r/AskMenAdvice • u/Financial-Bus-5660 • 1d ago
Do you ever find yourself fondling your partner's stomach and breasts? If you like to do so, why?
I've (24 F) woken up to my BF (34 M) of 3 months fondling my breasts and I think touching my belly button at times (I'm not 100% sure). This has happend thrice and he stoped both times when I woke up. Is this bizarre? I don't feel violated or anything and dont mind...just confused. I feel really awkward bringing this up to him so of it's not weird, I'd rather not ask.
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u/Changelingz woman 1d ago
It’s to my knowledge that many men find comfort in holding a boobie while they sleep 😂
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u/DalekRy man 22h ago
I can confirm that I often awoke spooning my girlfriend, cupping her. We mostly went to sleep not touching because we were already toasty...but I usually woke up wrapped around her. And if I started to get up she would reinforce that I should stay by returning my hands "where they belong" XD.
Very comforting!
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u/Financial-Bus-5660 22h ago
is it normal that he also removes my bra and clothing around my belly as I sleep - keeps them exposed and visible
it hasn't affected my sleep as his hands on my breasts keep it nice and warm at night...i even feel cozy and protected kind of ig but something also feels a bit off...6
u/DalekRy man 22h ago
> something also feels a bit off...
Yeah, your clothes! Tee hee XD
But super super seriously this is a conversation you two need to have immediately! It is all well and good that he enjoys your body, but if he's making you uncomfortable draw that line in the sand IMMEDIATELY.
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u/Kind-Photograph2359 man 1d ago
Grabbing a boob is part of waking up, like coffee.
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u/Brilliant_Sound_5278 23h ago
The Folgers jingle immediately jumped into my head while reading your post
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u/MelodicAd3038 man 1d ago
"it happened thrice" lmao
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u/Smuttirox woman 23h ago
Right??!? “Thrice”! You don’t see it used often but is totally legit and I love it when I see it!
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u/Financial-Bus-5660 23h ago
yeah atleast I noticed it 3 times so far, but could have been more than that as well
why whats wrong?
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u/cheerupweallgonnadie man 1d ago
Not that weird. Just a cuddle, hands have to go somewhere. My ex was weird, she would sleep holding my dick
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u/moonlitc0ve 1d ago
If it doesn’t bother you, it’s probably nothing to stress about, but if you’re curious or unsure, it’s okay to bring it up casually, like, “Hey, I noticed you do this sometimes, is it just a comfort thing?” It doesn’t have to be awkward!
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u/Plenty_Patience_5491 man 1d ago
Ok, I'm not grabbing no belly, and I like big girls, so, no. That's a little too weird, even for me who is a grade A weirdo. And if it bothers you, bring it up.
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u/Status-Pin-7410 1d ago
I mean, men love breasts. And if you can't fondle them, what's the point? But it's a little odd while you're sleeping. Especially if it wakes you up and it's not like an occasional thing to get you in the mood. I'd def just mention it and be like what's up with the while I'm sleeping thing? It wouldn't cause an argument and if it does, it's prob weirder than it seems.
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u/Fantastic_Mr_Catpiss man 1d ago
Sorry op, but you should bring it up and ask him
Maybe he's a tactile person, and just like touching you, I do this with my partner while we're in bed and asleep, she does it back to me. Sometimes it can be a pre cursor to sex.
Does this happen with you guys?
I appreciate it's early days you're still figuring each other out, but I'd say raise it, cos you never know, he may start touching you elsewhere, that you don't like. Communication and boundaries, also he may just just answer with a straight forward explanation.
(But also as someone else said, men like boobs)
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u/Empty401K man 1d ago
My SO and I do this to each other while we’re dead asleep depending on who’s big spoon at the moment. Sometimes it’s me caressing her and grabbing her boobs, sometimes it’s her playing with my penis/balls or chest hair. Nothing sexual about it, we’re just dreaming and don’t realize anything’s happening.
I wait until the morning to tell her about it when she does it to me. It’s very relaxing/comforting and I don’t want to spoil it lol
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u/7182930465 1d ago
I cup her all night long. Helps me sleep
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u/Financial-Bus-5660 22h ago
tahts funny becuz him doing that keeps my breasts warm and cozy and I feel like I sleep better too these days..not sure if its becuz of taht though
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u/IrregularBastard man 23h ago
Communicate your feelings and boundaries directly and concisely.
