r/pakistan • u/sunflower123nvm • 19h ago
Discussion Opinions on Pakistani Parents?
looking for opinions on pakistani parents thats it tbh
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u/NoodleCheeseThief UN 18h ago
There are many types of parents in Pak just as there are around the world.
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u/mobpschyo 18h ago
You just want some guys to criticize Pakistani parents! That's very average desi behavior!!
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u/ValuableWarthog4882 18h ago
They had their childhood traumas and they are very good in transferring them to us. Although they have spent their lives making us what we are today. That I owe them
Edit: Fathers are strict, Moms are masoom. Both are Caring too
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u/wayne2bat 17h ago
They have created messes that they dont recognize and dont want to recognize. However any goodness you have comes from them. If you are striving to do better, so can they, dont give up on them, however draw boundaries, secure yourself, heal yourself, and then if you can, help them as well.
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u/Brosky-Chaowsky 18h ago
For the most part:
Non-neglectful to their duties/parental roles. Selfless. All they want is thier experience to be acknowledged and presence to be respected.
Gareeb se gareeb baap is umeed se rozi roti karta hey ke uske bachay bhookey na soyen. Gareeb se gareeb maa bhi duppata bachay pe aurh legi ke usko machar na katain.
Ofcourse, people can vary; but that's what I have seen in majority.
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u/poiuyt7399 18h ago
but that's what I have seen in majority.
If that was seen in the 'majority', then we would never have been this morally corrupt as a nation.
Yes, there can be moments of love and respect but we all know how money and trauma trumps all.
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u/FazeSpaceTrickz 17h ago
Not good at communicating tbh. I feel like my father is strict. But here’s the thing I hv seen stricter parents but there’s some understanding bw them. They make jokes around them meanwhile while I am w my father i js sit down in pin drop silence and when they do infact talk it’s js about studies.
They have done a lot for me and I am really not as grateful as I should be and I owe my life to them. But like if there is something I need to talk to I js have to go through it myself. Normally I have seen kids telling litr sharing every small detail yet I can’t share even the biggest things.
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u/khanitos 9h ago
They greatest. They sacrifice everything for their children. It's our phuced up economy that everyone wants out
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u/Sky-Amazing 17h ago
I'm about to get down votes but
Most Parents Ne Janwaro ki Tarhan Bas Bachay Kar ke Azad Chorh diye hain...
Koi tarbiyat Nayi. 💔
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u/Crafty-Zombie-Ish 18h ago
A good father is a must, a key stabiliser, but often hard to find, is it me, or a good men in short supply?
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u/she2realll 11h ago
not everyone is built to be a parent. i see my parents be such good aunt n uncle to my cousins but somehow that tenderness was not there when my siblings and i were growing up. in our society there is great emphasis on marriage and then children but people should not be forced to become parents because they do not want to become parents so they never learn to be parents.
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u/Emo-potato_ 7h ago
They give up their youth for their children and expect the same from their children when they grow up. Which I believe is a very toxic cycle.
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u/Remarkable_Security9 17h ago
They are amazing. It's because of them what I am right now. I owe them my heart and soul, and I can't repay them back for their sacrifices that they have made for me.
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u/fancynotebookadorer 17h ago
My parents were a blessing. May Allah elevate their ranks.
Parents are people too. Good, bad, ugly, all sorts. But in general I've seen Pakistani parents as loving, caring, and supportive.
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u/Exact-Committee-8613 18h ago
They’re great. Traditional, hard working, caring parents.
Like everybody I know around me (Pakistanis living in uae), all of our parents are nice, educated, hard working. Dads are strict-ish, moms are naive
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u/Notgoodatsex 17h ago
I love them.
But like all of us they are human. They transfer their shortcomings and try to live vicariously through their kids. Especially bad for desi sons whose moms have had emotionally absent husbands. Have seen many a men broken by these childhood pressures
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u/TimelyReason7390 10h ago
I’m an Indian living abroad and my daughter has a few Pakistani friends at school.. she often tells me about how some of her Pakistani friends struggle with mental health issues, self harm etc, and they get zero support from parents, cos 1. they don’t believe in mental health issues.. 2. They’ve got too many responsibilities at hand and too many children to care for. Her friends often complain about how they don’t get individual attention at home and get bullied by their much older siblings or cousins. They also somewhat dislike the whole large family situation, where they are forced to socialise with uncles/aunts/cousins whether they like it or not. Another thing my daughter shared that baffled me was, how these girls were“set up” with boys (of family friends or cousins) by the parents at a young age, as young as 13. They’re encouraged to talk to each other, so they grow into the relationship naturally, then the parents can get them married later. This is done, so the kids don’t stray and find themselves a partner. And mind you, these kids come from educated families of doctors and engineers. Does this happen a lot in Pakistan?
