r/sexualassault • u/Mystiicaliity • 1d ago
Dating/Relationships After Sexual Assault Why do men have so much audacity?
A friend of mine confessed his love for me, less than two hours after I told him I was sexually assaulted again yesterday. He just sent like a love you (this was today). A few hours after when I saw it I thought it was platonic and just went back to sleep. Then he’s like “sorry” and I’m like “why” and he fucking fully confesses and is like “I would rather say it now than have it eat away at me.”
And it gets worse. I tell him I can’t reciprocate and he’s like “why” and I’m like “sorry what?” as if in the past three days I didn’t literally tell him I was having panic attacks about when I was raped less than two months ago, how I’m still missing the guy who did it to me cause he abandoned me right after it happened. Oh and you know literally being sexually assaulted again yesterday. He’s like “I just want to know”, so I repeat my points to him. And he’s like “I guess I was just too focused on my own feelings” and I kid you not he says to me “I didn’t get through all the possible outcomes on your end” as though I’m some fucking npc in a video game or something.
I tell him I need time to process things, he sends me two messages and is like “I’d still like to hug you.” And I’m like “give me space”. And I just genuinely can’t believe that he thought now would be a good time to tell me that he likes me, like what did he think would happen?
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u/Mermaidinshade 23h ago
The fact that he couldn't wait to push his feelings off onto you because he didn't want to miss his window of opportunity, TWO HOURS after you endured something vile, and haven't had a chance to fully process it, says everything you need to know about him. HIS needs, and HIS feelings, are more of a priority for him, then yours will ever be. That is a VERY red flag.
I would continue to push for distance.
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u/Mystiicaliity 23h ago
He just posted a story like an hour ago, where he was like “I’m sorry, I get it, I hope I can make it up to you” after I asked for space. I really didn’t want to open it but I did by accident. I really want to put a lot of distance between us at the moment. I’m just glad he’s not going to the New Year’s party anymore.
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u/crypticryptidscrypt 11h ago
i hate that kind of shit because obviously he does NOT get it...& he's posting like that to try to make you feel guilty for needing space....
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u/Mystiicaliity 11h ago
He messaged me again today, literally fuck him. He was like “I’m sorry, what can I do to fix this, you deserve to hate me”. Like I told him I needed time and space, and he messages me again. Like he’s only upset because I called him out and told him how shitty he was being and also now that I need space.
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u/XIXXVIIXVIII 5h ago
That's gaslighting he is telling you how HE is such a sad little creature after you had such a traumatic thing happening to you, and stating clearly how you felt and that you fucking need space. Men sometimes or all the time think just about themselves. I hope you can move on after all this, stay strong and it's okay to feel what you are feeling don't let anybody tell you different.
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u/babydino00 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah no that is so deficient of him
Someone who ignores boundaries and cues like that should be avoided at all costs that's alarming
My feeling is he would not hesitate to cross other lines of consent, get away from him
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u/Mystiicaliity 1d ago
It’s even more annoying because everyone’s like “he’s this really considerate guy who really cares about other people’s feelings” and I thought he was too until he literally dumped this absolute bullshit on me today. And in his insta stories where he talked about his crush and everything he was like “I aim to tell them eventually when the time is right because there’s a couple more factors in play.” I was hoping I wasn’t his crush but I didn’t want to assume anything.
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u/cnkendrick2018 22h ago
In my experience, it’s safer to be wary of the friend groups “nice guy”.
And this guy? Doesn’t care about you. He just wants to fuck you and he picked your most vulnerable moment to try and get you.
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u/babydino00 1d ago
No he sounds like a POS who does not understand the basics of being a normal person
He literally ignored all your replies and just went on and on with his "goal" of expressing himself blindly
Like I said it's alarming and makes alarm bells go off for me about consent and how he ignores cues
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u/Mystiicaliity 1d ago
His confession was also so guilt trippy, he was like “I’m so sorry for liking you, I’m so sorry for not giving you space, I’m so sorry blah blah and I do the stupidest things. There I said it. And if this ruins things for you, I’m sorry, but I’d rather say it now. I hope we can still be friends”. Like dude what the actual fuck? And initially I just felt bad for him, I told him I couldn’t reciprocate, the we could still be friends, that he hasn’t bothered me. And then he was like why can’t you reciprocate. And that’s when I got so pissed at him and honestly I don’t think I can be friends with him anymore.
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u/Mermaidinshade 23h ago
REALLY. REALLY red flag. I've met types like this, and that shows a lack of real empathy or sympathy, for you. I would honestly question if he were not entirely capable, of doing something similar.
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u/cooliocuke 12h ago
Lokey I’d air his garbage out on insta. He wants to talk about when the time is right publicly and shit, ew. I’m so sorry men are like this. Idk how they have this amount of confidence it’s actually so insane. They really walk around thinking their gods gift to humanity and we are all secretly drooling over their dicks.
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u/Mystiicaliity 12h ago
Like, what made him think it would be okay to confess 3 hours after I was assaulted again and not even 2 hours after I told him. Like he was the first person I went to after it happened again and I thought I could trust him! “Oh I’ll confess when the timing is right” does he even have a brain?
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u/cooliocuke 12h ago
I can’t even imagine thinking like that. It’s truly inconceivable. You would think any human being regardless of gender or background would know that not only was that particular moment not the time, but that someone in your position maybe would t be prioritizing romantic interests. It’s an astonishing lack of empathy. There are no words to express how fucked up it is and how normalized it is. Anyway if you ever need to scream into the void you can msg me
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u/Emotional-Pay-9281 18h ago
That scum does not have enough empathy in my opinion to date in general. Piece of shi* I am so sorry, I never knew how dumb people can be until I told two very close people in my life about my SA
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