r/GetMotivated • u/Kaavu2022 • Nov 27 '24
TEXT [text] Frustrated in life at almost 36. Heart feels heavy
Been sending time with family/relatives this week n everyone’s asking me why I am not married since I am gonna turn 36 soon and why no job/all that. Since I got laid off I haven’t been able to find a job and taking a course, I met my extended family members after a year today and I am in the worst place now than I was in Nov last year. Last year this time I was studying and preparing for interviews. Then I had a job and got laid off later. I hate myself for being in a relationship with ex who is already married now. I hate for myself for loving him so much. I go to gym but past few days I have been stress eating more. I am tired. I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow. I am Very frustrated . Job market hasn’t been good and I only got rejections this year. I wish it was easier to just end things and not being here. I just wanna get out of here. But I don’t have extra n resources where I can just go somewhere where ever I want. Feeling super lost
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u/vitilardo Nov 27 '24
I have no advice for you. I just want to share that i'm in a similar spot as you and it's rough. It's just so exhausting feeling that way all the time. Hang in there. It'll get better eventually.
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u/AmSpray Nov 27 '24
Once you get to the other side of this, you might find that your feeling about all of it change.
I’ve been there, but it was a while ago, and now I’m really not seeing the appeal of marriage and/or (especially) old relationships. Job market has been up and down throughout my life and I’ve now landed in a place that makes me not regret any step of the way. Maybe just take a personal pause from beating yourself up, and if someone wants to ask you about relationships and jobs, you can say “what ARE the benefits of marriage” and watch them struggle to say something about taxes and death.
Also, “do you recommend it?” Especially for those that have been married more than once.
It’s ok to be in a transitional period, give yourself some slack and don’t let your feelings sprout from other peoples gardens. It’s going to be ok!
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u/Night_Angelsbasket 29d ago
i totally get where u are coming from... i was feeling lost too. i found the Inner Journey app super helpful for managing stress and finding clarity. it really helped me focus on my mental well-being.
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u/Richneerd Nov 27 '24
I been there, what I did was look into local contracting gigs, it opens a lot of doors and you gain so much experience/exposure.
Some names are Robert half, USA jobs (government gigs), calcareers (government), take any part time positions if needed. Once you surrounding yourself with positive co-workers your life will start to change.
I’m now a permanent employee and making a great salary.
Please post and update us as you move up. It may take years but I’ll be waiting! 🙌
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u/DonerGoon Nov 27 '24
Im mid 30’s, single, unemployed, living in my parents attic, no clue what I want to do for a career.
Idk what to tell you, haven’t found an answer yet after quitting my job/career a year ago. It will get better, and we are still young despite what my back tells me.
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u/sobayspearo Nov 27 '24
"When you're going through hell... keep going." You should also try running it's a natural mood booster. Am also unemployed, fucking sucks but I don't focus on that. Good luck to you
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u/ohdearthatsweird Nov 27 '24
Was in this spot a couple of years ago. See if there are resources for income-based therapy. That sometimes can be free if you qualify. This sounds like depression. I had this too. It was really rough and it will take time to get better but it will get better.
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u/Superstorm22 Nov 27 '24
28M, recovering from microdiscrectomy, lost my beloved pet and out of work. I’m struggling and for what it’s worth, you’re not alone.
All I can say is hold on and don’t be afraid to call Samaritans or any kind of helpline. Sometimes just talking and venting is a great relief. I’ve wanted to get off the train station more than a few times and they’ve helped keep me on.
I’m trying to go back to uni this Jan. Call it a Hail Mary of trying something new to focus my brain on.
Sending you good vibes from the UK.
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u/throwawayallday87 Nov 27 '24
Tough love time! Giving up isn’t going to better your situation. Feeling sorry for yourself isn’t going to get you a job. I’m currently unemployed as well, and as much as I want to blame the world for all my problems (and sometimes do), it’s not the world’s fault. No one is going to better your life for you. You have to try. Every single day. Jobs are so easy to apply to these days…even if you just apply to one a day, do SOMETHING. Do NOT drown in your sorrows and give up. It will get better but only if you put in the effort. Keep moving forward.