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u/Inevitable_Book3129 7h ago
Depend on KIDS to fulfil THEIR OWN dreams Like apko doctor banna tha, ap nahi banay toh isme kia hai? Ab mere banna zarori hai kia
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u/Emo-potato_ 7h ago
The Selfless Paradox
They gave up their dreams, their nights, their days, Built a life for us in countless ways. Every tear they hid, every smile they faked, Every burden they bore, every sacrifice they made.
Their hearts were full of boundless care, A love so deep, it lingers everywhere. Yet in their giving, they lost their way, And the light of their love began to fray.
Their words grew sharp, their grip grew tight, A shadow cast from their endless fight. The dreams they buried, the pain they hid, Erupted like storms for the life they forbid.
“Do this, do that,” their voices plead, From love, not control, but it plants a seed. The child grows up, yearning to breathe, To find their voice, to spread their leaves.
But guilt holds firm, and love feels chained, A paradox born of hearts well-trained. They never meant to wound or bind, Their selfless hearts were simply blind.
Oh, parents dear, so noble, so true, Your love is fierce, but it cuts through too. Let go a little, trust in the flight, For love set free burns ever bright.
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u/Ok_Resolution_6526 4h ago
You get good and bad like any other culture. But for the most part I’d say the majority of Pakistani parents are loving and caring towards their children and wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice everything for them.
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u/icecreamman456 IRL 17h ago
As someone who has grown up outside of Pakistan with Pakistani parents and has lost two siblings because of them and they're making the same mistake again with me, mine unfortunately aren't the good ones. They don't want me to be me or assimilate to the culture. They don't understand I'm old enough to make my decisions. What sucks is, their love is conditional, they only love me because I'm Muslim which I'm not. Neither are my siblings. They lost my brother because he's gay. They lost my sister because they wouldn't give her much freedom once she got to uni and controlled every aspect of her life. Almost had her take her own life. I have slightly more freedom than my siblings ever had but still, I have to fight just so I hang out with my non-muslim friends and stay out late, that late being 11pm.
I know it may seem my parents are trying to protect me but look, I dont believe in God and have my reasons and they will never accept it that I don't want to follow their religion. Until they stop with the conditional love they have with me and my siblings, our family will never be functional. Thing is, my parents tried to raise us the same way they were raised and think it's right because that's how they were raised. Really, it's just emotionally damaging.
Now I know some good Pakistani parents, one of my friends parents know he works in a pub. He goes on nights out and doesn't have a time restriction like i do. He genuinely gets to be independent. He has a good relationship with his parents too. Man I wish my parents were chill like his.
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u/JellyfishLow 16h ago
They probably won't change for you. The belief in eternal damnation is too big of a fear for some and they'd even be willing to ruin lives for it. You can't blame them too, they've had a completely different upbringing than yours, and they wouldn't want you or themselves to burn in hell. You might not believe it but it's a pretty big fear for people who believe. Secondly, they might also feel societal fear from your other relatives. Surprisingly, things like sexual identity, sexual activity, choice of clothing, how religious a person seems to portray themselves, the time a person spends outside of their homes, and other things which are personal to a person are used against a person to portray them as a degenerate instead of evaluating a person's character through more straightforward and logical means such as how kind they are or how they treat other people. Even if you're the most kindest person out there, if someone finds out that you've labeled yourself something other than a Muslim, their whole impression of you will turn upside down and for some reason you'll be seen as a devil. That's it. Humans aren't logical creatures, neither are they empathetic. They're pretty shit. You can act like you're a muslim and do whatever you want, it doesn't really matter. It's not like people who call themselves Muslims are any different. They do everything that a non muslim does but call themselves muslim to have the better of both worlds. They can have both pleasure, the security of having the larger part of society with them, and the illusion that they've made a prepayment for a wonderful abode in heaven. You can keep on passively denying them until they give up, they can't really force you into anything, can they? But do leave some compassion for them too, it's not like we have much to say about who we and what we are. Learn to manage the situation. If it's literally impossible then you can just wait till you can move out. Otherwise, seeming to comply and not actually complying might actually do the job for you. They're living in a completely different world than yours. Their minds are from a pretty old time as compared to yours. Blowing up should be your last resort. Always try to manage the situation before thinking of doing something drastic. It's not like your parents are the only difficult people who you'll meet in your life. You've got a long life to live. If it's possible try to live in peace as long as you can, for the sake of your own mental health. Only do something drastic as a last resort when it's completely unavoidable. When the going gets really tough, the drastic action comes out of its own accord.
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u/DatHeavyStruc 14h ago
You guys sound like you never understood your parents and their POV honestly and I say this with no ill content. I have had my own struggles but understanding where they come from and their intentions is key to having a peaceful, intelligent existence together as you and siblings come to age
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u/AnonymousIdentityMan US 16h ago
Most don’t know much about parenting. I recommend they take a parenting 101 class before becoming one. American parents are the best.
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u/stifled_screams US 15h ago
Try to get the entire validation for their existence from their children.
Exhausting!
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