r/GetMotivated • u/paradine7 • Jul 07 '24
TEXT [text] Turning 40 today. Didn’t think I’d make it. Crushing depression and it’s awesome.
2 years ago was in a psych ward after suicidal thoughts since I was 4 years old finally broke me. After years and years of therapy, meds, psychedelics, etc, I finally was able to make the choice to let go of it all and choose not to make myself suffer and choose to love myself. I’n not saying it’s easy—- it’s not, but it ultimately does work. Ultimately it’s a simple choice that anyone can make. I finally realized I had this power in me all along. Realizing the simplicity and letting go of the stories I was telling myself on why it wasn’t simple was the difficult part.
I was so broken. Built terrible perspectives on everything in life. But hope is possible and necessary. And life is fucking beautiful here when you can finally see it.
Yesterday I wished for this to be the best decade yet. For the first time I believe it’s possible after years thinking I would be a completely lost soul forever, and broke, homeless, etc.
Sharing for those that might need to see this. Keep going!
Edit: I am so thankful for all of your support. I am so touched by how many people read this and said it was helpful.
In retrospect and given the popularity of this post A couple important things I want to highlight for all my friends to remember:
Stopping meds abruptly without a support network is dangerous. Please don’t.
Severe, non-functional depression is not where you start working on this. You have to be able to put one foot in front of the other and be supported in that. If you need help, please get it.
Everyone’s journey is different (including what might be causing your suffering). I can’t wave any specific method and say it will work immediately or even at all for you. What I shared above is the product of many years of trial and error and what worked for my path. Not giving up seems to be the key here.
There will still be ups and downs. That is very much part of life. The perspective is what shifts.
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u/Suitable_Fox7945 Jul 07 '24
A friend of mine always tells me, "Perspective. Use it or lose it." I love that dude for that. Another thing I try to do is keep connected to the people I love and those that love me back, and when my perspective sucks, I call them to see if I can get theirs on any particular subject I'm facing just so I know I'm in the right place in my head when making decisions. Happy birthday to you! Hope it turns out well!
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u/GlueSniffingEnabler Jul 07 '24
When do you think was the turning point?
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24
Thanks for the question. The turning point was realizing that life is about choice. We are always choosing.
There were a lot of little AND big choices/patterns that I was making that therapy and guided psychedelic therapy revealed to me. Awareness of the choices I making was the first step.
Ultimately, I decided that my interpretation of circumstances was also a choice. Victim mentality was also a choice. And not making choices was also a choice too.
Once you start choosing the little things, then they ultimately add up and allow you to make bigger choices, and so on.
I can go deeper if you need or if you think it helps.
Btw, psychedelics are thrown around a lot as a miracle cure. They are not a fix on their own and can block you from doing the actual work if they are abused. When used properly, they enable awareness, but then you have to make choices to change your behavior.
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u/Street-Introduction9 Jul 08 '24
I would definitely love to hear more. Thank you so much for sharing
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u/paradine7 Jul 12 '24
Responded this to someone else in the thread above:
"It takes a while to unwind the knots that keep us from loving ourselves.
Those knots were are all of the coping strategies to handle the "choices" that were removed from us, without consent in a way that protects our psyche. For example, we tell ourselves that we "suck" because it was the only way to live in a household where our parents were terrible to us. We must "suck" because otherwise our parents would love us. Any other reality would be absolutely awful.
The essence of trauma is the removal of choice without consent. Don't look for this in any therapy book, it's not there, and yet I've discussed with with many therapists, and they agree. Don't believe me, please give me an example of a trauma that does not constitute removal of choice without consent...
How does a roadside bomb, or a rape, or being hit by parent, etc, constitute removal of choice? Your safety/sovereignty is being removed without your consent. For people with heavy trauma or CPTSD, this happens over and over and over again in their childhood or life.
