A friend of mine confessed his love for me, less than two hours after I told him I was sexually assaulted again yesterday. He just sent like a love you (this was today). A few hours after when I saw it I thought it was platonic and just went back to sleep. Then he’s like “sorry” and I’m like “why” and he fucking fully confesses and is like “I would rather say it now than have it eat away at me.”

And it gets worse. I tell him I can’t reciprocate and he’s like “why” and I’m like “sorry what?” as if in the past three days I didn’t literally tell him I was having panic attacks about when I was raped less than two months ago, how I’m still missing the guy who did it to me cause he abandoned me right after it happened. Oh and you know literally being sexually assaulted again yesterday. He’s like “I just want to know”, so I repeat my points to him. And he’s like “I guess I was just too focused on my own feelings” and I kid you not he says to me “I didn’t get through all the possible outcomes on your end” as though I’m some fucking npc in a video game or something.

I tell him I need time to process things, he sends me two messages and is like “I’d still like to hug you.” And I’m like “give me space”. And I just genuinely can’t believe that he thought now would be a good time to tell me that he likes me, like what did he think would happen?

It happened last week, a coworker I've known for 8 years wanted to come to my apartment. I told him repeatedly to go home, but he was persistent, so I let him in, before he does something stupid. Obviously that was the biggest mistake on my part. He tried to do "things", but I told him no every time. I also told him that I have a boyfriend and he had time to shoot his shot with me, but it never happened, so that's on him. He started criticising my relationship while trying to make me touch him. He tried to touch me too, but I told him no again. He didn't care and went on with it. I was completely shocked and afraid, so I let it happen. That was my second mistake. I never would have imagined that this guy I've known for almost a decade and is sweet and kind every time would do something like this.

I told my boyfriend today, after consulting with my therapist, and obviously he wasn't happy. He was upset I didn't told him right away and was angry, because it happened. I told him I hope this does not count as cheating as I had basically no say in all this. He said that it counts as cheating a bit, because I let the guy in and let him do it.

I mean he is right, these things did happen. Does this really count as cheating? I love my bf and I know he loves me too, I don't want to lose him because of my stupid mistakes.

(sorry for grammar mistakes)

My friend told me about a date she went on recently and it brought up the reminder for me that I’ll have to go on dates again. How do you know when you’re ready to date again? I feel like I miss my ex, but I more so miss the good, sweet, happy moments, like the hugs, forehead kisses, sweet things like that and I want to find that again. At the same time, I’m terrified that the next guy will rape me the way my most recent ex did. This ex and I went on vacation around four months into the relationship and the first night we were there, I had told him that I wasn’t comfortable having unprotected sex the way he had constantly asked about unless I took Plan B and I didn’t want to deal with the side effects of taking Plan B. He said it was okay and not a problem and si we started having sex. He decided to switch positions and he was behind me. He took the condom off and tried to hide it under the pillow next to me. He then reinserted and for 30 seconds to 2 minutes, I had no idea what was happening, my mind racing contemplating if he was capable of stealthing. Eventually, I asked if he was “raw” and he replied “yeah” very nonchalantly. I felt mortified. He never apologized and I tried so hard to get over what happened because I loved him. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I tried my best. I feel like I miss him as my friend, not as a partner. I understand that two things can be true at once. He was a good friend, but a terrible partner. I want to be able to date again and go on fun little dates and really get to know someone and go slow, but how do you know when or if you’re ready? How do i overcome the fear of someone else hurting me the way my ex did?

