r/GetMotivated • u/Brilliant-Purple-591 • Aug 30 '24
TEXT [Text] Every ADDICTION tries to fill a void: THIS is what you can do.
Ever catch yourself drowning in guilt after that YouTube binge, a trip down the TikTok rabbit hole, or blazing your way to peace? Maybe it's that late-night porn habit or stuffing your belly with fast food?
So why do we keep doing it when we know we'll feel like garbage afterward? It’s like we’re cursed, right?
Here's an idea for you to get better:
Grab something to write, you'll become a scientist for a moment.
1. Recognize the Addiction:
First, call out your vice. What’s that one habit that you keep running back to? Is it gaming, sugar, or that sweet dopamine hit from endless scrolling? Now, be a detective - when do you turn to it? What triggers that itch?
2. Reflect on Emotions:
What emotions do you feel right before engaging in the addiction? Is it stress, boredom, loneliness, anxiety, or sadness?
After falling for the addiction, how do you feel? Do you feel relief, numbness, or guilt? These can indicate what emotional void you're trying to fill.
3. Identify the Underlying Need:
- Escapism: Are you trying to avoid a particular reality or responsibility?
- Connection: Are you using the addiction to compensate for a lack of social or emotional connection?
- Validation: Are you seeking approval, attention, or self-worth through this habit?
- Control: Does this addiction give you a sense of control or predictability in an otherwise chaotic life?
If you’ve made it this far, you've taken quantum leaps toward improvement. Give yourself a break and be proud of this accomplishment. Recognition is often the hardest, but most important step.
Found this useful? Join our bonfire for more content that elevates your life.
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u/Brilliant-Purple-591 Aug 30 '24
5 interesting theories, why we develope addictions:
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
We all have basic needs, from food and safety to feeling like we belong and achieving our potential. But when something’s missing—like a sense of belonging or self-worth—addiction can sneak in to fill the gap.
Example: Ever felt left out or isolated? That need for connection could push someone toward an addiction, like social media or even alcohol, just to feel a part of something.
Attachment Theory
How we connected with our caregivers as kids shapes our adult relationships. If those bonds were shaky or insecure, we might turn to addiction for comfort, replacing the warmth we missed with habits that can make us feel safe—at least temporarily.
Example: If you tend to keep people at a distance, you might find yourself diving into work or gambling as a way to avoid emotional closeness.
Self-Determination Theory (SDT)
We all crave three things: autonomy, competence, and connection. When these needs go unmet, addictions can start to fill the void. It might be about feeling in control when life feels chaotic or needing to prove we’re good at something.
Example: Struggling to feel successful in real life? Video games, for example, can become addictive because they offer a way to feel competent and in control when everything else seems overwhelming.
Integrated Behavior Model (IBM)
Addictions often begin when we believe a habit will help us cope or solve a problem. It’s all about the stories we tell ourselves. If we think smoking calms us down, or shopping gives us a sense of identity, we’re more likely to keep at it.
Example: Ever find yourself buying things just to feel better or define who you are? That belief can turn shopping into a go-to addiction when things feel off.
Dual Process Model
Our brains are always juggling impulses and self-control. When emotions run high—whether it’s stress or sadness—the impulsive side can take over, leading us to addiction as a quick fix. Meanwhile, the reflective side knows it’s not healthy but struggles to keep us in check.
Example: Ever stress-eat junk food, knowing it’s not the best choice, but doing it anyway? That’s your impulse winning out over your rational mind, filling an emotional void in the moment.
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u/boumboum34 Aug 31 '24
There is also an anxiety component to nearly all addictions. Watch what happens to any chain smoker when suddenly they're prevented from smoking for a full day.
Boredom, too, has anxiety within it. That's what makes people so desperate to avoid boredom.
