r/stopdrinking • u/alexchuzzlewit 2398 days • 5d ago
[Megathread] Your Invite to the SD Holiday Party of 2024!
Hey SD!
For many, this time of year can bring unique challenges when it comes to staying on the sober path.
Before my first alcohol-free Christmas, I felt nervous. It struck me just how intertwined alcohol seemed with the holiday and New Year’s celebrations—it was everywhere! From TV ads and boozy work parties to social gatherings and extended family get-togethers, it felt inescapable and overwhelming. I frequently found myself wondering:
⁉️ How do I respond when someone offers me a drink or asks why I’m not drinking?
⁉️ What should I do if I feel uncomfortable and need to leave an event?
⁉️ ...Is it even possible to have fun at these events without alcohol?! (spoiler alert: yes!)
That’s why, from now until the end of the year, we’re hosting our very own SD Holiday Party™ in this thread! This is a safe, sober space (ugly sweaters optional) where you can:
✨ connect with fellow non-drinkers in a fun and informal way
✨ vent about the challenges of staying sober during the festivities
✨ share your tried and true tips for navigating this time of year
✨ ....or simply join the conversation with the community! Whether it's swapping festive music playlists and sharing your favourite movies, book and films for the season - let's hear them.
Our SD Mod Squad wants to help you make this holiday season as joyful as possible, no matter where you are on your sobriety journey. To support that, we’re excited to share some of the strategies and tools that have helped us stay sober.
Let’s tackle the season together—one club soda at a time! 🎄✨
= = = = = = = = = = = =
MOD SQUAD TRIED AND TESTED TIPS AND TRICKS:
💡 from u/sfgirlmary ➡️
Early in my sobriety, I dreaded being asked why I wasn’t drinking at a social event when I wasn’t ready to go public with my drinking problem. (Also, women sometimes have the double awkwardness of other people assuming they’re pregnant, and being asked about that.) I found it essential to have my answers ready before the party, and I found the following responses to be very effective at either ending the conversation or shifting it off onto a different topic:
Nosey Parker: "Why aren't you drinking, Mary? Are you pregnant or something?"
Me: [Laughs.] "No, I'm doing it to lose a little weight. Did you know that a large glass of wine has the same calories as a slice of cheese pizza?"
Nosey Parker: [Since they themselves wanted to lose weight but didn't have the self-discipline of a sobernaut, they changed the subject.]
OR
Nosey Parker: "Why aren't you drinking, Mary? Are you pregnant or something?"
Me: [Laughs.] "No, I've decided to take a break, and I've found that I really love sparkling water. Did you know that Italian sparkling water is actually different from American? I find the bubbles are smaller, and it actually tastes better. I never thought I would become an aficionado of such things..."
Nosey Parker: [Eyes glazed over as I bored them to death. Then they wandered off to get another drink.]
OR
Nosey Parker: "Why aren't you drinking, Mary? Are you pregnant or something?"
Me: [Laughs.] "No, I'm doing it for my health. I've also started jogging. Do you jog?"
Nosey Parker: [Delighted because the topic had shifted to everyone's favorite subject—themselves.] "Yes! I'm actually going to do a 10K next month. I'm training every day..."
💡 from u/SaintHomer ➡️
- Stock up on NA drinks. Take some with you if you’re going a party. There are some really good NA draft Christmas beers out there now.
- Make sure to have an exit strategy.
- Make sure to have a safe zone in case you need a break.
💡 from u/alexchuzzlewit ➡️
- I second SaintHomer's tip! Fancy AF AF (the two AFs are deliberate, ha!) drinks are a must, for me. Tonic water and fruit juice (pineapple or orange juice) are my favourite.
- It's good for me to feel helpful at parties, where it's possible - keeping busy by offering to serve snacks, or to clear dishes etc.
- I have time off work over the festive season and the devil makes time for my idle mind. I like to try out a new hobby, a recipe, or start a new jigsaw puzzle or video game when I'm at a loose end. Ebooks and audiobooks are also great, along with podcasts to keep my brain engaged.
💡 from u/xen440tway ➡️
I don’t think I have any solid tips but plenty of blunt responses to the “just take a drink, one won’t kill you”. When I tell them that it probably will and give them all the gory details they soon understand. So I'll just be ready to tell them the truth and to help with their furrowed brows.
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u/bbookkeeppiinngg 5d ago
Don't go to the party.
