r/stopdrinking • u/New_Biscotti2669 • 1d ago
I recently watched someone tell someone so confidently "i don't drink" and changed the topic, and it was really inspiring. I have seen so many posts on this board about "how do i tell people i don't drink" and i too sometimes fumble over words when ppl ask me why i am not drinking and I say
something like "i am taking a break" etc. When in reality, I know I am not taking a break (or i shouldn't be).
Watching this woman just shut down any conversation about drinking with a very confident "I don't drink" with no hesitation, was just so beautiful and empowering, I am going to move forward with this technique.
Truly, you don't owe anyone any explanation, in all honesty its sort of rude to ask someone why they are not drinking. Its actually such a personal question- maybe you are pregnant, an alcoholic, have a family member who is an alcoholic, are taking a certain medication, etc. A million reasons why someone could not drink that make the question insensitive.
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u/Slouchy87 6087 days 1d ago
I use to be the asshole who would, if you weren’t drinking, pressure you to.
What I know now is that you not drinking made me look at my own drinking and I wanted none of that.
I have no problem saying strongly that I don’t drink. I may or may not elaborate depending on how I’m feeling that day.
But ya, no is a complete answer.
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u/Derek-Lutz 1825 days 23h ago
Yeah, this was me too. I was the dipshit who would try to make you feel bad about your not drinking, all the while wondering if perhaps I might be better off doing that myself. Live and learn.
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u/Zead29 427 days 1d ago
That's the only answer I give. "I don't drink." I've never had anyone bother me about it... of course I"m also pretty picky about who I spend time with.
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u/Vast-Train-9357 22h ago
In my drinking days, when people told me they didn't drink with no reasoning, I judged them a lot. I thought they were uptight and afraid to let loose. I didn't associate with the non-drinkers because they were the ones to cut the party short, get tired, go home, etc.
So now that I'm not drinking, I like to give just a little context why I don't drink. I guess I have a fear of being perceived as lame.
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u/Might-Be-Done 393 days 1d ago
Yup, short, neutral, to the point.
I find some of the “cute”/funny responses can come off a bit passive aggressive or judgemental. “I don’t drink” does everything I need it to do and doesn’t get people offside.
(Well, it very occasionally gets some people irritated, but I was probably never going to get along with them anyway!)
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u/fcewen00 3678 days 1d ago
They seemed cute in the beginning but now I’m to the point of “no” or “no thanks”. People don’t need to know any more than that.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Bid713 17 days 1d ago
The vast majority of people don't care at all and will accept your answer and move on. Those that don't, likely have or had problems with alcohol and are curious.
A simple "no thank you" ends the convo most of the time, and if I get pushed, I'll say "had to give it up, it was dragging me down." This has allowed me to connect with a few sober friends and even help a lost soul or 2..
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u/petal713 1427 days 1d ago
I always say, “it was getting to be too much.” People respect that and the conversation rolls along.
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u/TrashPandaPoo 9 days 1d ago
I wonder if it's just our own anxiety over knowing that everyone knows we're drinkers so suddenly not drinking is a "thing". I've been there when people aren't drinkers and it's no issue, I've (drunkenly) defended people if anyone gave them shit for it because no-one has to drink just because I am.
I'm not hugely anxious about not drinking myself but I am mentally preparing myself for how to deal with it....although I guess that is a bit of anxiety!
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u/FatSteveWasted9 521 days 1d ago
I’ve been fortunate in that I’ve never experienced the anxiety that comes with telling people “no thank you, I don’t drink”. 9 times out of 10 it ends the conversation. If it doesn’t, I’ll usually come back with “I’ve already had my share, your share, and everyone’s share in this room.” Usually gets a chuckle and people tend to move on.
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u/Divinevibrator 1d ago
ultimately,,,the simple truth is almost always best. Its none of their business why you dont drink. state your position in a matter of fact way and nobody will question it. just like the woman you saw and admired. they will see and admire you. confidence is king
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u/ReasonableTiger4945 1d ago
Remember you don't owe anyone an explanation but if you feel pressed to answer as to why you don't drink, put your palm on your upper stomach, just below the breast bone and say, "Alcohol upsets my system." Smile, and then change the subject.
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18h ago
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u/ReasonableTiger4945 18h ago
Isn't it the truth, though? Doesn't alcohol fuck with the system you have in place to remain functional?
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u/spacebarstool 838 days 23h ago
People like my son who have never drank and never plan to are non-drinkers. He just says I don't drink, and that's it. I quit over 2 years ago, and now I'm a non-drinker. I don't drink. It's all I say now
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u/Extension_Dark791 1067 days 23h ago
This is the same response my husband without a drinking problem always has when people ask him if he wants a drink, and no one has ever cared. Most of us have the tendency of thinking people think about us more than we do.
I had something similar when talking to a sober friend about posting something on social media on my 3 year anniversary. I was worried if I didn’t post something people would worry I relapsed but I don’t really want to. She said “no one is going to look at the date and remember it’s your sobriety date”. It was a freeing realization.