It's quite fascinating, how in meditation, one is actually taught to embrace boredom. Just sitting immobile, eyes closed, doing nothing but noticing the breath flowing in and out of your nostrils, has got to be the most boring thing on earth. Anxiety arises, people have trouble sitting still, thoughts start to race. But if you can stay with it, and move beyond that...amazing things start to happen.
Procrastination, too. You're presented with a task. A feeling of dread arises...and with it the self-soothing urge to go do something else, anything else, instead. And the mind will often rationalize this. Eventually it turns into automatic habit, that you do without even thinking about it.
Boredom turns out to be a pretty good prod for productivity. Most people would rather do something, anything, instead of nothing. So use that.
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u/Boobylabooba Aug 31 '24
Can you tell me a little bit about the 'amazing things' that start to happen while meditating? Are you no longer focusing on your mind now? Do you feel as if you're transcending and now looking at yourself from an outside perspective?Wouldn't such count as getting distracted by thoughts?
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u/boumboum34 Sep 01 '24
There are different types of meditation, for different purposes.
The two most familiar; for beginners there is one-point concentration meditation, AKA samadhi meditation. And for the advanced, insight meditation, AKA vipassana meditation.
Samadhi meditation is by far the most familiar; this is the one where one sits in silence, and focuses the mind on the sensations of the breath in one's nostrils (or alternatively, on an imaginary candle flame), and that's it. Very simmple. And Astonishingly difficult to do at first. What usually happens, is random thoughts arise, becomes a stream of random thoughts, and within seconds we've forgotten the breath entirely and we're engaged in "mind-wandering". This is called "monkey mind", and this is the normal mental state of non-meditators. This is the mark of an undisciplined mind, and it means we are very easily sidetracked by even the slightest disturbances, either internal (urges, thoughts, emotions) or external. This makes us a slave to urges and emotions and distractions.
And one of the things they teach, is to ignore itches, which always arise in the beginning. There's method in this madness. Itches are distractions and people have a strong unconscious habit of scratching itdches immediately. They teach you to resist the urge to scratch, and instead, simply wait, and observe what happens. One notices...an itch arises....an urge to scratch then arises with it. If we can override the impulse to scratch...just observe.... One notices, that almost always, the itch just fades away, on its own, without us having to do anything at all. That's actually a remarkable thing to experience.
This breaks the habit of scratching itches during meditation, and we learn, by experience it, we don't have to give in to urges, such as the urge to scratch. We then discover, by experiencing it, that this also applies to all urges. Such as the urge to procrastinate. Such as the urge to beat yourself up, such as the urge to get emotionally caught up in negative things, or the urge to overeat or indulge in any bad habit. These urges fade away on their own, if one simply ignores them. And afte enough practice, one notices these urges get weaker and weaker, and may even disappear entirely.
I used to get itches something awful when I first started meditation. Strange thing; by the time I became an intermediate meditator, itches stopped arising. More accurately, I'm sure I still got itches; I simply no longer even noticed them, as I was so focused on the breath.
It quietens the mind as well, all the mental noise juat slowly fades away, to be replaced with a feeling of peace, and contentment in this moment.
An analogy, we're a boat on the ocean, trying to reach a destination, but we've taken down the sails and removed the rudder, so we're at the mercy of any random currents or winds. No control over where we are going, and our chances of reaching our chosen destination is almost zero.
Becomeing a skilled meditation, is like equipping your boat with a rudder and sails. Now, you have control over where your boat goes, regardless of currents or winds, and your chances of reaching your chosen destination are now extremely high.
Meditation is inherently a great stress reliever and relaxation method, when done right. Mastering one-point concentration gives you unwavering focus, so things like the urge to procrastinate, or distract yourself, is no longer a problem. And we stop taking things personally, no longer getting caught up in negative moods. One gradually learns to master moods and emotions, instead of being mastered by moods and emotions.
