I am so sad

[u/DrFredz]

I am just so sad. In short, I saved up all my life and sacrificed everything I could until the age of 38 and opened a restaurant right before COVID hit. Long story short, restaurant is sold at a major loss, life savings gone and I just put up my family home for sale to pay off my debts, will be renting because my credit is shot. Will have to take my autistic son out of his private school and put him in a crappy public school. Marriage took a major hit and I’m not sure if we’ll come out of it ok. I’m out of a job and feel like I can’t work anymore, yet I cannot afford even a week without any income.

I’ve been crying all day and I can’t stop. I’m so sad my heart physically aches. I can’t sleep and cannot hold back my tears and sadness. I know everyone will say stuff like “stay strong” and “it’ll get better” or “there are others that have it worse”, but for me, since the age of 16, I have dedicated every second of every day, made so many sacrifices and suffered so much to get somewhere where I could lead a good life and leave something good for my kids when I’m gone, only to end up with such an outcome. I am destroyed and hurting so much.

I lost hope. I was always positive even when times were hard. I always believed hard work and sacrifices will eventually pay off. I always believed that if I do good I will eventually reap the benefits. I have always tried to be kind, generous, helpful and compassionate with everyone I encountered, no matter who they were. I was religious and believed I will be rewarded for my efforts. I was wrong all along and it really really really hurts to hit the wall and find out all of it was in vain.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for by posting this but I hope to feel even a little better after putting it out there. Thanks for reading me and good luck to everyone out there, life is unfair and cruel.

[u/BVO120]

Therapy, my friend. Therapy!!

Like you, I went through some deep, DEEP shit through COVID.

I'm not trying to brag, and according to my therapist, this is objectively true: I am one mentally sound person. I am pretty damn good at coping.

But when I had to have MAJOR surgery (during COVID), I lost my job almost immediately thereafter, my mom (states away) was diagnosed with lung cancer, AND my husband's and my hopes of starting a family were dashed due to my job loss all in the span of 3.5 months, I started having panic attacks.

Therapy helped me survive the most stressful, lowest time of my life. Then it helped me process all that awfulness so that with time, I could regain hope.

This time right now SUCKS. It's AWFUL. Reach out for some help getting through it. You don't have to carry it all alone.

[u/DrFredz → u/BVO120]

Thank you so much for your suggestion and your comments. I am really sorry you had to go through such a bad experience and I really hope your struggle will end soon. Unfortunately right now I cannot afford any type of therapy, my first financial priority is housing my family and feeding them.

[u/BVO120 → u/DrFredz]

I absolutely understand the need to prioritize survival needs.

Just remember, eventually mental health is a survival need. Hopefully soon you can find some affordable therapy. And while debt is never good, if it means the difference between you surviving and not, I'm sure your loved ones would pay anything to see you well and thriving again.

In the meantime, you might google "how to survive mental health crisis until I can afford therapy."

Journaling how you're feeling on a given day can definitely help. Just letting all the burdens spill out on the page is a great outlet. If you qualify for Medicaid, it should cover some mental health services.

Hang on, friend. Hang on.

[u/DrFredz → u/BVO120]

Thank you very much for the precious suggestions my friend, definitely worth a look. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your help I really appreciate it