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u/xynix_ie 1484 days 23h ago
I take a people out to dinner and drinks, cocktail hours. I'm in sales. I usually don't say anything, I just order my fav, strawberry lemonade. No one has anything to say about that, especially when I'm paying for their $150 bottle of Chardonnay.
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u/HarpyCelaeno 1d ago
My reply when offered a drink is along the lines of “God no! Thank you but I need a good nights rest EVERY night.”
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u/RevereBeachLover 23h ago
Myself, I just flat out tell them. I am a TERRIBLE drunk. Works every time.
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u/Jaydenel4 23h ago
if so.eone asks if i specifically want something, i just say no thanks. if someone asks if i want to drink in general, i say im good. i also make sure to say it pretty assertive, so there's no wiggle room in kickback responses.
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u/Pushbrown69 23h ago
Ya I get it, it can be hard though due to how much I was drinking around people in the past so saying "I don't drink" kinda shocks people who haven't been around me in a while and they will be like "whaaaaaaaat?!?!?" But also I've gotten into the best shape of my life and people just immediately ask "oh because you're training?" So I usually just say "ya pretty much." I look good yaaaaall lol
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u/galwegian 1835 days 22h ago
I tell people that I quit drinking. They can deduce from that there might be an issue. Or not. Maybe I just quit😊
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u/BrutusBurro 2159 days 19h ago
Maybe 1 in 50 people will give you a hard time about not drinking.
People are so focused on themselves, they forget almost everything about you unless you are a close friend or relative
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u/Certain-Chemist-585 19h ago
Yes you really don't have to make a big show out of it, I think most people who agonize over their response may be in early sobriety and still self-conscious.
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u/hannwilly 627 days 1d ago
I used to fumble around with what to say, but around a year ago said fuck it and now just say "I don't drink" when asked and now the more I say it, the easier it gets. People rarely have follow-up questions and if they do, I usually respond with some form of "I feel a lot better without alcohol in my life" and the topic usually moves on. Most people don't care if someone drinks or not and if they do, that's their problem. Honestly, it just gets easier with time and practice.
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u/hexonica 1d ago
This Christmas I had to just say "no, I can't" it was accurate but not satisfying. I'm glad I made the choice not to.
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u/KimWexlers_Ponytail 237 days 23h ago
So in my field we have lots of humans with current or former struggles with drinking (hi!). We also have a very diverse ethnic population in this field, many of whom simply do not drink as their lifestyle or religion teaches them not to.
I knew this and what has made these last 7 months easier for me (well one of the things that helped), was watching them in social settings just so casually passing on alcohol. I noticed they just didn't make a big deal about it. Kind of like if someone offered me a banana. I don't like bananas, so I'd politely say no thank you and move on. I realized the key is NOT explaining anything. If I say no thank you to a drink, and someone actually pushes it, I'd simply say "I don't drink". If they tried to counter it (I've been to happy hour with you! Or whatever), I'd just say, "I don't drink anymore". If that doesn't make the point crystal clear, then I'd just walk away. I'm fortunate it hasn't gotten to that end point yet.
I was at our office holiday party a couple weeks ago and tried it. Showed up, sidled up next to some coworkers who were already there and a couple drinks in, they ask over a member of staff and say to me, "let's get you a drink!"...I ordered a sparkling water, the coworkers paused less than a beat, then ordered their own drinks and we all moved on. It was great!
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u/fightingwalrii 181 days 23h ago
no thanks, I've had plenty
If they ask, tonight? I just say, no i mean in general I've had plenty
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u/emergencyfruit 886 days 22h ago
One of the secret perks once you have some solid sober time is being able to tell people the truth without shame. I start with "no thanks", but if pressed for a reason, I'll straight up tell people, "I've been sober for two and a half years." I leave it at that, or throw in a quip about law school ruining drinking for me if I need to lighten the mood.
Not only will any decent person immediately back off, usually they'll congratulate me too. It was tough at first, but over time it gets easier. Once you have a milestone you're proud of, let it fly. It helps keep you accountable to yourself top. Good luck!
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u/waronfleas 720 days 22h ago
"It's not for me" (accompanied by micro-shrug)... "so, tell me more about you" (which they're almost always only too happy to do
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u/Bigdavereed 12447 days 9h ago
I say the same. Matter-of-factly, just "I don't drink". I'm kind of the "old guy" to a group of guys as well, and if I get the opportunity I will ask one occasionally - "how does drinking benefit you?". As the encourager of fitness and ability, it seems like a pretty normal question, but only in the context I've outlined.
There is one time a "friend" wanted me to drink on a special occasion - I had been sober for a couple years by then and I really had to be downright rude about it. (not a stretch for me) We aren't friends anymore.
We are in charge of ourselves. We don't owe anyone an explanation.
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u/plaincoldtofu 23h ago
“Why don’t you drink the Koolaid at Jonestown?” “I don’t drink Koolaid.”
Simple
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u/charredcurse 1d ago
I didn't quit, I went pro and then retired.