So the reverse is actually realizing you are safe now, and realizing that you now have the safety to make the choices that were previously taken away from you. It is the practice of learning to choose in every possible way given all of the freedoms you now have. Given that you are in intense psychotherapy, you have the blessing by way of life circumstances to be able to make new choices (not from a place of being consistently traumatized) and all of these choices led you to intense therapy. Great.
Now you get to realize all of the patterns and negative choices you adapted to survive your suffering, then you can begin to choose differently.
Once you do that, then the aggregate of making different choices allows for you to choose big choices like loving yourself"
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u/fattycake6 Jul 07 '24
Congrats! It's amazing what you can do for yourself. I wish it was studied more. The mind is incredible. I, too, just one day was tired of being tired. I faked my way through, ignored negative thoughts, and did everything as if I wasn't depressed or anxious and then I just wasn't. I never will be again. I know not to put any stock in or give any attention to unwanted feelings.
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24
This is the answer as to how. It ultimately is many micro-choices that all add up, but ultimately you just burn out on being negative and tired. And you realize that choosing positive is just as easy as choosing negative. One feels better.
I have so many people to respond to as this thread blew up. Hoping those curious about how see this.
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u/Shmogt Jul 07 '24
My man. Great to hear. What made you decide to just stop with negative thinking? Also, I assume you'd default to negative thinking a lot at first. How did you finally break the pattern?
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Jul 07 '24
Happy Birthday, it's mine too, turning 46 and also suffer from depression. It's the 6th or 7th birthday I've spent 100% alone in a row but also my last. I let this life go and I'm trying to start a new one back home so, may the next decade be awesome for us both.
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u/AnalysisOwn7139 Jul 09 '24
I sure hope it will be. I believe sometimes it’s the people we surround ourselves with or lack there of. I’m returning to therapy tomorrow. I tried to fix it but my mind just isn’t where it needs to be.
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u/One_Cloud_5192 Jul 07 '24
I’m happy for you,
And I’m wishing you a Very Happy Birthday and many more to come.
And for whatever your heart desires to come your way
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Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24
I’m so glad you’re feeling better. I’m glad your experience included a mental switch.
That said not everyone’s does. Depression manifests for a variety of reasons. For many, it’s an actual chemical imbalance that requires at least medication to correct. Saying anyone can do what you have accomplished isn’t helpful.
Also, epiphanies like this can be suicidal in nature. Be careful. I’ve been where I assume you are twice in my life. Not saying you’re in the same boat but for me…. Time one lead to not treating my depression for 6 years and setting my life back almost as far. Time two I almost died.
I’m so glad you’re feeling better. I just hope you are aware of what inner peace like you’re describing can mean for chronic depressives and stay diligent.
I love you and you’re worth while!
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u/Specimen_E-351 Jul 07 '24
Chemical imbalance theory was invented to explain and justify the use of psychiatric medications.
Subsequently, researchers have tried hard to find proof of people having "chemical imbalances that need correcting" and have so far failed.
These medications can cause extreme harm as well as help and pushing unsubstantiated theories on how they work is also unhelpful.
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Jul 07 '24
First: I never said it’s everyone. Depression is a complicated issue and manifests differently in different people and the causes are to this day not completely understood. I don’t think any psychiatrist worth their salt would say: “Your depressive disorder is caused by X and only X.” And I’m not saying that either.
I believe you’re referring to one recent study out of UCL. It is not accepted as definitive in the least. For one example of issues psychiatrists and psychologists have expressed with that study: the study used blood serotonin levels instead of brain levels. There are others critical of the study as well. There are plenty of other studies over the years that do point to chemical imbalances CONTRIBUTING to depression in a subset of depressed humans. And other animals! (Although to be fair plenty of people have issue with those studies, especially the ones involving depression in dogs. I have issue with a few too! Especially the dog ones.)
