r/AskMenAdvice • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
I don’t understand how my overweight friend has women like he does
[deleted]
28
u/Miews woman 1d ago
I'll rather date a goblin with homour and a personality, than one who looks like a greek god, but is more boring than a year old cracker .
13
u/MoggyFluffyDevilKat man 1d ago
And here's your answer... Good looks will get you the chance to strut your stuff...but of you have no stuff to strut, then that's it.
10
u/sasheenka woman 1d ago
My brother is overweight and definitely not good looking. He is very funny though. Always had very pretty girlfriends.
1
8
u/Status-Pin-7410 1d ago
Is he funny? Does he make women feel good about themselves? The world has a lot of decent looking guys who are boring or can't hold a conversation with a fire hydrant.
8
4
u/FutureThinkingMan man 1d ago
Maybe he’s not self entitled and assumes he’s owed something based on how he looks, women like that 🤷
19
u/Strange-Persimmon869 man 1d ago edited 1d ago
Confidence > looks. My objectively ugliest friend is the most confident guy I know, and he gets laid more often than anyone else I know.
3
-8
5
7
5
u/NewInvestigator91 woman 1d ago
confidence does more than looks. being charming can come with any shape/size. also there’s a lot of women out there who prefer chubbier men as well, I’m surprised a lot of men don’t know this. once you have self-confidence and prioritize yourself (mental and physical health wise) you’re set
9
u/specialdelivery88 1d ago
I’m 340lbs. My wife is smoking hot. If I defined myself by my weight I doubt I’d have had the success in relationships that I have had
1
u/ExpertSpirited4066 1d ago
Lucky you whats yr secret
3
u/specialdelivery88 23h ago
Youthful confidence, having fun and caring I suppose.
1
u/ExpertSpirited4066 23h ago
Are you young?
1
u/specialdelivery88 22h ago
No! I met her when I was young and am nearly 50 now. My friends were all good looking guys. I wouldn’t say I wasn’t pleasant looking but being a bigger guy I had to offer more when we were out looking for women and I had more success than most of my friends. Although I was always around 300 lbs my chest and shoulders are larger than my belly so I suppose I’m not the typical 300+ guy. I over heard a girl once say that she wouldn’t go for me as I was too big. I’m torn today about what I did but I ended up sleeping with her, she got the feels and I played her around for about a year and kept her on the side because of what she said. Feel a bit guilty as I hurt her but so did her initial comment.
3
u/Changelingz woman 1d ago
My first boyfriend was chubby. He was extremely charming and intelligent, had a nice face, so it didn’t bother me. Unfortunately his charm was a ruse and he was a full blown narcissist… but still… confidence and charm go miles!
2
u/Changelingz woman 1d ago
Women don’t choose bad men because they like bad men, it’s because the bad men are so damn confident and good at tricking you.
3
4
u/MoggyFluffyDevilKat man 1d ago
Same way I (who am shorter and balder than you) does. By being fun to be with.
3
u/Plenty_Patience_5491 man 1d ago
I mean, I'm not asking for it, but you didn't provide ya'lls age, the definition of "He gets dates" and "Gets laid at a higher rate than me." Bruv, really, don't compare yourself to other people, I had that problem when I was younger, now, my one friend was slaying ass, and he was like "Why don't you ever have a date?" I'm like "One, just got done dating someone for 5 months, and two, I was married for 9 years, fuck dating right now, I gotta work on me." He doesn't have kids and I do. It's all about knowing where you're lucky at, my friend is having so much sex because he's insecure about me having 3 kids and he's 2 years older than me and has none. I just don't compare myself, dude is better looking than me and runs in a more traditional crowd of people, I'm a nerd, if my woman isn't at least halfway a nerd, no shot. Again, I gotta get my mental together though, so it's a good 2-3 years before I date anyone. I have 2 girls I'm in FWB situation with (1 who doesn't have sex with anyone else, at least she says, who knows, and the other has like 3 other FWB). EDIT----->>>You need to not get hung up on "Gets laid at a higher rate than me." Just worry about your stuff, if you do that, I think you and your friend will start having double dates, women can smell if you're ACTING confident or if you really just are confident. Your friend probably didn't have it all that good when he was younger and so he compensated by boosting his confidence and realizing, he's big, but he can't change that, so he rolled with it.
