My life combusted. Help please.

[u/JKSBBLP]

I live in the US. A few days ago I discovered my husband (common law, recognized in my State) has been cheating on me. It's been going on for at least 2 months, mostly sexting and dating sites (something he did before but promised to stop, I know im stupid), and one women i know for sure he's had physical contact with. He doesn't know that I know. I don't know what to do. I don't blame him, I fell down the depression and anxiety hole pretty hard in 2018, got really physically sick and almost died in 2023, and its been a long, slow, really slow, process in trying to drag myself out of the pit, which is now complicated by physical ailments and lack of mobility. The house is his, the only car he put my name on is 20+ years old but due to the standard that is German over-engineering I'd have to take out loans just to replace a windshield wiper (he does all of his own car maintenance and repairs). I have no savings or money saved, or valuables. He controls the finances, and keeps my SS disability card since he does all the grocery shopping and bills. I don't go anywhere. I haven't left the house for anything other than doctor appointments since April of 2023. I'm not cleared to drive myself, and between the big oxygen tanks and either my rolator or wheelchair I need assistance walking. I really don't blame him. I'd leave me too. But I have no where to go. The one sister who lives in my state has no room. The other lives several states away and also has a house full. And I can't leave my cats. I've lost so much already, I can't leave them. I've asked him to add me to the deed, in case something happens to him, at least I won't have to scramble to try and secure the home. He said he would, but I dont know if he's just saying that or he actually wants to do that. I have a life insurance policy and small 401k that has him listed as the beneficiary, and I just want to be cremated and tossed somewhere, so most of those funds will go to him, but if he keeps driving 4 hpurs through 2 bad cities to see his affair partner every 2 weeks, my anxiety is through the roof that he's either going to die on the highway or eventually he will just blindside me and kick me out. I don't care if he keeps seeing other women, I can't satisfy him now, I've tried, but I also can't be homeless. I dont know what to do. I feel so lost and alone and heartbroken and sad. Just so bone achingly sad I can't think. I'm looking for advice, please? A direction. A Google search. An organization to call. Anything. Please.

[u/Open-Boot-6824]

First off HELLO, you're not alone and ITS NOT YOUR FAULT.. IN SICKNESS & HEALTH You becoming ill did not give him a free pass. You don't have to go anywhere bottom line I get the feeling of not wanting to be somewhere where you feel you're unwanted unloved I get it you do not have to Upper yourself you are not the one that stepped out of that marriage regardless if it's common law or not it's still a marriage. He became unfaithful, he stepped out, HE GO AWAY ON WEEKENDS.... TELL HIM TO STAY. OF COURSE YOU WANT TO GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW YOU WANT TO GET THE SUPPORT YOU CAN BEHIND YOU YOU WANT TO GET HOW YOU'RE GOING TO MANAGE TO WRITE IT DOWN AND A NOTEBOOK SOMEWHERE HAVE A PLAN DON'T OVERWHELM YOURSELF YOU'RE NOT ALONE YOU ARE NOT ALONE Ñ DESERVE TO LIVE A HAPPY LOVEFILLED LIFE. GOOD LUCK GOD BLESS

[u/Open-Boot-6824 → u/Open-Boot-6824]

It's gonna be HARD HARDER THAN HE77 BUT YOU CAN DO IT. I TO SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION NOT A SEVER BUT MIND CRIPPLING I DO WHAT I HAVE TO TO SURVIVE. My BF of 13 years (common law not here ) cheated on me with my own flesh and blood ... my mother's daughter (she is no longer my sister YOU DONT DO THAT TO ANYONE) Him and I kept her little girl when she couldn't have her where she was laying her head (who does that) He was sleeping with her while I had her child at Disney world on my dime( that I would do again she loved it) I took her every vacation while the two of them played house. Putting him out was the hardest thing I did. Best things I ever did.. I lost EVERYTHING EVERYTHING there after. Damn near drank myself too the grave. Got sick 9 day hospital stay emergency surgery but I m hear to tell you I would go threw losing everything again to gain myself back. We love the wrong people trusted the wrong ones. Sure it HURTS HURTS LIKE HELL in the beginning because you love strong... Look in that mirror and love her know you ARE ENOUGH. Once you love the person looking back at you ONCE YOU START BEING OK AND HAPPY WITH HER... THE PAIN WILL STOP. IT WILL LESSEN TEAR WILL STILL FALL BUT THEY BECOME LESSER AS WELL. YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU. LOVE YOU ITS OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY YOU CAN DO THIS YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. YOU ARE GINNA BE OKAY

[u/JKSBBLP → u/Open-Boot-6824]

Thank you for replying, the emotional support means a lot to me. I'm calling social security this week to get info on any programs for housing I may qualify for. Even if he puts me on the deed, I need to have options. I am realizing I don't have anyone in my life who I can lean on if things get bad, and I guess that's the scariest part of all. 

[u/Open-Boot-6824 → u/JKSBBLP]

You are very welcome. Its scary and sad not having anyone to lean on . However have faith in yourself cause we doubt ourselves to often and you be surprised at what you can do when you need to do it. I had one person the one person everyone told me to leave alone let go. Well he turned out to be my angel in street clothes. I have.learned the longest most powerful word since being left alone.. NO, NO IS AN ENTIRE SENTENCE. NO IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE SIMPLE SHORT AND RIGHT TO THE POINT. You need to pray have faith in yourself and we'll plan expect the worse pray for the best landing in between hey it's a true blessing. I think you are gonna be okay. Prayers huggs and well wishes sent your way.