I’m not pushing any “unsubstantiated” theories on how anything works, thank you very much. Doctors continue to prescribe SSRIs and other medications to tackle depression because clinical analysis shows that medicines that do change brain chemistry do help a lot of people with depression. Assuming it’s some theory pushed to justify the use of drugs is frankly, and I understand what these words will do to the presentation of my opinion, stupid as fuck. Most of doctors care deeply about helping people get better. It’s not some insidious plot. It’s completely legitimate treatment for an illness that is VERY difficult to assess and define. Treatment that has decades of research (Yes. Your claim that no one has proved chemical imbalances contribute to depression in some is just incorrect.) and clinical success supporting its use.
I say this not only as someone knowledgeable on the topic, but also someone who deals with Major Depressive Disorder. I’ve been through the wringer with medications and know damn well how dangerous they can be. In fact challenges in finding the right medication and the suffering some caused lead to my experience in treating my depression taking over a decade - and many times I just gave up completely on medication. For the vast majority of that time I was unmedicated.
Now I’ve found the right medications for me. And I’ve never felt better. I get to experience life almost like non-depressives get to now.
Spouting baseless conspiracy theories about how “chemical imbalance theory” is pushed to justify the use of medication is not only asinine, blind to the science of the issue, and completely unjustified. It’s also the most harmful thing said in these comments so far.
I wish you no ill-will. I wanted to completely address your comments, and hopefully encourage you to do more research on the topic.
TL;DR : No psychiatrist worth anything would say “Depression is caused by one thing.” I was not either. It’s an overwhelmingly complicated and disastrously difficult to define set of diseases. Everyone’s depression journey will take time.
TL;DR extended : We need to be sure to communicate to people that they should take all paths available to avoid succumbing to their illness.
Also, there is plenty of scientific and peer-verified study around chemical imbalances contributing to depression.
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24 edited Jul 08 '24
Thanks for your points. I come from a family which would be considered to have significant mental illness.
I was medicated for nearly my entire childhood by requirement for adhd and then later by choice for anxiety/depression.
I spent 14 years trying to figure out the right meds that would “cure” the anxiety and depression. Finally found Zoloft and was on it for four years. I felt the “best” I have ever felt on that… until I realized that feeling came with side effects that came with every antidepressant for me — loss of libido, anhedonia (emotional numbness.). Eventually I realized all the therapy I was doing was ineffective because I couldn’t process the emotions from my past.. because all of my emotions were shut off.
I was done with psychiatry when I was told that maybe giving up libido/robust sex life and joy/sadness/love/etc was worth it to not be depressed and anxious.
The ups and downs have been insane and I understand what it is like to fall through the floor and I appreciate your warning. What I am also saying through all of this and with my OP is that pure unmedicated bliss is absolutely worth it if you can get to it — and that for me it was worth the risk. As you can see from my post, fighting it without meds landed me in the psych ward, and then it yielded the most joy, love, compassion, gratitude I have ever had. Sure it varies sometimes, but this is normal and emotions change sometimes.
There are non-western perspectives to the “fight” you and I are talking about and plenty of science to challenge the efficacy of medications — most of which I have read. I do think that the research mentioned is credible but that’s my interpretation and it ultimately helps my worldview. It’s easier to get better when you refuse to accept a diagnosis label .
I don’t believe doctors are doing evil in psychiatry, they are fighting multi-headed dragons with causes outside their control. Their swords are blunt and worn down, but for some patients they can help and are the only option.
I can tell you that the trip to the psych ward helped me because it forced me to see just how normal I was. That helped me start to let go. Immediately.
Often the greatest failure in mental health professionals is classifying normal human suffering and response to the ills of our society as a clinical problem to be medicated. Again, That is not to say that some people should not seek medicine.
I am so blessed to have had and continue to have this opportunity life has granted me to grow and the battle is certainly not for everyone.
My goal was to let people know it is possible.
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Jul 08 '24 edited Jul 08 '24
I’m so glad you’re feeling better and your journey has taken you here. I’m glad you’re aware of the traps depression sets and keen to avoid them.
All I’m saying is that not everyone can follow in your footsteps. Current research shows that across the varieties of depression a few chemicals’ levels in the brain are critically important. Serotonin being the most researched and widely accepted by far. When paired with ADD, dopamine can take a step forward.
