r/reddeadredemption • u/NecessaryBar3568 • Jun 06 '22

Official CAPTION CONTEST: Most upvoted caption wins a Reddit Gold award. (ends 6/6 10pm pst)

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553 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

323 comments sorted by

399

u/Biggus-Digus Dutch van der Linde Jun 06 '22

Easy Girl…… that’s alright Girl.

81

u/INN0CENTB0Y Jun 06 '22

You done good girl!

458

u/TheVioletParrot Karen Jones Jun 06 '22

This takes gold to purchase. Do ya' have sum?

24

u/MrsFlax Sadie Adler Jun 06 '22

Not enough CASH, stranger…

4

u/TheNullOfTheVoid Sean Macguire Jun 06 '22

Heh heh heh heh, thank you

17

u/thrillhouss3 Jun 06 '22

This one wins ☝️

3

u/NecessaryBar3568 Jun 07 '22

WINNER!!!!! Congrats TheVioletParrot!!! This one definitely made me laugh, I could hear the Tailer’s voice when I read it, ha!!! Thanks for playing!!

2

u/TheVioletParrot Karen Jones Jun 07 '22

Thank you. Haha. It's one of my favorite lines in the entire game and I saw a golden opportunity to use it.

144

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

That’s not my left leg….

35

u/LetsGoBrandon57 Pearson Jun 06 '22

That’s my middle one

3

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '22

But you think it’s my left leg bc it’s as big as my left leg

4

u/HotChilliWithButter Jun 06 '22

That's my ball not my leg

125

u/LittleKidLover83 Jun 06 '22

something sharp touches balls

"Angelo Bronte sends his regards"

7

u/PaschalisG16 Hosea Matthews Jun 06 '22

Holy fuck!

3

u/ninjasexparty6969 Dutch van der Linde Jun 06 '22

NOOOOO

1

u/Dudleflute Jun 06 '22

Best one!

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249

u/mnemonicprincess Jun 06 '22

You sir are a fish

14

u/ButtChocolates Jun 06 '22

"You're MAGNIFICENT!"

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234

u/cjc324 Jun 06 '22

When you’re taking a bath and are trying to figure out how to tell your mom you just shit the tub

18

u/Sir-Xcalibur-6564 Hosea Matthews Jun 06 '22

Does that happen to you?

26

u/Nickelback_Fanatic Arthur Morgan Jun 06 '22

Yes

0

u/Vandergrif Jun 06 '22

Even worse when your arms are broken.

33

u/Hanibalecter Jun 06 '22

"That ma'am is not a fish"

29

u/PsychicMoo Lenny Summers Jun 06 '22

First use of prototype joystick (1899 colourised)

13

u/FelizMendelssohn Javier Escuella Jun 06 '22

This leg is taking longer to scrub than the first two...

33

u/nicisdeadpool Jun 06 '22

Missed a spot

22

u/The_rad_meyer Micah Bell Jun 06 '22

Balls

6

u/ouefmaster9000 Jun 06 '22

Nuts perhaps

3

u/frog_appreciation Jun 06 '22

maybe even berries?

4

u/The_rad_meyer Micah Bell Jun 06 '22

Wintergreen Berries

2

u/ChickenNuggetKid1 Jun 06 '22

Nah, definitely testicles

2

u/frog_appreciation Jun 11 '22

however, it could be testes?

36

u/No-Floor4114 Jun 06 '22

John tricks Arthur into thinking he’s a woman (colorised; 1901)

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118

u/JUPACALYPSE-NOW Mary-Beth Gaskill Jun 06 '22

god all these jokes are cringe af cmon people

25

u/MZcuse Jun 06 '22 edited Jun 06 '22

Like your pfp

15

u/Thicc_Boy96 Jun 06 '22

*your

12

u/cerealdig Jun 06 '22

*you’r

6

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

Y’our

3

u/Vandergrif Jun 06 '22

M'your

[tips hat]

-2

u/JUPACALYPSE-NOW Mary-Beth Gaskill Jun 06 '22

ok weeb

2

u/Yeet7911 Jun 07 '22

You're more cringe than this post.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

yeah I'm disappointed

6

u/teh-reflex Jun 06 '22

"I can feel my stamina increasing already"

11

u/ICantDoThisAnymore91 Jun 06 '22

Shampoo is better! I got on first and clean your hair!

No! Conditioner is better, I leave your hair silky and smooth!

Stop staring at me, Swan!

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22

u/FatAbSim Arthur Morgan Jun 06 '22

Arthur sure is a handful…

1

u/JUPACALYPSE-NOW Mary-Beth Gaskill Jun 06 '22

made me chuckle

his name is 'Morgan' for a reason 🐎👀

10

u/kindapinkypurple Arthur Morgan Jun 06 '22

M'organ

10

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

Congratulations on signing your new mega contract with the Cleveland Browns Mr. Watson...

