r/dating_advice • u/Initial_Ad_6784 • 18h ago
Boyfriend lies about talking to ex + hentai addiction?
Me (28F) and my boyfriend (32M) have been together for about 4 years now.
Earlier this year, I looked through his phone (which he always said I could look whenever I wanted because he never had anything to hide) and i found that he keeps snapchat just to talk to his ex from 10+ years ago. At first I didnt mind because the length of their relationship and how long its been since its ended didnt seem serious. But then it became a habit of him ONLY using this app to talk to her daily while I was working a second job during nights. I brought it up to stop since it made me uncomfortable, and he deleted the app.
For backstory, each night that I was working at my second job thats when they would talk, he had a long history of porn sites he would go through, and hentai roleplaying sites. So each night I was away he was doing something behind my back it seemed.
I caught him multiple times back on the app and denied it repeatedly until I showed proof that I knew he was on it. He still says conversations are harmless and he has nothing on his conscious that he did anything wrong, he just didnt want me to be upset about it.
At one point, they talked on the phone and i caught him deleting his phone call log. His response was that he just didnt want to see her name pop up on his screen anymore, even though hes ok with hiding that he talks to her.
On top of this, every time that he goes through a random phase of using snapchat at his big age to talk to an ex, he simultaneously goes through a roleplay hentai addiction…..how the two connect I do not know.
He researches the best roleplaying anime AI chats to “mess with them” but lets be honest, chatGPT exists. This was also something thats been brought up in the past that makes me feel pretty insecure. But he never has an explanation for why he does it besides “it was a moment of weakness” or “pure curiosity”.
To be fair, i wouldnt bash him for his taste but it hurts that Im constantly being lied to about it.
He says he wants to propose this year but I cant imagine proposing to someone that i am constantly lying to. AIO or is this a big issue?
EDIT: He did deactivate his account officially. Besides this, he has always been a provider since day 1. He is really my best friend and everything Ive dreamed of in a partner, besides this. He says he likes the stories that are with the anime AI and thinks its the same as me since i read mainly romance books. Is this alone something I need to reconsider?
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u/acidemise 18h ago
Girl… I’m not even gonna read this, just the title alone is all I need. Raise your standards.
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u/Head-Docta 18h ago
He can want to propose all he wants. You gonna accept the proposal and marry a liar?
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u/Active-Potential-314 18h ago
if he’s planning on proposing, and you feel it’s not right, leave. you know your answer here, and i understand this takes a lot of strength but you are NOT being treated well and what he’s doing can be considered cheating/microcheating. the lying isn’t ok, especially repeatedly. i hope you’re okay and make whatever decision is right for you!
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u/Much_Interest_6670 18h ago
Girl you should break up with him and you deserve better. I’m sorry you’re going through that. He’s lying to you and hiding things behind your back probably more than you know. My guess to his “I don’t know why I do this” is he got caught and doesn’t want to be honest.
There are men who will treat you wayyyy better. He will continue to treat you how you let him treat you. This behaviour isn’t of a loving supportive partner who cares for you. It’s purely selfish and he has ignored how it’s made you feel and not cared to actually do anything. If he keeps doing it and knows it hurts you like what’s the point in that relationship?
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u/Initial_Ad_6784 18h ago
That last part! Its the fact that I brought this up about how it hurts, but that doesnt mean anything to him. I cant imagine doing that to someone. If it truly doesnt mean anything, then why cant you stop doing it?!
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u/Much_Interest_6670 17h ago edited 16h ago
It’s because he cares about himself and what he wants more than you. An unfortunate truth you do not need to continue to accept. You are worth sooooo much more than that.
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u/MonkeyMoves101 18h ago
Girl are you really needing a man this bad?? Why are you entertaining this fool he's clearly not over his ex
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u/WorldsGreatestWorst 17h ago
Either your guy is doing something harmless that you’re irrationally reading into, making him feel the constant need to lie to you OR he’s doing something that rightfully breaks your trust.
Either way, your relationship is ready to implode. You need to seriously consider whether this is something worth fighting for. If it is, therapy is probably required.
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u/Striking_Share1665 16h ago
If nothing else look at it from another point of view. Are you willing to tollerate the fact that he lied and continued to lie untill you shown proof that you knew he was lieing
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