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u/quazatron48k Nov 27 '24 edited Nov 27 '24
Hang in there - we can all go through the bleakest of times. Every day that goes by is one day closer to being really happy, and one day less of being miserable. Is there anyone you can have a good chat with? Stick with your course - training up is a great idea! Try not to binge, you’ve been doing great at the gym - the endorphins from working out are great for depression. Oh, and the lead up to the holidays can be particularly stressful - try to limit your contact with the family if it’s stressing you, maybe go out for a walk during a visit.
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u/Angry_Clover Nov 27 '24
They say the holidays are the hardest time of year for some people. I think your family is just trying to have conversation but as I got older I realize that there are some questions you shouldn't ask:
Why aren't you married? When you gonna have a baby? Why don't you have a job?
These aren't appropriate questions to ask, for the very reason you are here, they point out sore points in one's life. I don't think the older generation has awareness of this, speaking from personal experience. As far as getting a job and such, look, I've been there. Mid 20s i was let go from a job, dumped by my gf and was getting overweight. I was rejected from job after job, girl after girl. It SUCKED.
The only advice I can give is to solve one problem at a time. Getting rejections for jobs will happen. Hell, even interviews I thought I had in the bag were met often met with rejection. Just how it is, gotta move on. Get your employment situation figured out before you even start thinking about getting a girl. Once you have your employment situation settled, then you'll develop some confidence that'll make you appealing on the dating front.
Just solve one problem at a time, you can do it, just gotta hang in there. Best of luck to you!
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u/mikeyfromsu Nov 27 '24
for me, the biggest help when i was in this situation was therapy. i ended up talking through what was actually keeping me from getting the relationship/jobs i wanted and found ways to address them. cannot recommend therapy enough.
i know you mentioned a lack of funds, but there are a lot of free/scale therapy offices — especially at colleges that have psychology schools — that can help you out. my sessions were always free because i was making so little money, and i met some truly wonderful therapists who absolutely changed my life.
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u/Artistic-Spell120 Nov 27 '24
As for the job, say you’re currently on a sabbatical while looking for the next right fit. As for a relationship, say that you have yet to find someone who is worth disrupting your peace and solitude and that you absolutely refuse to settle for a mediocre partner in this fallen world. That’s what I say and it shuts people up cause they’re jealous they can’t take a break and they hate their spouse. YOURE WINNING BABE!
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u/Outrageous-Bus-5840 Nov 27 '24
You need to see a therapist . You say you “hate” yourself, and that you are tired. You probably are depressed, which is very understandable. You seem to be struggling with the end of an important relationship; perhaps you thought he’d “rescue” you?
I’m very concerned that you don’t want to wake up, and want to end it and not be here. These are clearly suicidal thoughts. Please get help. Suicide is not the answer. You are clearly not getting the support you need, and family is being very critical and insensitive. Another indication that a therapist could be very helpful.
I attempted suicide once and later became a therapist. I’m grateful that I didn’t succeed in killing myself, and know how helpful a therapist was in getting back on my feet again.
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u/PreacherCoach 29d ago
The heavy heart is brutal. It is full of unmet expectations of others and .... Wait for it.... Yourself.
These unspoke expectations need to be spoken out loud and then accepted. If it helps you get there, you are forgiven for not meeting these expectations. They are not for you right now. Let them go.
You are not what you have. You are who you are, and that is valuable. Your family likely just wants the entire thing to be over with - less than you of course because you are in it, living it.
Walk every day. It helps you process. Look for the good that is around you and in you. It is real. Trust it, hold on to it.
Let go of everything that does not matter - because you matter.
Now take any opportunity that is available. If it feels like crap, take it. Build on it. Use the energy in any new space to grow and build connections.
