My boyfriend and I have been on a break for about a week. We made this decision because he has trouble with communication skills and I wasn’t feeling happy in the relationship. He called me a couple days ago saying that he regrets the things he did to make me upset, told me I deserve the world and that he was going to take me out for dinner on Thursday after work to make things up to me. Well, it’s now Thursday night. The whole day he hasn’t said a single word about our plans. We’ve been texting like normal, he just completely disregarded it. How could he forget about plans he made literally two days ago?? I’m super upset and feel completely disrespected.

Back story, I took care of my mom from when I was 20-30 yrs old. I moved an hour and a half away. In that time I would clean their hoarder house, I’m talking trash everywhere, cat pee/poop. Used depends. My mom had a TBI and wasn’t been quite right after, so while I was living near them if I didn’t answer right away she would leave nasty mean voicemails.

I would take her to all of her doctors appointments, along with working full time and being a single mom of 4. When I moved away I slowly stopped responding, she had made me into her parent. On my two days off a month I’d get I would also go out and help her at home with cleaning etc.

One of my siblings has always had it out for me, they would make fun of me at all family gatherings, shoot fire works at me, he even at one point threatened to hit my then (8) year old son.

My father and siblings had to step up and start caring for her. This last April they had a fire, and my father who is diabetic got burnt so bad they ended up having to remove his foot as if wouldn’t heal. My mother also found out she has bowel cancer, and had to have surgery. I’ve been told they aren’t doing well anymore.

These siblings only would come help clean once the city would get onto my father about the state of the house, otherwise it would fall onto me. The used depends piles were taller than me, and I’m 5ft. It was simple laziness.

Now that they have had to care for them full time like I do they are angry. I was expected just to do it, but they have each other to fall back on. I had no one, when I’d reach out for help from them it was an immediate no, they were too busy. I devoted 10 years to trying to help them.

My mother refused to get a colonoscopy ten years ago because she “didn’t want a camera up her butt” so the issue could have been found years ago. My father was just unfortunate.

I’m done with them all. I’ve cut them all off. Growing up, they never took me or my siblings to the dentist or doctors. I remember having an infected tooth, and they wouldn’t take me in. They weren’t bad parents, but they didn’t provide basic medical care.

I tried for years to help them, 10 years. And now I’m the bad guy because I just don’t want to deal with it.

The post I commented on that prompted his lovely response was me expressing my understanding with my nieces body dismorphia. She’s 23, so an adult.

The mental toll that went with that was too much. None of them were there for me when I had to be admitted to the psych ward multiple times, when I was SA’ed, never. Anything they think I owe was paid in labor with cleaning a literal biohazard for years. There was one day I cleaned out over 50 bags of trash in three rooms, and I barely put a dent in the mess.

Am I really the bad guy? I have some guilt, and I feel bad my parents are not doing well at all. But when my grandma passed she left them 25k that my father immediately spent on cars, car parts, and lawn mowers instead of into a savings. They are older, in their 60s/70s but it’s not my fault they didn’t prepare, and they didn’t eat healthy, my mother only sat in a chair her whole adult life drinking coffee and chain smoking.

I (f30) have been with my bf (m34) for 10 years and I can count on one hand how many times we had a serious fight. We've had calm discussions when we've had disagreements but very rarely have full on emotional fights. A few months ago he told me to shut up. Not in the "haha hehe" tone either. I dont remember what for exactly but it surprisingly struck a nerve with me. People who told me to shut up before was rare because I'm naturally a shy, introverted, quiet person until I'm comfortable with you. And even then, it never bothered me this much since it didn't come from someone I love. I told him I really didn't like that and to never tell me to shut up again. He apologized and that was that. I just started in my career and I am excited to share my work days with him whenever I learn something new. My career is in the medical field and what I find interesting may come off as gruesome/disturbing to other but I enjoy the anatomy and physiology none the less. When I first started telling him about my day, I asked him if it's OK and if he's comfortable with it. He said it was fine and find some of it interesting. About 2 weeks ago, he's visiting his family and I was in the phone with him telling about my day as usual and then he harshly told me to shut up. I asked him, "Do you wanna try that again?"and he said no, so I just said bye and hung up before he could say anything else. It's been over a week and I haven't spoken to him except to let him know the tracking info for the Xmas gifts I've mailed to his parents. He texted me saying his mom overheard our conversation (I think I was on speaker) and she was getting uncomfortable and he was trying to get me to stop talking. He texts me every few days saying he still loves me but I'm still mad. All I want is a genuine apology but I don't think I should ask for one. Out of all the ways to get me to stop talking, he delivered the one phrase that gets under my skin with attitude. I feel more reserved with the thought of even talking to him now. I feel like I'm back in my shell of being quiet. The day after Christmas, I told him we will have a talk later. I called him and straight up asked him for an apology. He said he gave me one in the text message when telling me his mom was uncomfortable. I told him that was not an apology but an explanation. He fought me on it until I told him to go back and read it and then sheepishly said he worded it wrong. He then gave a half-assed "Im sorry". I reminded him about the last time he told me to shut up and told him that "Im sorrys" for the same reason just translates to "fuck you" eventually. He then said, "well, I'm sorry you feel that way". I just told him to call me with a real apology and when he's ready to talk and hung up on him midsentence. So AIO for holding a grudge over something so trivial like being told to shut up?