Go to the party for 20 minutes.
Hold your supportive partner's hand the whole time.
Come down with explosive diarrhea.
Missing out on one holiday party is better than missing out on a lot of them down the road.
And if anyone is pushy about not drinking, an assertive "I'm not drinking, please drop the issue."
Or my favorite "I'm not drinking because rehab was really fucking expensive."
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u/alexchuzzlewit 2398 days 4d ago
My instances of explosive diarrhoea are disappointingly infrequent since I got sober, but I'm always willing to continue the charade as required!
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u/xAlcoholFreeAFx 155 days 4d ago
I was hoping they meant “pretend to have explosive diarrhea” because it’s unlikely I’ll be able to pull that off nowadays. I guess it’s possible if there is lots of cheese dips!
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u/AbstractVagueCat 20 days 3d ago
hahahahaha! Loved them all! In the field of body acceptance and anti-fatphobia, this is also a sensitive time of the year, cause if a thin person fills the plate with food, no one notices, but then comes the fat one and there is always a comment like "are you gonna eat all of this?". Recommended answer: yes, and after I'm finished gonna eat you too. See ya!
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u/lorenapale2 39 days 2d ago
Someone says to another person "are you going to eat all of that?" rude for someone to say that to you!😨
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u/AbstractVagueCat 20 days 1d ago
It happens. I'm not a member of the "fat positivity" movement cause I'm not fat, just belong to some sort of anti diet activism (diet that makes you hungry) and HAES (Organization Health at Every Size). But I won't get into this controversial discussion lol The fact is: yes, I know an American friend who is fat and was doing her daily walk, and a passing car threw on her a plastic bottle screaming WHALE GO FASTER. In restaurants they see how waiters look at them when ordering dessert. There are many reports of fatphobia but many are afraid to share, so just like this sub there are specific forums for people to vent and support each other. Cause regardless of the health debate I think it is a must we should respect everyone. Here we give tips about how to handle triggers, people pushing you drinks during festivities. There the tips are how to handle the entitled relatives and sometimes strangers who put their nose on your food, and say "I'm saying this cause I care for your health honey". If this fat person was getting wasted of booze I wonder if she'd be bothered this way. P.S: I'm using the word "fat" and not "obese" cause that's how most activists prefer to be called, reclaiming the word. Like "yes, I'm fat, you're blonde, and this is just a feature"
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u/El_Bo31 518 days 4d ago
This may seem obvious, but I highly recommend leaning into this sub if you’re worried about slipping anytime during the holidays. While on vacation earlier this year, I was feeling overwhelmed at a dinner where I was the only person not drinking. I ducked into the bathroom, posted on here and asked for y’all’s good thoughts and support, and everyone came through in spades! I left that dinner positively buoyant that I was sober! Merry Happy, everyone — Iwndwy’allthisholidayseason! 🎄❤️
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u/cheapstock 33 days 5d ago
Seriously, we went out last night to a Tiki bar and my mocktail was so good, my spouse ordered it as his second drink. Then dinner at a tapas restaurant with NA sangria, followed by dessert with decaf. And I was so much more present, and saw so many more shenanigans, than I ever would have drinking. It was more fun in a different kind of way! Like I was a spy, lol.
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u/alexchuzzlewit 2398 days 4d ago
lmaoo at being a spy, I know exactly what you mean. I've been in situations where I've been the only sober person, and it feels elite. It's worlds better than the mythical feeling I was chasing when I used to drink.
That sounds like a great bar, btw. I had an incredible NA dark and stormy cocktail last week. Bars are getting so great with their NA offerings!
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u/AbstractVagueCat 20 days 3d ago
Agree with both of you. I wasn't finding the right to describe it, but you all helped me. Present. You definitely feel present.
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u/Comfortable-Bread249 475 days 3d ago
Aiming for my first sober Christmas since probably 1999. (Counter is obviously not accurate.) Just arrived in my childhood home and summoning all of my willpower.
Let’s fucking go.
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u/DazeofGl0ry 56 days 3d ago
Went to my company holiday party last night. One coworker only knows I am not drinking. I told my husband, I am driving. You take the drink tickets. This was like my insurance that I wouldn’t drink. And in the past, it’s always been, you’d better stop because I just ordered another, so it was nice to be driver for him (especially since we don’t have alcohol in the house anymore).
The first night of vacation was actually harder for me, and I made it through that too.
