I’ve held onto this ugly pastel pink fleece sweater that is a size too large and has an ugly mock turtleneck for years because 1) cozy and 2) from my mother.

But I rarely wear it and would never want to be caught dead in it. Like, I wouldn’t even wear it to the hospital if I was sick.

Mom is visiting for the holidays and I am working on cleaning out my closet. I held the sweater up as an example of something I’ve had a hard time declutterring.

Mom: “Ew! Get rid of that, it’s so ugly.” Me: “Well, I only held onto it because you gave it to me!”

Just a friendly reminder that even if someone gifted you something and you held onto it for sentimental value… Even the giver might want you to get rid of that crap at this point!!

Note: I’m not an expert, and I’m not saying all my words must be correct, but I’ve had some thoughts that might resonate with you. This idea came to me while walking, as someone who has always considered themselves socially anxious. If you’ve experienced something similar, maybe this post can help you.

Since I became a teenager, I found myself standing with the boys at school without saying a word. I couldn’t even have a normal conversation with a girl. I’d be there physically, but mentally checked out. At the time, I didn’t know why, but I realized something yesterday during a night walk: Maybe it wasn’t that I couldn’t talk—it was that I was in the wrong circle.

The more I reflected on those moments, the clearer it became. They were talking about things I didn’t relate to—topics I had no interest in—and I didn’t feel like I had anything to contribute. No wonder I stayed silent. But when I’m around people talking about books, coding, or music—topics I care about—the conversation just flows. Even if I’m not the most articulate, I’m still contributing because I care about the subject.

So, here’s a thought: Maybe you’re just in the wrong circle. If you find people with similar interests or passions, you’ll realize that speaking up isn’t as hard as it seems. If you’re struggling to talk, it might not be because you lack the ability, but because you don’t have much to add to the conversation. Try finding a group that shares your interests, and the conversation will keep going. Don’t be afraid to try new circles—I truly believe you’ll find it easier to speak up when you’re surrounded by the right people.

It could be meditating for 20 mins a day, it could be yoga, it could be a sport, it could be GYM. Just take up one thing at first and be 100% committed to it. I had a very unbalanced lifestyle at first. I started doing sadhguru's 30 minute yoga practice taught in the inner engineering program. I was 100% committed to doing this yoga practice daily. It was definitely hard at first but soon it became second nature for me to do my practice daily.

When you do atleast one thing good you feel somewhat productive right? The yoga practice I did calmed my thoughts and improved my mood. Try to slowly add new things to your routine. I started gym soon after and it has also been a wonderful experience. My sleep quality improved a lot with regular gym and yoga. If you dont have a lot of time just stick to one of them but if you do definitely do both. Im still not 100% out of my compulsive shitty lifestlyle but im very happy with the progress ive made.

TLDR: Staying committed to one thing no matter what happens is a very effective way to build up discipline. With this you slowly learn to be more disciplined with everything else too.

Sometimes I’ll wake up and be like oh fuck it’s one of those days… small talk doesn’t come naturally, neither do jokes, things fly over my head, even chatting with friends can feel grueling, in fact my my head is just devoid of thoughts for the most part.

On other days I’m like a talk show host on crack effortlessly cracking quips and puns and I could sell ham at a bat mitzvah.

The curious thing is that this isn’t contingent on factors you might suspect; sleep, diet, exercise, stress really don’t seem to have much effect.

It’s possible that I’m hypomanic but it doesn’t seem to impact anything besides my social skills so I doubt it.

I try not to let it steer me off course - even when I’m feeling off I try to hold firm to any social commitments, dates, parties etc but it’s tough.

I know everyone has good and bad days and social skills can vary to some degree but does anyone else experience more significance variations?

In the past, I have done both. This year, I’m taking down everything but the tree and outdoor lights before New Year’s. It was so refreshing to see my closet emptied of wrapped gifts this year (I was able to store all of them in there bc of the decluttered space, yay) and I want that open and calm feeling throughout our house for 2025. Also, as I began storing things, I discovered a whole box of decorations that I never opened and had forgotten about. To the donation bin it goes!

All day i've been feeling anxiey, however, i'm delaying my tasks until i can delay nomore.

the more i delay , the more anxious i feel. sometimes i feel a bout of energy surge and i accomplish something, but most of the time i'm just delaying the uncomfortable emotions and fear of failure.

i don't think i'm lazy, i'm passive aggressively suffering. it's like being slow burned to death.

i'm feeling so stressful now, i fear a headache is looming soon.

however, i can't seem to get out of the loop. argh!

