r/dating_advice • u/curiosityklleddcat • 18h ago
What led you to decide to ghost someone?
Or… what reasons do you think might cause someone to do? Also, Did you ever regret ghosting someone? If so, what do you wish you could have done differently or how would you have handled it?
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u/cottagecorehoe 18h ago
I’ve only ghosted when I didn’t feel safe telling the man no. Usually after a first date where he intruded in my physical space or didn’t respect boundaries.
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u/resting_bitchface14 14h ago
This. I was once on a first date and he kept putting his arm around me and I would slither out each time…clearly uncomfortable. At the end I thanked him for buying the tickets to the museum we went to but said I didn’t feel anything. He still texted several times after that.
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u/AudaciouslySexy 3h ago
:( it hurts more getting ghosted, would rather get told they ain't interested
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u/LMR_Sahara 17h ago
The last time I ghosted someone was when I was 14. In recent years (26 now) I’ve always told myself, unless the person is batshit crazy, I’ll still text them the respectful rejection, even if it’s one date. Most girls seemed to have appreciated it. It only takes just 30 seconds of your time to save the person l the second guessing. Ghosting just tells me you have poor communication habits and that you’re a bullet to dodge anyway.
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u/greeneggsandjelly 17h ago
I ghosted a guy who stood me up for a date and later reached out via text. That's the only time I remember ghosting someone, and no, I don't regret it.
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u/Ok-Yogurtcloset2696 18h ago
45m I don’t ghost it’s rude and no balls
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u/passrush1425 14h ago
Yep. I won’t do it, I’m mature enough to be able to tell someone I’m not interested.
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u/Memento2023 17h ago
I think people ghost for various reasons: avoiding conflict, a lack of emotional connection, or sometimes just because life gets busy and communication slips. That doesn’t make it okay, though. It’s always better to close things off respectfully when possible—it shows maturity and respect for the other person’s feelings. It's a common practice here in Reddit...
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u/ace1927aa 13h ago
I don’t ghost unless they’ve made me feel unsafe. Last guy I just recently ghosted kept trying to put his hand in pants even though I said no. Otherwise if Its just a don’t feel compatible and what not I’ll be straight up and let the guy know because it’s the respectful thing to do for their emotions and yourself.
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u/1laststop 18h ago
Never have. People who ghost are pathetic.
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u/StGir1 13h ago edited 13h ago
Well, ghosting someone who you just don’t like is cowardly. Totally cutting off someone who makes you feel threatened is just intelligent.
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u/1laststop 13h ago
Lol, you're just going to piss them off more ghosting.
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u/Parking_Disk6276 12h ago
So you try to reason with someone who makes you feel unsafe, creeped out and/or did not respect your boundaries? Some people.dont deserve your kindness and your comment is sus as hell. Ladies, beware.
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u/Shxbhangi 17h ago
Constant pushing after I have communicated my boundaries clearly.
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u/StGir1 13h ago
At that point, if they can’t respect your boundaries, they’ve demonstrated that they want you for noting more than an agreeable accessory. I wouldn’t ghost under these circumstances, unless they became scary, I’d simply say “we want different things, and this is me ending our relationship.” Any relationship. If you don’t respect my personal boundaries, I don’t even want to be your friend.
Then, if they keep pushing, I have no need to respond further. I don’t owe anyone a relationship.
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u/solodsnake661 16h ago
If you're not man or woman enough to be up front with another person you aren't man or woman enough for a relationship, go grow up first
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u/StGir1 13h ago
Yeah, but if someone gets super creepy or mean, I don’t owe them one further word. And giving them any more rope will just potentially be dangerous for me.
I don’t consider that ghosting, because it’s a question of personal safety at that point. Ghosting is something different. But since people keep bringing things like this up, then they need to know that if they feel like they’re in danger, or unsafe, or creeped out, it’s ok to just dash.
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u/solodsnake661 13h ago
"I'm leaving because this _____" then proceed to block them
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u/StGir1 13h ago
This is what should happen, yes. But if you don’t feel comfortable doing that at that because their behavior is creepy, it’s certainly not something you owe the weirdo.
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u/solodsnake661 13h ago
Well most people don't follow the second part and then wonder why they're still being contacted by the person, someone being "weird" is not enough, if you feel the threat of harm to your mind and body deal with it as you wish but someone might be being "weird" cuz they don't know better and don't know where they're going wrong cuz they just keep getting ghosted
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u/Striking_Share1665 15h ago
Well when I was 16 I was talkin to this girl on snapchat and we were gettin along great, we then noticed a few things and asked each other how old we were and turned out she was 21. Being 16 my first words were "I'm ready to be a victim 🙏". She was not goin for it so she ghosted me, might be something in there.
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u/StGir1 13h ago
Haha probably she just didn’t want to face possible charges. Also, considering that she liked you at that point, she likely didn’t want to do anything to hurt you. She shouldn’t have ghosted, but instead explained that she felt uncomfortable with the age difference and the fact that you were a minor.
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u/HerSpirit94 15h ago
I'm 30 years old and normally don't ghost as I find it to be rude and childish, but I did ghost someone a few years ago who did not deserve a single word or bit of attention from me. He was extremely degrading and disrespectful towards me all because he didn't like my answer to a question. I was so disgusted by his behavior that I told him about it, and then ghosted. I wanted nothing more to do with him.