3
u/OkSuccotash258 man 1d ago
How overweight are we talking here? If we're just talking overweight BMI then that's not too bad, especially if he's tall (over 6'), confident, and has charisma. If he's bloat maxed obese then that is surprising.
3
3
u/Ironworker76_ 1d ago
I’ve been a ton of fun my whole life.. I ranged from 230-350 in my adult life.. never once had any trouble getting women most guys are like “how you always got hit chicks around you?” And I’ll tell you.. I’m funny. I’m intelligent, and I am funny as hell.. but.. what always kept me with lots of women around in general… i didn’t try to fuck everyone I met. Infact. I never hit on any of them. Ever. That got me more sex than anything I could ever imagine.. something about a funny guy who’s not attempting to screw them every chance he gets… makes then want you.. also makes them want you around cause it keeps other dudes at bay also..
3
u/SeraphimDigital man 1d ago
You are looking at the wrong things. It is that simple. I don't understand how you have an example of a successful guy and instead of observing, so you can learn for yourself, you question how he does it without being how you think he should be.
You have picked his weight as something you feel makes him inferior and are confused as the results imply it does not. What you should understand is that weight does not have the importance to women that you thought it would.
There are tons of things like this. Height is another example. It just isn't as important as society would have you believe. On very shallow levels it may seem apparent. Women state they are looking for a tall guy. The deeper your relating with a woman becomes, the less important the shallow desires will become.
Take the things you think women want with a grain of salt. They are the qualifications needed for a superficial fling. Presence and attention are more attractive than your weight or bank account.
That isn't to say that some things don't imply deeper things. A decent bank account implies an ability to provide, for example. The number isn't what is attractive. The ability to be a provider is the attractive part. Even if it is only subconsciously at work.
3
u/sumane12 man 1d ago
I'm guessing by the way you've phrased this, "definitely overweight" he's overweight but not obese or unhealthily overweight, or you would have said obese.
He's probably muscular but higher bodyfat percentage, like 20% or something. I'm guessing you're also quite light so he looks bigger compared to you.
Generally, people don't find fat unattractive, they find being unhealthy unattractive. If someone is carrying too much weight, but holds it well and is otherwise healthy and active, it's not a deal breaker.
Also most people in the developed world are overweight so again, if he's not obese or unhealthy it's not going to affect his chances with women.
There's probably more to it, but the more important question is, if you think his situation is specific to him, why dont you ask him, "hey bro, I noticed you're really good at getting with hot girls, any tips you can give me?" Chances are, if he's your friend he will help you out.
2
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts. Your post has NOT been removed.
vxrss originally posted:
I have a friend that is definitely overweight, but somehow he gets dates, has women into him and gets laid at a higher rate than me and most of the other guys I know. It’s been kinda surprising to me. I guess I’m missing something.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
2
u/Aessioml man 1d ago
Fat old cunt here,
Happily attached for the last 7 years never done bad with women normally to the point it pisses off my mates especially the gym fit guys that spend 5 days a week killing themselves in the gym.
Then you are young and good looking it's fucking easy
When you're not you need to quickly develop a personality and the ability to laugh someone's clothes off.
We all check out past our best it's a shame to dedicate an entire life to fitness without Improving our brains.
2
u/EitherStructure5429 man 1d ago edited 1d ago
I had an overweight friend in highschool, not ugly mind you, but definitely on the bigger side. He was the coolest most chill guy I knew, super funny, smart and confident! Was in a band, was a DJ for a while... and yeah he got the most incredible girls, he put in the effort where it mattered! He lost a lot of weight now before he got married. I am glad that happened now and not in school, he would've made life very hard on all the other guys 😅!
