r/stopdrinking • u/ChasingDragon625 • 1d ago
Seems easier to just off myself instead of not drinking
Have tried so many times in the past year to stop drinking. Each week I have new goals, all of which fail. It makes no sense. I have a great job and make good money. I am a what society would consider a smart person. But I keep failing all my personal goals. Just turned 42 last month. No wife. No kids. What is the point?
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u/plopperupper 1d ago
I've never lost a job due to alcohol, I make decent money, I own my own house, some would say successful. I have no wife, no kids, which I'm fine with - they are not a sign of success in my eyes.
What I don't have is excellent health, I had to see a specialist every 3 months, then every 6 months and now it's yearly. If you keep drinking you could end up in the same situation that I did - being told you have cirrhosis of the liver.
I stopped drinking, I did it my way - no meetings, no quit literature, no podcasts, no online groups like this and no setting goals. BUT that worked for me, it may not work for you.
Lots of people will tell you how to stop, what you need to do because it worked for them. Do your research and find what works for you and stick to it. It's not easy, there is no easy way to do it - we are addicts plane and simple.
Just so you know I was a daily heavy drinker, I haven't had a drink in 4 years now, I haven't relapsed - lots of people will tell you if you try it alone you will relapse, it can't be done. Do I get cravings, not anymore but I wonder what it would be like to have a beer sometimes - the problem is I can't just have one, I know this, so there's no point in trying to just have one or two, why torture myself.
Having cirrhosis is not a death sentence, your liver is very resiliant and can regenerate to some extent depending on the damage done. I only have to see my specialist once a year because my blood results are all in the normal range and have been for two years. Also my abdomen scans are not showing any progression of cirrhosis. I still have to have them every 6 months because I am now at a higher risk of liver cancer.
People will tell you your life will be so much better, but life is what you make it. There are still the day to day things you have to deal with. The one thing that is truly better is not waking up feeling like shit due to drinking the night before - I do not miss the hangovers!!.
One piece of advice I will give you is stop drinking for yourself NOT for anybody else.
Actually here is a second piece of advice, if you feel suicidal please call a hotline and speak to someone - I don't know which country you are in and there are different phone numbers in each. You are loved by someone, you just may not know it. I had a friend commit suicide and I wish he had talked to someone, he is missed everyday!.
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u/ChasingDragon625 1d ago
I really appreciate the response.
I’ve never asked for help and wouldn’t even know where to start. I know there are AA groups out there, but I don’t think that would help. I can post online to my wits end, but in person, I can’t admit I have a problem. I don’t know why. I was raised to never show emotion or feelings. I can’t express emotion unless I’ve had a few drinks, which is why I’m so attracted to it, but know that it needs to end. It’s all fun and games in your 20’s and 30’s, but once you hit 40, it’s time to grow up. I know this but have trouble implementing a strategy.
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u/ilovetrees90 118 days 1d ago
You know where to start now - recovery meetings. They won’t magically fix everything, and you won’t suddenly be able to share your feelings in a way you never have before, but it will likely help. And you’ve tried just plain old will power and found it’s not sufficient, so worth trying the think that works for so many I reckon!
You can do this. Life is so much less difficult sober.
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u/SwimsSFW 14 days 23h ago
I know there are AA groups out there, but I don’t think that would help
I never thought AA would help, until I had exhausted every possible other option to get sober after a fifth and a half of bourbon a day for 14 years. AA changed my life in the best possible way. There are definitely other ways to do it, but AA has worked for millions of people over 90+ years. It's at least worth a try. I'll say that there's a huge difference between "going to AA" and "working the AA program."
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u/Owlhooo 4908 days 22h ago
I get it. I do. I was in the same place when I finally quit. I hated everything and was just ready to die.
But then one day I thought- if I am willing to kill myself and end it all…..Why wouldn’t I be willing to try sobriety? Try AA? Try something, ANYTHING, different. I could still kill myself later if it didn’t work. But at least I tried.
I tried. And it sucked. And I drank again. And then I really almost died in a car crash….
And then I really did quit. And it sucked again. But then it got better. And it’s continued to get better, ever since.
I guess I’m just saying- if you are willing to give up, why not be willing to try a meeting? What do you have to lose? You are willing to end it all, why not try something different?