I’m. 35. So backstory is that at 13, I was left alone with a 17 y/o and he wanted to have sex, I said no. He wouldn’t stop pushing me to have sex and I froze. I just gave up and waited for it to be over. This affected me throughout my life, even though for years I told myself it wasn’t a big deal, it was my fault, I could’ve done this or that, I shouldn’t have been so weak and just froze. I’m now married, about 6 years. Over the years sometimes my husband will have sex with me while I’m sleeping. Sometimes I just didn’t want to and pretended to be asleep, being unresponsive (basically still a freeze response) and appalled that he would continue anyway. Sometimes I’ve woken up to it and showed anger. I’ve told him it’s not okay. I’ve said not to do anything sexual to me when I’m sleeping because it’s fucked up, because I’m pissed about being woken up, not turned on by it etc. He apologizes, says he’s wrong, it won’t happen again. After a couple days I feel bad for “overreacting” and let things slip back to normal like nothing happened. Recently he did it again and he apologized. I didn’t even say anything I just stayed in bed, depressed, was short with answering him, and he started apologizing. I brought up that I’ve been battling finally facing the trauma of my sexual assault at 13, and that what he’s been doing for years is rape, and that doing that to me has been pushing me away, killing the intimacy we once had, and the reason I don’t want to have sex in the first place. I used to enjoy it but now it’s like an obligation. I feel like I’ve woken up to the reality of the situation and I’m pissed, depressed and so alone. I know it sounds insane but I love him, he’s otherwise been a really great husband, and dad. I don’t want to separate. I can’t tell anyone because I know they’ll hate him for it. He didn’t ask me not to say anything. He left when I asked him to until I said he could come back. Things have basically gone back to normal except he sleeps in another room. And I’m depressed. I hate that he did this to me, and to our relationship. I hate that I feel like I can’t talk to anyone or I’ll have to defend him because I still love him. I hate that he did it again multiple times after telling him it wasn’t okay. How do we move forward? Are there therapists that can help someone stop sexually abusing their spouse? I don’t even know how to heal from what happened as a kid, now I feel hopeless of having intimacy, trust, or emotional/ mental wellness again. If you are going to tell me to leave, or get divorced, don’t waste your time. I need us to fix this. Throwaway account for anonymity.

i was 17 at the time and i stupidly decided to meet up with this guy who i thought would allow me to get into this venue for a concert i really wanted to go to, it was 19+ and none of my friends at the time were older or even listened to the artist. he was 26 and we spent the day drinking and smoking and walking around the city until it was time to go, i didn't want to engage in anything with him but as the night came he started getting really touchy with me which made me extremely uncomfortable. come to find out i wasn't able to go in the venue bc it was 19+ only, even if u went with someone older. i wasn't expecting to see him again because i didn't want to but he made me hold on to some personal items before he went in because he didn't want to lose them.

the next day i was freaking out because i wanted to just block him and never speak to him again but i felt bad doing that and keeping his stuff, it felt like such a shitty thing to do. so we planned to see each other again only so i can give him his stuff back and leave. i met him in a park during the morning and did so, he bought me a bottle of alcohol so i drank some and he started getting touchy with me again, he made me sit on his lap which i really didn't want to do but did because i was scared and frozen, then he proceeded to kiss my neck and grind against me while going underneath my shirt and grabbing me all while being in a park in front of people. i was pretty tipsy at the time and i remember just sitting there like a rag doll, i didn't know what to do and i told myself i'll deal with it later and just checked out of reality for a bit. he kept calling himself daddy and making me call him that and i just wanted to die.

i've been sa'd before and a common theme is instantly freezing up and just letting it happen, i've never been able to say no or stand up for myself, no matter how many times i try hinting at being uncomfortable.

i've been overthinking about this for the longest now because i don't really think i've come to terms with it. i think the most guilt i feel is from the fact i was in a healthy relationship at the time, which i'm still in, but the thought that i cheated keeps running through my mind because what if i did? i didn't say no, i didn't prevent him from doing that, i just let it happen and told myself i'll deal with all these emotions later. i was uncomfortable and i hated every second of it but i can't stop bashing myself over and over and telling myself i don't deserve my partner because of what i did, even though there were times i silently tried hinting at not wanting to do anything.

i just don't know what to think of this. or if i'm an awful person to my partner. i would never do anything willingly with someone else, or actively seek it out. i would never try to jeopardize my relationship with him because i just love him too much. please someone help.

Hi. I need help. My girlfriend (23F) and I (41M) have been together for 3 years and currently share an apartment together as we work in the same art studio. We basically do everything together and have both been very fine with this.

Her dad and his best friend started a camping group when she was little. She's been in this group of people since she was 15, and recently (like a year ago), I was invited to join in too. Her dad's best friend, who is also the second head of the group, raped her from when she was 8 to all throughout her teenage years, until she turned 16 and he moved away to another city.