And for God's sake, get off social media for a while. It really will not help l, other than to remind you of what you feel you lack.
I have been there. It can and will get better, but you need to let go of the expectations - spoken or unspoken.
I wrote a book called 'wrestling with empathy'. I just published it on amazon. Never did anything like that before. Now, I get to build ilin what to do with it.
Look for the good. Let go. Build. I am with you.
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u/ag98942 29d ago
Sorry to see you're struggling so hard. I'm 37 myself, and was in a similar state until somewhat recently.
I've not wanted to live. I've been completely without hope. I've struggled severely financially. I've wondered what point there was in trying anymore. Especially when it seemed like I couldn't get ahead.
Sometimes, having a set schedule and the ability to provide for a stable future can make a huge, positive impact on your mental health. When you are able to eliminate the opportunity to overthink by staying busy or you are able to take significant steps to knock out major sources of stress like money, the fear and hopelessness you feel begins to fade.
I don't know where you live, but it's possible that I could help you find a job or career. If you PM me, I can give you some information. At least by reaching out, you'll know for sure whether the potential opportunities would work out. But if it's a slam dunk for you, you could get some footing to turn your life around.
Either way, don't give up. It felt impossible for me at times to keep going, but I found what I was looking for and what I needed. I'm not special.
Just in case you don't usually hear it from anyone, I believe in you, and I know you can do it. The juice is worth the squeeze, and at 36 years in, there's plenty on the table just for you.
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u/axe_murdererer 29d ago
I am 37m . My gf of four years I thought I was going to marry broke up with me in September. I lost my job in October. Living on unemployment and part time work.... We should meet up. I am trying hard to not be broken. I hope you find your peace and happiness. God knows I'm trying to find me mine
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u/fight4afreeinternet 29d ago
36f, my bf of seven years who I thought I was going to marry broke up with me in Feb 2022. Lost my job in October 2022. Haven’t recovered yet. Here’s hoping we both figure it out soon.
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u/mistergrig 29d ago edited 29d ago
I've been in a similar position, and I feel your pain. I was once so ashamed of what my life had become that I avoided family and social events and pushed friends away so I didn't have to answer questions and update people on my life. I learned that isolation is pretty much the worst thing.
I believe there are only two things we can truly control. Our attitude and our actions. And I think it's essential to take 100% responsibility for everything.
I highly recommend you start listening to this podcast from the beginning. It started me down a path that has changed my life. I'm the happiest and healthiest I've ever been.
https://open.spotify.com/show/38PkqCOnEUlx3YwNniVi1L?si=1bd2d40bb46d4b0b
A good follow-up is the book "The Power of Your Subconscious Mind" by Joseph Murphy. It might sound simple, but change your thoughts, and you'll change your life.
One step at a time. Every day you wake up is a good day. Every new day brings limitless opportunity and potential. A good day might be getting up on time, making your bed, applying for 1 job, and going to bed on time. The next day, you can do a little more.
Hang in there and know that your past doesn't define who you are. You can decide right now to take charge of your life and create a better future - one day at a time.
Oh - and about your desire to travel. I highly recommend it. Just came home after 2 years in Thailand and Viet Nam. And leaving was the best decision I ever made. I did it very foolishly with a tiny amount of savings and no income source - don't recommend that. But where there's a will, there's a way. One piece of advice from someone who was running from his problems. At some point - they catch up with you. It's better to face them and deal with them asap. They won't just go away on their own. All the best on your journey.
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u/saggysideboob Nov 27 '24
Same here but two years older. And with no kids! I dread family meetings so I avoid them all together. To hoping it gets better!
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u/ALonerInTheDark Nov 27 '24
If family is pressuring you and making you feel worse, don’t go? You’ll figure things out in time. That’s life. Don’t worry too much :) easier said than done.