However, I love touching a partner when I’m sleepy. I don’t totally realize I’m doing it. Simply because I like physical intimacy and I like her. I’ve encouraged every gf I’ve had to touch me whenever, wherever, they like. If I’m not comfortable with them doing that I wouldn’t be with them. They’re even welcome to do it in my sleep, even up to start by to have sex with me before I’m fully awake. Some weren’t comfortable with doing it. Others were. But the ones who did made me feel much more desired and loved.
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u/DalekRy man 22h ago
Yes. Waking up to my girlfriend being affectionate in any form was always a delight. It didn't have to be sexual. Just having her nuzzling me or rubbing against me was such a nice way to wake up.
In a marriage, this is how I envision being talked into buying her jewelry that she wants. Gimme a couple little kisses on the neck and whisper good morning. I'm all yours, all day.
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u/Jumpy-Librarian5063 man 1d ago
He just likes you and wants to touch you
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u/Financial-Bus-5660 22h ago
oh okay if that is normal then ig im fine with the touch
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u/Jumpy-Librarian5063 man 4h ago
As long as it doesn't make you uncomfortable, I wouldn't pay much attention to it. It's kind of like a pet you really like. You just want to pet them and touch them and squeeze them because you love them so much and it's comforting.
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u/HugeMajor5900 man 1d ago
Don’t you fondle and cuddle him when he’s asleep? It’s what humans do. We’re like otters.
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u/Dependent_River_2966 man 1d ago
Totally normal in my opinion. I know men get torched for being visual but lots of men are tactile and this is what it looks like. Do you like it? Are you neutral? Could you grow to enjoy the fact he is appreciating your body in a nonsexual way?
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u/Financial-Bus-5660 22h ago
I think i kinda like it even as it keeps my breasts nice and warm and i feel a lot more cozy and protected...
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u/nocirculation man 1d ago
I do it all the time, my wife likes it, although most of the time I'm totally asleep.
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u/Substantial_Steak723 man 1d ago
I'm tactile, I love a woman's curves, and enjoy the close proximity skin contact, which is what women want when they demand a cuddle, essentially this is no different, he's appreciative, loving, bonding.
And yes the belly button too, it's all you, be thankful he feels as strongly as he does that he cannot get enough of you, likely not a public display person saving it all up for private and relaxed times, and you clearly excite him, a lot.
Grab some organic coconut oil maybe, I have rough hands and the oil makes it frictionless, my wife enjoys the breast and nipple tissue massages ..those nerve endings connect!!!
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u/michaelozzqld man 1d ago
Absolutely. We r 60s with adult grandchildren..fondling is part of our love language
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u/ActiveOldster man 19h ago
My bride of 41 years and I usually awaken about 5:30am. From 5:30-6am we’ll just spoon, and I love gently rubbing her belly and breasts. No expectation of sex, just gentle touches. She loves having my arms wrapped around her and making her feel safe and loved.
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u/SpiritedStruggle woman 1d ago
I strongly disliked waking up to my stbx reaching into my pj top copping a feel of my breasts when I was in bed asleep. Whether he was asleep or not it still bothered me and I told him I didn't want it to keep happening. He didn't understand why it bothered me or why it would be a problem if it happened again after I specifically said I didn't like it. Like the fact that I've said I don't like it wasn't enough for him to try and stop it.
Of course there were probably reasons I didn't like the touch that maybe earlier in our relationship I might've been ok with... Resentment about not working on issues etc.
Even if it doesn't bother you now it's still a good idea to talk about it and about how far you'd be ok with him going while you're unconscious. If he stops when you wake up it sounds like he feels caught taking advantage of your unconscious state and not getting consent before fondling your breasts. What if it went further like if he tried to fondle your private parts or go for PIV? Would that upset you? Maybe clarify if you don't mind a cuddly boob fondle and tummy rub, but that's as far as you would be ok with until you wake up and can actively consent.
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u/DalekRy man 22h ago
> He didn't understand why it bothered me or why it would be a problem if it happened again after I specifically said I didn't like it. Like the fact that I've said I don't like it wasn't enough for him to try and stop it.