My girlfriend (f24) and I (f21) have been together for a few years now. Recently she’s been sucked into the world of VRchat and has made a ton of friends. I’m glad she’s socializing with people and such but a few things made me uncomfortable. I was trying it out on her computer one day and I saw in her bio that it stated she was taken by someone. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable with that and she removed it. She always told me she prides herself on being open in our relationships and to always be honest about our intentions with stuff and if we have any problems. So she explained that it was a really close friend but she’ll remove it, I left it alone after that. But a week after that I came home from work and I heard her moaning and saying how she wants to suck on someone’s fat tits and how they’re fucking hot. I knew she was in a few NSFW servers and such but I just stopped in my tracks. I felt really hurt by that and I let her know. She said she was just having some fun and the group she was with was just messing around. I expressed how that made me uncomfortable and she said she understood so she’ll cut back going to those events. So I left it alone, again, because I trusted her. Well as we were driving home last night, I saw a message come up on her discord of someone saying that they wanted to breed her and fuck her brains out. I was shocked. After I told her how I felt about the things before and she was still continuing with it. I confronted her again and she said that it doesn’t mean anything to her and she’s just having fun. When she fell asleep, I decided to go through her messages and found out she’s been sexting with multiple people, telling them she loves them, calling them baby, etc. I felt so betrayed. I woke her up and showed her the messages and she said it didn’t mean anything to her and she’s just messing around. I told her it’s cheating but she doesn’t think it is. She said since she didn’t fuck anyone irl it’s not that serious. I also found out that the person I told her to remove from her bio “broke up” with her because she was also talking with other people and it hurt their feelings. Am I overreacting or is this just fucking around?

I live with my in laws. We did secret Santa with my husband’s side of the family. They had a party on Christmas Eve but since I was sick I stayed in our room. I got my husband’s mom gifts for secret Santa and on the gifts I wrote “To: secret Santa “ and “From: (me)”. I was expecting everyone to wait for me at least until everyone left so I could join them for the secret Santa exchange but they all opened their gifts without me. Even the gift that was for my mil. What got me upset was that my gift for my mil was just opened halfway and left on the floor of the living room. Then my mil asked my husband yesterday if she opened the right gift bc they weren’t what she had on her wish list … my husband told her yes they were. So I was expecting her to grab her gifts but they’re still there on the floor unclaimed like she didn’t like them or something. I got her 3 things off her list and the 4th gift I picked for her myself.

My fiancé (we’ve been together 3 years and have a child) has been texting other women. I really don’t know what all was said but this isn’t the first time I found him to be talking to women on Snapchat. He was having a full conversation with one woman saying that we weren’t really together he just takes care of me and the kids, he wants to get to know her, he wants to take her out, and see where it goes. He had a 12 day streak with one girl and most recent message was him saying “you so fine why can’t I have you” as a reply to one of her pictures. Another girl, his ex, he replied to her story and said “I need to find me a you😍” or something along those lines. I found all this when I went thru his phone. I kicked him out the house but I let him sleep on the couch for the past 2 nights as he has nowhere to go and it’s been the holidays and the 5 yo wanted him here and our 6 month old baby first Christmas. He tells me he knows he did wrong and he’s sorry and it won’t ever happen again that he can be the man he needs to be, he knows he hurt me and he’ll do anything to fix it, etc. I kinda want my family, but honestly at the same time (as I’ve been telling him) I really don’t think I can move past this and I want to be happy.

Both in our mid-20s. We split last week. It wasn’t anything catastrophic like cheating - it just boiled down to poor communication and incompatibility. But the breakup was his final call. Since then, I’ve been receiving messages like this every few days. AIO? Was I too harsh?

So as the title says, my best friend (or someone I used to call my best friend) invited my ex (whom I introduced him to) and her new boyfriend (whom my ex left me for) to hang out. It wasn’t just the 3 of them, it was a group of friends — but it was OUR group of friends. He was the one who arranged the plans though.