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u/StGir1 13h ago edited 13h ago
Nobody like the person you’re describing deserves a response of any kind. You’re all good.
And you didn’t ghost him. Telling someone why you don’t like them, and this is why you’re done, and then not responding further, is NOT GHOSTING. This is telling someone that you’re not interested and then not allowing them to harass you afterwards.
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u/Substantial_Law_8304 15h ago
I was in a hospital for like a 3 days after a car accident and i tell my girlfriend (she was in a vacation with her friends ) that i had an accident but i am Ok, she was like “ oh well i hope you get better soon “. After this call she didn’t ask about me at all for the whole week then she get back she tried to talk to me to hangout or something but i still ghost her every time
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u/Mystic-monkey 14h ago
I usually don't unless it's a scammer or a bot. I get a lot of those. some scammers just spam bible quotes.
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u/StGir1 13h ago
Interesting story. I decided that the next scam call I got, I’d be sure to preach a sermon about our lord and saviour Jesus Christ, lol. I’m not Christian, but Christians say that Jesus saves. He’s saved me from a bunch of shite scam calls. He’s all I talk about when they call, and, since they’re usually not Christian either, they just tend to get weirded out and hang up.
Then they place me on the REAL “do not call” list.
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u/StGir1 13h ago edited 13h ago
I once ghosted a guy who didn’t have any table manners. I was young. I feel really badly about that too. I should have just told him something.
I also ghosted someone after completely humiliating myself in front of them. Again, I was young. I just couldn’t deal with knowing that he would always know me as the person who… did the thing I did. At that age, I couldn’t do it.
I’ve also cut off very creepy people without an explanation, but that isn’t ghosting, that’s taking care of your safety.
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u/zyciejestnobelont 12h ago
I got very annoyed by the fact he hated his catholic coworker. Kept telling me about her, said he painted his nails to annoy her. She sounded a bit grandma like, but harmless. Old, mad lady. For some reason I just felt that there is nothing I can do or say to him to make him understand that the only annoying thing in the office is him. He was 12 years older than me and was in his 30s. I just couldn’t deal with him. I regret not saying a thing, but he just kept being… childish. One more ’b00bies’ in a text would actually kill me.
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u/TJ_Maximum 17h ago
It’s okay to ghost, people can be horrible and sometimes it’s better to drop it than try to end things respectfully. Respect is earned, I do not owe you a reply if you’re being creepy
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u/nightowl2023 17h ago
I have ghosted people before and there usually is a good reason. For example, I went on a date with a girl and did not want to do a second date. But she spent weeks trying to change my mind. Including turning what we decided was "friendship" into a chance to continue trying. Then after I said no she kept going.
Ghosted.
Something similar with an ex-gf, after we broke up she would not leave me alone.
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u/genocided-fanta0 16h ago
Genuinely just forgot to respond. Either than that, if the person is irritating and not taking a no as an answer I will proceed to mute them and remove myself from that conversations
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u/boboddy42069 18h ago
It wasn’t many dates (like 1 date) and it was pretty clear there wasn’t a connection
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u/AlternativeHorror235 15h ago edited 13h ago
Same here. I was slightly on the fence I guess because he was a friendly and interesting person and I thought I might possibly respond to his text at some point, but later I realized I didn’t want to. By then it had been long enough that I had already essentially ghosted him. The easiest thing to do was to just not respond… there were two really important issues that caused me to be less interested: he was earning very little money compared to me and kind of living life on the edge, and his son was completely screwed up and addicted to drugs. I was worried about the effect he would have on my family.
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u/Silent_Fee_806 13h ago
I only ghosted someone due to first telling them that I wasn't interested and they kept pressuring me so then I blocked them.
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u/godhonoringperms 6h ago
I don’t generally ghost, but for those I’ve never met I feel like I can have an exception. About 6 months ago I started talking to this lawyer guy. But I couldn’t find any information about him practicing law in my state. He added me on Snapchat at one point (34+ year old guy that posts on his story a lot is a red flag for me.) Saw him drinking a liquor shooter while driving on his private story. Then he was saying he makes his own work schedule practicing law. Then all of a sudden he’s talking about going out to the mineral mines to work a trade job for the winter to make connections with the union so he could maybe represent them in the future. Seemed very certain and kept talking about all the prep he was doing. Didn’t hear from him for a few days. Then he changes it up and says he’s just going to stay practicing law full time. All that happened in the span of 2-3 weeks. I went out of town for work during that period so we were limited to just text. I don’t know, it just seemed like a lot of uncertainty and messiness that I wasn’t willing to deal with. I ghosted because all my reasons were circumstantial, but there was so many reasons I couldn’t ignore them but also didn’t want to explain that all to him.
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u/PotatoPlayerFever 3h ago
I don't condone ghosting., because I believe everyone deserves respect.
I always tell the person I'm not interested. to me ghosting is a weak mechanism that only inflicts pain or trauma to the other person which is morally wrong and unfair. it becomes a vicious toxic cycle, you ghost someone, they ghost their next person, next thing we know everyone is ghosting everybody boohooo👻
just end things and be direct, then block if you want. be an adult and be serious about it.
and as someone who has been ghosted, i just drop them and block. okay bye, next. no emotions, no hurt, nothing. just off the bin. move on.
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