I’ve been bullied for 9 years as a child in primary school. I was treated like some alien, nobody wanted to be my friend. They didn’t even have a particular reason.

This continued throughout high school, university and later life. Every friend I seemed to make usually wanted to ghost me, or go away or treat badly, despite the amount of kindness I would try to give them.

As a result, I live thinking I’m a burden to everyone I meet. I find it incredibly hard to make new friends for the fear they will ghost me or treat me badly. I have trust issues with friendships and don’t really know how to get through that - I’m lonely but I don’t want to be with people that make me feel alone.

I (22M) feel like I can’t connect with people or feel emotions toward them. Honestly, it feels like I can’t feel emotions at all.

For example, I recently went out to lunch with friends, some of whom I hadn’t seen in months. Normally, someone might feel excited or happy to see them. Me? Nothing. No excitement, no joy, no sadness—just nothing. It’s like I’m a robot. I can’t show appreciation, can’t feel empathy, and I can’t connect with friends.

During the entire lunch, I was dull. Nothing came to my mind. I just sat there, neutral 😐. No matter what anyone said, I felt nothing. Even when I spoke, it felt forced and insincere because there were no emotions behind it.

I feel like I could cut anyone out of my life without feeling a thing—no sadness, no guilt, nothing.

The only time I feel any kind of different emotion is before or after a gym session. I guess it’s because of the endorphins from working out. That’s the only time I feel “good.” Other than that, when I’m around people, it’s like I’m just a spectator in life. Life happens to others, not me.

The only other time I feel alive and present is when I’m high.

I don’t even have negative thoughts anymore (I used to struggle with self-hate and sadness). Now, it’s just pure neutral nothingness.

This lack of emotions is preventing me from connecting with people, and I feel like I can’t even try to start a relationship.

Am I sick? Is this some kind of condition?

I was thinking the only time I'm productive is when I have an external factor that pushes me. A deadline to an assignment. An appointment with the doctor. A job I need to get to at 9:00am. A dinner I said I would go to at 2pm. Without this external factor nothing gets done.

I listen to a lot of interviews with productive people and many of the most productive people have an assistant that plan their entire day and force them to follow the plan. They tell them what time to wakeup. What time they have to go to a meeting. They setup all the appointments and do the all the dirty work and the person just follows the assistant like a God telling them what to do. Maybe you wouldn't call this person productive if they couldn't function without them but it's a cheat code that most people don't get to use.

This also sounds very much like the military where you're forced to do things at specific times and it doesn't matter if you have ADHD or you don't feel like it. You don't have a choice and you do it.

The problem is I can't think of any way you could actually have this military discipline or this assistant forcing you to do things all on your own. The men in the military don't follow this strict daily schedule once they leave the military. Body doubling isn't really viable for tasks you need to do every day of every hour. You could set alarms but does anyone really care to do a task just because your phone beeps with the alarm you set an hour ago? It's not the same as being forced by others to do a task at a time. Anyone have any ideas of what one could do?

I have PTSD and a lot of trauma and mental issues. I am trying to meet people because I have no friends or family, but whenever people ask about anything about my past I tend to look visibly anxious and share negativity in a joking manner because I have really nothing but trauma.

Also, I tend to be extremely alert in analysing the person in front of me and thinking of them as a possibile threat. I tend to be very friendly offering help and gestures, listening to their stories, but terrified of showing any vulnerability or accepting any help.

How do I change this? People are always pushed away because I come off as uninterested and trying to get something out of them.

Please be kind.

Every Christmas I receive some gifts that I know I’ll NEVER use. One year is was a sculpture made of gourds (😳) and this year it’s a scarf that is nice enough but in a colour I basically hate. How long do you wait until letting go of such items? In my case there’s no worry of the person who gifted them to me finding out I donated or regifted them. What’s your own approach to this kind of thing?

I noticed when i'm out in public some people give that wtf look when we make eye contact like i'm insane, sometimes strangers shake their head or chuckle/snort in disapproval to belittle me, what could be the reason? what gives you the right to treat another human this way? who do you think you are? i hate people so much.