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Nov 27 '24
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u/decrementsf Nov 27 '24
You can live your life as a system of systems. A nutrition system. A personal finance system. A hobby that learns something system. A hobby that is social system. Systems are better than goals. "I am going to run a half marathon" is a goal. In a goal you put in the training, run your half marathon, then it is common to fall out of the habit of exercise. Worse, after completing a goal you feel dopamine but strangely a few days later there is often a deep empty feeling. That empty feeling is the place where your goal used to be. You're not getting dopamine anymore and feeling lost and unguided from there. With a system "I exercise 30 minutes every day" you wake up each day and check off the easy small goal of 30 minutes exercise each day, feels good, get a dose of dopamine. You run a half marathon. Wake up the day after and look at "exercise 30 minutes today" feels good. You keep staying consistent. Run two half marathons. This is the secret to bottomless motivation -- systems are better than goals. A good system provides a new goal endlessly. That empty feeling is a lack of a goal on the horizon. This is a deep seated architecture of how the brain works. You see the same framework play out when a person retires from their profession. After decades at working at a seemingly impossible goal of 'retirement' that day comes and they feel great. Then a week later they fall into one of the deepest depressions of their life. That empty place is where their goal used to be. Impossible goals tend to be followed by the deepest empty feelings on the other side of it, unless you replace it with a new bigger goal quickly. Personal finance forum archives have many case studies where a persons company IPOs and they surprise find themselves retired then paradoxically find themselves without meaning in life. It's the systems over goals problem. Your brain has levers, if you find the control panel you can control it.
There is a minimum dopamine needed theory of human behavior. If a person is all leisure then eventually it feels like fistfulls of candy gross and feels meaningless. Or if there is no leisure or pleasure activity the person will engage in any form of self destructive behavior that comes with some dopamine, binging processed foods, drugs, reckless sex, payday loan sharks. The sweet spot for most sits probably around 80% work and about 20% leisure. Finding outlets that provide some of that 20% dopamine reward productively helps. What in the nonsense does this come from? Pulling this as a scattershot of my reading and podcast habits.
Book "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion" written by Cialdini is more of the Psychology approach to the idea that the brain has a control panel and can find some of the buttons that understand how it works.
Book "How to Fail At Everything and Still Win Big" introduces the systems over goals and the brain is a programmable robot analogy, borrows from the Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion ideas to lay out some simple systems of how you might use those in life. Atomic Habits spins off ideas from this book.
"Reframe Your Brain" is a collection of hundreds of storytelling reframes. Loaded with ideas that make things feel good and happy. Better, by having multiple examples of the process it teaches you how to use reframes. Many professions such as lawyers will be familiar with the use of reframes, you may have come across them in other areas of interest.
Huberman Lab podcast. Early episodes go into detail of a survey of scientific research on working with the neurological system, better than coffee or adderall.
You may have known people that spent time in AA or NA. One of the techniques they do is encourage people to share their story. Followed by your sponsor asking "is that your story? are you sure?" The idea is the stories we tell ourselves form a sort of human operating system. This personal story human operating system can be unproductive and get us stuck like a computer virus booting up and crashing over and over and over again. There is no lock on the hardware. If the newcomer can be encouraged to come home and think of a different personal story telling they can land on a more productive human operating system outside that doom loop. Then the lock on their mental prison is popped open and they're free to chart new future paths. This technique is used more broadly. You may recognize it in therapy (if incentives aren't misaligned). I'm borrowing that technique and applying it here. You might see hypnotists use the same framework. I've seeded enough of the how and the why it works. You can use it too.
After doing the basics to lift mood I've had success with the idea of "Yes mode". You get out of your house and say yes to anything you're invited to. Oh go hang out in the theater wing of campus? Yes. I know nothing of the theater kids but I'm hanging out with you this week. Oh. LAN party? I'm not a gamer. Yes. I'm going to go nerd out with the nerds this week and cool got exposed to a bunch of new things and it was social. Play golf? I've never golfed. Holy hell I completely missed the ball. Ah well. Went for two weeks and now it feels more familiar, feeling progression in something feels great. The power of yes mode is almost always that introduces meeting new acquaintances or some new 'side quest' that cascades into a new direction in life. Takes a fork in life away from the dead end parts of life. Go sign up for the hiking class at the local community college and hey look at that I'm going to Costa Rica with class mates and the teacher coached us how to write it off as an educational tax deduction. Oops. Took a photography class for fun and now I'm dating that guy from it.
