My life combusted. Help please.

[u/JKSBBLP]

I live in the US. A few days ago I discovered my husband (common law, recognized in my State) has been cheating on me. It's been going on for at least 2 months, mostly sexting and dating sites (something he did before but promised to stop, I know im stupid), and one women i know for sure he's had physical contact with. He doesn't know that I know. I don't know what to do. I don't blame him, I fell down the depression and anxiety hole pretty hard in 2018, got really physically sick and almost died in 2023, and its been a long, slow, really slow, process in trying to drag myself out of the pit, which is now complicated by physical ailments and lack of mobility. The house is his, the only car he put my name on is 20+ years old but due to the standard that is German over-engineering I'd have to take out loans just to replace a windshield wiper (he does all of his own car maintenance and repairs). I have no savings or money saved, or valuables. He controls the finances, and keeps my SS disability card since he does all the grocery shopping and bills. I don't go anywhere. I haven't left the house for anything other than doctor appointments since April of 2023. I'm not cleared to drive myself, and between the big oxygen tanks and either my rolator or wheelchair I need assistance walking. I really don't blame him. I'd leave me too. But I have no where to go. The one sister who lives in my state has no room. The other lives several states away and also has a house full. And I can't leave my cats. I've lost so much already, I can't leave them. I've asked him to add me to the deed, in case something happens to him, at least I won't have to scramble to try and secure the home. He said he would, but I dont know if he's just saying that or he actually wants to do that. I have a life insurance policy and small 401k that has him listed as the beneficiary, and I just want to be cremated and tossed somewhere, so most of those funds will go to him, but if he keeps driving 4 hpurs through 2 bad cities to see his affair partner every 2 weeks, my anxiety is through the roof that he's either going to die on the highway or eventually he will just blindside me and kick me out. I don't care if he keeps seeing other women, I can't satisfy him now, I've tried, but I also can't be homeless. I dont know what to do. I feel so lost and alone and heartbroken and sad. Just so bone achingly sad I can't think. I'm looking for advice, please? A direction. A Google search. An organization to call. Anything. Please.

[u/doctoralstudent1]

Hi OP. Do you feel that you are living with domestic violence (mental, emotional, physical or financial abuse)? I know a few people here have eluded to that, but it also seems that you are unable to drive, you can’t or don’t want to leave the house, and are generally in very poor health. If your partner has your SS card because he does all the shopping, then that is reasonable since you cannot shop for yourself. If you are not working and draw SSDI, you cannot have more than $2000, so that explains why you don’t have any assets. I just wanted to clarify whether you were in a DV situation or not because of the resources that may be available you.

I am not defending your partner’s cheating, but he is likely very lonely. If I were you, I would confront him with the issues that concern you like getting kicked out and being homeless. If you have not signed anything, he likely has not added you to the deed unless he has your general power of attorney and has acted on your behalf.

Keeping everything bottled up inside is not doing you any good. Calmly talk to your partner and find out where things stand. Good luck.

[u/JKSBBLP → u/doctoralstudent1]

Hes not physically violent but he gets angry a lot and complains constantly. He can be overbearing for sure. I'm sure he's lonely now, my condition is hard enough for me to endure, much less him but this isn't the first time he's been inappropriate with women. The first time was back after we first moved in together, and I was very active, and we did almost everything together. I discovered he was still in contact with his affair partner that he got busted with when he was living with his last girlfriend. Like I said in my OP, I was stupid and believed he changed and would do better. Thank you for your reply. 

[u/doctoralstudent1 → u/JKSBBLP]

You deserve respect and love OP. I am so very sorry that your partner has decided to cheat. I know that is so very painful. Also, living with the fear of being homeless (or kicked out of your house) is probably just agonizing. Talk to him and figure out where you stand. Not knowing just makes things worse. Good luck OP. I will be praying for you.