I’m not saying it’s everyone. But the research with results supporting the notion that chemical imbalances play a driving factor in the majority of depressives vastly outsizes the opposing idea not only in sheer numbers but also in general acceptance.
It’s very, very important to be careful when talking about depression and I think you for the most part have been. However the “move past it” method is not something I am able to condone communicating to other depressives. I’m glad it worked for you - I truly, truly am - but for most patients with Major Depressive Disorder the path you walked leads to isolation, loss of ability to care for oneself, poor quality of life, and eventually can lead to death. It’s not something any, and I do mean any, psychiatrist would actually recommend to a sufferer of major depressive. Medicine only? Sure. Therapy only? Sure. Raw dogging it when symptoms of major depressive have shown their disgusting heads? Absolutely not.
Also, Major Depressive disorder is not “normal human suffering,” or “a response to the ills of our society.” Nor are the other forms of clinical depression. They are mental disorders. To be treated. Differently for each patient, sure. But clinically defined depressive disorders are not some ennui to think away cross legged under a willow. It is pretty irresponsible to frame them as such. There is no normal life in which a human thinks about killing themself in a vicious ever-present cycle. Speaking to friends who’ve never experienced depression will reveal as much.
I probably won’t give as long thought out responses. I don’t believe we’ll see eye to eye here. Or me and the first person who replied to me. But I wish you both well. I’m glad you’re on the other side and thank you for sharing your story. I only wish to point out how parts of what you say is antithetical to modern medicine, and flat out dangerous when falling upon the right ears.
Good luck in life! I’m rooting for you!
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24
Your comments led to the edits I made on my OP. Harm reduction is always very important. Thank you.
My goal was to share and inspire those that can be inspired, and to share my joy.
I agree that serious depression requires more nuance. I hope that my post didn’t convey that one could change in one day (even though it’s possible for some) and I hope that my post serves to share that there always is reason to keep hope alive. I also hope that if someone with serious depression successfully converts to mild or moderate through doing the “work” that they realize it is possible to go even further towards permanent healing.
Obviously we won’t agree completely. But I love you for your care and consideration for sharing your perspectives and I wish you a wonderful life + success with your healing.
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u/pinkythingz Oct 18 '24
I love your post OP. I am in similar shoes and have had similar experiences. And, I'm not out of the woods yet. I have made tremendous tremendous progress, but there's more and I'm getting weary. I was just looking for inspiration, and your post let me know I'm not alone. Please no worries about being overtly critical on your post. It's so hard on the internet these days to post anything at all. So, I'm happy you were able to overcome that and let me read what you had to post.
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u/pinkythingz Oct 18 '24
Hi, I loved your guys' discussion because I can relate to a lot of these experiences with me personally. Being in the middle of it is something I'm ok with. A theme we see a lot with different fields of science is balance and moderation. I think there is definitely a place with medication. However, there are some practices that I've heard in the past where psychiatric medicine has done more harm than good with myself and close friends. The blanket statements might be harmful as they generalize the experience and don't allow for the individual to feel it for themselves. A simple "this has worked for me, but maybe not the same for you" is all it takes because we are all different. I have personally had more severe physical side effects, but kept on trying medicine anyways. I love hearing others' personal stories because it gives me a new perspective. A new option. I definitely suffer from the extreme and resistant kind of depression, not something that can be treated easily. It took me a while to break out of the loop that something was wrong with me after different medicines not working for me, or it gave me a crutch to distract myself from a better solution (forming healthier physical and non-medication mental habits). After being in multiple years of different medication therapies, I think that taking a break just to establish a baseline helped bring so much clarity. It was the side-effects that caused me distress in one way or another. And, it wasn't justified as my depression didn't better much in the end. Birth control was a huge factor as well. It sucked a lot because I had been on the medication as a teenager, and it was all I knew. If anything, I hope the field of psychiatry catches up to the overprescribing nature it has since it is such a huge fault that some professionals agree with themselves, especially with children. But not all practice with that ideology. There has been such a shift away from healthy living aka exercise and nutritional diet, which is so much less invasive. I would recommend that more than psychiatry. I do think therapy has a place too, but they're so often coupled. I just hope that medicine can be used as a tool like it was meant to and hope that people do not take it against what their body tells them to like it did with me. Nowadays, it's more like a band-aid or crutch. But, lots of doctors prescribe them anyways. It does benefit lots. It's important to share the stories of others as well for the remaining people that don't benefit or may be harmed by it.
