r/AdultChildren • u/Britton120 • 1d ago

Transitioning adult child mother to assisted living?

To make an absolutely long story short, my mother is in an absolute mess of a situation. She has a whole host of problems physically that have been compounding lately to make it necessary sooner rather than later that she transition to assisted living. But her problems with needing to smoke freely, as well as other issues that are more mental stand in the way of her committing to it. At times she is understanding and receptive, and others she thinks she is okay to live at home. No doubt her memories of moving her own mom into assisted living memory care paint a darker picture in her mind.

I'm her only child and live a couple hours away. Her only other direct family is her sister who lives across the country. Her ex-husband died about 15 years ago at this point. So the people on the ground who are helping her at this point are the remaining friends she has left. Which she is fortunate to have, but takes them for granted and their patience is really running thin.

So in short, does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing?

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u/SOmuch2learn 1d ago

I am sorry for the heartbreak of alcoholism in your life.

What helped me was Alanon. This is a support group for you—friends and family of alcoholics. Meetings connected me with people who understood what I was going through and I felt less alone and overwhelmed. Learning about boundaries and detachment was liberating. Check out the site and read the posts and comments as well as attend some meetings. See /r/Alanon.

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u/bevalasvegas 1d ago

Good luck 🍀 most sincerely. Moved my mom to assisted living a year ago - it was chaotic and challenging. She is a non smoker tho - that’s an additional wrinkle you have that will be difficult.