I guess that’s a long winded way to say yay me!
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u/RedHeadedRiot 1917 days 4d ago
u/sainthomer whats a safe zone?
I love this! I love this place, it has made all the difference and it has grown sooooo much. Its just nice to have a home to bounce back to and know that I am accepted no matter what..... whats that called? Family? <3
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u/SaintHomer 2606 days 3d ago
A safe zone is anywhere and anyhow you can have a moment of relief. For me it can be as simple as a quiet room to step into to get a break, or an extra toilet break to check in here on SD, or having one sober friend to exchange glances with. A home to bounce back to, family :)
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u/ReplacementsStink 1783 days 4d ago
I live in Minnesota, and I'll gladly step outside of the house/bar/restaurant/gathering to have the cold air smack some sense into me. Early on if I was craving a drink, if someone is annoying the shit outta me, I get sick of all the people coughing on me... I just enjoy the fresh cold air on my face and in my lungs.
Always happy to see you, friend!🙌🏻
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u/alexchuzzlewit 2398 days 4d ago
Homer will have his own answer, but personally I use the bathroom! I'll just go there to gather myself if I feel overwhelmed. Works well whether I'm out at a bar/restaurant or at someone's house.
Happy holidays, RHR!
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u/No-Roof-1002 138 days 4d ago
This year was the first work holiday party I have attended where I didn’t drink in…ever I guess. New job, so new people that haven’t witnessed any of my past Christmas party antics (although I usually don’t go too crazy). When we arrived at the party, coworkers led my wife and I to the open bar, and I got a few disapproving looks when I ordered NA beers, but nothing too bad. Overall, I had a lot of good conversations with folks, enjoyed the food, and had a pretty good time. We didn’t stay late and I thoroughly enjoyed not being hungover the next morning. For that I’ll rate it a 10/10!!!
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u/Dapper-Membership 2003 days 3d ago
If you’re finding yourself at a party and don’t feel like explaining things, there’s plenty of NA beers out there that look the part; even taste it. They’ve come leaps and bounds in the last 10-15 years with NA and every now and again I’ll enjoy one.
I’m too old to party anymore but sure do wish they existed back when there were so few to choose from. Hope everyone has happy holidays and a safe new year!
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u/HeadphoneThrowaway95 116 days 3d ago
Thanks for the tips, everyone. I think I'm going to pick up some LaCroix or something tomorrow so I'll have something to drink on Christmas, too.
My friend that knows I'm not drinking asked me tonight if I would have a drink with them at Christmas...I said yes in the moment and then changed my mind five minutes later and said no. I'm going to have to be strong on Christmas, I know he's not the only one that's going to ask me.
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u/nitespector6 56 days 3d ago
This is my first sober Christmas season. I’m having quite a hard time right now. These tips are very helpful. I’m glad to be here. The big family party is tonight at my house. I don’t know why I feel so incredibly anxious. I’m afraid I guess. What if I’m not as strong as I thought? Will it ruin Christmas if I don’t have alcohol? I’m grateful to have this place… I don’t want to have to start over again.
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u/Quirky_Driver_4889 26 days 3d ago
Of course you are anxious, and that's okay, because this is a new experience. You can make it. Maybe... you are stronger than you thought
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u/throwaways17132 118 days 3d ago
not even remotely religious but the only thing i can think is: god help us all. i'm gonna be white-knuckling my na beer all night.
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u/AnxiousAudience82 27 days 2d ago
How did it go? Knuckles recovered yet? Bet you did great :) you’ve got this!
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u/Real_Park_6529 12 days 2d ago
Apparently, I am still a "2 fisted drinker." While putting the final touches on tonight's feast, I decided that an NA Guinness would be cozy. So I opened one. Then I brought it to the sunroom to chill while waiting for the kids to get back from the Metro (my daughter had to work today, but has been staying with us since Saturday, so my husband dropped her off at the Metro this morning, and our son is picking her up now). I get myself comfy with a Sudoku puzzle and the rest of my NA Guinness...and I look up to see that I have a cranberry ginger ale on ice waiting for me!
So yeah. ADHD for the win!
I'm still not gonna drink with you today. :~)
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u/SmallGod1979 365 days 2d ago
Please tell me more about this cranberry ginger ale. 👀
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u/Real_Park_6529 12 days 2d ago
Both Canada Dry and Schweppes carry it...usually seasonally through the holidays. You can also mix ginger ale with cranberry juice cocktail to your taste.