He thought I wouldn’t find out, but when I inevitably did, I maturely confronted him about it. I wasn’t angry, but very stern with conveying my emotions. I told him that him inviting the whole friend group, especially my ex and her new boyfriend, really hurt me and felt like a betrayal, not just by him, but by everyone involved. When I confronted him, he told me that he “invited her without really thinking about it” and that “it was too late” to invite me because he had already invited her. Note: he did admit that he felt the need to hide it from me because he knew it would hurt my feelings, so his reasoning for not telling me was to avoid me getting hurt. Also keeping in mind, I introduced my ex to this particular friend group, which (for me) makes matters worse because I feel like I’ve been shut out of my own friend group because of the breakup.

If it were just the friend group hanging out without me, I wouldn’t really mind. What bothers me is that not only did he invite my ex, whom I had just freshly broken up with, but he also invited her new boyfriend, which made the situation really sting for me considering she got with this guy less than a month after we broke up.

This happened months ago and we did have a mature conversation about it. I’ve tried to move past it, I’ve even hung out with him a few times, but it’s undeniable that our friendship is not the same. Deep down I’m still holding this grudge. Am I overreacting by being this upset about it still?

So i dont want to be ungrateful but at christmas or birthdays, for me, its not about the money but about the thought behind presents.

So we are friends with a couple and 3 year old (we have a 3 year old too) and i bought reslly nice presents for all of them, specifically the child. It wasnt alot of money spent either.

Christmas day arrives and what they bought my kid was a something you could've picked up in £1 shop that didnt match anything he even likes! Then they bought me a poster whsn my house is full of artwork and i dont have my own space to put posters...

Im absolutely fuming because i put thought behind their presents.

Incase you think its financial, they are very open about their earnings and savings and they have more money than we have.

And thinking about it, for my birthday, i was given a book that they had finished reading and enjoyed (unwrapped) whilst for theirs, i looked on their goodreads for a 'want to read' and bought them one off their list which they loved, brand new.

So again it feels like no thought.

These are people we regularly meet up with for play dates, talk to, play games with etc.

Am i overreacting for thinking that the thought just isnt there???

Back story:

I (33M) have been friends with (31F), we'll call Jane. Jane and I worked together for about 2 years, o was recently separated from my fiancee and was freshly moved in on my own at me solo place. While in those 2 years Jane and I bonded quite well, we became great friends and trauma bonded. Jane had lost her mom 3 years prior to us working together and my family and I don't really get along.

2 years into our friendship, Jane confessed that she is asex. We had never tried anything nor was I ever looking for anything with Jane. Friends was more than enough for me and I was more than happy to accept her for being Asex as I was the first person she confessed to.

Fast forward to now a year into my relationship with my current GF (36f).

We've been in a rocky place recently, mostly to my mental health and the rest due to work stress, today we've had an argument all day about our relationship and what we want. Tonight I told her that I was going to grab a Christmas gift for Jane since we do a Christmas exchange as well as a Halloween exchange every year, this would be year 5 of doing this exchange. Well, things went from bad to horrible. Jane had gotten me something small less than $10 total between two items. I got Jane something for $10. So nothing major, at least in my opinion. I got my gf over $500 in gifts for Christmas, bday and anniversary gifts, just in case anyone thinks that I didn't gift my gf but I did my friend.

My gf got extremely mad at me because I got her something and accused me of crossing boundaries. Saying that only people who are interested in each other are the only people that gift things to one another. I tried reasoning and saying that she's met her, she knows Jane is asex, she's been with me when Jane has been around, I haven't hung alone with Jane since I entered a relationship with GF. I've never kept a secret from GF and have even told her to go through my phone if she thinks there's something else. To which I got "I know you're too nice and if I go digging I'll find something and break up with you".

I was so angry that I threw away the gift from my friend and I told my gf that I cherished our relationship more than a gift from my friend.

I've never cheated on my gf. I don't have a reason to do as such and only have been happy with my gf.

AIO by feeling trapped and as if I can't have any friends?

I (21F) live three hours away from my hometown because I’m in college. My mom and grandma are really important to me, and we’ve always been close. But recently, I’ve been feeling frustrated with my family, especially around the holidays.

Almost two years ago, my aunt and grandpa passed away within the same week. Since then, I haven’t wanted to go home for the holidays. Being there feels overwhelming, and I prefer the peace and space I have at school.

Here’s the issue: I don’t have a car, so if I visit, I have to take an 8-hour Greyhound bus ride (even though the drive is only 3 hours). The bus route goes through multiple cities, making it a long and stressful trip. My family, who does have cars and resources, has never made the effort to visit me in the four years I’ve been in college.

