OK, so let’s start straight from the top. My oldest of three boys, now 10, first grandchild on both sides, it was naturally a very confident can do no wrong boy. When you’re the first grandchild and first born son, how can you?!

My husband and I purchased our home near the neighborhood where I grew up so that my children could attend the same amazing elementary school I attended 30 years ago. Still a great neighborhood, best rated school in our city.

Kindergarten, first grade, second grade, amazing. Wonderful teachers, no issues. Third grade, my son comes home the first day of school saying “mommy, someone said I’m the smallest kid in my class. And it’s true! I’m even smaller than all the girls!” This is true. My husband is 5’9”, I am 5’2”. My son’s pediatrician told me at four years old we would be lucky to have him get to 5’6”.

I didn’t notice much change immediately, the details he would share of his day for the most part at first. Instead of being excited about acing the math test or the arts and crafts project he did, he would come home telling me that the kids call him shrimp or midget. Now, my kid is no wimp. He is an all-star athlete, excels at all sports. He is very fit and I might say quite handsome. He is just on the smaller side for his age group!

For a while, we dealt with this in an “as to be expected“ fashion. Talked with him at home about his self-confidence, pumped him up, gave him some lines to respond to comments like that with, and encouraged him to shrug it off as just banter. Until the day, his first bully put him in a chokehold and dragged him across the basketball courts.

Of course, my son informed me of this incident, and his teacher did send a message home reading “another child placed his hands around Isaac’s neck at recess today. The office is handling it, but I wanted to let you know.“ What a delicate, casual way to explain what happened! The office never contacted me. A week or so later, my son tells me that this happened again. While waiting for his daycare provider out in the front of school, at the same child choked him and dragged him down off of a planter box onto the sidewalk right next to where all of the parents drive up (somewhat recklessly at times) to pick up their children. I was livid.

The next day, I walked up to the office and started explaining to the front desk, lady what had happened. The principal happened to be walking past at that moment, heard the bullies name, ears picked up and she came over and took over the conversation. After I explained from the beginning everything that it happened from the first incident, the principal responded as follows: “wow, that child that you’re referring to has been in trouble more often than he has not recently, he has spent every recess inside for the last two weeks. So I just don’t see how that could’ve happened.“ Excuse me what? Did you just call me a liar? Are you calling my child a liar? in the same sentence, you just acknowledge that this child is such a problem. He has been in the office for recess, a.k.a. in school suspension for the past few weeks. Yet at the same time, you are telling me that what I’m telling you cannot possibly be true. IF HAD YOU BEEN LISTENING – this didn’t happen at recess. This happened out front after school! I have never had trust in the school since. My child started experiencing extreme anxiety after that. Avoidance. Many many mornings where everything would seem fine at home and then as soon as it was time to leave for school or sometimes not until we pulled up at the school, he would have a full-blown panic, attack, hyperventilating, crying, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t catch his breath, he had never exhibited this behavior in his life. This went on for two years. Although the School never contacted me when he had been physically, violated and harmed, they did call me when my child started exhibiting behavior. I call “peacocking “. Silly, class clown type things such as peeing in a puddle at recess, saying inappropriate things to make his friends laugh, starting a food fight in the cafeteria, etc. This is now fourth grade. He has never shown this type of behavior ever before the bullying incident. i’ve known my child for his entire life. I can clearly see that this behavior is due to being made to feel inferior. Cold shrimp. Called midget. Then literally physically assaulted. He is trying to show that he has larger than he seems and compensate. The beginning of fourth grade was a nightmare. His teacher also bullied him. She was fired midway through the year, crazy end to the bullying saga. His long-term substitute that took over the rest of the year was amazing. Absolutely amazing teacher! He changed everything for my child. For many of the children that were tormented by that teacher the first half of the year. Now in fifth grade, my son is very confident. He is proud to stand up for his friends and doesn’t seem to back down from anything.

Which leads me to today. My son has built a very strong group of friends. About five boys who he plays, peewee football with; plays with in our neighborhood after school every day, and for the most part, the five boys have been in the same class for all of elementary school. This year, my son has been bullied, a little bit, by one particular kid. Their friends one day, the next day the kid pushes him into a wall. My son doesn’t back down and pushes him right back. I haven’t heard much about this kid in a few months. Today my son comes home and tells me that The bully slapped their other friend.