r/socialskills • u/paigesnowwret • 1d ago
what psychological tricks help you to not be nervous/ intimidated around people?
what tricks or realizations made you relax around people?
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u/Agreeable-Bicep 1d ago
A person with confidence or power or authority or money still has to go to the toilet.
Everyone is only human.
Everybody has some trauma or bias or unresolved issue.
Ultimately, everyone only wants to feel love and warmth.
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u/QuokkaSoul 1d ago
The Cosmic Joke of being Human -- is that EVERYONE is looking for significance and belonging.
That means the people you are nervous around are likely also nervous around YOU!
One strategy is to focus on the other person's comfort and feeling of belonging and build them up.
Everyone could use more encouragement!
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u/Sensitive_Umpire_520 1d ago
I feel , unwanted by siblings for i . They are sort of in and out of their own demons ,,, but I take my meds? I will try to stay with tgem in boundaries all I can do . But the loneliness is rough .
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u/GT_Numble 1d ago
A head nod of approval towards someone is a subtle way to earn and display respect
Most communication is through body language and tone, very little is what is being said. Dominance is about taking up space around you, submission is about shrinking to take up less space. Learn to observe and mirror body language
People who are popular have social utility, meaning they know how to provide social value to others. Submissive people want approval,combative people want to dominate, competitive peolle want to win, cooperative people want your respect. Learn to spot what social value someone wants and simply gove them what value they want.
Give more than you take. Give more questions, compliments, (etc.) than you take from others (but dont keep count)
A lot of stress and conflict management comes down to living in alignment with your values. Ask yourself what would a person who values ______ (integrity, kindness, honesty, cooperation, etc) respond to this situation? Identifying values will help you guide many back in alignment with their iwn when they feel lost or stuck
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u/thebaronmontyskew 1d ago
I like to wonder what super embarrassing moment a person has had that keeps them up at night. Helps me to calm down around those people knowing they’re another fellow human who feels embarrassment and cringe.
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u/lunamoth53 1d ago
I like to wonder what sadness they have that I don’t know about or what personal deficiencies they feel they have. We all have those feelings-don’t we?
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u/thebaronmontyskew 1d ago
Absolutely. It’s very common to perceive those above us as confident, powerful, etc. But even they have insecurities, feelings of inadequacy, sadness, etc. We all share these feelings, which is why it’s important to always treat people equally and empathetically.
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u/Sea_Tax_9978 1d ago
I think a lot that im human and so are they. I also think that they have also been in my shoes at one point so nervousness can be an advantage if they can resonate. 🕺
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u/Erickvargas64 1d ago
Psychological trick, always think and feel confident even though you are not but just do it, make yourself feel confident like you always know what to say( that's what I do) and then when someone refers to you, you say whatever but with confidence and then you will learn how to say more brilliant things with practice.
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u/RkeCouplesTherapist 1d ago
Deep breathing is helpful to me in staying calm even in socially challenging or stressful situations.
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u/StrikingAwareness303 23h ago
This! People don't realize how powerful breathing can be to get through difficult moments. People are not even aware of their breathing patterns, how these cause tightness in their bodies, and then the thoughts that feed into the anxiety and then into the shallow breathing. It's a cycle.
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u/Known-Damage-7879 21h ago
Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which means you get out of the fight/flight mode
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u/shinebrightlike 1d ago
Everyone you will ever meet wakes up every morning to make a ripe glistening deposit in their toilet
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u/QuestionablePanda22 1d ago
I thought I was crazy but if I'm nervous to talk to someone in particular i picture them taking a toe-curling poop in the middle of the night...we've all been there and it humanizes them and my brain realizes they're just like everyone else lol
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u/_NaughtyNectarecx 1d ago
When you feel nervous, take slow, deep breaths to calm your body. If you're standing, feel your feet on the ground, this physical grounding can bring you back to the present moment.
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u/Rough-Designer-2785 1d ago
If you are chronically nervous around people you might have a disregulated brain chemistry due to lot of factors (extremely common). Take time to drown the external noise and focus on your inner voice/feelings. Sit with yourself to identify the root of what makes you feel that way (survival, insecurity, low-self esteem etc.). Use these social moments where you feel these things and observe those feelings but don’t absorb them. Ex. “This person is making me feeling this way. Why? Am i comparing? Do I feel envy or inspired? Do I want this person’s validation? Why? Do they have a lifestyle I respect?etcs.. this helps to calm your brain down and be objective until those feelings pass.
Practice self love every day and know your own truth. Don’t give anyone that much power over yourself. Everyone is human and no one is perfect. Everyone deals with the same human negative emotions just like you, some have done the internal work enough to not let them psychologically effect them, but still experience them. Understand your values, morals, principles and always stand on them no matter what. This will slowly build internal alignment where no matter who you encounter, you will feel at peace knowing who are and not requiring anyone to validate you. Know that your worth is never tied into anything material or external factors. Everyone has value in their own unique way whether they produce or not.
