I am so sad

[u/DrFredz]

I am just so sad. In short, I saved up all my life and sacrificed everything I could until the age of 38 and opened a restaurant right before COVID hit. Long story short, restaurant is sold at a major loss, life savings gone and I just put up my family home for sale to pay off my debts, will be renting because my credit is shot. Will have to take my autistic son out of his private school and put him in a crappy public school. Marriage took a major hit and I’m not sure if we’ll come out of it ok. I’m out of a job and feel like I can’t work anymore, yet I cannot afford even a week without any income.

I’ve been crying all day and I can’t stop. I’m so sad my heart physically aches. I can’t sleep and cannot hold back my tears and sadness. I know everyone will say stuff like “stay strong” and “it’ll get better” or “there are others that have it worse”, but for me, since the age of 16, I have dedicated every second of every day, made so many sacrifices and suffered so much to get somewhere where I could lead a good life and leave something good for my kids when I’m gone, only to end up with such an outcome. I am destroyed and hurting so much.

I lost hope. I was always positive even when times were hard. I always believed hard work and sacrifices will eventually pay off. I always believed that if I do good I will eventually reap the benefits. I have always tried to be kind, generous, helpful and compassionate with everyone I encountered, no matter who they were. I was religious and believed I will be rewarded for my efforts. I was wrong all along and it really really really hurts to hit the wall and find out all of it was in vain.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for by posting this but I hope to feel even a little better after putting it out there. Thanks for reading me and good luck to everyone out there, life is unfair and cruel.

[u/doctoralstudent1]

Hi OP,

I am so very sorry that you have fallen on hard times. I grew up poor and joined the military (ROTC) to pay for my bachelor's degree. I worked hard and completed my MBA and eventually my doctorate in business administration. I don't ever want to go back to being poor, but if I do, I know I can make it out again. Do not let fear overwhelm you. Be confident that you achieved success once and can do so again.

I have spent many years in finance, so I would like to offer the following advice:

1. Your home is a valuable asset, so protect it. Look into filing for bankruptcy and either have your remaining debt discharged or restructured to affordable payments. Bankruptcy does not last forever on your credit report.
2. Pick up a side hustle. You sound like an educated, driven person, so think about the jobs you ( and your wife/spouse/partner) can do in the evening and on weekends. I have found some PT teaching jobs (adult learning and adjunct professor) that have supplemented my income for many years.
3. You stated that your son is autistic. I know you are disappointed that you have to put him into public school, however, you can request tutoring for him from his school. Also, look for tutors outside of his school or even a charter school, if you can. Here is a tutoring service that I am affiliated with: wyzant.com. Also, school will be ending soon and there are a lot of college kids looking for jobs. Find one to be your son's PT tutor.
4. You stated that you bought a restaurant. Are you a cook or chef? Look to open a dark kitchen and sell food, cakes, etc. through your neighborhood forum as your side hustle. There are several people who sell food using Nextdoor.com.
5. Sell what you don't need, cut your expenses down to the absolute bare necessities, and use food pantries. These actions can be emotional, but remember, your goal is to get back on your feet financially. You will have to eliminate things like Netflix, eating out, unnecessary food items like alcohol, etc.
6. Look for free things to do for hobbies: Hiking, library books, museums, etc.
7. Explain the financial situation to your children so that they understand the severity. This discussion will be humbling, but everyone in the family must be on the same page.
8. Call 211 to see what other resources are available in your area.
9. Join subreddit forums like r/Frugal for money saving ideas.
10. Join meetup.com and attend free online or in-person group meetings on financial literacy. Just type "financial" in the search box.
11. Stop shopping retail. Shop at local thrift stores for clothing and household needs. Also take a look at hip2save.com and freestufffinder.com
12. Come back to this subreddit for emotional support.

Good luck OP! You can do this. DO NOT LET FEAR OVERWHELM YOU. If you have any questions please DM me and I will try and assist you.

[u/DrFredz → u/doctoralstudent1]

Hello friend, thank you so much for your elaborate and helpful response, it is greatly appreciated. I will definitely look into most of your suggestions as they seem extremely relevant, however certain things don’t really apply to my situation given my location. Thanks again so very much for taking the time, I really really appreciate it. God bless