Well, he wasn't supposed to come back, being he has a new life with a wife and two children, but he surprised the group by showing up on the last camping trip we went on. Around a week ago. Me and my girlfriend wanted to go back home as soon as he got there, but we were basically in the middle of nowhere and had been in one of our friends cars, so we couldn't go back unless they did.

Long story short, her rapist got his hands on her again. I promised myself I'd keep my eyes on her the entire time and I feel horrible about the fact that maybe I could've stopped it if I was just more careful. We had gone on a hike, and my girlfriend told me she was going to stay down for a rest, she told me to keep going so I wouldn't fall behind and insisted I did so, so I listened. I went up the mountain a little higher and noticed that she hadn't caught up with us, and she wasn't answering her phone, so I rushed down and came back to her laying in the snow crying with a bloody face and messed up clothes. The cunt had just fucked her up and left as if nothing had happened.

No one knows about her rapist. She hasn't told anybody about him because she's terrified of him and his threats, not even her parents or any of the group members. She's also scared they won't believe her because her rapist is such a kind and helpful person to everyone on the outside and everyone thinks he's an angel, along with him being her dad's best friend and having a big role in her childhood. She was in therapy for a long time because she used to be extremely attached to him and saw him like a father figure despite all the damage he'd done to her.

Now, she's just in so much pain. We still didn't tell anyone, but I plan to do so, especially if her rapist will be in the group from now on. Either he's gotta go or we will. I'm an SA survivor myself, though I understand my trauma was very different and I can't fully grasp the pain she's going through. I had no one to help me through my assault, so I don't know how I'm supposed to help my partner.

I have never been a person who felt the need for sex, its nice to have every once in a while but I'm not the kind of person to be in the mood normally, so obviously I haven't been pushing her for anything. I've been trying to do things like making her comfort foods, being a lot more careful around her triggers, not forcing her to talk about it ... I know the trauma is still fresh and it will take time for her to feel better, but I'm anxious I'll do something wrong.

He's caused a lot of physical damage too, such as deep bruises all along her hips, legs, neck as he choked her out to keep her quiet, she says she's been having internal pain which we went to the hospital for, and she is chronically ill which makes all of this a lot more painful.

I just need to know if there's anything more I need to do. I'd be extremely thankful if someone helped me out.

PS. We live in Iran. The law here gives women no rights over rape and assault and telling the police is basically useless, it could do even more damage to us because of their Islamic morality laws considering we are not religious and that is considered a crime here.

Her rapist is also in his 50s, 201cm, 130kg of lumberjack. I'm 190cm, 80kg, and a theatre contortionist/choreographer who has a experience in boxing ... but it would be stupid for me to try fighting him, because I know he could probably beat me to death. Same with my girlfriend. She is 152cm and plus size.

We have three kids together and it hurts me to even think this.

I married my wife because of a kink I have, smthst she shares. Hardly any other reason. She looks great but we have had nothing in common besides sexual cravings we only spoke of to each other.

I feel very guilty. There's nothing wrong with our marriage but I feel like we've committed s crime. Like we married for the wrong reasons. For very weak selfish reasons. I feel like I've disrespected her and ruined her life. Why do I do?

İm a minor person and this shit happened last winter. After a long time I have a girlfriend now but i afraid so much to losing her. Its not a normal fear how can i explain, even the little things happened always freaks me out. İ really feel like shit sometimes. When it happens like this, I both want to tell her and I don't. It feels like she's going to get bored of these and me. If I keep talking about these things, I feel like she'll get cold and bored with me. I saw the person who did this shit to me today, he watched me, he didn't take his eyes off me, I ran away home. I couldn't explain this to her.And the other thing it bothers me, I live in a small town and I won't be able to leave until university. and my girlfriend is i can say shes in my country's new york. That things just killing me, i cant escape this little hell and i can't hug her.Thank you if you read this far, I just wanted to explain myself. I'm waiting for your advice.

I really want to date someone, but I've seen a lot of people complaining about partners that have some kind of mental illness (especially bpd) and how terrible it is, it scares me since my mental health is pretty bad and it feels like the first time that someone see me dealing with anxiety, dislike of physical contact with men, etc, they'll leave me in a second. So it feels a lot like "No one would want to date me because I'm not in therapy and no one should deal with all this shit". It also helps with my feeling that I'll die alone, do you feel something similar or it's just me?