I'll start... wrapping paper scraps. Is it possible that some day I'll have the perfect gift for this awkwardly shaped strip of paper? Yep. Do I need the clutter? Nope!

Now you go!

B

Anybody ever notice how weird family or friends will act when they know your in a bad place ? Has anyone ever came around a family member or “friend” and a backhanded comment was made or they intentionally made you feel bad by just saying some bullshit in general and its evident you don’t feel the best or your just there trying to have a good time🤔

I’m staying with my parents for the holidays and I got my dad to declutter his race shirts (shirts you get when you sign up for a run/race). He had a full dresser drawer, 3 baskets, and 2 tubs of storage under the bed…..

I didn’t even pressure him, I just said “hey let’s go through your running shirts and organize them”

So we went through and sorted them by cotton vs tech and short vs long sleeve. As we were sorting, there were a lot of obvious shirts he said to donate. Then once we had them all in their categories, I went through and held them up for him to decide keep/maybe/donate. And then finally just looking thru the maybe pile again.

He got rid of nearly 200 shirts…..

He was happy to find shirts he really liked but forgot about, and happy to get rid of shirts he didn’t care about. Really no hard decisions. If he hesitated, I just said keep it. No pressure from my end.

I showed him how to fold the Marie Condo way so he can see which shirt it is without needing to take it out and unfold.

We’ll see how long that lasts once I leave but everyone is happy and motivated to tackle other drawers/bins/ places in the house. He even said hey let’s go thru my sock drawer next!

Time is tricky. It’s both valuable and slippery, and many people struggle with carving out time for what they care about.

You’re also not going to feel good about yourself If you know or see someone who seems to do it all.

I want to show you how those people do it, and how the answers are much more underwhelming and accessible than you might think.

(The person you know/admire may do some or all of these things, but these are the patterns I have noticed)

They spend less time on more things:

It doesn’t take much to cross the beginner stage and impress people. If you spend 20 to 30 minutes on something three times a week and keep at it for a couple of years, people will think you’re decent at it.

This means you can spend one hour on three things, three times a week, and be seen as decent in all of them by most people.

Meanwhile, someone else spends one hour on one thing and only earns one trophy. The diminishing returns of expertise don’t help much either.

The illusion comes from this: because you’re not an expert in the hobbies of the person you admire, you assume they are more competent than they are and therefore you make the conclusion that they must have had more time.

In reality, they spend less time on more things.

(In some cases, they are competent as you deem them to be, but they also spent 5 years' worth of effort on it spread out over 10.)

They had years of practice:

This is really important to understand. Being able to maintain a habit, hobby, or side project that takes 10 to 30 minutes a day in its maintenance phase probably took years of messy, unproductive trial and error.

Any project demands an order of magnitude more time and resources at the start than in its maintenance phase.

Sure, it only takes them a short amount of time now, but it didn’t before, now they have efficient systems in place.

If you have 5 to 10 years and you want to be good at 3 to 5 things, you can start with one thing and reach its maintenance stage in a year or two. Then you add the second thing, and so on.

Before you know it, you’ll be a “master of time management.” where you can do all these things without breaking a sweat, and someone looking from the outside won’t understand how you perform that way.

They delegate/automate:

If you can spend one to two hours automating something you’ll never have to think about again, like bill payments or subscriptions, why not set it up?

You can get groceries delivered and drastically reduce your trips to the store. Keep a list of the items you care about and get those yourself, but let someone else handle the rest.

Also, get a roomba!

If you think this is too much, you’re right, it is. But people have sacrificed even more. They hire nannies, virtual assistants, and services of all kinds. What I suggested is just the tip of the iceberg.

If someone seems to be “doing it all,” maybe they’re doing one or two things they care about and is visible to the masses while delegating or automating the invisible, less impactful tasks. It’s more common than you think.

They had minimal starting conditions

Let’s say you want to write, draw, learn a language, or lose weight. Chances are you’ve set conditions that you think are “reasonable” for starting.

For many productive people, the starting conditions are much simpler (and sometimes dirtier). Most of our conditions are luxuries in disguise.

You may want a quiet place to write; they started writing on their phone while on the subway. You may need decent materials to draw; they used a regular notebook during lunch breaks.

At first, these setups are sneaky, messy, and barely functional. You’ll question if they’re even worth it.

But that’s only the case in the beginning. Over time, the process becomes more convenient, but that convenience only comes after starting under unfavorable conditions.