Intermediate level meditation, one learns about attention, vs. [peripheral] awareness. Attention is what you are focusing on, like these words you're reading right now, in the foreground. Awareness, is in the background. You are aware of it, but not focused on it. Like the room you're sitting in, and the chair you're sitting on. Except...oops..once I mentioned the room and the chair, You're now focused on the room and chair and they moved from your awareness to your attention.
Understanding that is a prequisite to "insight meditation", for advanced meditators. This type of meditation is about observing your own mind, without reacting to it or getting caught up on it. Especially on what'a happening in the background of your mind; the stuff in your mind that you've never really noticed, until now. This marks the start of conscious-subconscious communications, and becoming consciously aware of many background mental processes. This enables us to learn how and why we sabotage ourselves, and enables us to end many self-sabotaging mental and emotional behaviors that block joy and cause suffering.
Buddhists also consider it the doorway to Enlightenment...the end of suffering, forever. Our whole perception of ourselves and reality, transforms completely, and we gain a vast amount of wordless wisdom that cannot be put into words. That feeling of longing for something, we know not what....the feeling of something missing...and discontent in all its forms, fades away.
One learns, that while pain is an inevitable part of everyone's lives, suffering is not. There is no need to suffer. There is no need to feel discontented about anything. Pain isn't suffering. It's only the experience of hating being in pain, that transforms it into suffering.
At the very hightest levels, they talk about idea like "no self" and "non-duality"..one discovers, by experiencing it, that the self itself, is illusion,; a mental construct. This is part of that wordless wisdom; has to be experienced to be understood. Non-duality, is the experience, that one is not separate from everything else..."Everything is One"...conflict is illusion. Suffering is illusion. It is an extremely blissful experience.
I'm only an intermediate level meditator...but I have experienced hints of what it means to no longer suffer, and hints of what it means to no longer have a self....I've had times when I was fully conscious yet I forgot my own existence...usually during highly creative, productive periods when I'm so focused on my work I lose all awareness of anything else, even the passage of time or my own existence. It is among the most blissful experiences I've ever had...and the quality of the work produced when I return to my normal mental state, is often astonishing to me. It's as if some benevolent higher, far smarter, far more talented being than I, took over (with my permission) for a while and did the work for me.
looking at yourself from an outside perspective?
More like...my awareness of myself disappears completely. There is no "I" at all. I am not my thoughts. My thoughts aren't "me". "I" am not "my" emotions. "I" am what is experiencing thoughts and emotions. "I" am the what the thoughts and emotions are happening to; raw consciousness itself. What "I" perceive "me" to be....is mostly stories and beliefs; both are mental constructs. Much of how "reality" appears to us, also is a mental construct.
Wouldn't such count as getting distracted by thoughts?
In vipassana, thoughts themselves are the object of focus. One is no longer focusing on the breath or an imaginary candle flame; one is focused on the mind itself, as a passive observor. One starts to see things like, how, and why, urges arise; how, and why, procrastionation happens. How and why suffering occurs. Without judging. And one starts to see suffering is completely unnecessary.
I'm not a vipassana master. Just a mid-level intermediate meditator. I have my "times of knowing", and my "times of forgetting"...it's during my "times of forgetting" that my mental health starts to deteriorate and suffering starts to return....until I remember, I don't have suffer, ever again. And the suffering simply goes away and I'm back to my "time of knowing."
I have mental skills most non-meditators lack. I see people and the world very differently from most. I get glimpses of higher levels, enough to feel I am no longer a seeker; I found what I was looking for. I used to feel I was lacking something essential for lasting inner joy; I now see that sense of lack was illusion. There is beauty, and joy, and love, everwhere, in all things, always. It's just we have trouble seeing it, sometimes. This is part of why "Enlightenment" is also called "Awakening". Awakening is what enables you to see the joy in all things, everywhere.
The secret of happiness is very simple; just think happy thoughts. That's it. That's all there is to it.
But doing that consistently, all the time, that's the tricky part. This is where the need for unwavering, indistractible focus comes in, and is what samadhi meditation is meant to teach.