Hey so wildly terrifying to post. But long story short I was groomed for a good chunk of highschool. There’s a lot of ways that it hit me but the one getting me right now is what I was groomed to do. I was groomed by someone that would have multiple partners at once. I was groomed to be a part of that. I then proceeded to have relationship a with multiple people that would assault me.

I’m now in a new monogamous relationship. I’m with someone who was also assaulted, and we both ended up on the hypersexual due to the trauma. The entire time I was groomed though I was being told this was preparing me for all the women I’d be sleeping with. This relationship means I’m not doing that at the first point in my life where sexual freedom is a real possibility.

It’s just really weird, because there’s this piece of me yelling about how this is what I was “trained to do”, and I’d love for it to shut up. I’m already in therapy and I’m going to talk about that soon, but has anyone else had this problem. Where part of you is still trying to follow the instructions that were inserted into you by someone else well after the fact? I’m never going to betray my partner like that, but I’d just really love it if the claws this woman sunk into me back in highschool could all just let go.

I feel horrible that I even have these thoughts and feelings, and I just want to build a life with someone who understands what I’ve been through and be happy. But this voice yells at me when I’m having sex, when I’m thinking about sex. It’s to the point where in the middle of intercourse I just think “this is what she trained you for” when doing certain things. How do you differentiate what you want from what they wanted for you?

Gay 18M, save for one experience that I very strongly regret now, I've been a virgin (discounting the obvious...) and not dated at all my entire life after being SA'd as a kid. Now I've been dating my BF for 2.5mo. I think my BF is hot and I want to do "stuff" with him, but I freeze up at the idea. I've given him head once, and that was 99% fine and fun but it ended up triggering me in some ways. Then I saw my family over Thanksgiving, which brought up lots of unpleasant memories, and I've been on edge since. I suspect that if I were to do something overtly sexual like that again in the state of mind I've been in, I'd be more triggered and possibly end up reacting in a way I really don't want him to see. I told him vaguely that I was messed with in some way sexually as a kid, and I'd never told anyone except my psychiatrist that before, and I guess that made it more real or something (usually I just pretend it didn't happen) because the PTSD has been particularly bad since. He reacted in all the right ways, it's just fucking with my head to know that he knows.

He's great, respects my consent, hasn't pressured me or anything, but I still feel like I'm obligated to do stuff, just because I was kind of conditioned to think that. He'll ask if I'm down to do stuff, and I'll say no, and that's that but something in my head goes "you're a horrible BF, he deserves better than you, you have to do this" etc. and it won't shut up. PTSD has been ruining my life ever since it happened, I don't want it to ruin our relationship too.. Do I just hope it goes away or what?? I've been in therapy since I was 14 and it didn't do jack shit, and I was on medication for the PTSD for a while that might have helped some? But I stopped because the side effects were fucking me over in other ways (especially the more vivid dreams).

It doesn't happen every time, but sometimes I will just have this instinctual and massive emotional response in the heat of the moment. How do you deal with this, is it normal?

Idk if its because of certain kinks I take part in, that's probably part of it. Sometimes I don't even realise how I'm feeling until I'm crying.

How do I enjoy sex again?

hi so this is very out of my comfort zone but i need to know that i'm not the only one. so i (19) experienced a lot of sexual trauma when i was younger and it's really been effecting my current long term relationship. recently i've been having some bad dreams about my past and around the same time those started i found i was completely unable to come from head or just through stimulation period. i have found myself focusing so hard on it to the point that my intense focus on being able to finish completely inhibited me from finishing at all. this has happened 3 times now in the last two weeks with my boyfriend who's been very patient and understanding about the whole ordeal. it's almost like i need to talk myself into being turned on/ being able to finish, and irs freaking me out so much because i've never had this issue with him before. it still feels amazing but even still it just won’t happen and i'm starting to feel like there's something wrong with me and frustrated because it feels like im letting my past traumas win and have a hold over my current life. is there anyone with or without trauma that has had this issue at all? is it normal? is there anything i can do to fix it? PLEASE let me know so i can calm down.