25

u/FlowersOfTheGrass Jun 06 '22

"Your name is Mary? I once knew a girl named Mary..."

18

u/TheFettz79 Jun 06 '22

"I wash myself with a hag on a stick"

4

u/goodmanners69 Jun 06 '22

She suddenly began to Jack my Marston.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

She’s got mah Lenny…

12

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

“You sir, have a fish”

3

u/snarkypook Jun 06 '22

Arthur wondering where his regular man bather is instead of this woman

9

u/SnooMuffins2483 Lenny Summers Jun 06 '22

“Whoaah there girl, ssshh easy now”

6

u/enozoria Sadie Adler Jun 06 '22

She enjoyed her trip to Thigh-hiti…

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4

u/PeanutButterPants19 John Marston Jun 06 '22

My dog Copper used to take baths with me when he was alive

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4

u/binocular_gems Jun 06 '22 edited Jun 06 '22

"That's nice and all, ma'am, but what I'm really looking for are new roles for Red Dead Online"

6

u/mckennethblue Jun 06 '22

What are you doing, Stepmom?

2

u/Sylvire Jun 06 '22

There it is

2

u/DJ_Honeypot Jun 06 '22

Oooooh cold hands! Cold hands!!

2

u/Nacnaz Jun 06 '22

This would be a whole lot better if my pecker still worked.

2

u/ApoReaper Jun 06 '22

You sir, have some big balls

2

u/reddituser403 Jun 06 '22

“I WAS IN THE POOL!!!!!!”

2

u/wigzell78 Jun 06 '22

That ain't my leg Ma'am!

2

u/English_Joe Jun 06 '22

That’s not the soap.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

The moment you realize Dutch really doesn’t have a plan.

2

u/PhummyLW Jun 06 '22

Hey, uh, I can’t pay ya because Dutch needs the money

2

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

Scrub left leg SCRUB LEFT LEG*

2

u/wormfood86 Jun 06 '22

Yep, that's testicular cancer.

2

u/senpai_shobhit Jun 06 '22

When you cum but she keeps going

5

u/PugLander John Marston Jun 06 '22

“Jesus Christ, sir. You have a tumor!” “No, ma’am, that’s my balls.”

6

u/DadofJackJack Uncle Jun 06 '22

Is that your gun or you just pleased to see me?

5

u/xNFJ Dutch van der Linde Jun 06 '22

One way to take your mind off “the plan”

4

u/paigesdontfly Jun 06 '22

Ohhh Boah

2

u/Gravelord69 Jun 06 '22

I just heard Cletus from The Simpsons lmao

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4

u/Thelastoftes Jun 06 '22

"When you realise you left food cooking about 4 hours ago and probably burnt the house down..."

2

u/Ponchodelic Jun 06 '22

It rubs lotion on it’s skin, else it gets the tuberculosis again 🥲

2

u/Sock_Usual Jun 06 '22

Me when uhhh… when uhhh

3

u/ouefmaster9000 Jun 06 '22

Have you ever had a dream?

1

u/CheeseHead2611 Jun 06 '22

That weapon is in excellent condition.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

Best part of a bathtub happy ending is no clean up

1

u/Raptor8600 Arthur Morgan Jun 06 '22

“Is this what Dutch meant by mangoes?”

1

u/Jack0Bear Uncle Jun 06 '22

When you realise it's not the plug she's trying to pull.

-5

u/Easy-Hovercraft-6576 Jun 06 '22

Oooh what about this one:

“There once was a ship that put to sea The name of the ship was the Billy of Tea The winds blew up, her bow dipped down Oh blow, my bully boys, blow (huh)

Soon may the Wellerman come To bring us sugar and tea and rum One day, when the tonguing is done We'll take our leave and go

She'd not been two weeks from shore When down on her a right whale bore The captain called all hands and swore He'd take that whale in tow (huh)

Soon may the Wellerman come To bring us sugar and tea and rum One day, when the tonguing is done We'll take our leave and go

Da-da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da

Before the boat had hit the water The whale's tail came up and caught her All hands to the side, harpooned and fought her When she dived down low (huh)

Soon may the Wellerman come To bring us sugar and tea and rum One day, when the tonguing is done We'll take our leave and go

No line was cut, no whale was freed The captain's mind was not of greed And he belonged to the Whaleman's creed She took that ship in tow (huh)

Soon may the Wellerman come To bring us sugar and tea and rum One day, when the tonguing is done We'll take our leave and go

Da-da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da

For forty days or even more The line went slack then tight once more All boats were lost, there were only four But still that whale did go (huh)

Soon may the Wellerman come To bring us sugar and tea and rum One day, when the tonguing is done We'll take our leave and go

As far as I've heard, the fight's still on The line's not cut, and the whale's not gone The Wellerman makes his regular call To encourage the captain, crew and all (huh)

Soon may the Wellerman come To bring us sugar and tea and rum One day, when the tonguing is done We'll take our leave and go

Soon may the Wellerman come To bring us sugar and tea and rum One day, when the tonguing is done We'll take our leave and go”

2

u/Finnilinn Jun 06 '22

Mid shanty

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-22

u/Gonkimus Jun 06 '22

Her womanly hands probed every crevice of his silken masculinity. Their bodies writhing in sensual rhythm as she thrust her purple nailed headed warrior inside his quivering mound of love pudding.