For example, I went home in September for a concert. I stayed overnight, spent a little time with my family, and left the next day because I had class. My mom got upset, saying I only come home for things like concerts, which made me feel like my effort didn’t matter.

There’s also a family weekend at my college every year. I’ve told my mom about it multiple times, but they’ve never come, even though it’s a planned event. The only times they’ve visited my school were to help me pack or move in, and even then, it’s only been for a day.

I’ve suggested that they visit me since it’s only a 3-hour drive, but my mom always says it’s inconvenient. My younger sister once asked why I wasn’t coming home, and I said, “Why don’t you guys come see me?” She said they don’t have the money, but I pointed out that I don’t either. She then offered to help pay, but only if I came home.

If the drive was 8+ hours, I’d understand, but it’s not. Other families I know make these kinds of trips work. For example, my roommate’s mom once drove from Michigan to visit her daughters for Christmas because they couldn’t go home.

When I tell my mom I’m not coming home and suggest they visit me, she makes excuses like, “Maybe next month” or “I can’t take time off work.” Even on Christmas, my grandma called to guilt-trip me about not being home. I explained that the Greyhound isn’t reliable and no one could pick me up, but she ignored me.

After my aunt and grandpa died, holidays lost their meaning for me, and I’ve been doing my best to cope. But it hurts that my family expects me to make all the effort to visit while they refuse to do the same for me.

TL;DR: I (21F) live 3 hours away from my family for college and don’t have a car, so visiting home requires an 8-hour Greyhound trip. My mom and grandma have never made the effort to visit me, even though they could drive to see me. I’ve told them multiple times they could visit instead, but they always make excuses, and I feel guilty for not going home. After losing my aunt and grandpa, holidays feel overwhelming, and I prefer staying at school, but my family makes me feel like the bad guy.

I '23F' honestly feel pretty guilty right now because I'm just not in the mood to cuddle with my bf '25M' of 2 months , I ended up working a 10 hour shift and on top of that I had to make the hour long drive to come see my boyfriend for his birthday. As much as I love him, I just wanted some time to unwind and I just wasn't able to get the little bit of space I needed because He was being pushy about it till I finally just had enough, I firmly told him I didn't want to cuddle and now he is sulking. Did I overreact ?

I’ve been with this b**** for 3.5 years. the anger is starting to kick in now what do I do ?

I feel embarassed and a pussy.

I was out with my friend drinking and he was very drunk, it was 3 of us. My 2nd friend left so it was just me and the drunk one and he decided to aggravate someone else when the club closed at 6am; it was pretty equal and I’m not sure why they were arguing but I tried to calm them down. My friend wouldn’t listen to me and I didn’t know what to do.

My friend and the guy start fighting outside having a fair 1-1 and I broke it up after my friend got knocked down -keep in mind I’m on my own stoned and there’s 8 people the other guys with-

After I broke it up the guy my friend was fighting came up to me asking if I want to fight, I’ve had fights before and I’m not afraid to fight however I felt because of what the situation was and being stoned it probably was best to walk away. He kept coming at me so I saw someone I know and we said I don’t want to fight and just leave it.

After having many fights before I’m home and now feel like an ass to my friend, embarassed and a pussy any advice?

My husband and I have been married for 17 years but it has not been without problems. We both have childhood trauma and we are in couples therapy for it.

Our three year old fell and smacked his head on a concrete floor at a family gathering. I immediately picked him up and held him. I was trying to assess him as I am a nurse and wanting to check for concussion, broken nose or hematoma forming. He reached for his dad (my husband) and I passed him over to him but I was asking my son where it hurt and trying to make sure he was ok. My husband told me to go away and I said no I want to make sure my child is ok.

We fought about it later and he says "everybody was crowding around and he wanted to be alone" I said I'm not just anybody.. I'm his mom and I was also using my medical knowledge to make sure my kid is ok! You have no right to make me walk away from my bleeding child (he bit his lip a little bit). He says I'm just mad that our son reached for him which I'm not. Why would I be? That's his Dad. But my husband is competitive like that.

For the record, I was not panicking. But he just didnt like that I was asking my son where it hurt. I said I felt hurt that he lumped me in as part of "the crowd" and not his child's mother. I think I should be somewhat special to my husband as his wife and his kids mom but he just treats me like some rando off the street. He says "having kids is not rocket science." Like I never said I was special for giving birth? Just that he should respect and care about his wife and the mother of his children.