Tw: childhood sexual assault, slight detail

As a baby, I was raped in front of my siblings once for trying to tell my parents. I remember the traumatised looks on their faces. I later consented to sex on the condition she stop involving my siblings. It continued for years and we've experimented a lot. I feel so dirty since she's touched everywhere. I've been working on my feelings but I can't rid myself of my attachment to her. Like a permanent mark I'll be her sex toy forever.

I broke down in front of a younger friend. They got overwhelmed and haven't replied to me. It's a mistake I keep making because I don't have much support. She also seems to hate when I consider myself a sex doll or someone undeserving of her kindness. But I can't help what I truly feel. It's not just 6 years of sex I consented to. A female friend raped me in my sleep when we were both teens. I can't help but feel even more of a failure for not being the ideal strong man my family and friends need.

I know I've been pushing myself to recover but I hate that I've made the mistake of throwing the burden onto my friends.

Just needed to get it out in a community that understands my emotional turmoil

I F18 was assaulted as a child and I don’t know how to deal with it even now. I feel like I am so much more closed off to sex and stuff to all my peers and recently everyone now that I’m in college has been acting like I’m out of my mind for being so hesitant about it. It’s also made dating hell for me. I’m so untrusting of every guy who I’m ever interested in and it just explodes in my face when I try to date. I don’t really know what I’m hoping to achieve by posting here but I guess to see im not alone?

Hey all. Been a lurker here for a bit. I [25m] was about two years ago I was sexually assaulted by a girl I was seeing. Just to keep it brief, I had been drinking with friends and she wanted me to come over. I wanted to just go to sleep but she forced herself on me while I was drunk and kept telling her no. Only people in the geographic area and immediate friends know. I was in therapy for a while because I was dealing with that and using bad coping mechanisms to deal with the assault ie. drinking, would stop eating, would not sleep.  I found it difficult to date. I found it difficult be with other people. If I joined dating apps, I would quickly delete them. I moved back home and have been focused on work. I didn’t think I would ever date. I was scared to date.

Then I met a girl.

I am extremely interested in her. We went on a wholesome date. We spent hours together just talking. It was fun to talk with her. It went from banter to deep conversation to witty again. She made me feel comfortable to express myself around her and I really like her and am interested in pursuing things further. We have been texting nonstop for a month.

 I am looking for some advice and for people to share their experience. 

First, should I tell her about this experience? The only reason I bring it up is because if she wants to escalate things physically, I don’t think I will be ready or may want to take things slow. 

Second, if I do tell her, when would the appropriate time be? Ie. Prior to getting into a relationship? After?

Being Molested Ruined my Sex Life

Ever since i was molested i cant have joy durinf sex or even masturbation anymore. I need to have tv on in the background to not be flooded with the memories of it. My brain constantly flashes memories of the guy that molested me.

I now feel like I'm just an object. When i just masturbate, I feel like im doing it for someone elses satisfaction.

It doesnt help that macochism is the only way I get off. Even before i was molested i only gpt off to being tied up and used. But now the things i want are more extreme. I want to be spanked hard. I want to be called a slut.

I hate that being molested changed me so much.

Every time right after i orgasm, i immediately have the same feeling i get right after i self harmed. I feel completelt used, even if i was just masturbating. Even while im masturbating, im questioning why i have the fantasies i do. I love porn but when i watch it im wondering if the woman in the porn actually wanted to be there.

Also, I have a really high sex drive and want it once or twice a day.

TLDR: I used to love being powerless, but after being molested, its the worst feeling for me, but its the only way i get off.

I've (25f) been with my bf (26m) for almost 4.5yrs now. We've lived together for several years and just purchased our first house this past spring. He (let's call him Tom) has suffered a history of SA for many years from a family member between the ages of 8-16. Tom never told this trauma to anyone in his life until I found out may 2022. After I found out and he was able to confide in me, I convinced him to start talking to his therapist about it. He spoke to her and she had him go through CBT with another therapist and he completed all 6 weeks. Of course Tom suffers from Depression and severe anxiety, and we both think he might have a bit of PTSD. I am also someone who struggles from anxiety and depression, just in a different capacity to his. I've been struggling in our relationship lately because of his mental health. He's very down on himself, doesnt feel successful, is upset with his family because he doesn't feel like anyone cares about him. We got into a pretty big argument on Thanksgiving bc he didn't want to visit his family. I don't know how to help remedy his feelings of being uncared for by them. He also feels like he has no friends or people in his life other than me who even like him. It's very frustrating for me to hear him say these things. I see how great of a person he is and all his positives, but it doesn't seem like enough for him and i don't know what to do. Tough love doesn't work, it just causes arguments. Being affectionate and loving doesn't make his feelings about everyone else go away. I just feel so helpless and lost and I am unsure of what to do anymore. When he gets like this my own mental health starts to deteriorate. My mother had bipolar depression and I feel like no matter what i do I can't escape everyone else's depression around me. How am I supposed to help him?