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Oct 19 '24
I appreciate your insights.
Seems like you’re less in the middle and more in the “medicine bad” camp. Our stories seem very similar but with different conclusions.
Fact is that the majority of major depressive is caused by a chemical imbalance of some kind. We can improve our chances with therapy and good habits. We can still die to our chemical imbalances. These medications are designed to fix the physical issues in our bodies that lead to MD.
I understand the effect overprescribing has had on people. I was medication-avoidant for over a decade. It takes patience and finding a doctor who actually gives a fuck about you, the latter being nigh impossible for many people. There is a gap that needs healing here. It also takes TIME for most people once they find the patience and right doctor. Medication-free breaks between attempts are something a doctor will recommend if they’re a good doctor and want us to find the right meds. Also I understand that not all MD is 100% caused by chemical imbalances, and not all chemical imbalances are 100% caused by flaws in our brains / neurotransmitters.
I just want to push against the “medication bad” or “exercises and sunlight will fix you” narrative that’s so prevalent on social media these days. It’s literally killing people.
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u/hatlessAtlas Jul 07 '24
Thank you and best of luck. I checked my 15 year old into an intensive psych unit 6 days ago. I see him every visitation time and got him a room with two beds so I can stay every night with him. My heart aches for everyone suffering from depression. Lord knows I've had negative and suicidal thoughts. Who hasn't right? I seemed to have been able to shed mine by 17. I never realized how bad it was for my 2nd born son.
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24
I am so sorry and I am sending love + compassion.
I know this is going to sound rough, but in some ways now I am sometimes glad when people have “breaks” earlier in their life. When they are met with the love, understanding, and compassion —- all of which it’s clear you have, they have the opportunity to see what that looks like and learn to give it to themselves and make changes while their brains are still growing. Epigenetics are pliable.
Later in life, these breaks can be met with much harsher forces: homelessness, unemployment, loss of children, family etc. And they can be harder to come out of because the patterns are already calcified.
You said you came out of your patterns at 17. Maybe that means your dear son will get through this and is on his way to a great place.
He is lucky to have you in his corner.
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u/Texas_Crazy_Curls Jul 07 '24
Happy birthday!!! What a beautiful message of hope. I hope you continue your journey of positivity. Bad days do still come but it’s how we react to the negativity and move on. Cheers to you!! 🩷🩷🩷
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u/Hefty_University8830 Jul 07 '24
Happy birthday and may the next half of your life be full of the joy you’ve come to realize you’ve always deserved!!
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u/BronMoses Jul 07 '24
Happy 40th birthday may you be blessed with many happy years ahead. You got this keep going
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u/tjokkefaen Jul 07 '24
Thank you for the uplifting news and a very happy birthday, you absolute magnificent beast of a hero, you. Inspiring read.
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u/Sastifur Jul 07 '24
I didn't even know one could feel something so sad at such a young age.
I am impressed, and extremely proud of you for keeping on.
You're much stronger than a lot of people out there, and I hope you know that.
Keep looking forward!
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u/Thinkpad200 Jul 07 '24
You have a great perspective on life now-- it looks like it was not easy to get there, but you made it. Breathe deep and figure out what adventure you want to do next. I am excited for you!
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u/Easy-Fondant5555 Jul 07 '24
Congratulations And happiest birthday to you. May you always stay happy and have a blissful life. ❤️❤️❤️
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u/SkepticAquarian876 Jul 07 '24
Wishing you many many many many more years of blessings and happiness to come. See ya next year!