I’ll try to keep this short. 6 months ago my half brother and I got into a little physical altercation.

He has consistently bad mouthed my wife, stolen our belongings (her school laptop, my gaming headset) has no regard for anyone else other than him and has a real punk like attitude.

With that being said, 6 months ago I got real tired of it and shoved him a few times out of rage and my mother found out and had me arrested and I’m currently on probation.

Growing up, she has prioritized her new family over me all of the time. She re-married had other kids and left me on the back burner as the only child from her and my father.

All of those feelings from my childhood as well as her having me arrested without just talking to me has led me to completely cut off all contact between her family and myself. She hasn’t seen or talked to us or my kids since.

Fast forward to Christmas this year. Myself, my wife and our kids were having Christmas with my parent in-laws and they were trying to talk me into connecting with my mother again and I can’t bring myself to do so.

Am I overreacting about this?

Here’s a little back story, I 29(f) and my Husband let’s call him Jack,27(m) have been together for 4 years, married 5 months, we went to his aunts house for Christmas let’s call her Doris, she has 4 kids, 31(m), 27(f), 22(m) & 20(m) and 3 grandchildren with 1 bonus grand child, We get there and there is TONS of presents under tree, at-least 50+ presents. Mind you we got 5 presents per child and added them to the pile, so that’s an extra 20 presents, she told us to get there early, so we get there around 10am, no one is there, just me, my husband, FIL and daughter and the ones that I’ve in her house, her, her husband, the 22 year old, his girlfriend and my husbands grandpa. No one shows up at 2:30-3pm, mind you I have helped with every birthday party, Christmas, thanksgiving or even get togethers every year since we have been together.

So everyone gets there and bringing presents in boxes full of stuff, we are about 100+ presents if not more at this point, everyone starts separating their presents up by names or whatever, and everyone has lots of presents, stockings, and everything you can imagine. I get handed a bag 1 bag with a mixing bowl in it.

My husband gets a coat, a sweatshirt and something else I can’t remember and then a meat smasher and a chicken shredder that said “the Hamilton’s” mind you my husband grills a ALOT.

So little bit more to the story, I’m a photographer, I didn’t bring my camera because why should I it’s Christmas! We have phones for a reason, Doris says “why didn’t you bring your camera to take pictures” because I clearly forgot it at home and so when we start opening presents she says “better start taking pictures” like everyone else doesn’t have phones.

So anyways fast forward, everyone has at-least 10-15 presents each, besides me (1) husband (5) and my daughter (3), so I’m supposed to take pictures of all of these people opening their presents while my husband and daughter just sit back and wait for Everyone to be done. Mind you 22(m) and his girlfriend have been together for 3 months and she got a lot of presents as well.

I instantly feel very excluded from everything because why leave someone out like that? We have bent over backwards for everyone in this family, we have put concrete down for Doris’s pool, set up her pool while her kids did nothing.

So I decided to go outside and started crying because I feel like I am not part of the family at all. It’s not that I got just 1 present, but because they had a whole family Christmas each family member got each other something whether it was the aunt, or her kids, they all exchanged gifts and I got one from one person, so excluding me almost completely.

So my husband comes out and instantly told me I was selfish because I was crying about not receiving more gifts, so I tried to explain to him A B & C why I was upset and I wanted to go home, He said it wasn’t about receiving gifts and about the kids only. And pretty much told me that if I left that there would be problems.

So why did everyone else get gifts then for everyone there? 🥴

So anyways, I leave, because why do I need to stay there if I’m upset?

He ignores me for 2 hours after I had texted him, he called me after I ask if he’s just going to ignore me and starts in on me and said that he shouldn’t have to defend me to his family because I didn’t get enough presents and that I should have stayed there if I felt like I was being ignored so this wouldn’t be an issue and then I told him I wouldn’t be going to any more Christmas or family events because I constantly feel excluded (not just this one)

He instantly asks why I don’t want to attend his family events in return I tell him because I don’t want to and that’s my final answer.

He instantly gets mad and says that he’s done and continued to yell into the phone to the point i just hang up.

Am I overreacting?

AIO

UPRATE***husband got home last night, completely blew up on me for having to explain to his aunt and family why I left, telling me I’m inconsiderate, selfish and self centered that I should have sucked it up because he’s been excluded from the family for the last 10 years, but they are still his family so he’s obligated to go 🤔 he felt that he shouldn’t have had to explain it to her said “she felt really bad” mind you I never got any text from her to apologizing or anything. My daughter got home and expressed that our son got more gifts than her, I explained to her that not everyone got the same amount of gifts either and that’s okay that I only got 1 gift, she looked appalled, and she said she left one of the gifts there because it was for a 3 year old (she’s going to be 9) that one was from the 20yr that said he was going to buy her an onion, 😳 and mind you all the grandchildren are 5 and under.