In AA I found a bunch of people just like me. Others who didn’t want to show emotion, others who thought they could do this alone, others who had been drinking their whole lives.
The solution is there. You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
I’m also 42. I’m here if you ever want to chat. Trust me, there is so much life out there.
Much love to you, friend 💛
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u/nochedetoro 1083 days 21h ago
Therapy sounds more beneficial than just a drinking support group; the whole not able to feel emotions thing is going to cause problems in other areas besides just drinking (ask me how I know lol). And therapy can help with the drinking too. It took about a year of therapy before I was ready to quit and then I stayed sober because well I don’t want to have to tell her on Monday that I drank today…
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u/NiCeY1975 133 days 1d ago
All the nice things will slowly start to slip out of our hands with the increasing intake of alcohol. The witness stories here are many. No one will be excepted in this. As soon as we start to think we have one too many prio extra it has already been rooted into our system. And it reads like there is already an issue here.
Many of us have thought we could manage this, all have failed with time.
I experience it is easier to not drink than have it dominating my every hour of every day. It is an escape.
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u/SeattleEpochal 1450 days 1d ago
I relate to where you are, a lot. I tried to quit for decades and finally stopped at 52 after multiple trips to the ER and realizing I can’t do it by myself. I also set goals to reduce, and failed miserably, often actually upping my consumption. Trying to control my drinking was a fool’s game, and I lost. It’s demoralizing. I wanted to die.
I finally told my therapist everything, and started going to AA. The great thing about it is you can just listen until you’re ready to talk. When I finally started going, I heard a lot of people with experience dealing what I was going through. Exactly what you just described. Then I became willing to set aside my ego and try what they tried. I’ll be sober 4 years next month. No longer a slave to the bottle, my life is amazing. It’s a miracle. It’s beautiful.
You can do this. Take care, brother.
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u/Outside_The_House 1d ago
Are your new, weekly goals directly related to cutting out booze, or unrelated to sobriety?
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u/NJsober1 13982 days 1d ago
Medical detox, rehab and AA gave me a new life. Today I have it all. I couldn’t do it alone. Certainly not willpower and Reddit.
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u/Apart_Cucumber4315 625 days 1d ago
Sounds a lot like me. I needed to learn the hard way before I really became willing to change. You could say that alcohol really needed to beat me down over and over again before it truly stuck.
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u/Dull-Application38 1d ago
Gentle suggestion of therapy and meds. There are lots of supportive online groups where you can remain anonymous.
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u/hurricanepilotpete 26 days 1d ago
I have been fortunate as I have had good health all my life. I'll be 50 next year. I've been a drinker since I was 16 and a heavy drinker for the past 15 years. I got an abnormal reading on some blood tests on the 2nd of December, the same day I emptied the bottles down the sink. I only started to value my health when I was in danger of losing it.
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u/Loose_Fee_4856 23h ago
Please seek medical attention if you are actually suicidal and not just blowing off steam.
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u/Quiet_Neighborhood65 1d ago
There are a lot of programs that can help provide a different perspective. Some may be worth a look. I found the Option Institute in Massachusetts very helpful for me.
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u/9284573 13 days 1d ago
I’d definitely recommend therapy of some sort. I went to an outpatient rehab centre - basically just weekly therapy with a therapist specialised in addiction and it helped a lot. I couldn’t get sober alone and she helped me to - it still took a longer than I thought it would but it build up my self esteem and confidence that I could stop drinking and that there’s more to enjoy in life than just alcohol. Good luck :)
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20h ago
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u/stopdrinking-ModTeam 11h ago
Please remember to speak from the ‘I’ when participating in this sub. This rule is explained in more detail in our community guidelines. Thank you.
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u/dp8488 6718 days 1d ago
Have you ever asked for help? (And I don't mean on Reddit.)
That was key for me. Though I started with some doctors, therapists, and a stint in outpatient rehab, they really emphasized a need to get together with a support group full of alcoholics who had gotten out of it and could share with me.
I'd spent/wasted about an entire year, roughly spring 2004 to spring 2005, trying to stop on my own willpower and it was just a long string of demoralizing, depressing failures.
I got sober at age 50. Sober life is effing splendid!