how can some people feel good about themselves without needing external validation

[u/Miserable-Scale1160]

i just find it so hard to self validate because i have the “facts” in front of me. for example, i find it hard to think that i’m pretty because no guy approaches me or talks to me, they unadd me when i show my face on snapchat, or i think i’m dumb because i keep getting low grades on several subjects. like no matter how much i tell myself that i’m not those things it’s so hard to believe because of certain situations that does prove i am those things

[u/catsback]

It’s about taking validation from what you are good at, and what makes you feel good. Taking value in what others consume from you, like appearance, never achieves the desired outcome. Your allowed feel good because others may find you smart or attractive, but your self worth will come from your achievements, hobbies, personal relationships.

[u/RWPossum]

We all need external validation. It's just that some people want it way too much. With self-confidence, we can get by with a bit of external now and then.

[u/RustoniRusty]

I also overly crave external validation. I had to ask myself why. Turns out I needed other people to tell me I was doing ok because I didn't trust myself.

This came from my past where I'd celebrate myself, and someone shut me down for it. So now, I instinctively need others to give me "permission" to celebrate myself.

It's your turn to ask yourself where yours stems from.