Also I was asked by my husbands grandpa what I would like for Christmas, I asked for hey dudes which is a 30$ pair of shoes instead got a mixing bowl.

I informed my husband that if this is how it would be then I was not going to go anymore because I should not feel the way that I do and I have my valid reasons as to why.

I also informed him that if they wanted to do a separate Christmas to where we only do Christmas gifts for the children and they have other gifts for their family it needs to be known of that instead of doing it all together and making people feel left out.

Mind you we have been at each other’s house many times since before Christmas, (we do thanksgiving at our house) and everyone else was asked specifically by the aunt what they wanted for Christmas.

And I don’t mind doing photos as I did them for the 5 year olds birthday party without anyone asking. But wanted to step away obviously because Christmas is different.

ANOTHER thing I forgot to mention, which I don’t feel is an obligation on the aunt by any means but the way she went about it was completely wrong, 😑 my daughter thinks of these people as family, (her bio dad isn’t in the picture and we are in the process of termination) and she was talking to the grandchild about spending the night, and my daughter asked if she could spend the night too and she looked at her disgusted and said uh no you are not spending the night. Which I reiterated to my daughter that it’s okay she’s going to go home with mom and dad to spend the rest of Christmas with us.

My bf and I have been together 3 years and have always spoiled each other on birthdays and Christmas. This year he owes me money and hasn’t gotten it back to me yet so idk why I thought he’d do what he usually does but he did not. He’s moving out the 1st of the year and I got him things for his new room, spent over $200 on him. Last weekend he told me he had no money for gifts and was going to sell his PC for $500 and a ps5. I guess included in that trade also was a men’s Louis vouitton bracelet that the guy threw in because my boyfriend said the $500 and Ps5 wasn’t enough. So he gave me the bracelet and spent $30 of the $500 to get me a Lego set that yes I wanted but I don’t know. Everything he told me he wanted was kinda pricey, it wasn’t like an actual list he gave me just things he’s mentioned over the last 2 months that he’s wanted for his room/new place so I got him lots of things like we usually do and it sucked to not get that in return.

We from the very beginning said we’d do stockings every year too and he didn’t do that this year either which takes $20 and a 20 minute shopping run. I don’t know. I’m very hurt and don’t even feel like I can say anything and wouldn’t even know how to. I probably sound ungrateful and don’t know if I even have a right to be upset it’s just the fact that we usually spend around that much for each other so for him to randomly get me 1 thing and thing the bracelet would suffice just hurts.

hello all. i’m extremely upset after my (21f) boyfriend (24m) of 6 months used my abusive relationship as an example of me lying. am i justified for being upset?

some context: my boyfriend is very weird/insecure about my past, especially sexually. when we first got together, i explained to him that i was a recovering addict, and that i had gone to rehab a few times. i wanted to be open about this because it’s a huge part of my life. he asked me if id ever “gotten a hotel” with someone in the drug world, or slept with anyone for drugs. i said no.

at the end of 2023, i went to rehab for my fourth stay. i met a man who was 13 years older than me, and i “fell in love”. he ended up being physically abusive (threw me against walls, threw stuff like chargers, shoes, etc. at my head, slapped me), essentially holding me hostage in whatever hotel he was living in at the time. he was a meth user — he would hide my phone often as he thought i was working with the government to spy on him. i was trapped and isolated. i finally got out in april, where he continued to harass, stalk and threaten me. i didn’t tell anyone about any part of it because i felt like id deserved it, and was disgusted with myself.

a few weeks ago, my current boyfriend got really upset after an argument and was slamming things, throwing things (not at me) (he usually does this when he’s upset) and it just triggered something for me. it’d never happened before, especially with him. since i was the cause of him being upset, i started seeing flashes of my abusers face on his. i started shaking really badly and put my back against the wall, being very quiet because i didn’t want to attract attention to myself (i did this when i was with abuser). boyfriend noticed this and asked me to talk to him and say how i was feeling. with my abuser, there was always a right and wrong answer. i felt that was the case so i didn’t say anything.

after a few minutes of some space, i opened up to him about what id gone through. my boyfriend has been in many physically abusive relationships before, so i figured he’d understand. he didn’t even look at me the entire time. all he said was, “i’m sorry that happened to you.” in a monotone voice. i asked him for a hug and he gave me one. he told me he was upset about a few things, but we could talk about it at a later time. he didn’t bring it up until today.