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u/The_Bakuchiolorette Jul 07 '24
Thank you for sharing this as I’m in my mid 30s and trying to change my perspective on a lot of things in life about career and health. You’ve made my day feel a little more hopeful for the future and I hope to be on that same path.
Happy birthday and here’s to another decade!
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u/jimmyboy_nz Jul 07 '24
This is awesome. Well done mate I'm really proud of you! Life is sweet right! Sure there are ups and downs but that's what it's all about! Keep on trucking mate and here's to a long happy life! Cheers!
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u/davidscorbett Jul 07 '24
40 is only half way so hang in there and find things to stay biz with that u think are ok and not be messing with others along the way without being greedy-rich or warmonger n similar , read ' the paradigm ' and see some part to mostly truths of bad n even criminal doings of players of rich n politicians presidents etc some of those players still playing some to many rich n politicians etc to be punished some this n otherside n many be paid restitution and our taxes paid back even health n income paid back since the cannibalized overtaxed underpaid overcharged at the same time in various lives they played n other and others they allowed to screw the masses
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u/MostMorbidOne Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24
The world doesn't always understand that some of us don't have the rosiest upbringings.
But it's good to see you pushing through with the rest of us. Keep it up my dude.
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u/sublimme Jul 08 '24
First off Congratulations!
I haven’t been able to change my thinking yet even with meds, therapy, and exercise.
My thinking always compares to people around me and makes me think that I’m worse off than them. I’m not sure how to stop the comparing.
My therapist tried to get me to practice mindfulness and observe the bad thoughts that come and evaluate them but I tend to forget doing that or it only lasts for like 1 hours before the thoughts come back.
In my lowest periods I hold on to hope or little things in the day I still enjoy.
I’m interested in how you make the choice to not suffer if the thoughts keep coming back every 1 hour or daily?
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24
Hi. Are you meditating?
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u/sublimme Jul 08 '24
Not a lot. But sometimes.
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u/paradine7 Jul 09 '24
This is the first step. Routine. You have to bring awareness to the negative patterns and train your brain. You can’t make a choice if you don’t see the patterns. Consistency is important when starting.
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u/nixcamic Jul 08 '24
Congrats and all but.... That's not what crushing depression usually means haha
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24
We’re taking “crushing” back, lol. Or Reddit could let me edit titles when I spot my errors 10 mins after posting. I like the first one better!
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u/Silly_Forever_5459 Jul 08 '24
How can I help my son with severe depression? I never know what to say.
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u/Katnip_666 Jul 07 '24
I’m sorry. I’ll be 39 this October. It is completely crushing as to how fast it has gone and how it’s even gotten to this point. I remember crying hysterically when I turned 30. I cannot even imagine next years emotions
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24
Every birthday was a panic for me and made me somewhat sad.
What are you apologizing for?
What if next years emotions are amazing?
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u/W0N1 Jul 07 '24
Congrats! We all got issues, but all we can do is try to move forward and stay positive. One day it’ll get better
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u/Sweet_Title_2626 Jul 07 '24
I needed to hear this today.. so thank you dearly, and I'm so very proud of you!! 🫶🫶🫶
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u/hellbus80 Jul 07 '24
There's a determination and resilience inside of you that not everybody has.....that's a blessing in itself.
Congrats
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u/Zombiphilia Jul 08 '24
That's so great for you!
I'm 34 and i'm still not sure if I'm going to make it to 40. May I ask about some of the things you did to help?
I'm in a bit of a weird situation where I am trying to find a job with basically no experience (i doubt anyone will hive me a chance, especailly since I need to do part time first. The few times I tried full time ot sent me into dangerously low points). Also crippling social anxiety (working on it, but no money and a traumatic fear that i havent been able to get over when it comes to driving).
