This is a long story and I will try to be as detailed as possible because I genuinely need help! | 20F met my fiancé 20M a little more than a year ago, it was literally the definition of love at first sight I could tell a whole other story about just us! He had asked me to move in 2 weeks after asking me out (I know that's really fast) but we haven't spend a day away from eachother ever since and we love it that way we never argue we talk thru things no problem and we communicate very well in my opinion!
So skipping the months a year later, on our anniversary he proposed to me and of course l said yes! But that point forward his family acted weird towards me, as I moved in with them (them including his sister (26F) the sisters boyfriend now husband (29M) their child (2) my fiancés mother (49) and father (52) and grandmother) everything was fine I was welcomed with open arms by all and I was extremely grateful I was given 1 obligation, his mother told me I want you in school and that's it, which I was I have done full term max unit semester fall, spring, summer, and just now finished up another fall! I did however have a job for most of the time I was living in their home! My fiancé nor myself were ever asked for any kind of help as all his mom wanted was us in school! Most months were great, until he proposed to me then all of a sudden weird things started happening his older sister all of a sudden was getting proposed to around the time I was after his sister and her boyfriend had been together for 5 years and have had a child for 2 of those years, I didn't think much of it as I was told the information because I had no idea my now fiancé was proposing to me! However the date kept suddenly changing closer and closer till it just so happened that his sister was getting proposed to the day before my fiancé proposed to me (the entire family knew when he was proposing to me !) his older sister was also aware that her at the time boyfriend was going to propose to her so this was no surprise to her! I was of course overwhelmed and extremely excited because i absolutely love my soon to be husband, but once the initial feelings calmed a bit i could see my fiancé was upset that his sisters boyfriend would do something like that to him and i completely understand his feelings behind it!
But we were both extremely happy to begin the next chapter of our lives and he tried not to overthink it look to far into it or dwell on it!
Around a month later his sisters birthday came up and they had made plans for a dinner, my fiancé and my self were not informed till the absolute last minute while we were leaving the house to take care of some responsibilities, once we got back home they were already getting in the car, I told my fiancé to go and that he shouldn't miss his sisters b day dinner i unfortunately had a strictly timed test that evening in which they did know I had they strict scheduled tests and did not bother to ask when they were! Still to me no big deal i understand plans get busy and people forget things. But yet they get home and I was treated like I did something awful, the following mornings I wasn't talked to and kinda of just stared at which is the best I can explain it. I should make a note now that I already am uncomfortable around his family as I really dislike how they treated him he was treated as a tool and unless he was useful in a situation it did not matter to them how he felt or if he was okay! I personally am not big on conflict, I prefer to avoid it at most costs, same as my fiancé he will try to avoid it at all costs. So after that situation I stayed in his room focusing more on school as I was out of work at the time, so if I were to come out it was fairly late and if I left during the day/early evening l'd just leave out of the window (they had a single story home) again not an abnormal thing for my fiancé or myself as my car was normally parked right in sight! Fast forward some time later I get a message from his mother asking me why I am avoiding them and if they did something which i politely responded with I don't mean to be avoiding anyway I'm very caught up in my school work at the moment and having my own hardships missing my family and pets etc. if you would like to talk about it further l'd have no issues with that! In which she responded with id love to sit and talk with you, which she never followed up with and continued to ignored me as she claimed I was ignoring them! Once again fast forward to a day or so after and my fiancé tells his mom I think we should all talk as at this point the way I'm seeing him get treated feels like I'm chained to a fall and am forced to watch him get beat up and it was taking a large toll on my already complicated mental health, (I can't explain how hard it was for me to watch him get treated the way he was and not be able to say anything) later that night his sister comes into the room refusing to leave as we were not ready to talk to her and just wanted to speak to his mom (this is important for later) my fiancé eventually says okay fine whatever let's all go talk to mom, which we all follow to sit In her room and have a conversation. His mom and sister are notorious for 2 v 1 in argument/conversation with him they never let him finish a sentence, they immediately try to debunk what he says as it "not being true" etc. As the conversation they have continued in the room I have yet to say a thing and have only stood there for about 30 min trying my best to support my fiancé, I can progressively see him getting really upset to the point of which anxiety has fully taken over and he's starting to shake, which is when I had said "hey can I talk to you for a minute" as an excuse to calm him down we step into the garage I give him and hug and ask him if he's okay and if there is anything I can do in which he responds if I can't say it I need you to and I say okay. We exit to the garage to see his sister coming toward which she immediately looks at me and goes well I don't think it's okay that you pull him out of the room and have your own little conversation which I respond look at him he's shaking I just wanted him to be able to calm down and take a breath. The conversation then gets moved into our room where it proceeds to again be a 2 v 1 of them completely dismissing his feelings and claiming his experiences didn't happen. The conversation then becomes very for lack of better words a "poor me conversation" where his sister starts claiming random information that she took care of him when he was little and some other private information I will not and can't share here, I became extremely upset at this point as I know what she's saying is a lie I have had this similar conversation with my fiancé that she claims to have done these things and they didn't happen that way. I am extremely hurt by her lies even tho they aren't directed towards me because what she has claimed to have done responsibilities I actually did have to do, l have 3 younger siblings that I very much had a large roll in helping to raise them as my father was in and out of incarceration and then suddenly passed away when I was 15 leaving behind my struggling widowed mother, my 3 younger siblings and myself being the oldest.