2
u/Additional-Sweet-821 23h ago
Hmm ..Have you ever considered maybe You're not getting dates because of this type of Mentality
2
u/specialdelivery88 23h ago
I hate this type of attitude. It’s so small minded and assumes women are vacuous and couldn’t possibly be attracted to anything other than superficial looks. I once had a guy ask my girlfriend (now wife) if we were together. He raised his eyebrows and asked why. I didn’t get upset but laughed at him and said that mindset is exactly the reason you’ll never attract a woman like this. 21 years later and she’s still as hot and into me at 300+ lbs.
2
u/PayNo3874 man 23h ago
Confidence, personality and humour.
But mostly confidence TRUE confidence in yourself. None of that macho pretending bullshit
1
u/DevnGibsn 1d ago
No one's asked it so far in the comments and context matters. Does your overweight friend make a good amount of money?
1
1
1
u/Away-Satisfaction678 man 1d ago
Men are attracted by what they see. Women are attracted by what they hear. Tell her what she wants to hear.
1
u/WankerOnDuty man 1d ago
I had a colleague long back when I was working in Dubai. From Scotland. One of the most unattractive people I have ever met. Was maybe 5'5" or 5'6".
Couldn't understand a word he said.
Slept around like crazy. Ruined his marriage because he was a serial womanizer.
Nothing made sense.
1
u/Competitive-Bit-1571 man 1d ago
Nothing screams financial security to women like a confident overweight man. Dunno if he's rich or not but even if he's not, they will have given him time to win them over with personality by the time they find out.
1
u/sub_terranian woman 23h ago
He must be a good guy! Looks are not everything and especially if he is funny and kind and knows how to treat a woman right… You can be hot as shit but if you’re a cocky douche, the appeal goes way down.
1
u/Aenahl woman 21h ago
Confidence (not cocky) and a great sense of humour is a woman’s weakness. As stated by many other comments. Just be a good dude who is confident and can either crack a good joke or can laugh at one. Being self depreciating and woe-is-me isn’t a good look on anyone, even if they’re ’picture perfect’ those traits can make anyone ugly after just one conversation.
1
u/No-Court-7974 woman 20h ago
Ahhhhhh, you're one of those dudes who still believes women are only into looks.. lmao Good luck young padwan, there is much of the force you are still to learn. Lol.
1
1
u/Efficient_Read_5236 man 1d ago
His dip-stick brings all the girls to the yard, and they're like, "It's bigger than yours."
0
1
u/MarigoldMouna woman 1d ago
If the women are looking for more than hooking up, experience may tell them that guys like you are just looking to raise their numbers (otherwise it would not be a competition). Your fat friend may be offering more to them.
It could be hormones though too. My male friend that everyone--including myself--would have sex with also had a natural scent about him that would make women want to have sex with him. And I am not meaning that Ax shit, that shit reeks.
He also is confident, smart, funny, and interesting. He is on disability and can get more women than men with employment and are also good looking. But those men may not check the other boxes.
0
u/GlumTackle6058 man 1d ago
He is more confident than you and dates women that aren’t very attractive if I had to guess. My fat friends that easily get women are confident af and the girls they pursue aren’t great looking, meaning they “looksmatch.”
3
1d ago
[deleted]
1
u/GlumTackle6058 man 1d ago
I’d say that’s probably the exception rather than the rule, people tend to end up with people that match their attractiveness.
Why don’t you ask him how he does it though? Of the friends I mentioned, one is charismatic and the other is funny.
0
24
u/Plenty_Patience_5491 man 1d ago
Um...that's a whole lot of non contextual things you've framed there, most likely he's a confident and good dude. My step Dad is a big guy and had a good bit of women before marrying my Mom.