I'm trying really hard everyday, but most of the time I just end up wondering what the point is if Ill never be happy anyway (trying to work with cognitive therapy, but negative self-talk is pretty deeply ingrained ever since I was like 6 or 7). So any advice would be really great. Thanks :)
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u/Lost-welder-353 Jul 08 '24
Keep on keeping on my friend leave all the bs behind you and live like there is no tomorrow. Enjoy everything you do and if you don’t enjoy it do something else. Life is too short to be pissed off all the time.
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u/smartie-martie Jul 08 '24
Happiness is a gift you give yourself. Much success and many happy trips around the sun.
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u/Buffyoh Jul 08 '24
So glad you are doing better! I too struggled with depression. Wish you the best!
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u/iammabdaddy Jul 08 '24
Congratulations on breaking through. I hope you live a happy life! I'm still trying to, but I can't make that simple decision.
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u/SuccessAlways29 Jul 08 '24
Congratulations! Happy 40th! And may the coming years be the best that life has to offer!
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u/kalicapitals Jul 08 '24
This is fantastic!!
Love to hear thing are shaping up for you.
Yes getting our self in control and in the balanced state is a "must".
If we are out of balance, we are fucked now or later.
Kudos to you, awareness and the choices. Subtle thing matters 100%.
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u/Unique-Structure-201 Jul 08 '24
I'm around the corner then! Congrats OP!
I'm 36 and formally diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder - Bipolar type (continuous), Neurotic Disorders - Panic Disorder, Social Phobia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Agoraphobia, Acrophobia and Insect/Animal Phobia, Social Phobia, Somatic Symptom Disorder (Somatization Disorder), Illness Anxiety Disorder Hypochondriasis), Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Hoarding Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder, Nightmare Disorder, Sexual Masochism Disorder, Autism, and Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder.
Just 4 more years or so... I'll be 🆓 🆓 🆓
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24
Is this satire? If so lol.
But it’s also sad because it is very easy to rack up “diagnoses” which then become an identity.
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u/Unique-Structure-201 Jul 08 '24
It is not a satire but a living hell for me.
Yes. Diagnoses is my 🆔 now.
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24
I am so sorry you are in so much pain. Please forgive me.
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u/Unique-Structure-201 Jul 08 '24
🤝
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24
Hey coming back to this because I can’t get my mind off of it.
I have been in many forums where I see long lists of diagnoses in people’s profiles and I really feel sad that these all get accumulated for people. I can see how they would be a terrible weight to carry and severely limit someone + hurt confidence and self esteem.
I don’t know how receptive you are to feedback, but I do want to highlight that no matter how many or what diagnoses a doctor/therapist gives you, please realize that diagnosis are just a code to classify symptoms you are share with other professionals and insurance companies. None of this stuff defines you or what you are capable of.
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u/Wastedchildhood Jul 08 '24
Just you wait! Gta 6 is just around the corner as well!!!
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24
lol. This is the reason…
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u/Wastedchildhood Jul 08 '24
Hope I made you chuckle, but on a serious matter, I applaud your outlook on life and wish you the best! ❤️
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u/paradine7 Jul 08 '24
It did make me smile. And in all seriousness as well, sometimes waiting for that game, movie, trip, etc is just enough to keep someone here long enough for another force (or themselves) to pull them into complete safety.
I think you might have known that too.
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u/RavenPuff394 Jul 08 '24
Happy, happy birthday to you!!!! As a one time participant of the grippy sock vacation, I can say how beautiful it is that you are showing yourself love and looking forward to your future. I'm so happy for you!
Depression runs in my family and it hit my grandma especially hard. She fought suicidal ideation many times, and she beat it because she wanted to be the oldest person ever recorded in our family. She passed away 2 years ago at 96 years old, having accomplished the goal that she fought so hard for: life.
So hell yeah for 40! May it be the next of many more amazing decades for you!!
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u/tolacid Jul 08 '24
Realizing the simplicity and letting go of the stories I was telling myself on why it wasn’t simple was the difficult part
"The only thing standing between you and your goals is whatever BS story you keep telling yourself."