As she continues to make excuses for their actions and completely discount any of my fiancés experiences, there is a pause where I am now fighting tears watching my man cry which I speak up and say can I have the green like to talk and say something which is met by a very small nod from him, I proceed to say to his mother and sister "I apologize if I come off bluntly or aggressive I was raised different and I know I can come off very blunt and I mean everything I'm about to say with the at most respect" (I am very blunt as most of the time l don't want to walk around a situation rather than just handle it then and there) I proceeded to talk about things myself and man have discussed before, things we both agree on. I explain that the SAHM (stay at home mom) job is not difficult (I will explain further after this) as I had to do the whole SAHM thing as a young girl till my later teenage years and it's truly not a hard task to do, I then looked at his mother and say I have so much respect for you because what you have done is hard and I have seen my own mother do it, I continued on with it's so hard for me to watch my man get attacked that he doesn't do anything ever when this entire home and all things surrounding it would fall apart without him, anything they needed fixed, built, or troubleshooting he was the person who did it he was the only capable man in the house to do it. (The reason I mentions the SAHM job isn't difficult because his sister acts like she has the entire world on her chest when she had a perfectly capable man who works from home who chooses to be lazy, serval adults to watch her child, low rent/living costs, a mother who constantly does things for her, and barely any responsibilities. I have seen her maybe clean 4 times in the year I lived there, she would do their own laundry, but often saw the mom doing it for her, and would make dinners that somehow took 4 hours to taste like they came out of a can) I could get into so much more detail but I won't unless needed, I then proceeded to be yelled at by his sister and told that it was a slap in the face to say that to them and go off on a tangent about irrelevant things I didn't ever talk about. the conversation ended, and the awkward uncomfortable silent weird looks treatment continued till I received a text a few days later being told it's best if I move back home with my family please keep in mind I am fully engaged ring on my finger and everything at this point, which I then show my man and he obviously isn't happy, he calls his mom who we later find out was purposely not coming home to talk to him and she was hiding, the conversation they have later doesn't go well in the slightest bit. I stayed in the room while they "talked" (his mother yelling at him while he's speaking normally to her) for almost an hour in which I hear my fiancé come back to the room and say that was it I gave her a chance to fix this and we need a plan to leave. Some other uneventful things happen such as the moving process of moving back into my house with him. Till we go back about 2 weeks later from the day I was asked to leave, to find all of our things in a pile in the garage just shoved in boxes and not able to find anything. (We had a wedding to attend in the area and only planned on picking up a few things) we both obviously are upset and he's on the phone with his mom going back and forth which she simply continues to make up excuses, but it's very clear that it was done out of spite to me. We then return another day a few days later to get the few items he had asked them to find which I waited in the car for!
Again trying my very best to avoid as I don't feel it's necessary to make a bigger issue, he comes out with the family tablet that we often used for school I had drawn a few pictures on it of ours cars that he wanted to send to us, we leave and his dad comes outside arms in the air like something happened we then find out there is a reason why he acted like that we found well over 100 messages of his mother telling absolutely everyone in his family/ close friends, absolutely lies about the entire situation making it seem as if I was kicked out then I just lost it on them and started saying horrendous things. The amount of insults they came up with for me in these messages some of which these people have only met me 1 maybe 2 times. Things like I'm trashy, a nasty girl, a whore, a fat bitch, them making fun of some of my facial piercings calling me a rhino also calling me fat his sister joking about
"seeing someone big" and saying it was probably me. (To note I'm 5'1 and not very big I played a lot of sports so l'm fairly muscular so big thighs and that sort of thing so not even like the insults are true either) insulting her own son calling him a jerk and a brat that he needs to be humbled to his own grandfather calling him "pussy whipped" and we continue to find her insulting my man's best friend who literally did absolutely nothing but help us move our things, calling him a bastard and making some kind of joke that he can go sleep with me too, my fiancé and l are in absolute shock that these things were said about us and are beyond disgusted! which my man's words were I'll never have a relationship with any of them after this I can't believe they did any of this, (I have 100 plus pictures of all these messages now) moving forward we stop by his aunts after seeing the messages and dropping the tablet back off at his house as we were still in the neighborhood, and by a lucky guess all of his family was there and once confronted about it all we were attacked by multiple people his aunt yelling at him his mother yelling at him his cousin who doesn't even live in the state screaming at him to "fuck off and to leave if he doesn't care" and other shitty things his uncle getting in his face trying to fight him" all I say to them because god forbid if I was ever going to get a word in was "we will be at the house tomorrow to get the rest of our things" fast forward again the next day we go to get the rest of our things and we are completely locked out of the home they open the garage and amazingly his mother and sister are not home his father will absolutely not allow him in the home which we were still under our 30 day move out time, and they were harboring our things and his animal from him, lucky us tho they thought we left closed the garage and let the animals out in which my fiancé was able to get his dog and we leave however on the way to my house he gets a call from the police department asking to call them back or to answer the next time he calls him, which follows up with a message of his mother accusing my minor brother who helped us move our things, of stealing their dog (it is not there dog she is microchipped and is registered to my fiancé) lucky for us they are apparently ignorant enough to forget I am a studying law and my mother is a paralegal. But as the dust is "kinda settling" | find it extremely hard now to process everything that has happened and and slightly still happening, it's extremely difficult to sit with the fact that all of these people that barely know me now think I am some disgusting awful human that's manipulating him and forcing him to be with me! I'm trying my very best to maintain calm and healthy while trying my absolute hardest to support my man and make him feel loved and welcomed into my family especially around the holidays! Please any input or advice anything would be a dream to me right now. I have literally not been able to sleep or do anything as this whole thing is making me feel sick! If any clarification is needed let me know, I tried my hardest to give the entire story from start to finish so it doesn't seem as if I'm not explaining everything!
