r/Assistance • u/JKSBBLP • 20d ago
ADVICE My life combusted. Help please.
I live in the US. A few days ago I discovered my husband (common law, recognized in my State) has been cheating on me. It's been going on for at least 2 months, mostly sexting and dating sites (something he did before but promised to stop, I know im stupid), and one women i know for sure he's had physical contact with. He doesn't know that I know. I don't know what to do. I don't blame him, I fell down the depression and anxiety hole pretty hard in 2018, got really physically sick and almost died in 2023, and its been a long, slow, really slow, process in trying to drag myself out of the pit, which is now complicated by physical ailments and lack of mobility. The house is his, the only car he put my name on is 20+ years old but due to the standard that is German over-engineering I'd have to take out loans just to replace a windshield wiper (he does all of his own car maintenance and repairs). I have no savings or money saved, or valuables. He controls the finances, and keeps my SS disability card since he does all the grocery shopping and bills. I don't go anywhere. I haven't left the house for anything other than doctor appointments since April of 2023. I'm not cleared to drive myself, and between the big oxygen tanks and either my rolator or wheelchair I need assistance walking. I really don't blame him. I'd leave me too. But I have no where to go. The one sister who lives in my state has no room. The other lives several states away and also has a house full. And I can't leave my cats. I've lost so much already, I can't leave them. I've asked him to add me to the deed, in case something happens to him, at least I won't have to scramble to try and secure the home. He said he would, but I dont know if he's just saying that or he actually wants to do that. I have a life insurance policy and small 401k that has him listed as the beneficiary, and I just want to be cremated and tossed somewhere, so most of those funds will go to him, but if he keeps driving 4 hpurs through 2 bad cities to see his affair partner every 2 weeks, my anxiety is through the roof that he's either going to die on the highway or eventually he will just blindside me and kick me out. I don't care if he keeps seeing other women, I can't satisfy him now, I've tried, but I also can't be homeless. I dont know what to do. I feel so lost and alone and heartbroken and sad. Just so bone achingly sad I can't think. I'm looking for advice, please? A direction. A Google search. An organization to call. Anything. Please.
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u/JubileeSailr 19d ago
You don't say anywhere that he is violent or abusive. Don't get me wrong, cheating is terrible. If you have good communication otherwise, try talking to him to see if you can't work something out.