They cared more than the pain

This isn’t a motivational post. It’s about the basics of how the human mind makes a decision. Caring isn’t enough, you need to care more than the cost of the action.

Are you okay with spending money you don’t have to automate something you think is a luxury, just to carve out enough time to do something small and “pathetic”?

For some, the answer is yes. You need to care enough to tolerate the cost. Not everyone has that clarity or drive, but it’s important to view the person you admire within the context of their life, not yours.

This is not to paint their motivation in a good light, sometimes it’s healthy, other times it’s not, because they may dread or deeply dislike the situation so much that the pain of change pales in comparison.

If you were running for your life because a bear was chasing you, you wouldn’t care much about how tiresome running is, right?

They follow a structure, sometimes blindly:

I don’t want to talk too much about this but the general idea is this: the person knows exactly what to do and when to do it. For example, piano practice for 30 minutes at 8 p.m. on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. That’s it.

The focus isn’t necessarily on how well they perform during the practice, it’s about going through the motions. Simply having a clearly defined routine cuts out so much of the guesswork and friction that can derail action. The simpler the structure, the better.

Motivation and discipline will always fluctuate, but the brain thrives on routines and cues. A solid routine provides stability and consistency, even when your willpower is low.

Think about how much of a hassle walking would be if you had to consciously plan every movement. Sometimes, blindly following a set routine works in your favor.

They're not that good at managing their time:

This might seem weird, but many people who seem to do it all, don’t really do it all, sometimes they’re procrastinating in a different way than you do.

A common example that you may relate to is procrastinating on the work you need to do by doing work that is more appealing.

The same principle applies here, Maybe they’re neglecting crucial areas for others, maybe that's their way of coping with their emotions.

Everyone procrastinates, maybe not in the same way and to the same extent that you do it, but everyone does it in some way.

Energy matters more than you think

You can cut down a lot of effort just by eating right, sleeping right, and exercising right. Ask the person you admire what their energy levels are like.

Low energy is insidious. You might take twice the time to finish a task, only to realize it didn’t need to be done at all. Your priorities can become a mess, your patience gets halved, and your ability to learn, think, or articulate becomes impaired, you also need twice the amount of time to rest and catch up. A cup of coffee won’t fix all that.

Time management is rarely just about time. Energy always plays a role. You don’t have to take my word for it, just think about how much you got done on a day you felt rested. How pleasant was the experience? How “locked in” were you?

Your best day is some people’s default state.

That's it, that’s the underwhelming trick.

A good day where you sleep well, eat well, delegate the things you hate, and focus on the things you enjoy suddenly feels incredibly productive and you end the day motivated for the next.

(There’s some nuance here and additional reasons I skipped over, but you get the idea.)

I used to struggle with focus, constantly jumping between tasks. Then I started reading—just a few pages a day—and it changed everything. Getting lost in a book taught me to stay present and improved my concentration over time. Now, reading feels like both a break and a mental workout. Anyone else had a similar experience?

I've been doing a long declutter with the thought of "If I have to move at some point in the future" while not actually planning to move at this point (less stress and pressure to decide in the moment or pack and hope I have the time and energy to declutter on the other end). There's been SOME pressure to tidy up in the past few weeks because I've people coming by who either haven't seen my place at ALL or haven't seen it in years so there's that to aid in cleaning.

Anyways, I've been finding spots for some things I'll use (just not sure when, just soon; I know, I know, LOL) and realized "Hey, I actually have a SPOT for that!" Less then 5 minutes and a quick vacuum later, I was able to put 5 things away in a spot I hadn't thought about AND in the right room. Also, I put my stovetop back together (I'd taken the metal drip pans below the electric burners off, scrubbed them and let them dry, but never put them back on until today) so there's even MORE counter space. Then I found spots for MORE things that were on my counter so I've actually been productive in 10 minutes or less. As soon as I can, I'm going to run the dishwasher and then get those put away as soon as it's done.

Fortunately, I've got until Monday to get everything put back together, which means I've really got until Sunday, but, still, I've got SOME time to finish getting my act together enough that I'm not feeling embarrassed about people coming over.

I see too many young productivity influencers on YT and IG making videos about productivity hacks despite the fact that they have NEVER held a full-time job! Too many of them were students who got into learning and productivity methods in college and then started making videos, or are just content borrowers who regurgitate other people's content. I'd like to see them work 12 months in a corporate job to prove their methods work. They're just self-employed which usually doesn't translate to what the rest of us need.