14

u/mososaurus-rex Jun 06 '22

what the fuck

8

u/mr_queeflord Jun 06 '22

are you ok?

2

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

What’s up mike

3

u/mr_queeflord Jun 06 '22

after reading this guy's comment, im not sure.

0

u/DelrayPissments Jun 06 '22

It might look like it but it's still not a update

0

u/markmadden84 Jun 06 '22

"Ahhh it's a toy boat!"

0

u/420isplenty Jun 06 '22

Is that a goldfish?

0

u/Agent_z3ro9deuce Jun 06 '22

Dammit Arthur, that’s not candy bar floating around in there!

0

u/HurricaneAndreww Jun 06 '22

“Sorry, ma’am. Lost it in the war…”

0

u/kingoflowerchelsea Jun 06 '22

Moooooon riverrr! thanks a lot Doc, you ever do time?

0

u/Green-Sleestak Jun 06 '22

L2 R2.. X X X !!

0

u/Facial_Fetuss Jun 06 '22

“Forgive me if I slip and stab you in the face."

0

u/wetlettuce42 Jun 06 '22

When your having a bath and your mom comes in to help wash you

-3

u/Astrojef Jun 06 '22

"I got nothing"

That's what she said.

-2

u/Deadinsidestudent Jun 06 '22

It down there I promise ma’am-just keep feeling around you’ll find it

-4

u/TheNew_Bob Jack Marston Jun 06 '22

Arthur looks like Bertram here. And those eyes... never had been touched by another woman.

-1

u/Sunmaker23 Jun 06 '22

When she finds where Arthur's been actually stashing his loot.

-1

u/Raptor8600 Arthur Morgan Jun 06 '22

Rubber ducky you’re the one squeeze squeeze you make bathtime so much fun

-1

u/nomad-is-thiccc Jun 06 '22

The face you make when she decides to wash the dingleberries too

-1

u/UnpraticalPerson Jun 06 '22

When it drops.

-1

u/Kingdomcal Jun 06 '22

'Hello darkness, my old friend...'

-1

u/itsfeckingfreezing Jun 06 '22

The water is not that cold Mr.

-2

u/LetAgreeable147 Jun 06 '22

Froggy love daddy. Daddy love Froggy?

-4

u/roguewel5hie Jun 06 '22

You found it yet?!

-2

u/TheGrimmmReaper Jun 06 '22

Hide the pickle game goes... right?

-2

u/badspeed666 Jun 06 '22

"Wait, I dropped my retainer!"

1

u/timee_bot Jun 06 '22

View in your timezone:
6/6 10pm PDT

*Assumed PDT instead of PST because DST is observed

1

u/OkAdhesiveness166 Jun 06 '22

“That reminds me, must pick up some coconuts for Pearson”

1

u/Luckywithtime Charles Smith Jun 06 '22

You, sir, are not a fish!

1

u/sethjojo John Marston Jun 06 '22

Sully grunt sound

1

u/epethia Jun 06 '22

we were stranded for 6 days at sea- AND YOU UNFORTUNATELY SURVIVED AG

1

u/Certified-Redneck Jun 06 '22

when someone finds the money you've been hiding from Dutch

1

u/Extension_Sun_6528 Jun 06 '22

“You sir are a fish”

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

Little finger.... I said little finger. That was your god damn thumb

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Click98 Jun 06 '22

"Can you say ,'Oh Hey Mister' when you grab it. Wouldn't believe how many hard ons I've had from a Hey & a Howdy. 'preciate it,"

1

u/thiswaskindofsh_tty Jun 06 '22

Ma'am I just wanted some chicken nuggets.

1

u/Important_Market2512 Jun 06 '22

I'm afraid it's tuberculosis mr Morgan

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

2

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1

u/Strider2126 Jun 06 '22

Lenny why are you bathing me???!!

1

u/racecarfan9999 Jun 06 '22

Some say this is the cure for TB

1

u/AptYes Jun 06 '22

“Refilling the Brown Eye Meter”, 1899

1

u/StoveGamer Javier Escuella Jun 06 '22

“Where is it?”