There is also metta meditation, where instead of focusing on the breath, one focuses on the feeling of metta, or "loving-kindness" a joyful feeling, like the feeling of watching a playful puppy you are fond of, and you want that puppy to thrive and be happy for life.
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u/boumboum34 Sep 01 '24
Meditation also teaches patience. It is not an overnight quick easy cure. It takes sustained consistent practice, over weeks and months and years. Boredom and impatience and a very noisy mind all arise at first...all are distractions, to be ignored, and the mind redirected to the breath, over and over and over.
The way to respond to all distractions' "Let it come. Let it be. Let it go." Simply notice the distraction, and redirect the mind back to the breath, back to the breath, back to the breath.
Then one day, one no longer notices boredom or impatience or monkey-mind arising. And one also notices, what once required a great deal of effort and wilful concentration, now is effortless. Then it's on to the next, higher stage.
It's like learning how to ride a bicycle. No one can really teach you how to ride without falling over. You can only learn it by doing it yourself, and trying again, over and over and over, every time you fall over.
You notice, in time, the periods between falling over get longer and longer, and this is motivating. You can see the improvement which encourages you to keep practicing bike riding.
Until one day you don't fall over anymore.
Meditation is like that.
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u/Fizzy_Froggie Aug 31 '24
Ok…but then what?
For example, my addiction is sleeping. I oversleep and take naps all the time. I’m keenly aware this is escapism. I usually do it after work because I feel mentally tired, bored, overwhelmed, and/or anxious about everything I still have to do. Afterward, I feel like I wasted my time, like I’m worthless, hopeless, and angry at myself that I can’t just function like a “normal” human being and be productive. I’m aware of all of this but I don’t know what to do about it, to stop the sleeping habit.
I appreciate any thoughts or advice on this.
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u/Rainaire Aug 31 '24
Those sound similar to me a few years ago, during the deepest parts of my depression. I went to therapy and tried all sorts of things, and they probably helped here and there but what ultimately fixed it for me was changing my environment and giving myself a reset.
Sleeping too much was the symptom to a much larger issue that tangled up all sorts of areas of my lifestyle (mood, eating, exercise), that when I improved those areas, helped improve my sleep.
Other issues that I ran into was poor sleep hygiene and sleep apnea, so perhaps you may find yourself with those issues as well.
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u/Fizzy_Froggie Aug 31 '24
Thank you, depression is definitely a factor and I agree with you that it’s the result of a combination of things including diet, sleep, workload, etc. I’m trying to chip away at some of those variables (like diet and exercise) and I am seeing some improvements in mood but damn, this sleeping habit is hard to kick!
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u/Rainaire Aug 31 '24
You'll kick it eventually! Just take it one day at a time. You don't have to think about the end goal, just the direction you're going :)
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u/Banannabutts7361 Aug 31 '24
I’m not a doctor. I’m a Cptsd survivor and an addict.
That sounds like depression to me. And when I get depressed like that I feel the same way. I could have written this post myself a week ago. I’m above water for however long in this moment, and I can tell you my experience:
What works for me: start small and get one additional thing done before you rest. I don’t care if it’s setting up your coffee so that in the morning you can sleep longer because you just have to push a button and go. That little thing that you did will feel big. You won’t want to in the moment but if you do the thing, you will sleep a little better with a sense of accomplishment. And the next day when you hit that “green light” that one less thing future you has to do, it will feel good again. Even picking out your outfit the night before to save mental energy in the morning can good segue back onto the horse. The next day when you feel the reward of that first task, decide on whether you want to do it again. Or maybe you’ll be inspired to do something more or different tomorrow. I can’t promise this will work for you, but I do know where you’re at. You’re not alone. And you have value as a human being worthy of love and connection. And worthy of so much more than sleeping and work. When I get locked into this cycle I start to feel like all I do is work because that becomes the majority of my waking hours.
