Relationship rant.

[u/Luminous_life]

I'm in a toxic relationship. My partner is a high functioning alcoholic and has been on medication for Bipolar disorder in the past. I got diagnosed with depression 2 years into our (now almost 10 year) relationship. I've been on SSRis but came off them a few years back and have been in Therapy for about 8 years now. Im working on fixing the elements of our communication that is toxic, it's very reactive. I am often reactive too.. I feel like I'm putting in a lot of work and not getting anywhere. He says he feels the same. He told me today that he feels manipulated. That I've had him wrapped around his little finger and he's bent over backwards to make me happy (all of this while i was sitting on the couch breastfeeding our youngest)

This is one of many times he's blown up and said mean things to me... usually it's when he's really drunk and it's way worse. But apparently that's the edge I push him to.

I know I'm not perfect. I know that I have avoidant attachment and am not good at communicating my feelings (or even accessing them) because of my childhood experiences. I know i am hypersensitive to critisim. But it does feel like hes almost constantly annoyed and frustrated by things im doing or not doing. I honestly feel like I've taken on a lot of his bad traits in the time of our relationship.

I'm reeling now and feeling so dysregulated I really needed to get this off my chest.

[u/Over_Ad_9549]

Feel free to delete my comment (if that’s even possible) or block me because idk if you’re looking for comfort or for the truth. But the truth is that an alcoholic will never be able to meet your needs. They will never make the decision to be better until they’re ready to admit they’re an alcoholic and that it’s destroying their life. And even then, the odds of them getting clean are minimal. I see that yall have a child together and all I can say is that he will put that child through hell and cause a lot of trauma. This isn’t your fault. But it is your responsibility to protect you and your children. There is absolutely nothing you can do to fix this person unless they’re willing to work on themselves. The alcoholic saying you’re manipulating them is literally manipulation in itself on their part. I’m sorry to be so blunt and maybe I’m projecting my own experiences, but alcoholism is a disease that doesn’t just get better or go away. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, you do not deserve it and neither do your children. I can’t tell you to just leave because I know that’s not always possible, but the odds of him suddenly changing and getting better are slim. No amount of work on your end will fix his issues. You having mental health issues doesn’t justify his behavior either. Again, all I can say is that this is not your fault, but please don’t think he’ll magically change one day without putting in the work - and lots of it.