I'd prefer to learn from someone like Cal Newport who has actually held a university job for many years in addition to his being an author. That takes real skill and systems. What he teaches must work, right?

I'm not sure if this warrants it's own post but I'm feeling really accomplished today and wanted to share.

Back in high school (so like a decade ago) I was an "art kid". I even graduated high school with multiple full rides to art colleges as attending portfolio days was a requirement for my high school art classes. But art was always just a hobby to me and as I got into gaming, and a career, and no longer had 1.5 hours of the school day that was labeled "art", and then had a kid, etc I stopped doing art. I would still buy new art supplies thinking I just didn't have the tools that spoke to me. But I wasn't doing art. I told myself I just didn't have the free time, but when I did I still didn't choose art. I thought maybe it was my mental state, but I got a divorce this year and now I'm happier than I have been in a long time (and I once again have some alone time for whatever hobbies I want)...and all year I still haven't chosen art.

I made plans to make homemade bookmarks and coasters for Christmas presents. I bought supplies in September and I made a total of 1 coaster that I never even sealed to be waterproof.

I am finally ready to admit to myself that the artist me doesn't currently exist and I'm not required to save stuff and buy stuff for a future fantasy that may never become a reality. I've known deep down for a while now that I neither have the patience nor the drive (which was further killed by the presence of AI) to draw and I have other creative outlets in my life that fulfill me the way art did.

I've reached out to my siblings (who all enjoy art) and a couple of friends who still do art and I've offered them all of my artist grade supplies. Most of it has been claimed and what hasn't will either be donated or trashed.

I'm just really glad that I've finally come to be at peace with the decision to give away something that hasn't been part of my life for over a decade. It was something that has desperately needed to be decluttered but my heart would never let me. Right now my shoulders feel a lot lighter...and I now have a spot for something I do use that hasn't had a home all year.

If anyone else has any stories about finally decluttering their young adult personas I'd love to hear it.

A week ago I was in conversation with a group of friends on Discord. Generally we talk about non-political related stuff. However, we got in a conversation about modern German politics because somebody brought up the recent terrorist attack about Germany, and then we started talking about the AFD. The AFD is a party so extreme that other right wing parties in the European Parliament do not want to form coalitions with them. One person in that group opined that the AFD is not a Neo Nazi Party, and we don't know about these unless we live in Germany. The German courts have decided that it is valid and factual to call Björn Höcke, one of the leading politicians of the AFD and chair of AFD Thuringia, a fascist and a nazi. As someone who graduated with a degree with Political Science this raised a fire alarm in my head. That's exactly how people with Neo-Nazi views talk. I didn't even get into an argument I just left.

Today in Discord's general people were lightly touching the topic of politics. I said that I just don't like Nazis, and that post was deleted. I'm the only person of color in a mod team full of white people. I know some of these people I considered friends, but I no longer feel comfortable there. They said they deleted my comment because it might be triggering to another person in the server. I thought to myself, "are they really shielding Nazi views?"

Isn't being anti-Nazi supposed to be non-controversial statement that should have mainstream support?

Woke up this morning reaching for my phone as soon as I heard a messenger notification. Checked my screen time and yesterday I spent 15 hours on my phone… my average time is 6-8hrs and if I’m not on my phone, I’m on some other device like my iPad, watching streams or my TV, playing games or watching a movie. Existentially I’m in a hole, because if I keep going the way I have been, I’m looking at spending the equivalent of 40 years on my phone (according to Opal which is what I just downloaded).

My problem is I use it for everything. This is not an excuse, but I have AuDHD. At the moment I do not have a job and I have not had any in-person friends for over 10 years now. At this point I’m actually scared for my health and general well-being. I don’t know how to rid it because it’s turned into my best-friend essentially, and security blanket (if I’m not holding it, I’m fidgeting or having to keep my hands occupied with my gaming controller, yet again on another device). Typing this, I want to cry. This has robbed me of so much, and made my conditions so much worse.

Where can I start?

I’ve always had a bit of a rough personality. I was homeless for six years living on a beach during Covid; and I lost touch with society. My gawkiness is very apparent. Is there any quick social rules or common courtesy that I could attain?