r/manprovement Oct 27 '24

The Talker And Doer - Which One Are You?

How to prioritize action over words. Transition from talker to doer.

One person talks a lot, the other person does a lot. The difference between talkers and doers can make or break your success. How to identify which one you really are? How to change?

Key characteristic

What does it even mean? Where’s the border between doer and talker?

Talker:

  • Seeks validation from others: Lots of ideas (often good ones) 0 of them getting into reality.
  • Rarely finishes projects: Stars something new every month.
  • Avoids risks: Sticks to what’s well-known and safe.
  • Knows a lot about topics of interest: Says random fun facts that are nothing more than fun facts.
  • Learns by observing others: Waits to take action.
  • Tells everyone about their goals: Does nothing to achieve them further.

Doer:

  • Has no need to brag: Doers can pull off the craziest success of their lives and talk to you about the weather.
  • Not looking for excuses.
  • Just does the thing without overanalyzing the consequences.
  • Less knowledge than talker; gets further anyway.
  • Learns by doing and correcting the course: Takes action as soon as possible.
  • Works in silence.

Quit talking about what you will do

Telling others what you will do gives you a quick dopamine hit. You will feel compelled enough to take action. The first is true, the latter not really.

“Tell people about your goals and you’ll be motivated to achieve them!” Sadly, doesn’t work in most cases. In reality, you just tell people around and still don’t follow through + now you feel bad because people perceive you as unaccountable.

You don’t need to tell others if you really intend to act. If you really want to do it, you will. If not, telling around won’t change it.

Nobody cares

People care if you are rich or not, not how you got there. A jacked guy doesn’t wear ridiculously slim long sleeves, a gym newbie does. People don’t care about the process, they care about the event. Everyone person wears an invisible stick note on their head that says “Listen to me, make me feel important”.

Telling about your goals, no matter how big they are, is not impressive. Achieving them is.

Alternative - accountability buddy

An alternative may be getting an accountability buddy - someone responsible that you can compete with. The key word here: responsible. If your homie is the best beer buddy on earth but lacks focus when it comes to any serious things, it won’t work. It also makes things easier if you have the same goals.

Some apps, like Yazio for tracking calories, let you add friends to view each other's step counts and calorie intake. If your goal is to get fit - here you go.

“I don’t have anyone like that.” Then try creating a virtual one yourself. Set an automation to donate for an initiative you hate every time you repeat a bad habit. I don’t know the exact way to do that though, I gave you an idea but you have to figure it out yourself.

How to stop talking and start doing

Talk about your goal and obsess about it within the boundaries of your own mind.

What fuels motivation is not yapping about how great you will be, it’s action. Action fuels motivation and motivation fuels action. It’s like a very big and heavy wheel that spins smoothly once you put in the effort to build momentum. What can stop it is running out of fuel or small stones jamming the axle, but that’s a topic for another post.

Take responsibility

Talking is easier than doing it because there’s no risk. There’s nothing you invest apart from a few motions of your tongue and looking stupid in the future (if anyone will even remember what you said).

Taking responsibility means owning your goals and taking actions needed to reach them, without blaming circumstances, distractions or other people. Follow through when it's uncomfortable or risky. Talking is easier than doing because you choose it to be. There are people that have it in reverse, and no one said you can’t be one of them.

“Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.” ― Albert Einstein

Face the music.

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