r/dating_advice • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
I FEEL GUILTY AND BETRAYED AT THE SAME TIME
[deleted]
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u/Xing_the_Rubicon 1d ago
I've been a similar situation, but when I posted about it on reddit I used paragraphs.
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u/lillyofthehills 1d ago
Thanks for your suggestion but can you please share your experience with me.
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u/LiKwidSwordZA 1d ago
Get therapy
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u/lillyofthehills 1d ago
Yes booked myself an appointment
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u/LiKwidSwordZA 1d ago
Beautiful to hear! It will take awhile to really help you so in the meantime no more messing with old guys, drug addicts, people who live far away, or guys who let their family dictate who you marry. Stick to normal people in your own age range if you must date, but it’s probably better to just hold off on relationships until you’re a few months into therapy
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u/lillyofthehills 1d ago
yes i just get crippling anxiety whenever i think of being with somebody , tbh i was in an abusive relationship for 3 years and on Jan 2024 i got out of it . But this year i became everything i didn't want to be.
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u/LiKwidSwordZA 1d ago
Did you grow up in chaotic or abusive household?
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u/lillyofthehills 1d ago
no mostly alone, my mother loves me like crazy but has anger issues ( I was severely beaten up at time )and she has severe attachment issues with me , and my dad worked out of station ( a not so progressive man ,he is kind but he also has his flaws) my mother was over burdened , over worked and i hated the fact that he acted very entitled at times. (my parents have a age difference of 15 years)
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u/LiKwidSwordZA 1d ago
Why did you say no if I asked if you grew up in a chaotic or abusive household but then say your dad wasn’t around and your mom beat you? That is very traumatic, get therapy asap
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u/lillyofthehills 1d ago
I don’t think it’s honestly considered abusive in our society but it’s true it affected me a lot , especially to be slut shamed by your own family members and victim blaming ( I got raped when I was 18)
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u/Insanity-by-Proxy 1d ago
I'm so sorry that someone you trusted used you for sex like this. You have every right to feel betrayed and upset. The mdma was entirely intentional on his part to lower your inhibitions and to short circuit your rational brain. That is a profound violation of the responsibility of taking care of someone during their first experience with a drug. He took advantage of your vulnerable state, and that is inexcusable.
It's a hard lesson to learn that people can willingly manipulate your sincere feelings like this. I was once in a similar complicated relationship, and I stuck around far beyond the point you're at now. I know you probably won't listen to my advice, but I do feel a degree of responsibility to at least warn you that this isn't leading anywhere good.
Please put this man firmly in your past and get out while you still have a modicum of trust in your own instincts. This guy is already lying to you and trying to mess with your head (the drugs, the emotional manipulation, his fiancé/wife), please get out while your sanity is still intact -- not to mention your safety. This guy does not have your best interests at heart or even in mind, he's just using you for his own sexual and emotional gratification.
Again, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Be strong, and good luck.
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u/lillyofthehills 1d ago edited 1d ago
Why and how did you end things !? What else had gone wrong?
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u/Insanity-by-Proxy 21h ago
I ended things because I woke up to the fact that I was being used. The guy in my situation had been a friend for many years, so I didn't think it was possible that he would just keep me around as an ego boost and a back up plan for when his actual relationships fell apart. But he even admitted to as much when I eventually called him out on it.
I wasted five years being miserable in love with someone who had no intention of ever following through on his promises to me, who was constantly letting me down, and stringing me along with crumbs of affection and attention. He also encouraged me experiment with drugs under his "care", and then used my vulnerable state to extract confessions about my feelings from me. He said that he was unhappy in his relationship, that he was thinking of ending things soon, that he missed me, and that he cared about me... all while demonstrating exactly the opposite.
The amount of lies he was telling eventually blew up in his face when his second side-piece eventually found out about his real girlfriend and me. But I stuck around through that too, thinking that I could be the one to prove that I loved him the most.
Don't be like me. Just let him go play his games with someone else, and spare yourself the trouble. Find someone who will actually value and respect you, and at the bare minimum, someone who would never take advantage of you while you're under the influence.
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u/lillyofthehills 20h ago edited 20h ago
I actually missed him so much when he left but when he came back after getting married , I felt a bit disappointed ,because this time all he wanted was for me to be at his place ,like everytime I mentioned we can meet outside at a restaurant or a cafe but he would just say he had a lot to say and he wants me to come over to his place .
Like when I was high he asked me , if he could put it in my back , I had never done it . But I let him do it even though it hurt , I honestly don’t know what I was thinking , maybe I vulnerable and emotional and I hate to admit it but I just wanted to feel some sort of affection from the person who claimed to have fallen for me but when I got home i texted him that it was a mistake and can’t live with the guilt but his texts were so dry and distant , like It didn’t even matter to him if I was alright after I let him do what he did to me. He acted so nonchalant.
I wonderer did his attitude towards me change , because he regretted the decision as much as I did because of the circumstances or was I just a sex object to him ?
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u/FaithlessnessRude715 1d ago
Oh my. Can you go into the hot details of the sex? I am so turned on right now, you can’t just leave me like this!
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u/FortunameetRockstar 1d ago
Diversification is the name of the game. Stop putting labels on what you have and enjoy your new squeeze. Happy New Year!
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