Working on myself + connecting with God + joining a shul = I am fed up with sleeping around, perhaps ready for a nice Jewish BF, maybe. Anyone else go through something similar?

[u/Paul-centrist-canada]

Admittedly, I slept around quite a bit over the years, some fun memories (and some meh too). Perhaps it was only because I felt unloveable that I slept about. Ironically, the wider LGBT+ community never really felt welcoming, and this year that's much worse.

I started attending a shul, everyone is welcoming, it feels safe, and increasingly I feel a deeper connection with HaShem. There is a sense that even if I cannot love myself, there is this God who loves me as a person. I have been putting myself down by believing the maximum attainable intimacy level I am worthy of was casual sex.

It has been a positive experience joining this synagogue, learning more about Judaism, meeting Rabbis who will happily marry same-sex couples, appreciating the emphasis Judaism puts on life cycles, etc. Suddenly the idea that I could actually one day be married to a guy, actually feel a part of a community (not based on sex)... I don't wanna sleep around anymore, it's makes me feel cheap.

Has anyone gone through something similar?

[u/Fabulous-Ad-7884]

I had almost this exact journey over the past year or so. Now I want a nice Jewish husband and like 4 kids and to be right there with all the other congregation families doing the awesome life-cycle events and bitching that religious school isn't teaching nearly enough Hebrew and teaching my little ones the correct staircase to sneak down at the end of service so they can be sure to get some of Ms. Jan's cookies at oneg before they're all gone...

Yeah. I feel this, OP

[u/NYer36]

Any shul -- mainstream or queer, including its clergy and members -- is a microcosm of the diverse Jewish world that will present itself in the best light and love bomb newcomers to get them to join, pay dues and give donations and then forget they exist.

Look carefully, not just based on a couple of visits, because there are a lot of assholes among the members who hide it well at first and also money grubbing rabbis and cantors. Keep your eyes wide open before you jump in, especially at a huge gay shul like in NY, a large factory where money is God.

It will be interesting to see if the new rabbi can change it from many years of SK's ego, dictatorship, star fucking and the lack of transparency. Even if he wants to it's not going to be easy to turn around a large ship with a wealthy out of touch board and its attitude.

Look at outrageous prices of events and classes before you leap and remember: buyer beware.

[u/SALTYSIDER → u/NYer36]

should the shul you mentioned be avoided at all costs? i’ve personally never been but have heard good things about it from eshel and someone i know who visited. genuinely asking

[u/NYer36 → u/SALTYSIDER]

I would suggest giving it a try but probably not a good idea to go only once because you need more than that to make a proper decision. If you're young and good looking you'll be very sought after immediately like at bars and on apps.

And if you have money you'll be popular with staff and clergy. After all it's a business. Some classes are good, some not, but expensive. Price of Seder, for example, is outrageous.

A number of members have left over the years for much warmer, liberal, progressive, very queer friendly shuls in Bklyn and on the UWS with more pleasant clergy like BJ. Definitely check that one out. It's always useful to go shul shopping. Different shuls work for different people, not one size fits all.

The new rabbi might be a nicer person than SK but it's probably way too soon to tell. She pulled the wool over members' eyes at first and then became entrenched. Members who couldn't deal with her "my way or the highway" attitude, craving for publicity, star fucking and other issues left and went elsewhere.

Good luck in your journey, quest for a b.f., and Shabbat Shalom.