I am so sad

[u/DrFredz]

I am just so sad. In short, I saved up all my life and sacrificed everything I could until the age of 38 and opened a restaurant right before COVID hit. Long story short, restaurant is sold at a major loss, life savings gone and I just put up my family home for sale to pay off my debts, will be renting because my credit is shot. Will have to take my autistic son out of his private school and put him in a crappy public school. Marriage took a major hit and I’m not sure if we’ll come out of it ok. I’m out of a job and feel like I can’t work anymore, yet I cannot afford even a week without any income.

I’ve been crying all day and I can’t stop. I’m so sad my heart physically aches. I can’t sleep and cannot hold back my tears and sadness. I know everyone will say stuff like “stay strong” and “it’ll get better” or “there are others that have it worse”, but for me, since the age of 16, I have dedicated every second of every day, made so many sacrifices and suffered so much to get somewhere where I could lead a good life and leave something good for my kids when I’m gone, only to end up with such an outcome. I am destroyed and hurting so much.

I lost hope. I was always positive even when times were hard. I always believed hard work and sacrifices will eventually pay off. I always believed that if I do good I will eventually reap the benefits. I have always tried to be kind, generous, helpful and compassionate with everyone I encountered, no matter who they were. I was religious and believed I will be rewarded for my efforts. I was wrong all along and it really really really hurts to hit the wall and find out all of it was in vain.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for by posting this but I hope to feel even a little better after putting it out there. Thanks for reading me and good luck to everyone out there, life is unfair and cruel.

[u/Cherrygodmother]

I was always positive even when times were hard. I always believed hard work and sacrifices will eventually pay off. I always believed that if I do good I will eventually reap the benefits. I have always tried to be kind, generous, helpful and compassionate with everyone I encountered, no matter who they were.

Ugh. I feel this so deeply. I’ve built my life doing the same, and I got screwed over by the pandemic too (though in different ways.)

I just wanted to say: don’t give up.

Take it one day at a time. One hour, one MINUTE at a time if you have to. You can survive this. You CAN and you MUST. Because of what I quoted above. We NEED good people like you in this world. Don’t let this harden you, or force your hand to giving up.

I’m not saying “be strong” because honestly? Fuck that. You don’t have to be “strong.” Cry, weep, ask for help, rest, do as many “soft” things as you possibly can. But just keep going. Please.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. It’s not fair. You deserve to hear that. It. Is. Not. Fair.

I’m not married so I’m not really in a position to give marriage advice, but I did want to ask you if you feel like you can lean into that partnership at this time and see if maybe there’s a way you both can hold each other close and work together to get through this? I would hate for you to lose your family on top of all this.

I’m also not a financial planner, but I did want to ask: is bankruptcy an option? We looked into it for my parents, and (while my father’s ego couldn’t handle it) from the research that I’ve done, it’s not as damning as I was always under the impression it was. You CAN recover.

I’m so angry at the selfish jerks who are rich and in power who threw us to the wolves and are bailing out banks instead of feeding and housing and saving us citizens. It’s infuriating. And it is not fair.

But you DO still have some power. That power lies within your very own existence. You can choose to hang on to that little light inside of you, though it may have grown dim in these last few years. Don’t let it go out. Please. Don’t give up hope.

We need good humans like you to stick around. You have a strength within you that MANY MANY people do not. Many people do not understand the skills and strength that come with being kind, generous, helpful and compassionate. Those are the skills this world needs more than anything else. Those are the things that keep the world from becoming even more cruel.

I wish I had monetary assistance I could provide. At the end of the day, it all boils down to that. And I hate it. And I wish I had it because I would absolutely share that with you.

But I hope that maybe these comments have given you a little bit of energy. Just enough of a pick-me-up to keep going.

Keep going for your family, for your kiddo (autism is a REAL hurdle… I can only imagine the work you’ve put in to help your kid have a good life with it.) Keep going for yourself. Keep going for the future you, who you may not be able to see yet, but you CAN find them. You have a future. Just don’t give up on it.

Sending you so much love. And again, I am so so sorry this happened to you.

[u/DrFredz → u/Cherrygodmother]

My friend I want to start by sending you my deepest thanks for your kind reply and elaborate response. Although I’m still sitting here crying for the last few days your message put a little balm on.

Regarding my marriage, I’m not sure what’s going to happen. My wife was never the kind to take any sort of decision or initiative and I was always the one to support and shoulder most of the weight. Don’t get me wrong I’m not blaming or complaining about her, I decided to get married to her and made my choice and am assuming the consequences of my decisions till the end, weather good or bad, easy or hard. I’m not sure if she’ll stick around though and I’m prepared for either conclusion. I lost everything and this is the last straw. I feel I can’t be much worst off than I am now, sadly.

With regards to the bankruptcy, it fortunately won’t be necessary. The sale of my home will pay off most of my debts. It’s just a really hard pill to swallow to see all your hard work, sacrifices and hard work vanish into thin air. I’m basically, on a financial level, restarting my life from scratch, only this time I have over 50k in debts and a family to support.

Again I thank you so very much for your message and sending you much love. God bless you

[u/net357 → u/DrFredz]

Not sure if you believe in God, but it may be a good time to start. Have some faith. I’ll be praying for you. It’s powerful.

[u/DrFredz → u/net357]

I am (admittedly not practicing as much as I should) Christian, but above all I always believed in a higher power, regardless of all the little differences and beliefs. However, to be honest, I’m the last months I’ve started giving up hope on this concept. Things have been going so wrong and I have been hurting so so so much that I’m losing all faith and hope.

[u/net357 → u/DrFredz]

I understand. It is so hard to be faithful when you feel like everything is crashing around you. I get it. I’m praying for you and I have faith that you will pull through. God bless.