r/enlightenment • u/Fast-Inspector-6109 • 1d ago
I don’t know why I’m thinking this way?
Okay I don’t really know how to describe what’s going on, but I hope you can help me. And so I’m going to describe my thought process and hopefully you can tell me what’s going on.
On New Year’s Eve, I plan on going out with my friends. I’m sure we will have fun, but I will catch myself thinking about how to appear happy. And then I will think about all the other people trying to appear happy. And then I will wonder what they have going on in their lives and feel sad for them, because everyone has things going on. And then at the end of the night, i will go to bed, and I will feel sad and I will think about why humans live painful and complex lives.
I’ve been thinking this way for a while. Even before everything that has just transpired in my life.
My partner of 5 years just split with me. It’s sort of complicated but I could see it coming. The worst part is we still love each other, but she said she’s not in love with me anymore. I haven’t chased her, because i don’t think it will change anything and after the difficult year we’ve had, she needs to do what will make her happy. I blame myself I guess, though I know logically it’s more complicated than that. Still, I can’t bring myself to be angry. I hate anger. I feel like it’s very wasteful. But I probably am angry in some weird way.
But I’ve realised love doesn’t conquer all? It’s not enough. I don’t really understand why it can’t be enough. And I find myself looking for it in strangers. Not in a hook up type of way, in the type of way that means people care about each other in simple ways - like holding a door open, or laughing with a friend.
But I spend so much time in this headspace, I don’t think I know how to live a normal human life anymore.
This is not where we belong. Not in this world of suffering and greed and hatred and heartbreak. Not in a world of bad trauma responses and community disguised as loneliness. Not in this working till we die, promise of an afterlife crap.
I’m aware this is all probably a trauma response of some kind on my end too. I’m trying to intellectualise everything. I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know if I want to.
And I want to want to be alive. I want fun holidays and laughter and photos for the sake of having them, not because I’m scared moments will slip away.
I want to see beauty, but I also want flowers to just be flowers sometimes.
2
u/Due-Growth135 1d ago
"And this too"
Hinduism teaches to find beauty in all things because they are all a part of this universe.
"Sunrise over a snowcapped peak?" - And this too
"Jaguar leaping on a caiman to kill it?" - And this too
"Heartbreak from a loving relationship?" - And this too
Part of mindfulness is living in the moment.
There is no tomorrow, there is no yesterday, there is only here and now.
Yes, everyone has things they need to deal with in life. This is the "chop wood and carry water" aspect. Try to not become hyper focused on achievements or goals. Instead, try to love the process. If you find it difficult to love your current process, find a new process.
You are your experiences and your experiences shape who you are. There has never been anyone quite like you before and there will never be anyone like you when you're gone. So while you're here its best to just be yourself.
Be well on your journey.
2
u/Sparkletail 1d ago edited 18h ago
Well the first thing is that anger is a legitimate emotion that needs to be processed and not stuffed down or ignored. In fact if you do that it will grow and express itself in ways you aren't even aware of. It's ok to be angry, it's noy OK to hurt people with it. They are two different things. We are still in a physical vessel and have to allow it to process its natural instincts and reactions. We can help by rationalising and unpicking the root cause to allow it to dissipate but we can't detach from or ignore it or it will stay stuck in the body.
You also need to remember there is a big difference between love and attachment. Love is free, it comes and it goes and despite our pain (which is again legitimate and needs to be processed) we show unconditional love by letting people go when we aren't right for each other in that moment, knowing what is meant for us will find us.
This is exactly what you have done despite the pain and its no mean feat given the emotions involved, kudos to you. Attachment is different. It clings and it grasps when it senses the energy we love moving away from us. It's is fearful, jealous and desperate. It damages ourselves and the people we love by never letting them be free to choose us. Instead it ties them through false bonds of guilt and codependency.
Half the time people stick together becuase of joint resources, kids and a nuclear family limiting connections and choices rather than out of love. This is why people are always 'working' on their marriage. Like it's not that hard? Or at least it wouldn't be if people were actually right for one another in the first place.
I look at relationships like an energy exchange. It's magnetic, we are drawn to those we will grow and experience with at that time. Maybe they help us resolve something from our past, maybe they show us a way for the future. Eventually the energy exchange has taken place and there's not much else to share for the time being. Not a big deal if you have stayed in love energy and haven't allowed yourself to become attached.
To me, that's where people get fucked. They are too scared to let go because they have so few real connections in life. Or because of money, or kids or whatever. The thing is, people can and do come back together when or if the time is right and there is more energy to exchange again. That's normal and fine, doesn't need to be some big drama.
Not everything is meant to be forever but that's because we've lots of energy and experiences to trade with lots of people. Someone else will be along at the right time, just work on yourself for now and then see where you are. Integrate the lessons from this latest connection.
1
u/ContentFlounder5269 23h ago
Not getting upvoted enough.
2
u/Sparkletail 18h ago
Thank you. I think its a difficult message for people still stuck in attachment to absorb to be honest.
1
u/Amelius77 1d ago
Enlightenment is knowing you are present in the moment and feeling good about yourself and your experience.
1
1
1
9
u/nvveteran 1d ago
You may find it difficult to believe at first but the answer to your question lies in your post.
What you are actually looking for is unconditional love. This is what we are all unconsciously looking for and almost none of us know how to give it or know what it looks like enough to receive it.
The best real world example I can give is a dog. All that dog ever wants is to be with you. All that dog ever wants is to love you and show you that it loves you. That dog is willing to give up its life for you because you are the only thing in the world it loves more than it loves itself. And that dog will adapt to almost any human who shares its love. This is why people can do the most horrible abusive things to dogs and they don't run away. Unconditional love with four furry legs undertale.
As a human we have to learn to give our love without expectation of return. To give our love without fear. To give our love away freely for the sake of loving. And part of this love is looking at other people the way you look at yourself. None of these people are any different from you. Metaphysically they are you. You are looking at another reflection of yourself. Because metaphysically we are one mind experiencing reality through individual bodies.
So you are right to look at those people the way you do. Maybe they are having a bad day. They're all hurting inside. They are all looking for unconditional love that they aren't getting. You must forgive them. For everything.
So be that unconditional love. Be that forgiveness.
And you will find that a shocking thing starts happening. You start to feel more love yourself. You can't help it. As you give unconditional love you become unconditional love. And when you can become fully unconditional in your love, then you are one with God.
That is enlightenment.