How do I move on

[u/Archaeocat27]

My job forced me to go on unpaid leave due to my panic attacks. I’m in so much pain all the time due to my back Injury 1.5 years ago. I don’t have anything to live for anymore

What do I do

[u/ChaoticFaeGay]

It’s going to be ok. It will not feel like it immediately, but you don’t know what’s coming next. I went from being stuck with abusive family in a life I wasn’t happy with to Broke but happy and living with the love of my life. I have two different kinds of advice, and one is more practically how to make sure you have the essentials, and the other is feeling better and making sure you have something to live for in the first place.

Practical:

1. If possible, find support from family, friends and/or your partner
2. Check about government welfare programs. You should absolutely be eligible for low income housing if you need to move into that, and you may qualify for food stamps though I don’t know your exact situation
3. Check to see if they can force you to go on unpaid leave in the first place. Disabilities are protected, and idk your area but if you’re diagnosed/documented with anything related to the back pain or panic attacks, that likely means you should have gotten accommodations at minimum.
4. Look for the cheapest places to get what you need. Grocery outlet is great if you’re not picky and sometimes want fancier stuff for half the price it normally is, but it also has all the basics you need for at least some discount. Costless is only basics but also cheap. In my experience, local auto related places (repair, glass, muffler, etc) tend to be significantly cheaper than big name chains. I can give more specific recommendations if you need help figuring out the best way to get a decent deal on something
5. Figure out how to manage the panic attacks and pain. I suffer from chronic pain, and so far my TENS unit, Blue Emu, and Alleve are a good trifecta to make me feel good enough to function, if not at 0 pain. I also use crutches whenever possible since it helps with back pain. Figure out what helps with your pain and anxiety, and it should become easier to exist. It’s easier said than done, but I believe in you, and I can offer more specific tips on how to approach this if you need.

Feel better: 1. Find someplace public you can just exist. You don’t need to start off talking to people, you just need to be out there. You can consistently visit the library and use their free WiFi/bathrooms/water and just exist in a quiet place that’s outside of your normal environment. Typically I prefer coffee shops, and that’s resulted in me regularly getting free drinks and occasionally free food from the owners, alongside making several new friends and getting gifts from those people as well. But, the first step to any of this— be it community, free food, friends, or what— is to just find someplace to exist. 2. Go outside. Even just right outside your door. Going out into nature is even better, but fresh air and being under the sun can help so much 3. Get a cheap/free hobby. I like growing stuff from the things I bought at the grocery store— and even if they’re growing in half of a plastic bottle or a cut up soda can, it still makes me happy to see celery and green onion growing, and I’m planning on adding garlic soon if I can! You can take up drawing on free apps, write stories, grow things, collect and dry flowers you found growing outside, or do whatever you want! Having something to do that isn’t just scroll social media or mindlessly watch shows usually helps me feel better 4. Therapy/talking to someone. I can provide links to DBT workbooks if you would like, or recommendations for apps where you’re free to just talk to others and get support (anonymously or not) 5. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. If depression gets bad/it’s hard to motivate yourself to do anything, anything is better than nothing. Use dry shampoo, wipe off the grime on your teeth with a rag, clean up a little with baby wipes, whatever. Physically not feeling gross helps me feel a little better mentally.

I believe in you, and I know how hard it is to keep going when you’re struggling with anxiety and pain. I’m barely able to keep going at my part time job because of my physical problems, and I’m still trying to work on it. The most important thing is to just try to work on one thing at a time, even if it’s small. I didn’t find a job I could work, places to get cheap groceries, pain management techniques that work, and mental health resources all at once. This shit is built brick by brick, but every brick is worth it