i should also mention, a few months ago, he was going through my instagram and saw a comment from a guy friend i had from rehab that said “love that smile! good to see it! miss you!” which i responded with, “miss you too! hope alls well!” and this set him off. he said my friend was “obviously flirting with me”, and that i enabled his “flirting” by responding. a point of contempt between us has been my guy friends. i finally cut off all my guy friends, which hurt, and deleted all social medias because it wasn’t worth the fight.

these last few months i put my own feelings aside and only focused on him. put every bit of effort i had into his feelings, helping with his kids, his disabled mother, everything. all i got was “well you should’ve done this” or something to that effect — not even a thank you. this caused me to essentially have a breakdown and leave one night. before i left we’d gotten into a fight about him seeing a gift one of my guy friends got me for my birthday in my room. i couldn’t take it anymore. i blocked him that night because i needed space. he told me id broken up with him and that he had zero trust in me. before yall say it, i know i put all that on myself. but this ties into my main question.

we got into an argument today because i never asked him why he was upset that night. i figured he would talk to me about it when he was ready. somehow, this argument transitioned into my leaving. he said it’s been a pattern of “only my feelings matter and never his” (all we talk about are his feelings, even still) and how i’m a liar. i lied about “talking to other guys” (me having guy friends and catching up with them, the instagram comment) and how i lied about not staying in a hotel with someone from the drug world, and i lied when i said i never got with anyone from rehab when we got in that fight about the instagram comment (which i did say. but at that point, i still didn’t want to believe i was abused so i never mentioned it.) this infuriated me. it felt like he was putting responsibility on me for the abuse i experienced.

i hung up on him after that and sent a text message, essentially saying that ive never held his experiences against him in that way, i would’ve never said anything like that to him, and how he didn’t even acknowledge me when i talked about it. i had to stop myself from typing more, otherwise i would’ve really hurt his feelings. he sent me a message apologizing, but i don’t even want to accept it because i’ve told him that he’s the only person i’ve ever told, and i don’t want him to use this situation as ammo for not validating his feelings. i told him talking about his feelings and saying everything i’ve done “wrong” is different. i don’t even know if i can get over this. AIO?

I went to a bar alone as I am traveling with my parents and wanted to socialize with people my age. I went to the bathroom. I left the stall and started doing a ponytail in the mirror. My arms were above my head so my armpits were showing. I hadn't shaved in a couple of days so the hair was like... 3mm long.

This couple barges into the bathroom. A guy and a girl. I was a little put off that a guy would be in the women's restroom, but i just ignored it, assuming he was really drunk and needed his girlfriend. The first thing he says is "You've got a hairy armpit". I was just kind of shocked. I didn't respond and just stared at him as he followed his girlfriend. He seemed weirded out that I was staring at him. Idk.

My whole life, I have been EXTEMELY insecure about body hair. I am Greek, so I have a lot of it. So many times, ive heard comments about how women aren't feminine if they have body hair. I'm also tall. That doesn't help me feel feminine either, based on the cultural standards.

I sort of just went blank when I heard that comment. I had been alone the whole night, so I already felt sort of socially isolated. Then, right as I was warming up and feeling like there were some cool people, some guy waltzes into the women's restroom where I am supposed to take care of my body, and makes a comment about me.

I kind of wish I had made some retort towards him. But I remember thinking in the moment that it would be a waste of energy to respond to him.

I'm not sure why this is bothering me so much. Maybe I am being sensitive. It just really hurt my feelings. I feel angry that he wont realize the impact his words can have.

I feel this need to always have my armpits shaved now. I have to do it pretty much everyday to appear hairless since it grows so fast. But I don't really want to. It would be for the sake of other people's opinion of me... Sorry for the long paragraphs.

Edit: the kind comments really helped me, thank you :)

I truly don't know what to think and really need some other opinions so thanks in advance!

I 20f am currently taking a gap year from college and living at home with my Mother (54f) and little brother (14m). I'm taking a gap year as a way to relax because at college I got infected with COVID leading to miss tests which the professors said couldn't be made up no exceptions causing me to fail those classes. I was just too frustrated to continue and needed a break so I came back home and spend most my days reading.

Since I am unemployed my mother asked me to help around the house with cleaning, taking care of the pets and picking my brother up from school in exchange for money being deposited into my bank account. Of course I agreed but this is where the issue starts.

Since I now had an income I started to buy myself things that I wanted but I noticed the things rarely ever arrived. I contacted the places I ordered from but they said that it should have arrived. This went on for months and I was getting so frustrated and was convinced someone was stealing my packages off the porch but when I asked my mom to check the security cameras she said there was nothing there.