I have a list that I keep to remind me(when I’m capable of taking it in) of what to do when I get near or into crisis mode. I wrote it when I was in a good enough place to see my own patterns. I took note of what crumbled in my foundation (meds, diet, movement, breathing practice/meditation, twice monthly therapy appointments, for example) that led to previous times of crisis. I hope this helps.
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u/Shour_always_aloof Aug 30 '24
I always liked Terry Crews' HALT.
Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired?
You're officially weak, vulnerable, and you have a need to be fulfilled. Chances are, if you meet the need (food, decompression, company, rest), the craving for the addiction (basically self-medicating) melts away.
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u/curiousbasu Aug 30 '24
I'm saving this . Btw, what to do after figuring out the "Needs"?
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u/Brilliant-Purple-591 Aug 31 '24
Hey curious! Glad that you found this interesting. Needs are like plants to me. They need to be nurtured on a regular base. Does this make sense?
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u/curiousbasu Aug 31 '24
Can you please be more elaborate, English isn't my first language.. Like suppose that I relapse due to boredom, loneliness or sadness, what should I do instead?
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u/Brilliant-Purple-591 Sep 01 '24
Hey! It's hard to tell, because I don't know your situation. But getting the fundamentals right, meaning fulfilling your basic needs will have two positive effects.
- You will experience less craving for your addiction and
- It will be much easier for you to say no and move on
But first, fulfill your needs properly for a while and see what results you get. It may take a while.
If you like to write about the exact need, fire away.
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u/curiousbasu Sep 01 '24
And what if I'm not able to fulfill the need for whatever reasons? Then what?
I'm sorry if I sound irritating, I'm trying to figure some things out.
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u/Brilliant-Purple-591 Sep 01 '24
Then I recommend compensating with something that makes you happy while you're doing it and especially after you've done it.
If you wanna go wild, use this void to make others happy.It's easy to channel feelings of failure or insufficiency into self-pity and addiction. I don't know many who consciously choose the former.
Yet, if we look at ourselves in the mirror, we know that we have a choice.
It takes courage and sacrifice.
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u/SenioritaStuffnStuff Aug 30 '24
Post saved for when my brain can read words correctly lol.
Thank you very much for these, OP! ☺️
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u/Scrapheaper Aug 31 '24
I'm not sure characterizing these things as addictions is particularly healthy.
None of these things are bad in moderation, I wouldn't feel guilty for doing them unless I had a good reason I should be doing something else.
Watching Tiktok for an hour when you have something important to do? Not good. Watching Tiktok for an hour after work? No biggie.
Feeling continuously guilty about normal behaviour is a problem though and obsessing around self improvement at the expense of your day to day happiness is a bad thing
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u/loyaltystar Aug 31 '24
My mental trick is to imagine that it’s a different person who does the addictive behaviour. Then I repeat to myself that that person is dead. He no longer exists. A dead person can’t do these things. That usually is enough to prompt me from continuing
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u/Pain_Choice Aug 31 '24
Yeah the simple of it is that we get used to something or in a routine mentally and we go blind to it. It’s much simpler than it feels. I firmly believe when we are born we should be taught about how our brains function and what experiences different people have and how we all have common ground despite seemingly vastly differing experiences. It would engender understanding and compassion but who am I to say what’s right? It just feels like it would be helpful.
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u/Brilliant-Purple-591 Aug 31 '24
SUPER important. It's such a gamechanger if we have basic knowledge about how to operate this vehicle properly. Diet, sleep, brainfunctions, a bit of psy... should be mandatory to teach in school.
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u/Fredebeil Aug 31 '24
Connection 100% but I'm an introvert and feel like I've done so much damage to my (personality) I guess already that I just go to work, barley talk to the people there, and then going straight home and avoiding everyone and everything.. I think I'm just doomed, my life has gone so far down I don't think I could ever recover, I've just accepted it.