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u/Heart-Lights420 29d ago
Woow… seriously, thanks for sharing. At 46 and feeling inspired by all your words. Taking notes. Again, thank you.
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u/decrementsf 29d ago
The idea of skill stacking is useful.
You might know how to create a basic web page with functional interactions with a data base that might be useful as a UI for a product. You add carpentry to that, also, and now you have one other complementary skill and may be able to create complete products of fun robot go carts from your garage. Every additional skill you add gives you one more parameter you can see when problem solving. In a field of identical resumes each applicant can see the same set of parameters for that field, it's the skill stacked +1 that adds an extra something that can see optimized solutions invisible to others. In terms on return on investment of time, the time it takes to go from knowing nothing to good at a sill can be less time to go from good to exceptional, or to push beyond exceptional. Returns diminish. At some point it makes more sense to add a new skill. For these reasons, a good skill + a good skill is greater than one exceptional skill.
This is useful. I used to sit around in my early 20s beating myself up and slightly resentful when I saw a peer that was really good at guitar. Had I stuck with it earlier I'd be really good by now. Ego got in the way. Made it tough to enjoy music without being annoyed. The cool thing about skill stacking is because in that frame all that matters is where your combined skill stack is. Right now. You could have majored in a hard science. But you majored in other skills then added computer programming to your stack. Today you've got two skills. The ordering of A + B is the same as B + A. The order you stacked those skills doesn't matter.
I like this this frame gets rid of any of the mental hangups on just throwing yourself into whatever appeals to interest at any age. Always inspiring to see a retired family member throw themselves into a new language or pick up an instrument with no background. Collecting that sort of character trait lies down the skill stack story telling.
John Carmack of Doom is an example of that sort of path. In interviews he discusses every five years or so he likes to go into a different field as part of a system for lifelong learning. Good example of what sort of success that looks like over time.
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u/nasharedhyd Nov 27 '24
Job isn’t everything in life. Try investing in yourself- primarily health- and then see the magic- things would start falling in place.
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u/ElectronicGolf7843 Nov 27 '24
Where do you live ? Try the easiest jobs in your country (I guess not well paid but still… to feel useful somehow or to try to learn new things) Learn with YouTube Read online free books to learn a language to motivate for other roles
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u/n-2k--1 Nov 27 '24
Try listening to osho/Krishnamurti for a change in perspective.....hope that helps
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u/Yasqo- Nov 27 '24
The times are actually hard and what I can say is that you aren't the only youth going through this right now. One piece of advice is that life is more precious hold up and it will come to pass. If something isn't working maybe job ain't for you, you can try the talent side like post your work outs and create a following to do coaching for people at a fee. Personal trainer kind of thing. Cheers. Be Resilient.
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u/NoPhilosopher2340 Nov 27 '24
I’m in the exact same boat as you. Feels like there’s this lingering of a post covid life/ norm that the world hasn’t broken out from and I’m feeling big effects from that. Seems impossible to land a job even with two degrees and experience and the dating app situation… yikes.
You can only control how you feel and react to things. Everyone is different in these situations but you’ll just need to stay focused on you and try to be better everyday. For me, exercising: yoga has helped filled a void to make me mentally better that allows me to be more confident everyday to tackle any situation. Job applying everyday and even if there’s lots of rejections, it’s ok, cuz I’m trying everyday. You can’t fault yourself if you know deep down you’re trying everyday to be better
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u/tatytu Nov 27 '24
If you happen to live in my city, I’ll be glad to drive by and have a cup of coffee and share our pain together.