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u/MimiPaw 1d ago
I hate the idea of someone feeling like I do - out of place, insecure, etc. It triggers a protective instinct in me that makes me more likely to speak up for them than for myself. Sometimes I can trick myself into that mode even without someone around. “Megan mentioned wanting to redo her bathroom too. I should ask this salesperson for the info so I can share it with her.”
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u/Supersimp333 1d ago
Grow enough to recognize that there is not a single person on planet earth that is perfect. You might be just as intimidating to them as they are to you and you would never know it, perk up and be yourself.
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u/CaptainWellingtonIII 1d ago
I try to force myself to to enjoy the moment and take into account that all humans are effed up. usually helps. also whatever happens will likely be forgotten.
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u/Mrcommander254 23h ago
Nobody knows or cares that I am there. Works all the time. Everyone is in their own bubble.
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u/surrealvivid 1d ago
BREATHING. make sure you take slow, full belly breaths. this helps regulate your heart.
listen more than you speak. ask more questions if appropriate. when you’re asked a question, it’s okay to pause for a few moments to reflect on it.
and before all that— brush your teeth, take a good warm shower, and wear clothes you feel your best in that are most appropriate for the interaction/event! ♡
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u/Erickvargas64 1d ago
I don't know, and it's something I should know because I hace all my confidence in my knowledge and the things I know and respect everyone, respecting everyone is a good one and don't disrespect someone that does it to you, instead with your head calm you can help them and let them know that you don't care the fuck about their own problems.
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u/Important-Call-5663 20h ago
Well, there are a couple of things here, the people you're around make a huge difference.
There is a lot you can do for other people to help them not feel nervous around you.
But if you struggle with social anxiety usually it's based on something you don't like about yourself, unfortunately there is often some small amount of truth to your concerns, but you internally blow it way out of proportion and start to worry about other people noticing or rejecting you based on this concern.
Here's the thing, like 85% of the time things are not as bad as you think they're going to be.
But for social anxiety, really you just need to put yourself in those situations more often, and get used to those stimuli, you'll find that over time you don't feel so worried about it.
Because the truth is, everyone else is far more worried about how they look and how they are coming across, they don't notice most of what you're worried about, or if they do, it's not a big deal.
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u/HoneyChilliPotato7 18h ago
I like to think that they poop every day too, this makes them less intimidating and just another human being trying to live life
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u/LowMother6437 16h ago
I just think to myself, they have bad poops too , sometimes even explosive diarrhea. Then imagine their faces. Then I walk away thinking.. those peasants . lol
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u/zxhjjjk 17h ago edited 17h ago
I personally had to go through some really fcked up stuff to realize that I’m strong and capable and I don’t really care what anyone else thinks. Permanently. In essence, I never will have unwavering self confidence again but maybe life long trauma. Life is different for everyone ig
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u/kaputsik 15h ago
i just know everyone is a self-unaware NPC. i guess this could also fuel paranoia for some people because self-unaware NPCs don't choose their actions....and could do anything at any moment. but i guess i'm not really that future-oriented. i also know that most people tend to fall in line and act like mommy and daddy have taught them to, as annoying as they can be.
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u/8dollahollas 15h ago
Pretending I’m in a sitcom. It makes everything more lighthearted and makes people less intimidating. Sometimes I’m in Seinfeld and everyone around me is ridiculous, sometimes it’s Friends and everyone has an extreme quirk, whatever fits.
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u/EtherealStar_Fairy 13h ago
Start to look in people their eyes even if it’s uncomfortable for you and smile a bit nod with your head it makes you look confident.
You will then begin to see how that other person is going to be more comfortable with you, which creates less tension and don’t think too much of the situation overthinking really makes it worse!
I know it may be uncomfortable and a bit awkward for yourself but in life you cannot be stuck in your comfort zone for ever.
Also fake it till you make it!
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u/abbyrosaleen39 1d ago
I treat them the way I want to be treated. I talk to them openly and honestly, because I would want anyone to nervous around me.
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u/Merci01 1d ago
I don't think tricks work. I think you have to genuinely work to like yourself and know yourself. When you do, you don't come off as either extreme of needy or guarded. You come off as generally comfortable in your own skin and other people are drawn to that. If you make a faux pas, you know it will pass. It's not the end of the world. You can turn it into a joke at your own expense and that will only make you more likable and relatable. When you are there for own personal amusement and enjoyment of life, people want to be part of that. They also know that you don't need them, that you're are in a position to choose them or not to. So that makes you more socially valuable.
People under estimate the power of the vibe you give you off. We tend to mirror each other. If you're are stable with yourself, people will mirror you.