r/sexualassault • u/drunkwalkhomemitski • 1d ago

Warning: SA involving a Minor will the guilt ever go away?

(tw sh mentioned) I was raped a year ago and every time I stop repressing the memories and feelings I feel sick and disgusted. I now learned that the guy who did it lied to me and told me he was 16 when he was actually 19 at the time it happened and that he had a girlfriend and it has made everything harder. I don't want to cope with this anymore. My self worth is non-existent. I see myself as an object and think disgusting think all the time. I sexualize myself and just feel so so so disgusting and I don't feel like it will ever stop. After it happened I started sh ing and everything just feels worse. I feel his hands on me and percieve his scent at random times. I just feel really hopeless and feel like nobody will ever believe me if I tell them my story. I don't know what to do anymore

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u/Smonesm 1d ago

Hey, I was raped for my first time a couple weeks ago. It was guys I felt like I teased and was mean to at a party, so I feel a lot of guilt for it!

You aren't an object though! And even if you sexualize yourself, maybe it can help if you focus on WHY you do that! Maybe there is a good reason. Someone on here told me that whatever thoughts we have aren't bad or disgusting, they are just ways to understand ourself better. That was really helpful for me! To help me look at my feelings and thoughts about myself to help me make sense of everything.

I know it hurts so much right now but maybe talking to people here will help you see more.

Hugs and Merry Christmas!