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u/tenshinchan Nov 27 '24
I think whenever you get out of this funk (which you will! It will take time and hard work) you’ll find you weren’t sure what you saw in your ex. It’s really easy to fall back into old patterns when you’re feeling this low. Focus on yourself first.
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u/Take-A-Breath-924 29d ago
I want to give you helpful advice but you have to be in the right headspace to accept it. I do not want to hurt you more than you have been. Take it like from a sister. IMO you need to dump that married ex right now, heartache or not. He’s using you and you know it. You’re good enough to use, but not marry/commit to. That’s the hate you said you feel. If you hate yourself, that spirals to all the other stuff-overeating, not taking care of yourself, get depressed and lost. You can’t find a partner of your own while you let this guy continue to hurt you. Please consider putting yourself first. You’re worth much more than some lying user of at least two women (and maybe more?). I would suggest some counseling now before you spiral downward any more. Try getting any job you can. Go to the gym. Eat as healthy as you can. Treat yourself to some nice purchases (within your budget). If you can afford it, get a pet to take care of so that you are giving of yourself in a healthy way. If you can’t, then volunteer at the food bank or shelter. Start treating yourself like you’re worthy and deserving of respect. Your opinion of you counts more than anyone else’s! As your attitude improves, so will your confidence. As that improves, it will show in your face. And you start moving upward mentally. You aren’t the only one who’s made this mistake. And it’s just that, a mistake. Life’s full of them for everyone. Take care of you because you deserve it.
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u/NightOwl_82 29d ago
I find this woman really insightful https://youtube.com/@laylaksaleh?si=5-NUOcyjJD2bbZ6i
Also the book Change your thinking Change your life is a great book
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u/black_sheep311 29d ago
Feeling kinda the same. Been having all these flooding memories from a relationship I've been over for probably a decade. But there she is...and I've been self medicating in not the best ways. But when I have these thoughts I just pray and I think that's just the best way of dealing with it. What am I supposed to be learning from this? Why am I having these thoughts and feelings right now...all over again? How do I totally move forward, stronger and more mature about it? How do I not repeat those mistakes? There is a purpose and redemption.
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u/Key_Nothing_7609 29d ago
I’m 36 as well and my family never stops with the why isn’t I married so I understand hope things get better
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u/ThisSorrowfulLife 29d ago
Avoid negative people especially family during this time. The gym will be your best friend, keep going. Take any job, you can always look for a better one while you are employed. Everybody goes through this rough patch, just know tomorrow when you wake up you're going to make an effort to make progress.
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u/Blunt552 29d ago
Less self pity and more moving forward is the way to go. You're wasting time thinking about your failures and not focusing on the right things. It should never be about others or what you feel is expected from you but instead be about improving yourself and quality of life.
Your mindset is unfortunately very common for most young adults these days, most people are dragging themselves down because SoMe is poisoning peoples minds by setting unrealistic and frankly silly expectations.
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u/fight4afreeinternet 29d ago
I feel you. I am 36 and my partner left me in 2022 and I had a breakdown and had to quit my job, thought I would be back up on my feet after 6 months max, its been two years and I’m now worse mentally than I was before. Have no family and all my friends are moving away getting married etc, no children or siblings so facing a future entirely alone now, and all my dreams and goals for life, which I worked so hard for, are over. I feel lost and heavy. And like a failure. Hang in there, it’s been a rough time for a lot of us in this age group.
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u/trashtotreasures17 29d ago
Much love to you. It is very sad in deed that so often, it's our family that makes us feel we have less value. This was also the case for me. I had to stop believing them and proving them wrong. Still nothing I did seemed to earn their respect, so I let them go.
Now I only go around people that value me. And I'll be the judge of myself thanks. Because people that try to make you feel bad are rude. Why did I believe rude people when they said I had no value? Because I was young and silly. I don't believe them any more. Think about it. Rudeness has no value. It actually has negative value. So without saying a word, we have more value than any rude person trying to tear us down. I don't know about you, but I don't do that to "family". The phrase, "blood is thicker than water", is so untrue. Toxic is toxic whether you share DNA or not.
