r/Assistance Mar 26 '23

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT I am so sad

I am just so sad. In short, I saved up all my life and sacrificed everything I could until the age of 38 and opened a restaurant right before COVID hit. Long story short, restaurant is sold at a major loss, life savings gone and I just put up my family home for sale to pay off my debts, will be renting because my credit is shot. Will have to take my autistic son out of his private school and put him in a crappy public school. Marriage took a major hit and I’m not sure if we’ll come out of it ok. I’m out of a job and feel like I can’t work anymore, yet I cannot afford even a week without any income.

I’ve been crying all day and I can’t stop. I’m so sad my heart physically aches. I can’t sleep and cannot hold back my tears and sadness. I know everyone will say stuff like “stay strong” and “it’ll get better” or “there are others that have it worse”, but for me, since the age of 16, I have dedicated every second of every day, made so many sacrifices and suffered so much to get somewhere where I could lead a good life and leave something good for my kids when I’m gone, only to end up with such an outcome. I am destroyed and hurting so much.

I lost hope. I was always positive even when times were hard. I always believed hard work and sacrifices will eventually pay off. I always believed that if I do good I will eventually reap the benefits. I have always tried to be kind, generous, helpful and compassionate with everyone I encountered, no matter who they were. I was religious and believed I will be rewarded for my efforts. I was wrong all along and it really really really hurts to hit the wall and find out all of it was in vain.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for by posting this but I hope to feel even a little better after putting it out there. Thanks for reading me and good luck to everyone out there, life is unfair and cruel.

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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '23

I know how u feel.. I haven't been doing ok and recently even thinking about taking my own life just bcos of how desperate I am for help and most people just say things will get better or it will be ok.. they don't know how hard it is. I truly hope you'll find a way..

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u/DrFredz Mar 26 '23

Thank you for your comment. I actually thought about taking my own life for a long time and even started putting a plan together, but for some reason I am incapable of going through with it.

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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '23

The only reason I haven't done that is bcos I have a nephew and niece, they lost their parents last year and I've been raising them. Being in debt with no way to pay it off after losing job is tough, and the fact that I can't get help bcos they think I'm still young and have lots of potential is even more frustrating..but I can't do it bcos I'm the only family the twins have left. so yeah.. I understand how frustrating and stressful it is, I'm at the point where I hate hearing things will get better bcos it's the other way around.

I can relate with the religious part too.. I do good and do what I'm supposed to. So to hit rock bottom and hear other believers say things like god only tests those he loves makes me feel even more awful

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u/vert1s Mar 26 '23

I get how people telling you it'll get better is frustrating. It doesn't feel like it ever will and in truth it's not guaranteed to. I think a more accurate sentiment is "this too shall pass". The problems of today are not the same as those of tomorrow.

There will always be problems of one form or another. Some seem surmountable and some seem insurmountable.

It reminds me a lot of Paris Syndrome. People from Japan dream of holidaying in Paris, saving up for a post card holiday. Then they go there and Paris in the real world doesn't match the postcard/movie Paris. It's a dirty smelly city (more so at the moment because the French are protesting pension reform by not picking up the garbage).

They go home disallusioned. But Paris is still cool and has a lot to offer, despite all the 'real world' flaws. Life is a little like this. We expect a christmas movie version of how things should be, and it just isn't.

Also the "God only tests those he loves" is not biblical it's meaningless drivel (I'm not religious but a grew up a Pastors Kid)