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u/SmallGod1979 365 days 2d ago
Thank you, gonna give mixing it myself a try as I I am in Europe and the stores here don’t have Canada Dry at all and only the standard Schweppes ginger ale.
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u/Human_Tangelo7211 451 days 2d ago
Merry Christmas Eve/Day for those who celebrate.
Cooked up a feast and going to a Christmas Eve mass. Takes work to keep traditions alive, it's worth it.
Enjoyed some bubbly apple cran juice and a NA beer. I am stuffed.
IWNDWYT
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u/Avenntus 47 days 2d ago
Went on a little holiday getaway with my wife who is pregnant. Happy to say I came home with both of the “free drink tickets” they gave us at check-in.
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u/HelenaDesdemona 93 days 2d ago
No one's offered me poison ☠ yet
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u/flummoxed_sapio 45 days 2d ago
Ahh that’s how I stopped drinking!! Listening to Happy Sober Podcast. That guy has me convinced alcohol is poison. I see skull and crossbones in everyone’s choice of beverage.
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u/Sweetnessnease22 10 days 1d ago
Merry night to all! Watched die hard… am sick, no desire to drink thank goodness.
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u/Brullaapje 1d ago
I was just lying in bed, thinking how much of a different person I am. I quit alcohol on 31/12/2023. Even January this years feels like a lifetime ago. Because in January I was craving alcohol, now I am not...
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u/AnxiousAudience82 27 days 2d ago
Not loving the AF Prosecco so far, have tried frixnat and nozecco, does anyone have any suggestions please?
Though I have to say it has not been as bad as I feared. Was busy cooking and was a bit stressed so didn’t have time to think about drinking for a change! Wishing you all a lovely and peaceful Christmas 🤶
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u/rmanec 156 days 1d ago
It might sound silly but some children champagnes are actually really good. My pals bought one for me for my masters graduation. Although is just sugar 😅
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u/AnxiousAudience82 27 days 1d ago
Thanks I’ll check them out! At the moment I’m focused on the not drinking so future sober me can worry about the sugar lol!
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u/Real_Park_6529 12 days 1d ago
You might want to try sparkling apple cider (NOT hard cider! It comes in a champagne style bottle, I think the most popular brand is Martinelli's) or sparkling grape juice (Welch's is a common brand).
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u/AnxiousAudience82 27 days 1d ago
Ok I’ll give that a whirl, though I gave myself alcohol poising from cider before and haven’t touched it since. That and red wine and tequila. You think I would have learned after the first time!!!
Edit: congratulations on your double digits!
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u/Real_Park_6529 12 days 1d ago
Thank you! And yeah, I get not learning after the first time. I am hopeful that I have fully learned that lesson now and have stopped the cycle. Welch's does a sparkling white grape juice -- that would probably be closest to prosecco...it will be sweeter, though.
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u/QuincyG0207 473 days 1d ago
Nailed my second sober Christmas. This second year was so much easier than the first, since I was more prepared with dry options for myself and at this point everyone now knows I don’t drink anymore. For everyone who even contemplated reducing your intake this holiday, I am proud of you. This sh*t ain’t easy but it is so worth it.
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u/ReplacementsStink 1783 days 1d ago
Just knocked out my fifth! I'll tell you, after my second Christmas, I don't even think about it or realize it. It's just what we do.
Congrats... I'm proud of you!
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u/Real_Park_6529 12 days 1d ago
Okay. I want to start a sort of "food sobriety" thing (3 meals and forget about it), but today is not the day. I am feeling an urge to take a "secret swig," but instead, I'm here reminding myself to an audience that I don't do that anymore. So I think instead of a swig, I'm going to have some leftover potato casserole (like green beans casserole, but with potatoes instead). 3-meals-and-forget-about-it will have to start on a different day.
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u/Real_Park_6529 12 days 1d ago edited 18h ago
Okay. Wow. How much of the 'I want a nip' craving is just a translation of a carb craving? I had my snack (went with spinach dip and tortilla chips under the rationale that would contain veg, protein, and carbs, and therefore is technically a mini-meal) and a cup of herbal tea and now I feel so cozy and chill. Like I could take a nap.
Brains are weird things.
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u/nosocks3426 27 days 5d ago
I'm just blown away by how helpful this sub is. I just bought some non alcoholic sparkling rose to have over the next couple of days.