About 4 years ago (I was around 29 yo), I was taking a walk at a park and this little boy (no older 15 yo) grabbed my breast and walked away with his friends laughing. I stood still shocked. Then went home and told my bf. I just wanted to held and comforted. I didn't really get that from him at the moment. I've brought that day up a couple of times since then.

Fast forward to 30 mins ago, I was on the phone with my bf and talking to him about how that incident has been on my mind alot. He said that he was embarrassed by how I reacted to it. I wanted to cuss him right then... I couldn't!

Am I wrong to question why he'd be embarrassed? It didn't happen to him. I understand it affects him as a partner but EMBARRASSED?!

Idk if I'm overreacting.

I don't know if I'm overreacting but I think my husband is repulsed by me.

I recently opened up to him about the rapew and abuse I encountered as a girl, and he was supportive as any husband would.

Things changed after we had our first child because he kept telling me my past made me a flawed parent, which we often argued about but never resolved. He seems to think that my closeness to our child is rooted in some kind of abuse.

And now he seems to act repelled by my body or my treatment of our child. He never admits it but I feel it. What do say to him.

So i am facing consequences of sa that happened years ago My grandfather was very manipulating me and doing bad stuff to me when i was 11 years old and now im 15

I wonder if what happened to me could have changed the way i see male ppl and i need someone to explain please

Since what happened, im scared of boys/men even from my family bc i can't even trust my family. Ive never been in a romantic relationship. I thought i could only love boys for years but recently ive realized that im so scared of them, i can't handle being close to one. (No i don't hate boys, i know it's not yall fault, it's just that im scared) Kind of social anxiety, also bullying at school didn't help. So im always scared of everyone. Ofc there are times i can be close to some ppl but im not comfortable. The only times i can find myself comfortable are with girls/women. And recently i think maybe i have feelings for a girl i met online (we are friends, kinda had a fight but yeah).

I wonder if what happened to me can have changed forever the way i love ppl. Maybe with therapy i'll be able to feel more comfortable around male ppl. But i don't think i'll can ever really trust them. I really don't know. And so i wonder if what i feel is temporary or not. For now i consider myself as bisexual (pls don't hate me and don't judge and don't send me weird dms). But i wonder what to think now.

Please can someone help me?

I've been thinking of the trauma again and thinking "I must not be interesting enough for someone to want to get to know me."

I made a post about one or two months ago talking about how I was sexually abused, so I'll try to sum it up.

My first ex bf when I was 14 often forced me to masturbate him and once forced me to do oral, but the worst was when one time at the birthday party of one of my best friends he tried to rape me because we had a discussion days prior. He was kissing, choking and fingering me while I was trying to tell him to stop, and he only stopped when someone from the party saw us.

My second ex bf made comments often about how undesirable and fat I was (I had an eating disorder and was on recovery, I was on literally my lowest weight), and the times I went to his house he forced me to masturbate him, do oral sex and take pictures of me without clothes while telling me how ugly they were, he told me I could only go back to my house once I make him finish. That went for about 8 months until we broke up.

I started therapy about a month ago and I don't think I'm dealing good with things. I got my eating disorder officially diagnosed, and my therapist told me that forcing me to do oral sex counts as rape, and that I am a rape victim. I don't feel raped, I don't fell like what happened to me is as important than someone that is forced to vaginal or anal sex.

I feel broken, like as if now I'm worthless as a woman. The feeling of being dirty has come back, and I know that no matter how much I wash myself I'll never be normal.

I envy my boyfriend, my first romantic partner that treats me with love and as an equal rather than a sexual object. He has a lot of positive sexual experiences, past relationships that were healthy too, he has done so many fun stuff and experiences a lot sexually without trauma. I envy that, I feel like I have lost my youth to trauma and abuse.

