r/manprovement Oct 16 '24

Stop Clowning Yourself

Marilyn Monroe famously said, “If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do any anything.”

And this is a message that is reinforced over and over again to guys. When women talk about guys they like, they often mention how funny he is. They seemingly always mention how a sense of humor is the most important trait to them.

A lot of guys see this, and they think “Well, I have to make her laugh for her to like me.” This is a misconception that a lot of Nice Guys make. They lean into the role of the clown, someone whose primary objective is to make her laugh, and hope her attraction will follow.

If they take on this frame, they neglect other attractive characteristics, such as maintaining a masculine, protective energy. This is difficult to maintain when you’re focused on being the affable clown.

Guys will often feel the need to be overly self-deprecating, or attempt to constantly make humorous observations, rattle off jokes endlessly.

A sense of humor and whimsical attitude IS an important component of an attractive personality, but it’s not the primary ingredient. Demonstrate your humor through light teasing, though your wit and observation, not by constantly cracking jokes—especially about yourself.

Demonstrated wit is far more attractive than simply being funny.

If you have a fun, goofy personality, don’t hide who you are, but bring some balance.

Women want a man who can make them laugh, but they also want a man who can make them feel safe, who demonstrates social competency and status, not someone who hides in a humorous persona.

Important: Also take cause and effect into consideration. If a woman is attracted or has feelings for a guy, his positive qualities will be amplified. He will seem funnier than he really is to her, or she might think he’s better in bed. Something to think about.

Full article: https://holdyourframe.substack.com/p/stop-clowning-yourself

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