On Christmas morning I discovered where my mail had gone. Apparently for months if my mom saw something arrive with my name on it she would open it and hide it with the intent of giving it to me on Christmas. I asked why she thought she could steal my mail she said it was because I bought it with money she gave me! At this point I started yelling because I have been frustrated about this for months and all this time it was her stealing from me! I complained about the thefts to her and she had said nothing???? I also feel bad because some of the businesses I ordered from gave me refunds or resent a new product after I contacted them!

After the argument I spent the rest of the day in my room and we still haven't talked since. Today I have been receiving texts from other family members some agreeing that what my mom did was not great but it was understandable since buying gifts someone will like can be difficult. Most of the texts I got however were completely on my mother's side saying I should be grateful and that at least this way my mom knew everything she gave me was something I wanted. I am really at a loss here. The vast majority of my family agrees that I'm overreacting but I really don't think I am?

Like if my mom was truly struggling to know what I might want why not just ask? And if the money she was giving me for doing chores always came with the condition of me not receiving anything I buy with it until Christmas why not just say that?

W my phone…

…the phone is fine, thank you ;)

We sparked up and I apologized for letting emotions get the better of me. But I resllynseeing that yo… I need tonchilll tf out and gontalk to a pro.

✌️

Yesterday was my (F) 18th birthday and I hosted a dinner/party for about 20 friends of mine. A few couldn’t come because of being in other countries for the end of the year celebrations but my so called “best friend” didn’t attend even though she was in the same city and lives 7 minutes (10 if there’s traffic) away from where I live and hosted the party.

Three days before the party she asked me to send her the guest list and I did, she reacted by saying that those weren’t particularly her friends. I thought nothing of it because she has a different friend group from mine, but she’s not hostile with my friends, they’re just not friends.

Two days before the party she asked me if I would be mad if she didn’t attend my party and I thought she was joking because she does joke a lot in a weird humor.

The day before the party she said that she wouldn’t attend because she needed to study and didn’t feel like socializing with people who weren’t her friends (note that she knew everybody and was a little bit friends with two + me so she for sure wouldn’t have been alone and I would’ve made sure of it and she knows it).

I sent her the invite over a month ago, she was the first I sent it to, before the full guest list was even done because to me it was just obvious that she’d attend. She had time to organize her studying to miss ONE night of it and I still gave her the option to come for only part of the night. I also told her that we only celebrate our 18th once and she knew it was an important moment for me.

The day of, she called me during lunch and said that she was gonna be home at 6 (so two hours before the dinner) and that she could either come to mine or I go to her and we see each other for 30 minutes and she gives me my birthday gift. I was just annoyed at her not wanting to take 30 minutes at night but didn’t mind taking it before the party so I told her I wasn’t gonna be at home and I was gonna be at a friend’s before the party. I didn’t talk to her for the rest of the day and through the party, I was still hoping that she’d come.

She texted me in the morning and I have been acting cold towards her whereas she acts as if nothing happened. She asked me to go to dinner with her TONIGHT and I told her I couldn’t and gave her the excuse of a friend who came from another city for my bday being at home. I also know that a few days ago she hung out with my ex best friend (who’s a part of her current group of friends) for a few hours, meaning that at that moment her studying didn’t matter that much.

Am I overreacting?

So, for backstory, we’ve had a rocky relationship with my in laws. My MIL was super sneaky mean to me when we got married, to the point that even my FIL secretly told my husband he needed to stand up against his mom. Well, we did that but my MIL is the forever victim narcissist type, and my FIL is scared of her so when she blew up, FIL folded and told my husband we needed to just move past it all. We struggled for a couple years with them but things got a little better. I got pregnant and decided that no matter what happened in the past, my child was innocent and i’d never keep my kid from anyone who loved it. So we worked really hard to include them in the pregnancy, even inviting them to be at the hospital when my baby was born. They told us they were coming, and then instead went to see their other grand kid for a week. They haven’t visited my baby one single time since he was born besides his first birthday. When baby was about 4 months old we had a heart to heart and begged them to at least call or send a text every once in a while because we wanted baby to know them. Never happened. Didn’t even send a text on baby’s birthday. They live out of state and we’ve visited a few times without baby for a wedding, funeral, etc. and when we are there they will go the whole weekend and not even ask about him. They wouldn’t even know what he looked like if it wasn’t for me posting on social media. I’m ready to go full no contact and even want to go off on them one last time before we do but i know that probably isn’t smart. AIO to block them and be done with them or should I try talking to them one last time?

TL;DR: in-laws act like my child doesn’t exist, even after begging them to be involved in his life.