The sexual abuse and my eating disorder ruined my life.

He's sexually active since he was 15, while I had been abused since I was 14. Now he's 23 and I'm almost 20.

I feel like I'm late to experience life, specially sexual life. I didn't even knew I could like sex, feel pleasure or even lubricate until I started dating him.

I fear I'm not good enough compared to the girls he had been with before.

He says he loves me, that we can create good memories together now and that he loves the sex with me.

I feel like I'm just so broken that now I don't deserve to be with someone as good as him.

Ive recently realized I feel so much anxiety when my relationships with men are not transactional. If a woman is nice to me I accept it readily, but if a man is nice to me I have to prove over and over again that he is nice. I need to “test” it to feel safe, and this is true for every man.

I also get repulsed by men declaring affection for me much more than I do men who are blatantly objectifying me. This is especially true when I love them back. Any degree of intimacy makes me feel crazy. Sex is so hard but love is worse.

I’ve been single and celibate and it’s helped a lot. I had sex once with a guy who was actually very nice, and even though it still triggered a lot, it gave me good parameters for how I want things to go. I still don’t feel ready to date or have sex again soon.

I would really appreciate hearing how other people have dealt with this.

I’m in a relationship with someone who’s transgender.🏳️‍⚧️ we both have experience with SA/rape. We have been bestfriends for 6yrs before we got into a relationship. I don’t think he knows about my full past with SA. He only knows little bits and pieces of it. My therapist from an organization that I see, said that she doesn’t see my past traumas with SA/rape effecting my relationship… but the thing is it is. Very badly. I’ve been having flashbacks & memories of past SA as a child, teen and my most recent SA which was in June. I haven’t really been talking about it with my therapists or my partner… bc it’s too painful to talk about and makes me dissociate really badly. I was raped by 3 men. The one year trauma anniversary of a rape just passed too(Dec 6th with a different guy). I’ve been really struggling a lot with my past with SA and it’s been playing in my head on a loop over and over again, it won’t stop. It affects my mental health and relationship as well. We haven’t even talked about intimacy at all, bc neither of us are ready for that yet. And it takes a loooong time for us to even be ready for anything sexual between us, given both of our pasts. My partner and I don’t have any sex (yet) at all and I’m completely content with that as it is new, and we are both not even close to ready. But… I want experience that part of intimacy with them, like kissing. We haven’t kissed yet…and I don’t know why. We just haven’t had ‘that special moment’ yet and I know my partner really wants it to be special for us. Especially with it being our first kiss, and my first ‘real’ relationship with someone I truly love and care about. Anyways that’s not the point of this post at all…

My life has completely turned upside down… i went through hell recently with my family.

I’ve been having a lot of triggers with my roommate. He’s done absolutely nothing to me. But I’ve been having this same reoccurring dream about him touching me bc I have a repressed memory of a guy touching me while I was sleeping when I was a child. I don’t know who it is, but my brain is putting my roommate in my dream because I can’t put a name to the face…and he triggers me everyday.

My roommate has been buying me gifts(drinks mostly- nonalcoholic), making me smoothies and completely excluding my partner from it, he’s been talking to me about sexual stuff a lot, he’s gave me a vibrator(which made me extremely uncomfortable) and told me if I needed anything to let him know and he’ll take me shopping. My partner knows about all of this and is pissed about it. I feel like this is maybe….grooming? Idk.

I feel like anything sexual that would happen between us would make me extremely anxious and uncomfortable. I’m in therapy and have been working on my past traumas… but they aren’t in therapy for their past traumas.. like I am. I don’t know the depth of their past with SA, I know it had happened twice I believe (which is still terrible and never should have happened)… but, they don’t know how DEEP mine runs. I really have a hard time talking about my past with SA and they don’t pressure me to talk about it at all. I only tell them things I sometimes remember but, lately I’ve been remembering alot of bad traumatic memories that have been coming up and haven’t told them any of them.

My family thinks that my brother didn’t SA me growing up (accept my dad and cousin). My own mother doesn’t believe me and neither does my sister inlaw. They all think I’m making up accusations and that I’m doing it all for attention. When I’m not at all.