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u/Mreerd Aug 31 '24
Connection for me bro. I always try to play multiplayer games with voice chat to meet with people. I try it in real life as well but neither of them are working.
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u/PlzHelpWanted Sep 01 '24
Weed for me. If I smoke weed and play a video game my brain can only focus on the game in front of me. I can be fully enveloped by the fun colors and engaging action and nothing else has space to fit in my brain ram. It sucks to admit but over the last year or so it's definitely become an addiction. I don't have to think about all the things I'm anxious about. Mainly money and my lack of. But saying this and knowing it's true is very helpful when the want to smoke comes. I will pretty much tell myself "Hey man, what are you doing? Go do some work or do a couple chores. If I still wanna smoke later then I will but not before doing something productive." I don't want to cut weed out completely because I do enjoy it. I just want to enjoy it in a healthy way.
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u/FanHefty6996 Aug 30 '24
This was truly eye opening! Saving this post for future.
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u/Brilliant-Purple-591 Aug 31 '24
Glad to read! Please consider subscribing. Thanks!
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u/AstralWirard Aug 30 '24
Thank you I needed this!
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u/Brilliant-Purple-591 Aug 31 '24
Delighted Astral! If you have found this useful you are invited to subscribe! :-)
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u/outoftownMD Aug 30 '24
You were trying to say it, right, but you’re still not saying it accurately. Every addiction tries to minimize pain.
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u/Swordman50 Aug 31 '24
I looked for this and got it.
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u/Brilliant-Purple-591 Aug 31 '24
Super glad to read! If you like to read more of this, check my profile :-)
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u/walkingweapon Aug 31 '24
The reality I'm trying to escape is reality itself and my addiction is any drug I can get.
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u/Ok-Seaworthiness7207 Aug 31 '24
In the age of mental health not covered by health care, we need to get to a proper subreddit instead.
Thank you OP, but it's sad we actually need a r/ for this.
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u/Brilliant-Purple-591 Aug 31 '24
Right? I noticed a shift in the academic schedule, where they implement mental health partially. Numbers don't lie.
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u/jkeyeuk Aug 31 '24
I've found the hard way that identifying my values and committing to living by them with complete honesty and thinking through the full consequences of impulsive reaction when urges strike allow the moment to pass.
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u/DepInLondon Aug 31 '24
I think it’s important to emphasise that what you describe and the advice you give does not refer to the actual disease of addiction and addiction disorder. This is a topic that should be treated with caution and not trivialised.
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u/Ticktack99a Sep 02 '24
After 16 yrs sobriety, I'm getting tired of being told that the meds my body seems to require are considered addiction.
They're not - they're meds. I'm disabled.
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u/Bigger-neater 4d ago
the only people who say that people use drugs to cover up trauma or psychological pain are people who have never used drugs. people use drugs on a recreational level for one reason: because they like them. People go on roller coasters because they like them.
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u/Bigger-neater 4d ago
I use to feel like crap after playing WOW for 8 hours at a time but that went away after a few weeks when I validated it with the gains I made in game. i would not reccomend that lifestyle unless you are otherwise active.
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u/Ok-Abbreviations543 Aug 31 '24
As far as breaking from the addiction, here is what I have found. There is usually a window of opportunity after I have engaged in the addictive behavior to excess. Even if it is just a few minutes, I will feel bored with it, sick of it, or guilty.
That’s the moment to strike. You can delete the gaming app or whatever. You have that window of time to break out, take action, and find support to stay stopped.
This especially applies to alcohol addiction. People are looking for a way out when they are hungover and dying inside from the alcohol poisoning. Just as an example. But if they have a couple drinks and get relief, the pain recedes and you can’t talk to them.
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u/Hygro Aug 30 '24
For me, 100% of the time the void is a perceived energy deficit that comes from feeling tired.
I want to want to do xyz. The imagined energy cost is higher than I feel. I rest into "addictive" behavior. Sometimes conscious procrastination, sometimes unconscious distraction.