive late or when things are hectic it can be very daunting to break into a busy space that's already ongoing.
If you don't know of the Outhouse already they do social events and meetups and have a cafe etc it's open all different times evenings and weekends and too and caters to all ages and is definitely worth visiting for a laid back safe space to start. I don't know how prevalent that app meetup is up there but it might be worth seeing if there is something low-key on there.