r/dating_advice • u/Cherry_Lemony • 20h ago
Why is dating so complicated now?
It feels like dating has gotten way harder in recent years.. especially with how much social media influences everything. I’m 19 and single, and it already feels like a struggle to meet people who are actually interested in getting to know each other. Apps don’t seem to help either.. they just make everything feel more shallow and competitive. What do you think.. do you have any tips?
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u/Adorable_Secret8498 20h ago
Complicated now in relation to... when exactly?
I’m 19 and single
HAHAHA OP you're a kid. You haven't been around long enough for dating to "change"
12
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u/novalia89 20h ago
You are 19. How do you have enough data in terms of life experience to compare how it used to be?
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u/Sea_Cartographer_340 20h ago
I do. First of all it depends on the apps but it also depends on you. How do you stand out? Because to find someone and take it slow you have to be someone who has something worth to take it slow with. The problem is the world makes you think you need to be like everyone else, but you don't. Find what makes you unique and proud of yourself and work on that. Put relationships out of your mind, just work on growing up and meeting people in a real way. Work on connection. Become a worthwhile person someone kind and put together and sexy and then weed out the losers – there's a lot of losers.
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u/Wonderful_Formal_804 20h ago
Get off the apps, get out of the house.
Go to places where people are having fun doing something you enjoy.
Join in. Mingle.
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u/Eureka0123 19h ago
It's always been difficult. Difference is apps allowing for more shallow behavior, influencers giving out bad advice that people follow, and a lack of social spaces to meet people.
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u/Phillyunionguy 20h ago
You won’t like to hear this but at your age I would say just have fun. If you find someone who you really connect with great!! If not there is. Nothing wrong with dating
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u/Linux4ever_Leo 20h ago
Exhibit A: "I'm 21 and I like this girl who just turned 18. Is that too big of an age gap???"
You guys are making things waaaaaaaaay too hard on yourselves by creating all of these stupid ass rules that do nothing but stand in your way of finding meaningful relationships.
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u/BelmontIncident 20h ago
First, read Ars Amatoria by Ovid and see that a lot of the problems you're experiencing are older than the English language.
Apps genuinely are a new issue because your ability to meet people was a lot less controlled by your skills at writing and photography before the rise of social media. You can respond to that either by making a conscious effort to be around people in physical space or by working on your ability to present yourself online or both.
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u/NyquilChicken5 20h ago
Coming from a man's perspective who is also 19. Dating has become abysmal recently. I've tried the apps and it always went no where, it seemed like a competition for every girl's attention. Especially with social media dating is wack. What I've found that has helped a lot is looking in the right places, and surrounding myself with healthy people and leading a healthy lifestyle. I used to be heavily addicted to drugs and spent my 16th year in and out of rehabs. In that time, I was hopping from one relationship to another and toxicity was at its peak. When I got clean and started living a healthy lifestyle it got a whole lot better, still not great, but better. If you start to live a healthier lifestyle you will naturally attract more healthy people. If you go out to parties or clubs or place yourself into an unhealthy environment, it's only natural that the only people you seem to find are unhealthy people.
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u/NefariousPhosphenes 20h ago
Dating is far easier these days compared to ‘recent years’, lol. Not only can I meet people the same way we did ‘back in the day’, i.e.-in person out in public, but I can pull up an app and find all of the local singles that I wouldn’t otherwise run into.
Feeling ‘shallow and competitive’ is you projecting those feelings; I don’t actually suffer from that and the apps don’t do anything other than show profiles. That’s a choice that you can decide against if you want.
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