1

u/MaddRussianJrad Jun 06 '22

Hold RT to quickdraw

1

u/GodVulc4n John Marston Jun 06 '22

Let's Crack open these nuts - quote from 100 ways to die in rdr2

1

u/sleepy-floyd-is-goat Jun 06 '22

Blue balled by Grimshaw look alike

1

u/tirednotepad Jun 06 '22

“Aw where’d that lil pp go?”

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

“Putting the ducky right here, okay?”

1

u/t_haenni Jun 06 '22

GREAT GOOGELY MOOGELY!

1

u/absrider Jun 06 '22

You, sir, are a fish

1

u/absrider Jun 06 '22

I gave you all I had

1

u/GraphicSlime Jun 06 '22

Thas my guuuuurl

1

u/MatsGry Jun 06 '22

Where are all my donations go?

1

u/TheLaughingMannofRed Jun 06 '22

Goldarnit, Mister Morgan. You use your tongue prettier than a $20 whore.

1

u/Jester76 Jun 06 '22

How's what? You've been holding the bar of soap for the last 10 minutes

1

u/legzakimbo69 Jun 06 '22

Daddy want froggy?

1

u/BlueWolverine2006 Arthur Morgan Jun 06 '22

Please baby. I am not from Havana.

1

u/mrandysandy Jun 06 '22

You're just mashing it

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

Oh there’s Gavin

1

u/sexualinnuend Jun 06 '22

What button?? WHATTT BUTTONNN??

1

u/Katto1987 Jun 06 '22

Hold onto this, it's the handrail

1

u/ArtieBuccosMoustache Uncle Jun 06 '22

She’s gotta quare set of corset puppies on ‘er

1

u/Born_Training1995 Jun 06 '22

A hand job for the same price as a whiskey, what a time to be alive!

1

u/luka031 Jun 06 '22

That's not my revolver!

1

u/purplehairedvagabond Jun 06 '22

"lets wash that tb off down there."

1

u/You_cant_vacuum_fart Jun 06 '22

“No more ‘lighthouse bubble beards’ Arthur. The cold water isn’t helping the joke either”

1

u/Stickies95 Jun 06 '22

“Easy there cowpoke!”

1

u/MaesteoBat Bill Williamson Jun 06 '22

This guns in excellent condition, good to see

1

u/JaThatOneGooner Hosea Matthews Jun 06 '22

When she gives you that Grimshaw Grip

1

u/EggMafia Jun 06 '22

“I am Red Dead Redemption 2”

1

u/sae1294 Jun 06 '22

"Graze my taint again genital washer and I'll have your head! And as for you taint washer..."

1

u/ExploadingApples Arthur Morgan Jun 06 '22

Oh!… That’s not my penis…

1

u/MKV77 Jun 06 '22

“How do you do? I see you’ve met my…faithful handyman”

1

u/FJopia Jun 06 '22

"That's not my Lancaster"

1

u/BiigOOOOOF Jun 06 '22

Trying to muster up the courage to tell mum I have a school project due tomorrow and I haven't even started.

1

u/Zipplocbagg Jun 06 '22

Her: WOW, it's only 2 inches.....

Arthur: Yea...2 INCHES OFF THE GROUND!"

1

u/stuttering-goat Jun 06 '22

“I can’t seem to find it, Hun”

“His name is Gavin. Please help me find him!”

1

u/Snakesbane Jun 06 '22

There's a snake in my boot.... sorry hand

1

u/Babygator11 Jun 06 '22

You know Dutch says these are only $1 in Tahiti

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

'yeah you like that dontcha boah'

Say it in a southern twang.

1

u/mazzucato Jun 06 '22

please, dont rub me the wrong way

1

u/HiMyNameIsPip John Marston Jun 06 '22

Sir, you know you aren't meant to bring your rifle into the bath itself, right?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

She's definitely morbin'

1

u/ThyRavenWing Jun 06 '22

Just Having A Bath With The Nutcracker She's-OWWWWW

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

Good boi

1

u/TommyxGun22 Jun 06 '22

When she finds the hidden snack drawer

1

u/RealmDevourer Jun 06 '22

So that’s where Rockstar is hiding GTA6

1

u/CourteousR Jun 06 '22

And that, sir, is your prostate.

1

u/Q-Q_2 Jun 06 '22

I would appreciate it if you didn't touch that area

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

"That's my special loofah."

1

u/Maxinfantry Dutch van der Linde Jun 06 '22

My dog stepped on a bee.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

"Just let it happen, it'll wash away honey"

1

u/shairo98 Arthur Morgan Jun 06 '22

“Oh there darling! Don’t get me too excited.”

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '22

So, I guess this is what Micah and Dutch always used to do when I'm away, huh?

1

u/Ok-Vermicelli7847 Jun 06 '22

Press R to wash third leg

1

u/primalpump85 Jun 06 '22

This reminds me of my mother's touch.

1

u/lawrenc11 Jun 06 '22

Go ahead and look for the rubber ducky ;)