r/JewsOfConscience LGBTQ Jew Sep 02 '24

Opinion Need to vent/seeking support

Flaired as opinion but lmk if I need to delete/change flair...sorry I'm new here.

Basically just need to vent - it feels impossible to discuss the situation in Israel/Palestine with my parents and I feel like it's made our already somewhat shallow relationship even more so...

Backstory is I'm Ashkenazi and was raised modern Orthodox and went to private Jewish schools from pre-K until 12th grade. In case that doesn't make it obvious, the Pro Israel indoctrination was STRONG. It's only been in more recent years, and frankly this current "war" (is it a war when it's this one sided? I still have a hard time using the word genocide bc of Holocaust associations but...) has broken me in terms of Israel and honestly pushed me away from the thin shred of Judaism I've been holding on to.

I feel disconnected from my family who is still so blindly pro-Israel, thinking this war is justified in anyway and never mentioning the thousands of Palestinians brutally murdered or any other wrongdoing Israel and the IDF do. It does not feel worth the stress of engaging with my parents about this topic and then I feel guilty for having the privilege of avoiding discussing this "issue" while real lives are being TAKEN by a country doing it supposedly "for my sake".

I'll cut this off here before it gets longer, but are other folks dealing with this with family members? It sucks.

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u/lizzmell Jewish Anti-Zionist Sep 02 '24

I’m sorry you’re going through this, just because things are worse in Gaza doesn’t mean your situation isn’t stressful.

Ultimately I don’t think you have to talk to your family about all of this. I feel like it’s a very liberal fantasy that simply having conversations with people can change institutional biases and power structures! Make your convictions known as much as you are comfortable especially in case there are people around you who feel similar, but in my experience,extremely tense conversations with people who cling hard to Israel aren’t that productive.

If you live in or near a mid to large sized city, I’d encourage you to try and find some like minded Jews, there are more of us than our mainstream institutions would have you believe. It can be very cathartic to talk with people who are going through the same thing and then also still do Jewish things without the implicit support for the state of Israel.

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u/jewraffe5 LGBTQ Jew Sep 02 '24

Thanks yeah I have a bunch of Jewish friends who feel similarly (or are even more vocally against the war and Anti-Zionist). I guess what I mean when I say "conversation" here is really like, I can't even share my thoughts or opinions without being considered a traitor or some self-hating Jew. Like my parents don't actually talk about Israel THAT much with me, probably because they know I'm waaaay more liberal than they are. Just feel like it's another area of my life that I can't be authentic with them. Which, maybe I need to give up the hopes of having that type of relationship with them :/

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u/BodhisattvaBob Non-denominational Sep 02 '24

Some people have parents who are friends. But the remaining 95% of us have parents who are parents.

In other words, assuming there isn't actual pathological toxicity in the relationship (and there is for many people), you just have to accept that there will always be some areas of your life you have to ... strategically advertise ... in order to maintain harmony.

And vice versa. Just think of the things you've done that they dont know about and the things THEY'VE done that YOU dont know about.

The older you get, the more you can disclose (mom, dad I can't talk right now, I'm hung over is different at 45 than it is at 15), but still...

1

u/jewraffe5 LGBTQ Jew Sep 02 '24

Lol yeah my parents are truly my Parents. Still wish I could talk about things like adults with them. They always went on and on about honesty when I was growing up, but often get upset when I tell them the truth. 😣