Not sure where I heard that quote before, but it's definitely helped me refocus my efforts in life a good many times.
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u/Comfortable-Lake9153 Jul 08 '24
I have loved my 40’s more than any other time of my life because of all the growth, self discovery - & diagnoses (after a lifetime of wondering what was wrong with me) that have come. I’m more comfortable in my skin & every year gets better. Happy for you & proud of you for all you’ve been through & where you’re headed. Happy 40th Birthday, the best is yet to come!!!!! 🎈☺️
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u/fromcharms Jul 08 '24
I also turned 40 recently - glad to hear you've settled some of what was challenging you. Of course, what's settled can be disturbed again and rise to the surface, but at this point in our self-reflection/awareness, we have a better grasp of how to feel and then process those disturbances in a healthier way. Good luck and godspeed! There is no time but now.
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u/bwilly20 Jul 08 '24
40 over the weekend as well! Welcome to the club. In the best shape physically and mental in my lifetime. Financial stability. 2 year old and married to my first wife. The 40’s are going to kick major ass.
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u/Smorb Jul 08 '24
Hey my dude, keep your head up. This is a good reminder of how everyone needs some self-love and care.
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u/weary_dave Jul 08 '24
Congratulations on your journey OP.
Today is a big landmark for you for so many reasons, I hope you have a great day.
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u/gman8234 Jul 09 '24
I don’t consciously make decisions to feel a certain way or think a certain way. I just exist and my brain is like, “you’re going to feel like there is nothing to look forward to in life, it’s this same every day boring bullshit.” There’s no reason I should have felt any worse than I did yesterday or last Thursday for that matter.
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u/paradine7 Jul 09 '24
There’s a lot more nuance to this. Let me know if you would like me to challenge your response.
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u/gman8234 Jul 10 '24
I’d be interested in your response, to pick apart what I’m saying if you will. I’m more likely to be convinced of something with a good old back and forth conversation than otherwise.
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u/paradine7 Jul 10 '24
Do you always feel like there is nothing to look forward to?
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u/gman8234 Jul 10 '24
I don’t always feel that way, but a lot of the time I feel that way. Even if there are things to look forward to, they’re more short term things. I don’t know if you were wondering just about short term or about long term, or both. They’re kind of different answers. Like I have a vacation to look forward to only a little over a week away. Nothing past that. And most days not much of anything. I’m like I got done with work, time to eat and do a few chores and go to bed. And then just another day of working tomorrow. Where I’ll struggle to get up. Even if I go to bed early enough to allow for enough sleep then I won’t sleep as well. Ok, I think I went a little bit beyond answering your one question.
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Jul 09 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/paradine7 Jul 09 '24
Accepting myself has been a process of letting go of any thought that wasn’t loving myself. Once you do that forgiving yourself is really easy because you already love yourself. This isn’t perfect and I have down days, but it really is being aware of the stories you tell yourself.
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u/MyBrainHurts495 Jul 09 '24 edited Jul 10 '24
I'm about to turn 40 in 2 months, and this year has been one similar to yours. After a knee surgery and a broken big toe already this year, I realized my body and mind are just going to keep failing if I don't make it a priority to love and care for myself.
Like you, I've struggled with my mental health all my life, and am late diagnosed AuDhd w OCD and PMDD - all the letters! Anyway, I finally understood that no one can improve my life but me, and after 40 years of struggling with my brain AND 20+ years of substance abuse, it's time to buckle down and really put in the work.
It's so hard but so worth it. I'm so proud of you, stranger, and so happy to hear you're doing well ❤️
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u/healthydd Jul 11 '24
Great to hear but people rarely change. We’re all looking for true happiness.
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u/5c_4r Jul 07 '24
This is a perfect testament to all the people out there thinking they cannot change their own patterns inside their minds.
What you have achieved is incredible - the relentless willpower of yours is admirable.
Well done, keep on going! I am absolutely stoked for you!
Edit: I also wish you the best of all birthdays in this second life you made possible for yourself.
soar.