While I'm all about my partner and I being touchy-feely, I'm also big on consent and would expect anything to be a discussion versus admonishment. That's your dang teammate right there! Have some respect!
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Financial-Bus-5660 originally posted:
I've (24 F) woken up to my BF (34 M) of 3 months fondling my breasts and I think touching my belly button at times (I'm not 100% sure). This has happend thrice and he stoped both times when I woke up. Is this bizarre? I don't feel violated or anything and dont mind...just confused. I feel really awkward bringing this up to him so of it's not weird, I'd rather not ask.
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u/Mammoth-Stretch2264 man 1d ago
I don't even think it's sexual. I do it basically every night, sometimes she puts my hand there as well, it's a comfort thing. She has held my dick a few times and says she feels the same but when she holds mine, I get excited lol. . Not even my intention but I don't have much control of that lol
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u/docwannabox man 1d ago
Yes, sometimes. Why? Idk.
Sometimes my gf (now ex) fondled with my junk too.
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u/Old-Meringue-5328 man 1d ago
i do it with my wife for me it like i know i can and i love fondling her boobsif he does it to you. and you don’t mind im. not sure what the issue is
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u/Relentlesswrx18 23h ago
Ive done this to my girl. I do it cause i like her and i admire her beauty and it’s a way to let her know i love her body and everything about her too and with that i reassure her she sexy to me and caressing and intimacy is a way to show my love for her. Physical touch❣️
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u/paratrooper1997 man 23h ago
I sleep the most soundly on the occasions when I can spoon her with my arm over her either resting on her hip/leg/ass cheek or holding a boob. I’d sleep like that all night if I could. Unfortunately, with our aches and pains (arthritis in both of my shoulders, her stiff neck, etc.) we can’t usually stay that way for more than an hour or so without regretting it the rest of the day, not to mention how much she moves when she sleeps. Plus I love touching her body so much that when I am holding her, i tend to keep slowly moving my hands/fingers around her body, which wakes her up or keeps her awake. So we usually have to save it for weekend morning bed cuddling time before we get up for the day.
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u/NExus804 man 22h ago
Honestly, if we're going to sleep and we're spooning, there is a boob in my hand 7 times out of ten but I normally draw the line if my wife is asleep. Wouldn't bother her either but it feels weird to me.
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u/Putrid_Ad_2256 man 21h ago edited 21h ago
Fondling? No. Caressing, yes. While holding her in bed, I usually just cuddle unless she's starting to wake up and then I just gently caress her until there is eye contact and she's awake enough to know that she's in my arms.
If he does it while you're asleep and then stops when you wake up, maybe he didn't mean to wake you and is letting you go back to sleep?
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u/jdfisher2009 man 21h ago
Maybe his love language is touch. Mine is and I enjoy the contact as well. Y’all should discuss it to not keep it awkward.
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u/Ninj4gam1ng man 20h ago
I know I’ve woken up to me grabbing my girls butt before so maybe kind of same thing he just likes boobs and stomach more.
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u/Competitive_Gas1329 19h ago
This is all about how YOU feel, and consent, if you don't mind, and consent, fair play, if you do mind or don't consent, then you need to tell him,
Personally I wouldn't mind if my wife or gf "fondled" me while I was sleeping, but I wouldn't do the fondling without prior consent, could be taken the wrong way.
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u/wil_throw_dang011 man 18h ago
Boobs and bellies feel amazing. Of course I fondle them. The stopping when you wake up is weird though. Ask him what's with that. And taking off your clothes is a way that feels weird is strange. My and my partners usually sleep naked but if she wore clothes to bed I wouldn't just take them off in the middle of the night.
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u/Distinct_Shape_3490 16h ago
My partner enjoys fondling my breasts when we sleep together or take day naps. Just communicate if it makes you uncomfortable.
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u/the_magestic_beast man 16h ago
Nothing much better than fondling your partner on a lazy morning. Not being touched means there's a problem.
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u/3ThreeFriesShort man 1d ago
I love rubbing my partners belly. Bellies are sexy.
Happening at night though, I feel like it would be helpful to establish if he is consciously doing it, or in an altered state. In either case, talking about it will make it less weird.