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u/Hahahafrank 29d ago
Maybe let go of some of the negative things in your life. Be proud to be between jobs. As for the Ex that’s married, let them go asap it will lead you nowhere.
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u/milano___ 29d ago
Every year I feel like I'm hitting a new rock bottom but at the same time I feel like I'm achieving a new high. It's strange how I can look back and say in hindsight I did a lot more things that bring happiness in the current year than the previous year yet I still feel terrible. For me it's a mindset problem where I have to adjust my perspective to see the best in things rather than my old pessimism ways. A healthy mindset is everything and I hope things can get better for you.
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29d ago
There’s much more to life than work and marriage. Just because it seems like everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean it’s the most suitable path for you
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u/sepaug-oct 29d ago
Learn to live for yourself I think the root of all your frustration is that you are measuring your internal worth based off what others team appropriate for you. Live and be happy for you, takes time and therapy, but find your strength from your soul, not the low and worthless opinion of others
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u/tinz17 28d ago
Aww, I hear you. Being an adult really really sucks sometimes. Normally I’m an upbeat fairly positive person, but life has really defeated and depressed me lately and I feel so alone with so many responsibilities and burdens to worry about. I feel like I’m living the same exact day every day…cleaning up after others yet it feels like there’s no point because everything will just get trashed again, making sure everyone else has everything they need and are comfortable, working a lot but never quite making a dent in work, endless monotonous things that never feel done no matter how often I do them. Worries, worries, worries. It’s depressing and so stressful.
So I guess what I’m getting at it.. you are not alone. Don’t give up. And, I hope this will be of some comfort but, all the bad/negative things in life are usually temporary. This shit will pass and good things will come to you.
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u/EconomyBag9055 28d ago
Somwtimes family might ask without bad intentions but not realise the feelings they create for that person. I have found identifying family members that are not "self aware" of the feelings their questions can bring and purposely not socialising with them whilst going through temporary times like yours for instance. Keep working on you, and if you feel anyone is asking questions to purposely make you feel bad, hit them back with something too :) good luck.
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u/Elegant_Cabinet190 26d ago
Hi!!I feel sorry for you being stuck @36,life seems like it isn’t moving anywhere..this is somewhat exactly I’ve been feeling for past few days..nevertheless my whole life has been submerged in anxiety,overthinking,and some extreme bullshits..and I had a nearly death panic attack this August.i only see hopelessness!!
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u/Subject_Flamingo9220 23d ago
Your family should be supporting you in a tough time. I’m sorry to hear that they are not. Do you have any friends to lean on? I don’t have a job either and haven’t since July, it’s impossible to get one. But my advice to you is that in the meantime I got a part time job. It’s not a lot of money but it gets me out of the house and talking to people. I also put my pride aside and have started asking people from my past jobs for help and I actually have gotten some assistance already. Don’t give up!
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u/Lumos_707 Nov 27 '24
I hear you. This too shall pass. You’re strong and resilient, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! You may have your weak moments but know that this is temporary. Get support, seek help as much as you need.
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u/WeatherFate Nov 27 '24
These are the hardest times in life. And when family compounds feelings of inadequacy instead of lifting you up? That's messed up.
The answer is, just hold on. Just hang in there and eventually, things will change. Keep up the gym attendance regardless of your eating choices. Endorphins are good and if something delicious keeps you going another day, then that's a good thing.
You deserve to be clean. Shower and keep up basic hygiene, however you can. Try to count 5 things that don't suck about each day. When the big things are bad, concentrate on the small things. If you like animals, try volunteering at a rescue or shelter. Loving and being loved in return, even if just a kitten or a puppy for a few minutes, can help you feel better.
I've been there, friend. I almost left. Now, I'm so grateful I didn't. Things get better. Please stay.