r/sexualassault • u/Ok_Suspect1988 • 1d ago
Rant Triggered by the word Rape
This isn’t a super intense experience like most of the posts here. I’ve just been struggling for a few days.
For context: 1. I have a long history of many SAs 2. I work with one male coworker alone at night. He knows I have a history of SA.
I was talking about people who don’t stop talking and can’t pick up on social cues when someone is trying to leave a conversation.
He says, “yeah, I created a term for that. I call those people convo rapists”.
I felt weird in my whole body. I’ve always struggled to say the word “rape”. It feels so heavy and makes what happened to real. The casual use by someone who has never experienced any sort of physical abuse was so jarring.
Along with the triggers around holidays, this happening has also thrown me off so much.
I feel so weak for being so triggered by something that seems so small. But I can’t stop being angry that someone could be so lacking in self awareness. It brought me back to wanting to escape my body and not even being able to stand the feeling of even my own touch on my skin.
Thank you to anyone who reads this for listening.
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u/Smonesm 1d ago
I think most guys don't get how any of this really feels to us! I wish I could just sit down and talk to the guys who raped me to hear their thoughts better on what they thought from their side.
I mean I feel like I know some of it, but this idea that we were in totally different mental spaces when it happened is SO so weird to me.
Like that they had this whole different experience from mine!
But yeah, I had a girlfriend I tried to talk to talk about an entire different thing and I just sat there quiet and thinking like "you have no idea."
I hope this is helpful for you! You can talk back if you need to.
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u/Ok_Suspect1988 1d ago
What’s really the kicker with this one is that he brags about his associates in psychology, and has a severely traumatized wife. Talks about how terribly other men will treat women. And yet says things like that.
So many of mine came from guys who had massive porn addictions and absolutely no concept of what consent is. Like you said, they had a totally different experience than we did!
I don’t know about you, but that makes it so hard to internalize that these things were actually sexual assaults. We have this image in our heads of what SA looks like and it’s not like that at all in real life. It’s so conflicting and scary to accept it for what it is when it’s people we know, love and trust.
We are in this together. I’m thankful for subs like this where we can actually find community. The real world can be so isolating. ❤️
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u/Smonesm 1d ago
But YES! It's really difficult for me to see what happened to me as a sexual assault. Even though when I talk about it, everyone is like, that was a gangrape!
So, yeah I DO get it! And I don't know if it's ok to chat or not, but I am here if you need friendly support.
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